This book goes through all the miserable people you love to hate. Do you hate morning people? How about the guy who doesn’t wipe the ketchup top after using it? Or people who just don’t care? After all, isn’t hating just another form of caring?It's true: Misery does love company. But what kind of company can you keep if you can't stand anyone? This kind. No matter who they are or what they do that sets you off and gets you going, you'll find 'em inside. From rich people who are dicks to guys named Rich who go by Dick to those who are always cold to people who are just hot, no one is safe. But one thing is certain—everyone will find someone they equally despise. And you're gonna love it, period.

    So what happens to the 75 percent of cartoons that don't make the cut? Some go back in a drawer, others go up on the refrigerator or into the filing cabinet...but the very best of all the rejects can be found right here in these pages. "The Rejection Collection Vol. 2: The Cream of the Crap" is the ultimate scrap heap of creative misfires -- from the lowbrow and the dirty to the politically incorrect and the weird, these rejects represent the best of the worst...in the best possible sense of the word. Handpicked by editor Matthew Diffee, these hilarious cartoons are accompanied by handwritten questionnaires and photographed self-portraits, providing a rare glimpse into the minds of the artists behind the rejection. With appendices that explore the top ten reasons why cartoons are rejected and examine the solitary nature of the job of cartooning -- plus a special bonus section of questions asked of and answered by cartoon editor Robert Mankoff -- this sequel to "The Rejection Collection" offers even deeper insight into the exercise in frustration, patience, and amusement that is being a "New Yorker" cartoonist. Warped, wicked, and wildly funny, "The Rejection Collection Vol. 2 "will appeal to every "New Yorker" fan -- and everyone with a taste for the absurd.

    In T-Rex Trying and Trying, the loveable lizard king is back . . . this time with his family, She-Rex and Wee-Rex. Featuring never-before-seen content and the best from the site, Murphy’s 120 drawings feature:• T-Rex trying to take a selfie• She-Rex trying to catch a bouquet at awedding• T-Rex trying to change a diaper• T-Rex trying to tell people he’s choking• Wee-Rex trying to crawl• T-Rex trying to measure his inseam• and many, many more!An adorable and hilarious book, this is the perfect gift for readers of all ages.

    And remember: "Don’t give advice."Ron Padgett's How Long was a Pulitzer Prize finalist in poetry and his Collected Poems won the William Carlos Williams Award from the Poetry Society of America and the Los Angeles Times Book Prize for the best poetry book of 2013. His work has been translated into eighteen languages.Jason Novak is a cartoonist whose work has appeared in the New Yorker the Paris Review and the Believer among other places. He lives in Oakland, California.

    Written to help her Gentile husband and others like him who fall for believing a Jewish mother-in-law when she says, "Don't bother driving me, I'll take a cab," Jewish as a Second Language shows how to be one of the family—how to worry, how to interrupt, how to change your hotel room. It's not Yiddish. Though non-Jews can endear themselves by learning how to mis-use words like schmendrick and schmatta—providing both laughs and confirmation of Jewish superiority—this Jewish language is about the complex twists and somersaults of everyday speech, of unexpected nuances, hidden meanings, and swampy thickets of behavior, of wins, losses, and draws in competitions you never knew you entered. It's about the most common OAQs (obsessive anal questions): "This mole looks okay, doesn't it?" "Can Saltines go bad?" "They'll de-ice the wings before takeoff, right?" The Four Basic Shrugs. Acronyms never to use again: NASCAR, STD, and MRSA (Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus, the potentially deadly skin virus that’s spread by contact, and also by talking about it casually). The things non-Jews do for fun and what Jews do: Contra dance/Contradict, Read the comics/Read the obituaries, Get your boobs done/Get your taxes done. Stuff never found in a Jewish home (trout flies, a lineoleum knife, a Lay-Z-Boy, a rottweiler) or mouth (Miracle Whip, marshmallow fluff, Bud).So you'll sit, you'll read, you'll laugh until you're nauseous. It's a nice book.

    Whether she’s responding to cheaters or loners, lovers or haters, the depressed or the down-and-out, Havrilesky writes with equal parts grace, humor, and compassion to remind you that even in your darkest moments you’re not alone.

    It rejoices in men and women made of the Wrong Stuff: writers who believed in the power of words, but could never quite find the rights ones; artists and performers who indulged their creative impulse with a passion, if not a sense of the ridiculous, an eye for perspective or the ability to hold down a tune; scientists and businessmen who never quite managed to quit while they were ahead; and sportsmen who seemed to manage always to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Like Walter Oudney, one of three men chosen to find the source of the River Niger in Africa, who could not ride a horse, nor speak any foreign languages and who had never travelled more than 30 miles beyond his native Edinburgh; or the explorer-priest Michel Alexandre de Baize, who set off to explore the African continent from east to west equipped with 24 umbrellas, some fireworks, two suits of armor, and a portable organ; or the Scottish army which decided to invade England in 1349 - during the Black Death. Entries include: briefest career in dentistry; least successful bonding exercise; most futile attempt to find a lost tribe; most pointless lines of research by someone who should have known better; least successful celebrity endorsement; least convincing excuse for a war; worst poetic tribute to a root vegetable; least successful display of impartiality by a juror; Devon Loch - sporting metaphor for blowing un unblowable lead; least dignified exit from office by a French president; and least successful expedition by camel.

    The Only Joke Book You’ll Ever Need   Featuring:      •  Nine Jokes about Heaven and Hell      •  Eight Jokes Just for Kids      •  Nineteen Jokes Definitely Not for Kids      •  Six Jokes about Lightbulbs      •  Seven Jokes about Bars      •  The World’s Only Funny Knock-Knock Joke   Plus alternate versions, roasts and toasts, historical footnotes, tips on telling jokes, and much, much more.

    I’m young and I want to move on. Am I a bad person?• Why does my boyfriend always adjust himself in public?• My wife dresses like a slut. How do I make her stop?• My boyfriend’s number one friend on MySpace is his ex. Should I be concerned?With he-said, she-said advice that is both raw and honest, What Do We Do Now? is sure to appeal to the podcast’s legion of fans, and attract a brand-new audience tired of the tried-and-not-so-true relationship manuals.

    Takes a humorous look at inspirational self-help books by providing hundreds of depressing nuggets of wisdom.

    Now this former editor of The Harvard Lampoon and current writer for Saturday Night Live has returned to mine more comedy from our hopelessly terrifying world.In the nostalgic opening chapter, Rich recalls his fear of the Tooth Fairy (“Is there a face fairy?â€) and his initial reaction to the “Got-your-nose†game (“Please just kill me. Better to die than to live the rest of my life as a monsterâ€). He goes on to present Count Dracula’s desperate Match.com profile (“I am normal human looking for human woman to come to castle. I am normal, regular humanâ€). Later, he gets inside the heads of two firehouse Dalmatians who can’t understand their masters’ compulsion to drive off to horrible fires every day. And in the final chapter, he tackles some of life’s biggest questions: Does God really have a plan for us? Yes, it turns out. Now if only He could remember what it was. . . . Praise for Simon Rich’s Ant Farm “Ant Farm has an imaginative power that can trigger snort-fests. . . . Ferociously creative, this book is for readers craving both smart humor and belly laughs.â€â€“People (four stars)“Savagely funny.â€â€“The New York Times“Hilarious. Open this book anywhere, begin reading, and you will laugh.â€â€“Jon Stewart“Ant Farm is what all humor books should be: full of brief, high-concept musings that you wish you’d thought of yourself.â€â€“Time Out New York“A satirical salmagundi that bites back . . . Imaginative premises abound. . . . As unpredictable as YouTube, as in your face as MySpace.â€â€“Publishers Weekly

    When she met a guy who didn’t fall for the emotionally cavalier facade she’d constructed (a guy who wanted marriage and monogamy), she knew it was time to reevaluate.From her first kiss to saying "I do," Screw Everyone is an honest, hilarious chronicle of how one woman discovered herself, conquered her fears, and even found the "real thing" —one promiscuous encounter at a time.

    Your niece swears that no one expects thank-you letters anymore. Your father-in-law insists that married women have to take their husbands' names. Your guests plead that asking them to commit themselves to attending your party ruins the spontaneity. Who is right? Miss Manners, of course. With all those amateurs issuing unauthorized etiquette pronouncements, aren't you glad that there is a gold standard to consult about what has really changed and what has not? The freshly updated version of the classic bestseller includes the latest letters, essays, and illustrations, along with the laugh-out-loud wisdom of Miss Manners as she meets the new millennium of American misbehavior head-on. This wickedly witty guide rules on the challenges brought about by our ever-evolving society, once again proving that etiquette, far from being an optional extra, is the essential currency of a civilized world.

    I wonder how many cats have died because of this confusion.Fact: The most germ-laden place on your toilet isn't the seat or even the bowl--it's the handle.The solution: Don't flush. Let the next guy worry about it.There are "just the facts"--and then there are just the facts that will frighten the bejeezus out of you. And thanks to this little gem of a bathroom book, you'll never look at the world the same way again, without, er, dry heaving a little bit.From the sneaky fish that can swim up our genitals to the E. coli bacteria lurking in the very water we drink, disturbing phenomena are everywhere we turn. Educational, entertaining, and undeniably horrifying, this book isn't guaranteed to help you, um, go to the bathroom, but it's certain to make your time there more...informed.

    You know you’re a crazy plant lady when watering is a hobby, you can’t resist a cute pot, and just looking at succulents and monsteras makes you smile. This charming celebration of the plant lady lifestyle proves that plant love is the joy that keeps growing. There are sweet puns: Aloe you vera much. Plant lady dreams: thrifting the perfect vintage mister. Relatable mantras: Every day is a good day to go plant shopping. All featuring vibrant art by Isabel Serna throughout—plus, a bonus sheet of plant-themed stickers!