An Utterly Impartial History of Britain or 2000 Years of Upper Class Idiots In Charge


John O'Farrell - 2007
    Back then 'The Origins of the Industrial Revolution' somehow seemed less compelling than the chance to test the bold claim on Timothy Johnson's 'Shatterproof' ruler. But here at last is a chance to have a good laugh and learn all that stuff you feel you really ought to know by now...In this "Horrible History for Grown Ups", you can read how Anglo-Saxon liberals struggled to be positive about immigration; 'Look I think we have to try and respect the religious customs of our new Viking friends - oi, he's nicked my bloody ox!' Discover how England's peculiar class system was established by some snobby French nobles whose posh descendants still have wine cellars and second homes in the Dordogne today. And explore the complex socio-economic reasons why Britain's kings were the first in Europe to be brought to heel; (because the Stuarts were such a useless bunch of untalented, incompetent, arrogant, upper-class thickoes that Parliament didn't have much choice.) A book about then that is also incisive and illuminating about now, "2000 Years of Upper Class Idiots in Charge" is a hilarious, informative and cantankerous journey through Britain' fascinating and bizarre history. It is as entertaining as a witch burning, and a lot more laughs.

Why Do Men Have Nipples?: Hundreds of Questions You'd Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini


Mark Leyner - 1995
    You’ve had a martini or three, and you mingle through the crowd, wondering how long you need to stay before going out for pizza. Suddenly you’re introduced to someone new, Dr. Nice Tomeetya. You forget the pizza. Now is the perfect time to bring up all those strange questions you’d like to ask during an office visit with your own doctor but haven’t had the guts (or more likely the time) to do so. You’re filled with liquid courage . . . now is your chance! If you’ve ever wanted to ask a doctor . . .•How do people in wheelchairs have sex?•Why do I get a killer headache when I suck down my milkshake too fast?•Can I lose my contact lens inside my head forever?•Why does asparagus make my pee smell?•Why do old people grow hair on their ears?•Is the old adage “beer before liquor, never sicker, liquor before beer . . .” really true? . . . then Why Do Men Have Nipples? is the book for you.Compiled by Billy Goldberg, an emergency medicine physician, and Mark Leyner, bestselling author and well-known satirist, Why Do Men Have Nipples? offers real factual and really funny answers to some of the big questions about the oddities of our bodies.

Stuff White People Like: A Definitive Guide to the Unique Taste of Millions


Christian Lander - 2008
    Apple products, indie music, food co-ops, and vintage T-shirts make them weak in the knees. They believe they’re unique, yet somehow they’re all exactly the same, talking about how they “get” Sarah Silverman’s “subversive” comedy and Wes Anderson’s “droll” films. They’re also down with diversity and up on all the best microbrews, breakfast spots, foreign cinema, and authentic sushi. They’re organic, ironic, and do not own TVs. You know who they are: They’re white people. And they’re here, and you’re gonna have to deal. Fortunately, here’s a book that investigates, explains, and offers advice for finding social success with the Caucasian persuasion. So kick back on your IKEA couch and lose yourself in the ultimate guide to the unbearable whiteness of being.

Pretty Good Joke Book


Garrison Keillor - 2000
     A guy walks into a bar. Eight Canada Geese walk into a bar. A termite jumps up on the bar and asks, "Where is the bar tender?" Drum roll. The "Fifth Edition "of the perennially popular "Pretty Good Joke Book" is everything the first four were and more. More puns, one-liners, light bulb jokes, knock-knock jokes, and third-grader jokes (have you heard the one about Elvis Parsley?). More religion jokes, political jokes, lawyer jokes, blonde jokes, and jokes in questionable taste (Why did the urologist lose his license? He got in trouble with his peers). More jokes about chickens, relationships, and senior moments (The nice thing about Alzheimer's is you can enjoy the same jokes again and again). It all started back in 1996, when "A Prairie Home Companion" fans laughed themselves silly during the first Joke Show. The broadcast was such a hit that it became an almost-annual gagfest. Then fans wanted to read the jokes, share them, and pass them around, and the first "Pretty Good Joke Book" was born. With 362 new jokes (more or less), the latest edition promises countless giggles, chortles, and guffaws anyone--fans of the radio show or not--will enjoy.

Well , Duh !: Our Stupid World, and Welcome to It


Bob Fenster - 2004
    . . and he's hit the jackpot! After the success of his first two books, Duh! and They Did What!?, Fenster has struck again with Well, Duh! Our Stupid World, and Welcome to It. More tales of the dim-witted and simpleminded are incorporated in chapters such as: Food for Thoughtlessness: The All-Turnip Diet and Other Loony Meals at the Mindless Cafe Hollyweird: Bird Brains in Tinsel Town Dumb Ways to Die: Buried Alive but Not for Long Government by the Idiots: How to Get Elected to AnythingCombined sales of Bob Fenster's previous two books total over 50,000 copies.Ted Rueter is a self-described political junkie and a professor of political science at Tulane University in New Orleans. He is the author of eight books and has written for the New York Times, USA Today, the Los Angeles Times, and the Christian Science Monitor. He earned a Ph.D. from the University of Wisconsin-Madison and has taught at Middlebury College, Georgetown University, Smith College, and UCLA. He is the founder of Noise Free America (Noisefree.org). His Web site is DrPolitics.com.Bob Fenster has combed the world of the intellectually challenged searching for more tales of stupidity to entertain us with . . . and he's hit the jackpot! After the success of his first two books, Duh! and They Did What!?, Fenster has struck again with Well, Duh! Our Stupid World, and Welcome to It. More tales of the dim-witted and simpleminded are incorporated in chapters such as: Food for Thoughtlessness: The All-Turnip Diet and Other Loony Meals at the Mindless Cafe Hollyweird: Bird Brains in Tinsel Town Dumb Ways to Die: Buried Alive but Not for Long Government by the Idiots: How to Get Elected to AnythingCombined sales of Bob Fenster's previous two books total over 50,000 copies.

Crazy English


Richard Lederer - 1989
    You'll take a bird's-eye view of our beastly language, feast on a banquet of mushrooming food metaphors, and meet the self-reflecting Doctor Rotcod, destined to speak only in palindromes.

Extraordinary Origins of Everyday Things


Charles Panati - 1987
    For lovers of facts, students of popular culture, history buffs, and science enthusiasts, the fascinating stories behind 500 everyday items, expressions, and customs--from Kleenex to steak sauce, Barbie Dolls to honeymoons.

Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas


Chuck Klosterman - 2006
    There's An Introduction, But No Footnotes. Well, There's A Footnote In The Introduction, But None In The Story.

They Went That-A-Way: How the Famous, the Infamous, and the Great Died


Malcolm Forbes - 1988
    Non-Fiction, History, Short Stories

All I Need to Know I Learned from My Cat


Suzy Becker - 1990
    "Know all the sunny places.""Flaunt your hair loss.""Get mad when you're stepped on.""Take some time to eat the flowers.""Be tolerant-but not overly accommodating.""Make your own hours.""Scratch when it itches.""Depend on others without losing your independence.""Avoid company you do not like."Altogether, here are over 90 simple life lessons, irresistibly illustrated in full-color. Proving what all cat fanciers suspect about their own pets, Suzy Becker's cat is a fount of wisdom. The book covers everything from grooming, health, and diet to being completely well-adjusted, and imparts perhaps the most valuable piece of advice a cat could give: "There is always time for a nap."

Beyond bizarre


Varla Ventura - 2010
    Arranged into 13 chilling chapters like Haunted Hollywood, Blood Red Crosses and Gross Anatomy: Hospital Horrors, Bride of Bizarre, and Tales from the Cryptids, Beyond Bizarre tackles everything from female pirates and creepy candy stripers to psychic predictions and virgin shark birthsand much, much more.A word of warning: this book is not for the faint of heart!

Armageddon in Retrospect: And Other New and Unpublished Writings on War and Peace


Kurt Vonnegut Jr. - 2008
    To be published on the first anniversary of Kurt Vonnegut's death, Armageddon in Retrospect is a collection of twelve new and unpublished writings on war and peace, imbued with Vonnegut's trademark rueful humor.

Cats Are Capable of Mind Control: And 1,000+ UberFacts You Never Knew You Needed to Know


Kris Sanchez - 2016
    is a casino).Did you know:• The Pentagon was constructed so that no point in the building is more than a ten-minute walk from any other point?• Vultures’ stomach acid is so corrosive they can digest anthrax?• Farmers in India use Coca-Cola and Pepsi as cheap and effective pesticides?Discover all this and much, much more in this treasure trove of trivia for the social media age.

Sniglets (Snig'lit): Any Word That Doesn't Appear in the Dictionary, But Should


Rich Hall - 1984
    Comedy illustrated.

Arguing with Idiots: How to Stop Small Minds and Big Government


Glenn Beck - 2009
    FRIGHTENING. TRUE. It happens to all of us: You're minding your own business, when some idiot informs you that guns are evil, the Prius will save the planet, or the rich have to finally start paying their fair share of taxes. Just go away! you think to yourself -- but they only become more obnoxious. Your heart rate quickens. You start to sweat. You can't get away. Your only hope is...this book. Glenn Beck, author of the #1 New York Times bestsellers An Inconvenient Book and Glenn Beck's Common Sense, has stumbled upon the secret formula to winning arguments against people with big mouths but small minds: knowing the facts. And this book is full of them. The next time your Idiot Friends tell you how gun control prevents gun violence, you'll tell them all about England's handgun ban (see page 53). When they tell you that we should copy the UK's health-care system, you'll recount the horrifying facts you read on page 244. And the next time an idiot tells you that vegetable prices will skyrocket without illegal workers, you'll stop saying "no, they won't" and you'll start saying, "actually, eliminating all illegal labor will cause us to spend just $8 a year more on produce." (See page 139.) Idiots can't be identified through voting records, they can be found only by looking for people who hide behind stereotypes, embrace partisanship, and believe that bumper sticker slogans are a substitute for common sense. If you know someone who fits the bill, then Arguing with Idiots will help you silence them once and for all with the ultimate weapon: the truth.