Because after you have read this book, you, Good Sir, will know how to be a pro athlete. And pro athletes don't need books. Or strong family bonds. Or any of that stupid crap. Not when they have ready access to millions of dollars and scores of smoking hot chicks with questionable judgment. This book will be all you require to cast aside your boring life as some jackass who cruises around bookstores hoping to score grad-school trim. With Men with Balls, you will learn how to: Showboat using classical pantomime techniques Figure out whether or not a stripper actually fancies you Emotionally cope from the emotional fallout of rookie year hazing games Find out which free locker room amphetamines will give you a shot of energy, and which will cause you to run down terrified schoolchildren with your Escalade (NOTE: Some do both) Avoid media scrutiny by directing beat writers and columnists to the nearest hot buffet So grab your balls, bookboy. You're about to become a home-run hitting, steroid-injecting, angry-orgy-having Turbostud. They're gonna need a whole ocean just to wash your jock.

    Taking on the boorish behavior that for some has become a point of pride, Talk to the Hand is a rallying cry for courtesy. Like Eats, Shoots & Leaves, Talk to the Hand is not a stuffy guidebook, and is sure to inspire spirited conversation. For anyone who’s fed up with the brutality inflicted by modern manners (or lack thereof), Talk to the Hand is a colorful call to arms—from the wittiest defender of the civilized world.

    And he can drive.Adults and children alike would do well to read this book over and over again to learn from Maddox’s sage-like wisdom. Every keystroke Maddox types is brilliant. The world is better off with him in it. Maddox has selflessly shared some of his own art, and we must thank him for it. May his fertility continue to be dangerously potent, so as to impregnate as many babes as possible, and not one fewer.

    if it would just cut to the chase. Stripped of its arcane language and its interminable passages of poetry, genealogy, and law, every book of the Bible is condensed down to its core message, in no more than a few pages each. Written by Mark Russell with cartoons by New Yorker cartoonist Shannon Wheeler, God Is Disappointed in You is a frequently hilarious, often shocking, but always accurate retelling of the Bible, including the parts selectively left out by Sunday School teachers and church sermons. Irreverent yet faithful, this book is a must-read for anyone who wants to see past the fog of religious agendas and cultural debates to discover what the Bible really says.

    Offering history and etymology along with guidance, quips, insults, answers to lingering questions, and much more, How to Swear celebrates the rude ingenuity of using a naughty word to express surprise, excitement, anger, joy, or disgust, limited only by the imagination. It's inspiring. It's educational. It's dirty. It's here to change lives or, at the very least, add some f*#&ing color to the conversation.

    Take a cue from entertaining expert Amy Sedaris and host an unforgettable fete that will have your guests raving. No matter the style or size of the gathering-from the straightforward to the bizarre-I Like You provides jackpot recipes and solid advice laced with Amy's blisteringly funny take on entertaining, plus four-color photos and enlightening sidebars on everything it takes to pull off a party with extraordinary flair. You don't even need to be a host or hostess to benefit-Amy offers tips for guests, too!  (Number one: don't be fifteen minutes early.) Readers will discover unique dishes to serve alcoholics (Broiled Frozen Chicken Wings with Applesauce), the secret to a successful children's party (a half-hour time limit, games included), plus a whole appendix chock-full of arts and crafts ideas (from a mini-pantyhose plant-hanger to a do-it-yourself calf stretcher), and much, much more!

    Where do we come from? Who created us? Why are we here? These questions have puzzled us since the dawn of time, but when it became apparent to Jon Stewart and the writers of The Daily Show that the world was about to end, they embarked on a massive mission to write a book that summed up the human race: What we looked like; what we accomplished; our achievements in society, government, religion, science and culture -- all in a tome of approximately 256 pages with lots of color photos, graphs and charts. After two weeks of hard work, they had their book. EARTH (The Book) is the definitive guide to our species. With their trademark wit, irreverence, and intelligence, Stewart and his team will posthumously answer all of life's most hard-hitting questions, completely unburdened by objectivity, journalistic integrity, or even accuracy. Also available as an ebook and as an audiobook.

    36 pages of chapter summaries, quotes, character analysis, themes, and more – everything you need to sharpen your knowledge of On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft. This detailed literature summary also contains Topics for Discussion and a Free Quiz on On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King.

    You'll learn... • The 3 sure-fire ways to generate material • The 11 different kinds of jokes and how to tell them • The secret to permanently overcoming writer's block • And many more tips, tricks, and techniques Table of Contents 1 Introduction Use the techniques in this book to reliably create top-notch humor writing (page 9) 2 Your Brain’s Comedy Engine Access both hemispheres of your brain to eliminate writer’s block and tap an endless reserve of comedy ideas (page 19) 3 The Humor Writer’s Biggest Problem Overcome this one devastating obstacle to reach the widest possible audience (page 27) 4 How To Get Laughs Understand the different kinds of laughs, and how to generate the best one (page 37) 6 Subtext: The Secret Ingredient Infuse your humor with this vital component to create writing that makes people laugh (page 51) 6 The 11 Funny Filters Create any joke using the 11 fundamental building blocks of humor (page 61) Funny Filter 1: Irony (page 62) Funny Filter 2: Character (page 64) Funny Filter 3: Shock (page 70) Funny Filter 4: Hyperbole (page 74) Funny Filter 5: Wordplay (page 77) Funny Filter 6: Reference (page 81) Funny Filter 7: Madcap (page 85) Funny Filter 8: Parody (page 90) Funny Filter 9: Analogy 9(page 4) Funny Filter 10: Misplaced Focus (page 96) Funny Filter 11: Metahumor (page 99) 7 Using The Funny Filters Layer the building blocks to create increasingly hilarious jokes (page 105) 8 Process Overview Master this simple system to become a prolific humor writer (page 127) Click "Look inside" to see more!

    Did you know that the Japanese language has a word to express the way sunlight filters through the leaves of trees? Or that there’s a Finnish word for the distance a reindeer can travel before needing to rest? Lost in Translation brings to life more than fifty words that don’t have direct English translations with charming illustrations of their tender, poignant, and humorous definitions. Often these words provide insight into the cultures they come from, such as the Brazilian Portuguese word for running your fingers through a lover’s hair, the Italian word for being moved to tears by a story, or the Swedish word for a third cup of coffee. In this clever and beautifully rendered exploration of the subtleties of communication, you’ll find new ways to express yourself while getting lost in the artistry of imperfect translation.

    This book can be cut, drawn in, folded into shapes and will even take you to the fourth dimension. So join stand-up mathematician Matt Parker on a journey through narcissistic numbers, optimal dating algorithms, at least two different kinds of infinity and more.

    In this hilarious book of tongue-in-cheek poetry, the author of the internationally syndicated comic strip Sally Forth helps cats unlock their creative potential and explain their odd behaviour to ignorant humans. With titles like Who Is That on Your Lap?, This Is My Chair, Kneel Before Me, Nudge, and Some of My Best Friends Are Dogs, the poems collected in I Could Pee on This perfectly capture the inner workings of the cat psyche. With photos of the cat authors throughout, this whimsical volume reveals kitties at their wackiest, and most exasperating (but always lovable).

    Because no book of this ilk should be without tit-bits and silliness. If nothing else it's fun to say tit-bits. Repeat after me: tit-bits. You're welcome.I hope you enjoy seeing the scripts in their pure written form on the page before they translated to what you have seen on screen. And if you're a lovely young person still at school let me know if your drama teacher ever lets you do an episode for the school play. Nothing would make me happier. Though I bagsy play Miranda. Your favourite, number one bestselling, comedian Miranda Hart is giving you an access-all-areas VIP backstage pass to her award-winning sitcom.Miranda Hart has won bundles of awards, written a bestselling book and completed a sell-out nationwide tour.But it was her award-winning BBC sitcom Miranda which first made her a much-loved household name. Here Miranda gives us an access-all-areas VIP backstage pass to Miranda the sitcom. The Best of Miranda is a beautiful and hilarious book which will delight Miranda's many fans and earn her many new ones.

    Now you can come out of that closet and proudly sing whatever you think you hear. Don't deny it! You know you've sung totally absurd lyrics in place of the real-and usually less interesting-ones. (It's nothing to ashamed of-most rock stars never took elocution classes.) Breeze through some of the world's most widely misinterpreted lyrics, including:"The ants are my friends/They're blowin' in the wind" ("The answer my friend/Is blowing' in the wind"-Bob Dylan)"Sweet dreams are made of cheese" ("Sweet dreams are made of this"-Eurythmics)"The girl with colitis goes by" ("The girl with kaleidoscope eyes"-The Beatles)Whether it's Eddie Vedder singing about "forty-five versions of a pelican" or Bruce Springsteen proclaiming "everybody's got a hungry horse," 'Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy is sure to make you want to get your hearing checked.

    Learn terms for the sunlight that filters through the leaves of trees, for dancing awkwardly but with relish, and for the look shared by two people who each wish the other would speak first. Other-Wordly is an irresistible gift for lovers of words and those lost for words alike.