You know where you can go? The f**k to sleep.”Go the Fuck to Sleep is a book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate, and radically honest, it captures the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night. Read by a host of celebrities, from Samuel L. Jackson to Jennifer Garner, this subversively funny bestselling storybook will not actually put your kids to sleep, but it will leave you laughing so hard you won’t care.

    Where exactly were the violins on the night in question? Did anyone see the harp? Is the trumpet protesting a bit too boisterously?In this perplexing murder mystery, everyone seems to have a motive, everyone has an alibi, and nearly everyone is a musical instrument. But the composer is still dead.Perhaps you can solve the crime yourself. Join the Inspector as he interrogates all the unusual suspects. Then listen to the accompanying audio recording featuring Lemony Snicket and the music of Nathaniel Stookey performed by the San Francisco Symphony. Hear for yourself exactly what took place on that fateful, well-orchestrated evening.

    Crazy Hair is a fantastically fun tale written by New York Times bestselling author Neil Gaiman and illustrated by the astoundingly talented Dave McKean, the award-winning team behind The Wolves in the Walls.In Crazy Hair, Bonnie makes a friend who has hair so wild there's even a jungle inside of it! Bonnie ventures through the crazy hair, but she may need more than a comb to tame her friend's insane mane.

    "The sad thing is, I like it" - Maurice Sendak"The perfect gift to give a child or grandchild for their high school or college graduation.Also Father's Day.Also, other times." - Stephen Colbert

    In this age of debt, depression, and diabetes, could we adults use a refresher course in the gentle lessons from these adorable books, she wondered—a "Little Golden guide to life"? Yes, we could! Muldrow's humorous yet practical tips for getting the most out of life ("Don't forget to enjoy your wedding!" "Be a hugger." "Sweatpants are bad for morale."), drawn from more than 60 stories, are paired with delightful images from these best-loved children's books of all time—among them The Poky Little Puppy, Pantaloon, Mister Dog, Nurse Nancy, We Help Mommy, Five Pennies to Spend, and The Little Red Hen. The Golden greats of children's illustration are represented here as well: Richard Scarry, Garth Williams, Eloise Wilkin, J. P. Miller, and Mary Blair, among many others. Sure to bring memories and a smile, this book is a perfect gift for baby boomers, recent grads, lovers of children's literature—or anyone who cherishes the sturdy little books with the shiny cardboard covers and gold foil spines!

    In other words, perfect." - The Huffington PostAn amusing and captivating tale that's a delightful primer for laughing at the inevitable: If you're a dinosaur, all of your friends are dead. If you're a pirate, all of your friends have scurvy. If you're a tree, all of your friends are end tables. Each page of this laugh-out-loud, illustrated humor book showcases the downside of being everything from a clown to a cassette tape to a zombie. Cute and dark all at once, this hilarious children's book for adults teaches valuable lessons about life.From the sock whose only friends have gone missing to the houseplant whose friends are being slowly killed by irresponsible plant owners (like you), All My Friends Are Dead presents hilariously entertaining stories about life and existential predicaments.The simple yet effective imagery, the personification of inanimate objects, and short, hilarious quips come together to create an amusing adventure through each character's unique grievance and wide-eyed dilemmas.Written by Avery Monsen, an actor, artist, and writer and Jory John, a writer, editor, and journalist. They are friends, and neither is dead. Yet.All My Friends Are Dead is both the saddest funny book and the funniest sad book you'll ever read.Children's book written for adults Displayed in an accessible cartoon form

    From Stingaling the scorpion to Crocky-Wock the crocodile, Dahl's animals are nothing short of ridiculous. A clever pig with an unmentionable plan to save his own bacon and an anteater with an unusually large appetite are among the characters created by Dahl in these timeless rhymes. This new, larger edition is perfect for reading aloud and makes Quentin Blake's celebrated illustrations even more enjoyable. "Will elicit a loud 'Yuck.' In other words, children will love them." (Children's Book Review Service)

    Meet Marlon Bundo, a lonely bunny who lives with his Grampa, Mike Pence - the Vice President of the United States. But on this Very Special Day, Marlon's life is about to change forever... With its message of tolerance and advocacy, this charming children's book explores issues of same sex marriage and democracy. Sweet, funny, and beautifully illustrated, this book is dedicated to every bunny who has ever felt different. 100% of Last Week Tonight's proceeds will be donated to The Trevor Project and AIDS United.

    Cat goes meow. Bird goes tweet and mouse goes squeak. But what does the fox say?The lyrics of Ylvis's YouTube sensation 'The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?)' meet Svein Nyhus's playful illustrations in this irresistibly entertaining read-aloud picture book.

    A wacky new Easter version of the classic "There Was an Old Lady" song!This time, the hungry old lady swallows a chick, some straw, an egg, some candy, a basket, and a bow! And just as she's hopping and skipping along, who should she meet but the Easter Bunny! Watch what happens when she trips, with amazing results!With rhyming text and funny illustrations, this lively version of a classic song will appeal to young readers with every turn of the page -- a fun story for Easter!

    Just as cats go miaow and cows go moo, The Truth Pixie can only say things that are true.

    . . . So begin the lyrics that have been cracking up listeners since 1963, when songwriters Allan Sherman and Lou Busch borrowed the music of Ponchielli's "Dance of the Hours" to create the funniest camp song ever heard.On a rainy first day, a young camper writes home in the hope that his "Muddah" and "Faddah" will let him leave the dreaded Camp Granada. Bemoaning everything from the lake that has alligators to battling counselors and waiters to a bunkmate with malaria, this kid lays it on thick. But just like the weather, a camper's attitude can improve when the sun comes out. Jack E. Davis's exuberant and quirky watercolors are the perfect accompaniment to Sherman and Busch's tongue-in-cheek humor.

    But the dot, though perfect in every way, only had eyes for a wild and unkempt squiggle. All of the line's romantic dreams were in vain, until he discovered...angles! Now, with newfound self-expression, he can be anything he wants to be--a square, a triangle, a parallelogram....And that's just the beginning!First published in 1963 and made into an Academy Award-winning animated short film, here is a supremely witty love story with a twist that reveals profound truths about relationships--both human and mathematical--sure to tickle lovers of all ages.

    It is illustrated by celebrity childen's book illustrator, Gerald Hawksley.If you are searching for a Christmas ebook, particularly a Christmas ebook that rhymes and has pictures, and is about a smelly Santa, then you have come to the right place.(Any similarity to any real Santa is purely coincidental)

    Through songs, puppets, and frank conversations, Mister Rogers instilled the values of kindness, patience, and self-esteem in his viewers, and most of all, taught children how loved they were, just by being themselves. A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood reimagines the songs from the show as poetry, ranging from the iconic "Won't You Be My Neighbor?" to the forgotten gems. The poems deal with topics such as difficult feelings, new siblings, everyday routines, imagination, and more.