WHAT are the dangers of getting directions from a fairy tale frog? WHERE do archangels go to kick back and relax? HOW can a garden gnome mend a broken heart? WHO is the last person you’d expect to visit you at Christmas? WHY shouldn’t you let Satan organise your funeral? Find out the answers to these and other pressing questions in this collection of short stories from the authors of the Clovenhoof series.

    Another super collection of naughty and not-so-naughty jokes, humorous anecdotes, comic interludes, hilarious situations and bitchy remarks, selected by Khushwant Singh from amongst the thousands contributed by his readers and fans - and some manufactured by him.

    He’s also a vampire. He lives alone and avoids the other vampires in L.A., but Pete’s simple life goes haywire when he falls for Angie, the cute bartender at a Sunset Strip dive -- and when sinister vampire lord Carson Fitzgerald returns to claim his children, Pete learns that nothing's ever easy for a creature of the night.

    It chronicles their experiences in parallel over the course of six years, unfolding the independent challenges they face while struggling to survive worlds apart from each other. This book club pick inspires readers to see that love, friendship, and faith can survive in spite of the most terrible circumstances.Dani and Keely imagined that life was more magical than others believed. If they had to be summed up, their one plus one would equal three. Together, they became something greater. It was twin sisters against the world. But the world had different plans. The man followed them to their secret tree house that unusually warm day in September. He only came for one, there and gone in the blink of an eye. Satan’s Garden takes you on the six-year journey of two sisters who learn what it means to survive. It’s a story of resiliency, hope, and above all, a bond that cannot be taken away. It teaches us how quickly life can change and yet how much of it we can change ourselves.

    Will Vail survive to tell Commissar Cain about this adventure?Inquisitor Amberley Vail, chronicler of the Ciaphas Cain adventures, finds herself in deadly peril when an ancient alien artefact leads her into the depths of an underhive.

    They're shocked to find it's been so long that they don't recognise her at all. While they're there, they try to help her with her computer. They try first to fix her iTunes account, and then her internet banking - after all it's the least they can do! However everything they touch turns to dust. They end up getting her cut off from the internet, the gas and the electricity, and reduced to a World War II-style privations - that is until the toddler from next door comes in and fixes everything. They return home somewhat with their tails between their legs, only to discover that with their help Gran has learned to make videos, and has become an internet sensation.

     Eve is an 18,000 word novella originally published as an ongoing story on Reddit's Writing Prompts forum by user /u/psycho_alpaca.

    The two are half-sisters and have always fought: now their argument rages over the trainspotter. Is he doomed to eternal nerdiness or could he be taught to appreciate the finer things in life? Eupheme bets he can: in time for Gresham's engagement party she will have transformed him into a man that her sister would want to sleep with.

    

     This is the dark but humourous tale of Sarah Pemberton, who is not a happy woman. A down to earth, inventive soul who despises her stuck up pompous husband Neil, who believes he is much more intelligent and important than she is. When he refuses her a divorce and emotionally blackmails her into staying with him by threatening to take custody of their daughter, she's decides to make life a little more entertaining for herself, by subtly torturing him at every available opportunity. Creative and adaptable by nature, with a wicked sense of humour, she comes up with more and more ways to ridicule him, without him ever knowing she has a hand in it. ...."During 1993-1994 amongst other things, I cooked him a meat pie with pedigree chum; Stole his car more times than I can count; put chilli powder in his underpants, sent a stripagram to his work (a fat one), and subscribed him to a gay porn mag! (Our paperboy avoided him like the plague after that.)"..... Finding accomplices in the form of her Aunt May, who lives in a crumbling old former hotel which was damaged during WWII, and May's two lodgers, a shy young hippy named Darren, along with his brother Matthew a former life model, they try to get rid of her husband by either 'Plan A', which consists of 'frame him for a crime so that he gets incarcerated', or 'Plan B' drive him to a nervous breakdown. Both plans are designed to discredit Neil in case of a custody battle for their daughter. There is only one little prerequisite for every little torturous idea though, and that is, IT HAS TO MAKE THEM LAUGH! Unbeknown to Sarah at first, she isn't the only one with a vendetta against her husband, his entire workforce hate his guts and exploit any opportunity to make him look bad. When plans A & B go disastrously wrong, Sarah and co set their sights on a new target, her in-laws. Interwoven throughout the story is the tale of Aunt May, the lynch pin of her little make shift family, who harbours secrets of her own that go back to the night the bomb fell on the east wing of the hotel. This is not a tale of a submissive woman suffering at the hands of abuse; this is the tale of a strong courageous woman having one last laugh at other people's expense. Contains very occasional strong language, and scenes that should not be repeated at home. Volume One of 'The Cuckoo' series

     Before you can say Pensioner Barbie she’s in a stolen car, heading to the North Yorkshire coastal village of Kearton Bay in search of the father she never knew, with only her three-year-old daughter and a family-sized bag of Maltesers for company. Ignoring the pleas of her uncle, chat show presenter Joe Hollingsworth, Eliza determines to find the man who abandoned her mother and discover the reason he left them to their fate. All she has to go on is his name – Raphael – but in such a small place there can’t be more than one angel, can there? Gabriel Bailey may have the name of an angel but he’s not feeling very blessed. In fact, the way his life’s been going he doesn’t see how things can get much worse. Then Eliza arrives with her flash car and designer clothes, reminding him of things he’d rather forget, and he realises that if he’s to have any kind of peace she’s one person he must avoid at all costs. But with the help of beautiful Wiccan landlady, Rhiannon, and quirky pink-haired café owner, Rose, Eliza is soon on the trail of her missing angel, and her investigations lead her straight into Gabriel’s path. As her search takes her deeper into the heart of his family, Eliza begins to realise that she’s in danger of hurting those she cares about deeply. Is her quest worth it? And is the angel she’s seeking really the one she’s meant to find?

    His plan may have worked all too well. Now, to save us from creeping socialism, death panels and everything progressive, he has written the antidote, Tea Party Fairy Tales. In Tea Party Fairy Tales, Red Riding Hood stands up for her Second Amendment rights, the Little Match Girl defends the magic of the free market to her grave, and Jack of “Beanstalk” fame shows the moral decay of a life on the dole. For those who find these too long-winded, more than a dozen Aesop’s Fables have been reworked to illustrate the eternal truths of American conservatism in handy, shouting-points form. Tea Party Fairy Tales deserves a place on every young American’s nightstand, right next to the Rush Limbaugh plush doll and a Smith & Wesson automatic, to help prevent the destruction of everything good and true in American culture. “Wake up, Storybookland! Before it’s too late!”

    With the help of David Tushingham, he has adapted Salman Rushdie's classic children's novel, Haroun and the Sea of Stories for the stage. Set in an exotic eastern landscape peopled by magicians and fantastic talking animals, Rushdie's novel inhabits the same imaginative space as Gulliver's Travels, Alice in Wonderland and The Wizard of Oz. Haroun sets out on an adventure to restore the poisoned source of the sea of stories. On the way he encounters many foes, intent on draining the sea of all its storytelling powers.

    Whether it was riding Rooting King to another Melbourne Cup victory, commentating the Olympics or hobnobbing with the country's upper crust, Rampaging Roy Slaven has lived an extraordinary life.But even some of the greatest men come from humble beginnings. Before he shot to fame as Australia's most talented sportsman, he was just another kid in Lithgow, trying to avoid Brother Connell's strap and garner the attention of Susan Morgan from the local Catholic girls school.Blessed follows one year in the life of the boy who would become Rampaging Roy Slaven, a boy who, even at the age of fifteen, knew he was destined for greatness but had to get through high school first.

    And so when she meets and falls in love with Daniel Fallow, son of a successful businessman, she's quick to accept his proposal of his marriage. His family, though, are against the match, and so the young couple marry in secret. Grudging acceptance follows, and as the Depression worsens Daniel is persuaded to join the family business, unaware of his father's dodgy dealings. Tragedy is just around the corner, and worse is to come when war is declared in 1939: as Daniel leaves to fight and her children are evacuated, Hope wonders if she will ever have all her family around her again...