I sat down one day and said to myself, “Larry, you’ve done it all. You’ve got three gold records, a successful DVD, a hit TV show, a picture of Shania Twain givin’ ya the finger, and most important, the high score on Frogger. What more could you possibly do?” Then I started thinking about writing a book. I wanted mostly to write Git-R-Done for all those good Americans who just wanna laugh like I do. Come on inside and hear me make fun of Janet Reno, Rosie O’Donnell, and my fat sister, who caused a twelve-tray pileup in front of the caramel nut rolls at the country buffet. I’m gonna tell you why Dick Trickle is my hero, why we need to get back to good ol’ common sense, and why I prefer a picture of the Last Supper with NASCAR drivers as the disciples over just about anything.Lord, I apologize!The book will go down in history as one of America’s most important events since the breakup of Aldo Nova. Even my mom liked the book—here’s what she said: “There’s really not much I can say here except for I apologize to everyone ahead of time for the crap you are about to read.” Git-R-Done is just plain funny, I don’t care who ya are!Also available as an eBook.From the Hardcover edition.

    For Claire Anderson, this crosses the line. To make matters worse, they’re on the lam and can’t be returned to sender until In Between, the afterlife way station, can arrange transportation to pick them up. In the meantime, Claire tries to contain this motley crew, hoping to stave off an international incident. How do they manage to walk among us? Will Claire succeed in repatriating them? And at what cost? The Afterlife Coach is a humorous tale of second chances, self-awareness and, for those among us who make bad choices, demonstrates just how hard it is to die happily ever after.

    The Book of Bizarre Truths is a 704-page collection of answers to hundreds of provocative questions covering a vast range of topics, from the strange to the sublime.Includes urban legends, old wives tales, misattributed quotes, and corrected so-called facts and trivia that have gained authenticity despite less-than-reliable sources.Topics covered include the animal kingdom, health, origins, traditions, science, history, geography, sports, people, and food.More than 200 questions that are answered, including:Do cows cause global warming?How many ants make a full meal for an anteater?How late is fashionably late?What s the smelliest thing on the planet?Do woodpeckers get headaches?The Book of Bizarre Truths is for readers who expect to be informed, entertained, and humored.

    this book is a magical journey through life from the beginnings of time to the birth of a child and the adventure that we take on our way to the grave and beyond to the starsit is a celebration of being human and all of the beautiful things that is in between.if you like books that are about:why we are herehow we are madebabies shedding their baby legs and growing their child legsthe innocence of childhoodthe warmth of papas backteen lifebody harethe first kissfalling in lovebeing alonethe gift of a feathertales of witchessaturday nightsmonday morningsthe mystery of old peoples earlobesdeathghostsand the meaning of lifethen this book is for youbecause inside of this book there is all of those things and after reading about 5 pages of it you will be the main expert of human life and there will be nothing in this world that you will not know love from your friend chris (simpsons artist) xox

    After losing their small business and life savings to the government’s unfathomable shutdown, the author and her husband are forced to sell their home and move into a travel trailer. Still reeling from financial loss and the deaths of two of their beloved dogs, the pair embark on a new life in a trailer park, populated with some of the most unconventional characters you’d ever hope not to meet. There’s Gretchen, the park’s unsympathetic and conniving manager, and her puny, perverted husband, Lloyd, who “maintains” the park grounds and who gives pool algae a bad name. Daisy and Lonnie May are the author’s closest neighbors, and are, perhaps, the park’s most devoted couple. Only Daisy May happens to be Lonnie’s dog. Trailer Dogs will make you laugh, cry, and maybe even a little angry. But it will never make you bored.

    And one very annoyed world.Based on the ingenious Sir Michael Twitter account, How to (Almost) Make Friends on the Internet is the funniest book you'll read this year.Whether it's offering his services as a Karate Lawyer or Funeral DJ, devising the world's worst plan to get a free haircut, or trying to buy a blue bucket that may or may not be for sale, Michael just wants to connect with people.The only problem is that people are slightly less enthusiastic about connecting with him, and the results are utterly hilarious.Warning: you'll never think about adding someone called Michael to a group chat the same way ever again.

    The planes break, the regs break, metal gets bent, students are lost at sea, and a Top Gun wannabe student, who has four hundred hours of flight instruction, still hasn’t made his first solo flight. “CFI! The Book” is an over-the-top satirical aviation comedy that’s loosely based on real world experiences of flight instruction, but if the FAA asks, this is all strictly fictional.

    Sometimes it's a lesson about parenting. Other times, it's about the relationship between husbands and wives (or husbands and husbands, as the case may be). Or maybe it's about getting along with your adult parents, or your spouse's parents. What audiences, critics, and Emmy voters have all loved is how the writers and actors of Modern Family present all these dilemmas in a new, fresh, and incredibly funny way. There are plenty of books out there that tell you how to deal with your mother, but this one will give the reader advice about what to do when she shows up at a family reunion with your old boyfriend as her date.The book will be organized subject ? parents, children, spouses, brothers and sisters, holidays, pets, and many other topics still to be determined. There will be black and white illustrations throughout, and each chapter will have an introduction written by a Modern Family character.

    This is a book about surviving it." I felt like a babyless freak. No matter what we tried, I couldn’t get pregnant, even after standing on my head after sex. I was pretty sure I was the only woman on the planet going through infertility, certainly the only one jamming needles into my butt on commercial breaks during my favorite TV shows. Everyone was getting pregnant around me and no one was talking about what happened if you couldn’t. After my experience, I wanted to write a book for other infertile women and couples who feel alone, the book I wish I’d had when I was going through it, filled with dark humor and illustrations of quirky ovaries and whimsical sperm. If you’re like me, you want blunt, honest conversations about all the crazy stuff you’re going through with someone who’s been there and understands at least some of what you’re dealing with and how you’re feeling. And if it can somehow give you permission to laugh without diminishing the pain you’re feeling? Even better. This is the funnest book you’ll ever read about the worst thing that’s ever happened to you. Each chapter covers a different challenge with infertility and is broken into sections, a little of my story and concerns, a blurb from my husband, Alex, kind of a window into his dudely brain, and practical tips on how to cope. Read it yourself, read it as a couple, and if you’re struggling to explain your feelings to friends and family, hurl a copy at them and run away. I really wish you didn’t need this book, but since you do, come on over. You’re not alone.

    He has been a busy man. Yet, for the last two years, he has also managed to squeeze in a weekly column for The Times. Without fail, he sat down every week and wracked his brain to think of something to write 900 words about. Dispatches From the Sofa is the brilliant result. Alighting on such random topics as the potential demise of Margaret Thatcher, the love-hate relationship with your football club, Mike Read's musical of Oscar Wilde, fat pop stars, Serbian breakfast banter, the pleasures of air-guitar, the banking crisis and the evil phenomenon of Jedward, this is a thought-provoking, wide-reaching, hilarious and self-deprecating collection - which also includes the first two chapters from his unpublished novel - from one of our funniest, quickest and most beloved comedians.

    In "An Auctioneer's Lot", he brings to life a world in which the most valuable antiques frequently turn up in the most unlikely places - and accompanied by the most unlikely people. For over thirty years he has uncovered a huge range of priceless (and occasionally worthless) antiques, and he has met, done business with and befriended people from the farthest corners of English life - normal, eccentric, sometimes lovable, often baffled and occasionally terrifying. Funny, startling, poignant and above all true, these stories of ordinary people with extraordinary possessions are the perfect inspiration for anyone who's ever wondered whether they might just be sitting on a fortune. What's in your attic?

    Stuck at a boring family party, on an awkward date, in a below-par job interview, or any number of other situations in which conversation has become more of a trickle than a flow. Well, fear the excruciation no more, as Richard Herring's Emergency Questions is about to change your life. Containing 1,000 conversation starters from one of our most cherished comedians, along with plenty of answers from the many household names who've appeared on his hundreds of podcasts, this book is virtually guaranteed to remove any social anxiety from your life, and will raise your repartee-game to new heights.

    This is the story of one man's quest to get the entire Amazon Kindle library for free and the repercussions of what an insane obsession could bring.

    For centuries, lovers have found inspiration and advice in the ancient text of the Kama Sutra. Now, Simon Rich -- "one of the funniest writers in America" (The Daily Beast) -- and Farley Katz have unearthed a valuable new document: a guide to the positions most common after marriage. From "the interrupted congress" to "the beaching of the whales," here are the poses, positions, and games married lovers play to keep the spark alive -- and the dishwasher properly loaded. Complete with four-color, full-page illustrations in the style of the original Kama Sutra, but with modern, domestic accoutrements: dirty diapers, TV remotes, and wine glasses aplenty.

    While some believe God has forsaken Israel for the church, this goes against the nature of the faithful Lord we find in Scripture. In his latest book, native Israeli and bestselling author Amir Tsarfati makes clear what the Bible says about God’s unique master plans for His two chosen groups, Israel and the church. Amir gets to the heart of key questions, such as…Do the promises God made to the Old Testament nation of Israel still apply to the Jewish people today?Has God replaced rebellious Israel with the church?Now that the church exists, does Israel possess a distinct role in the present age?How are current events in Israel relevant to the church?What should the church’s attitude be toward Israel?Israel and the Church provides a fascinating look at all that God has prepared for His two peoples—and why it’s so relevant to us today!