Cinderella swaps her glass slippers for Crocs. The Tortoise and the Hare Facebook stalk each other. Goldilocks goes gluten free. And Peter Pan finally has to grow up and get a job, or at least start paying rent.Here are more than one hundred fairy tales, illustrated and re-imagined for today. Instead of fairy godmothers, there’s Siri. And rather than big bad wolves, there are creepy dudes on OkCupid. In our brave new world of social networking, YouTube, and texting, fairy tales can once again lead us to "happily ever after" — and have us laughing all the way.

    The planes break, the regs break, metal gets bent, students are lost at sea, and a Top Gun wannabe student, who has four hundred hours of flight instruction, still hasn’t made his first solo flight. “CFI! The Book” is an over-the-top satirical aviation comedy that’s loosely based on real world experiences of flight instruction, but if the FAA asks, this is all strictly fictional.

          Written and compiled by the Lord of Evil himself, The Adventure Time Encyclopaedia matches the playful, subversive tone of the series, detailing everything anyone will ever need to know about the postapocalyptic land of Ooo and its inhabitants—secret lore and spells, fun places you should visit and places where you will probably die, whom to marry and whom not to marry, how to make friends and how to destroy your enemies—plus hand-written marginalia by Finn, Jake, and Marceline. An indispensable companion to the show, this side-splittingly funny love letter to Adventure Time is sure to appeal to fans of all ages. Heck yeah! From the Back Cover: Written by the Lord of Evil Himself, Hunson Abadeer (a.k.a. Marceline the Vampire Queen's dad), to instruct and confound the demonic citizenry of the Nightosphere, The Adventure Time Encyclopaedia is perhaps the most dangerous book in history. Although seemingly a guidebook to the Land of Ooo and its postapocalyptic inhabitants, it is in fact an amusing nightmare of literary pitfalls, bombastic brain-boggles, and ancient texts designed to drive the reader mad.  Complete with secret lore and wizard spells, fun places you should visit and places where you will probably die, advice on whom to marry and whom not to marry, and how to make friends and destroy your enemies, this volume includes hand-written marginalia by Finn, Jake, and Marceline. Arguably the greatest encyclopaedia ever written since the beginning of the cosmos, it is also an indispensable companion to humans and demons who know what time it is: Adventure Time!

    But whether your journey lasts five seconds or five days or (rather inconceivably) five years, all those who bravely take up this text and follow the tenets and trials laid out within will die knowing they were as ninja as they possibly could’ve been.For the true of heart or the extremely lucky, this powerful and honorable manuscript contains such phenomenal ninja wisdom as:•How to create and name your very own lethal ninja clan•The proper weapon to use when fighting a vampire pumpkin•Why clowns and robots are so dangerous on the Internet•Easy-to-follow charts showing when to slice and when to stab•How to execute such ultradeadly kicks as the Driving Miss Daisy•Why pretty much every ninja movie ever made sucks•How to make a shoggoth explode using well-placed foliage•What the heck a shoggoth is and why you’ll need to make it explode•Death Aide certification•And much more ninjafied enlightenment on every shuriken-sharp page!Remember: People do not take the Path, the Path takes people.

    Given the choice, he'll go on vacation to Devon or Wales or, if pushed, eat English food on a package tour of the Mediterranean. So what happened when he was convinced by Gervais and Merchant to go on an epic adventure to see the Seven Wonders of the World? Does travel truly broaden the mind? Find out in Karl Pilkington's hilarious travel diaries.

    A. Milne. Williams shows how Pooh--referred to here as "the Great Bear"--explains and illuminates the most profound ideas of the great thinkers, from Aristotle and Plato to Sartre and Camus.

    Singing the praises of his unequaled toughness, his mighty kicking feet, his indestructible beard, his frightening virility, and his ability to stop time by thinking about pineapples, The Truth About Chuck Norris is the one book brave enough to go behind the beard and reveal the real Chuck. Ian Spector, webmaster of the site which started the meme and survivor of a real-life encounter with Chuck himself, has selected the 400 most kick-ass facts from his library of thousands, as well as illustrations as awesome as the man himself. This death-defying volume includes such awe-inspiring observations as: • A cobra once bit Chuck Norris’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. • Chuck Norris can charge a cell phone by rubbing it against his beard. • When an episode of “Walker, Texas Ranger” aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. • Chuck Norris was the first person to tame a dinosaur. • Chuck Norris once visited The Virgin Islands. Afterward, they were renamed The Islands. • Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris’s house is a Total Gym. A must-have paean to the archetypical American male and a bible of all things Chuck, The Truth About Chuck Norris is easily the most important book of all time. AN UNAUTHORIZED PARODY

    On a scale from one to spectacular, we give New York a five. And after reading this book, we think you'll agree! Or whatever.

    Matthew Inman, Eisner Award-winning creator of The Oatmeal and #1 New York Times bestselling author of How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You, presents a must-have collection of comics for cat lovers!Why My Cat Is More Impressive Than Your Baby is chockfull of comics about cats, babies, dogs, lasers, selfies, and pigeons!  This book contains a vast wealth of never-before-seen comics, including informative guides, such as:How to comfortably sleep next to your cat10 ways to befriend a misanthropic catHow to hold a baby when you are not used to holding babiesA dog’s guide to walking a human beingHow to cuddle like you mean it Includes a pull-out poster of:  How to tell if your cat thinks you’re not that big of a deal.

    You'll make informed decisions, avoid frustrations and save thousands over the life of your home. Here's just a small sample of what's inside: The smartest thing you can do before going on vacationPush a button and save $100Be ready for any natural disasterMake burglars bypass your houseThe most effective way to cut heating and cooling costsClever shortcuts for home maintenance;indoors and outKeep mice, ants and other invaders out of your houseBoost curb appeal without remodelingWhat to do when the power goes outThe most common and costly homeowner mistakesEliminate noises, odors and other household irritationsGrow the best lawn on the blockSecret weapons pros use for easy, instant repairsMake appliances last years longerThe key to drip-free faucetsMake your mower start right up, every timeCures for damp basementsExterminate mold and mildewPick a paint color you'll loveGet faster downloads and better TV qualityStop peeling paintPlus, incredibly easy repairs for appliances, plumbing, flooring, walls, furniture and more!

    Dirt.Oh, the bomb thought. And then its courage, determination and nobility-of-spirit subroutines cut in, overriding everything else, adrenalizing its command functions and bypassing its cyberphrenetic nodes. Here goes, said the bomb to itself. Calibrate navigational pod. Engage primary thrusters. Ready auxiliary drive. It knew, in that moment, that its own doom was near; because it was giving itself orders, and it wasn’t putting in any ‘the’s. That was what you did, apparently, when the moment came. You could also turn on a flashing red beacon and a siren, but mercifully these were optional.Oh #//+! thought the bomb, and surged on towards Dirt like an avenging angel.

    An entertaining and informative illustrated guide  that makes world history accessible, appealing,  and funny.

    We want to make sensible decisions to help keep us on track when everything seems to be going off the rails. We want to be ready—to the best of our abilities—for the worst that can happen.As a seasoned war correspondent with more than thirty years of experience working in crisis zones and a pioneering safety consultant, Judith Matloff knows about personal security and risk management. In How to Drag a Body and Other Safety Tips You Hope to Never Need, she shares her tried-and-true methods to help you confidently handle whatever challenges comes your way.Learn how to: Perform emergency first aidCreate a bunkerKeep yourself safe when travelingKeep yourself safe from online hacksand dozens of other invaluable tips to stay safe in any circumstancesBlending humorous stories and anecdotes with serious advice, Matloff explains how to remain upright in stampedes, avoid bank fraud, prevent sexual assault, stay clean in a shelter, and even be emotionally prepared for loss. From cyber security, active shooter situations, and travel, to natural disasters and emotional resilience, she shares tips that will give even the most anxious person a sense of control over life’s unpredictable perils. Unfortunately, we can’t anticipate all the crises of our lives. But with How to Drag a Body and Other Safety Tips You Hope to Never Need, you’ll find the skills and confidence you need to weather an emergency.The book includes 38-42 black-and-white illustrations.

    Mediocre at best.”—Donald Trump, 1989A NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLER!He tried to warn us. Ever since the release of the first Trump-for-President trial balloon in 1987, Doonesbury’s Garry Trudeau has tirelessly tracked and highlighted the unsavory career of the most unqualified candidate to ever aspire to the White House. It’s all there—the hilarious narcissism, the schoolyard bullying, the loathsome misogyny, the breathtaking ignorance; and a good portion of the Doonesbury cast has been tangled up in it.  Join Duke, Honey, Earl, J.J., Mike, Mark, Roland, Boopsie, B.D., Sal, Alice, Elmont, Sid, Zonker, Sam, Bernie, Rev. Sloan, and even the Red Rascal as they cross storylines with the big, orange airhorn who’s giving the GOP such fits.Garry Trudeau is the “sleazeball” “third-rate talent” who draws the “overrated” comic strip Doonesbury, which “very few people read.” He lives in New York City with his wife Jane Pauley, who “has far more talent than he has."