Includes "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, Live at Carnegie Hall, Me Talk Pretty One Day, Naked, Holidays on Ice," and "Barrel Fever and Other Stories." Abridged. 20 CDs.

    These essays, which found a well-deserved home within the pages of Reader's Digest as the column "My Planet," detail the inner workings of hypochondriacs, hoarders, and compulsive cheapskates. (Did we mention neurotic interior designers and professional list-makers?) For Roach, humor is hidden in the most unlikely places, which means that nothing is off limits. Whether she is dwelling on her age or talking about the pros and cons of a bedroom night light -- "A married couple can best be defined as a unit of people whose sleep habits are carefully engineered to keep each other awake" -- Roach finds a lesson, a slice of sarcasm, or a dash of something special that makes each day comical and absolutely priceless.In keeping with our mission -- curating the best reads in the land -- Reader's Digest editors neatly packaged these timeless (and hilarious) Roach essays together for the first time. Whether you read this cover-to-cover or during spare moments over morning coffee, flip to a page in this volume and try not to smile.

    He lives with his wife in Rialto, CA. Writer David Duron is a writer and longtime television-news producer who lives in Yucaipa, CA.

    Read it and prepare for your next date."—James Van Praagh, New York Times bestselling author, Talking to Heaven "Every story is the truth and every truthful moment is a hilarious journey! It's as if you're listening to your best friend at a coffee shop and watching a stand—up take command of the stage. You won't be disappointed as you travel this refreshingly funny road of 'horrible dates!'"—Debra Wilson, actress/comedian, MADtv "Eddie's book is an emotional catharsis for anyone who has ever come home from one horrible date and wondered, What the hell was that? This book is laugh–out–loud hilarious and extremely well written."—Chad Allen, writer, producer, actor, activist What I have to tell you in this book will seem almost unreal. But you are going to have to keep reminding yourself that these are actual real dates. For everyone who can empathize and knows what it's like to be on at lease one crappy date, this book is for you. For everyone who wants that dinner back or sat through a boring, horrible movie only to determine that the person you were with was a complete and utter tsunami, this book is for you. For everyone else, buckle your seat belt and turn off your phone, because a massive car wreck is about to begin.

    George Burns's career has spanned the history of modern show business: he has starred in big-time vaudeville; in radio, television, the movies, and the recording industry; and on the nightclub stage. His books have topped bestseller lists for years. Now this beloved show business centenarian serves up a treat for his fans in a book of his favorite and funniest stories, each and every one from his own private stock. From recollections of events in his past to tales about friends and performers who have crossed his path - including Al Jolson, Groucho Marx, Jack Benny, Bob Hope, Ann-Margret, and Goldie Hawn - George Burns brings his unique, dry humor to each unforgettable story.

    As tiny and inconspicuous as it may seem, That-Which-Had-Been exhibits an unexpected and varied gift for survival, as it journeys implacably toward its ultimate destination. Along the way, it meets a rich array of ordinary human beings, some of whom assist it along its way, others who impede its progress, none of whom have any idea of its existence.From whence comes the strange, but universal, experience of deja vu? Why do some people exhibit a wisdom far beyond their age and experience - persons reincarnationists refer to as 'old souls'? Joseph Wurtenbaugh in this short story offers a fascinating and tantalizingly plausible explanation for these phenomena, presented in a natural setting that brims with adventure and exhilarating possibility. Not to be missed by anyone who enjoys science fiction or thinking outside the box.

    A world of speakeasies and dancing girls where a gambler or bootlegger is perfectly normal and respectable in every way. Those familiar with "Guys and Dolls" know what to expect!

    She lives in Manila with her three cats. Visit her site: www.JessicaRulesTheUniverse.com

    You might know Al from his zines Burn Collector and Natural Disasters or from the band Milemarker or his so-true-it-kicks-your-face-off column in Punk Planet. This, however, is Al's collection of comics published in the late '90s by designer and fellow zinester Ian Lyman. From Portland to Providence, Al patrols his world with a dark, stoic humor. He's a Saul Bellow-ian everyman, up against the wall, suffering the blows, looking for love and loving the metal. Like Al's latest issue of Burn Collector, the comic-heavy #14, the drawing here is simple but it's the kind of simple that doesn't come with beginner's luck. The stuff here is the result of years of fighting and trouble-making, of mistakes made and a life scratched out among the sticks and stones. As says Al, "These are things drawn on napkins in airports, xeroxed illicitly during work." So goes the work and world of Al Burian.

    Romero's landmark movie Night of the Living Dead. The newly dead rose to attack the living. Not as vampires or werewolves. This was something new...and terrifying. Since then, zombies have invaded every aspect of popular culture.But it all started on that dreadful night in a remote farmhouse...Nights of the Living Dead returns to that night, to the outbreak, to where it all began. New York Times bestselling author Jonathan Maberry teams with the godfather of the living dead himself, George A. Romero to present a collection of all new tales set during the 48 hours of that legendary outbreak.Nights of the Living Dead includes stories by some of today's most important writers: Brian Keene, Carrie Ryan, Chuck Wendig, Craig Engler, David J. Schow, David Wellington, Issac Marion, Jay Bonansinga, Joe R. Lansdale, John Russo, John Skipp, Keith R.A. DeCandido, Max Brallier, Mike Carey, Mira Grant, Neal Shusterman & Brandon Shusterman, and Ryan Brown. Plus original stories by Romero and Maberry!For fans of The Walking Dead, World War Z, and anyone who loves scary stories. Take a bite out of this!

    From THE WHORE OF MENSA, to GOD (A Play), to NO KADDISH FOR WEINSTEIN, old and new Woody Allen fans will laugh themselves hysterical over these sparkling gems.

    She's a satellite sister, a friend or sibling or college roommate who supports, accepts, sometimes busts, and always encourages you. She can get you through a bad haircut-or a bad marriage. And, because nothing beats old-fashioned hilarity, your satellite sister makes you laugh so hard that Diet Coke comes out your nose. Meet the Satellite Sisters: Five real-life sisters who grew up, grew apart, and then came together again, united by the belief that whether by nature or by choice, being someone's sister or friend is what gives meaning to our lives. In Satellite Sisters' UnCommon Senses, the Dolan sisters apply their big-family wisdom to the range of experiences and issues we face in our grown-up lives. The result is their UnCommon Senses-5 essential traits needed to face the challenges and demands of our over-subscribed modern lives...and still end the day with our laughter intact. Warm, spirited, wise, and hilarious, these Satellite Sisters will remind you of your own satellite sisters.

    Inside you will find:× The smell of honeysuckle× Heartbreak× A French-kissing rabbit× A haunted house× Death× A vagina singing sad old songs× Young geraniums in an ancient castle× Birth× A dog who appears in dreams as a spiritual guide× Divorce× Electromagnetic energy fields× Emotional horniness× The ghost of a sea captain× And moreI hope you enjoy these little weirds.Love,Jenny Slate

    Call us the apathetic generation and we will become that. Say times are changing, nobody cares about prom queens and getting into the college of his choice any more—say that (because it sounds good, it indicates a trend, gives a symmetry to history) and you make a movement and a unit out of a generation unified only in its common fragmentation. If there is a reason why we are where we are, it comes from where we have been.In An 18-Year-Old Looks Back on Life, Joyce Maynard, the New York Times bestselling author of Labor Day and After Her, then just an 18-year-old freshman at Yale, reflects on the culture she inherited—from Jackie Kennedy, to TV, to Women’s Lib—in what became a generation-defining essay. Features an introduction by the author.An 18-Year-Old Looks Back on Life was originally published in the New York Times Magazine, April 23, 1972. Cover design by Adil Dara.Photograph by Ted Croner.

    Most, but not all. A Kilo of String is the story-so-far of this not-particularly-plucky couple’s often bewildering experiences among the descendants of Sophocles, Plato and Nana Mouskouri with occasional digressions into total irrelevances. This is a book which is almost guaranteed not to change your life, but what it will do is answer many of the fundamental questions about life in Greece, such as: How do you avoid ordering a double tomato for your pine marten when booking a hotel room? Should olive harvesting be registered with the Dangerous Sports Association? Why are chicken livers useful (other than to the chickens themselves)? Oh yes, and there are some serious bits too about how life in Greece has changed since the beginning of the economic crisis.