But what's waiting, out on the platform, for the passengers? A woman returns to her childhood home, seeking revenge against the spirit that killed her entire family. But will she be given the chance? An angry husband confronts a faded old magician. Is he about to learn a startling secret about the nature of life and death? Ten Chimes to Midnight is a collection, featuring the brand new stories By the Time You Finish Reading This Short Story..., The Carriage, Probate, The Sleeping Ghost, Bill, The Ghost of Pentarth Asylum, The B*tch and the B*stard and As I Put My Card Back in the Deck..., as well as new versions of The Legend of Bug-Eyed Pete and the 2014 novella Hugo: The Lockton Downs Haunting.

    Looking for Something New and Really Funny? Imagine you can get it with JUST ONE CLICK! Yes, this is a JOKE BOOK of your dreams. Vol.1 of the Donald's Humor Factory series. This super funny adult joke book is free of swear words. Donald Shaw is a popular comic and an award-winning humor books author (his wife gave him a French kiss award)! His jokes are loved by thousands of people from Alaska to Zimbabwe, and possibly outside of Earth. Joking is always fun! Jokes bring smiles to people’s faces. Jokes make us laugh. People fall in love when they smile at each other. We love joking in the company of our best friends and families. Jokes help us to relax and overcome any difficulties. Joking is an awesome social skill and a great way to make new friends and to communicate nearly in any surrounding. Many people also love just to read some good jokes for amusement. However, it is not that easy to find real good jokes today. Some of them are simply out-of-date. Some of them are not clean enough. You may also find many joke books that are not really funny and contain too much fluff and advertising. This jokes book is different! Buying this humor book you will get: A great collection of 300 FUNNY JOKES One-liners, real-life awkward situations, and hilarious short stories Great book to read on a long trip Clean and dirty jokes WITHOUT nasty words Jokes for adults and teenagers Jokes about relationship, marriage, bar, professions, hobbies, etc. LIMITED TIME BONUS: the link to download my FREE HUMOR LIBRARY that includes hundreds of great jokes for kids, adults, and teenagers. So the whole family may have fun! This is no-brainer, really! This book is free of racism. I support LGBT community, because love is love. I love all people in the world and I want to make you laugh and smile! This is my ultimate goal and I did not mean to insult anyone. So relax, take it easy and enjoy this humor book! Buy this funny book NOW and roll on the floor laughing! Pick up your copy today by clicking the BUY NOW button at the top of this page!

    In this book I have set out prove that statement is completely untrue and in fact with customers like these then maybe the opposite could be said. So sit back, grab your self a drink perhaps an alcoholic one if you feel that way inclined and enjoy some of the strangest, ridiculous and most outrageous complaints and statements from all walks of life. The second volume is out now and is much longer and in my opinion even better than the first, though i would say that.

    Greg's rugby-playing days are well and truly behind him, thanks to countless pints of beer and chicken curry.When Elise, a radio DJ and Zoe's best friend, tells them about a new competition, it seems like the perfect opportunity to turn their lives around. Fat Chance will pit six hefty couples against one another to see who can collectively lose the most weight and walk away with a £50,000 prize.So begins six months of abject misery, tears, and frustration--that just might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to them--in another laugh-out-loud look at the way we live now from bestselling author Nick Spalding.

    He's kind to animals, loves children and helps old ladies across the street. But when he gets a pencil in his hands, he becomes a menace. No subject is too taboo. From dead kittens, to Helen Keller, to organized religion, there's no subject he won't twist. Politically correct? Dan Collins doesn't know the meaning.You've never seen cartoons like this before. This definitely isn't the Sunday funnies. Hilarious, demented and guaranteed to have you clutching your navel between gasps for air. Once you get hold of this book, you'll be convinced that this guy needs serious help before he's doomed to an eternity in hell.Check out this collection of insane cartoons and see if you're as demented as Dan Collins. If you find yourself laughing hysterically at some of the most marvelously bent cartoons ever created, plan on joining him on his decent into the inferno.From an early age Dan was heavily influenced by revolutionary comic artists such as Robert Crumb, B. Kliban, Gahan Wilson and Sam Gross. Coming from small town Ohio to Ohio State University in the early, turbulent 70's was a cultural and political awakening for him that would have a lasting impact. The Vietnam War and the counter culture revolution were the back drop from which this small town choirboy 'innocent' would pen his creations. What emerged were some of the most off the wall cartoons ever drawn.

    But when you live in a mansion with vampires, at least one ghost, the only zombies in the world, the occasional human, and two puppies, along with friends who love the Pop-In, celebrating with your sweetie can be as big a challenge as pulling an undead coup. The good news? Less bloodshed. The bad? They aren't naked yet...

    It's overflowing with TG genius, geeky automotive facts, photographs of the slickest, fastest cars on the planet (and a few old bangers), plus plenty of Clarkson, Hammond and May as you've never seen them before, including Jeremy Clarkson as a Reliant-driving crime fighter.You'll also find Top Gear's innovative designs for a low-budget Presidential limo, Richard Hammond's guide to making nature better (or faster, anyway), the owner's manual for the TG electric car, the secret Top Gear things you've never seen, and a Foreword from the Stig himself. With all this, and much, much more, we can guarantee it's literally the loudest, most ambitious, most powerful and explosive book in the world.

     Lyra has been keeping a secret from everyone. Still stinging from her parents’ divorce, her life is falling apart. When her mom finds out what Lyra’s been hiding, she pulls her from her world of partying and takes her to a reclusive cabin in the woods to get herself together. At first, Lyra wants nothing to do with the solitude of nature, until she stumbles upon a small commune deep in the forest and three gorgeous, intriguing men who live there. Completely different from one another, Rain, Paul, and X grab Lyra’s attention and pique her curiosity each in their own unique way. Can these three men living a simple life in the woods help Lyra find herself and the love and intense pleasure she’s been missing with all of them?.

    (The Posse Comitatus Act is the United States federal law (18 U.S.C. § 1385, original at 20 Stat. 152) that was passed on June 18, 1878, after the end of Reconstruction and was updated in 1981. Its intent (in concert with the Insurrection Act of 1807) was to limit the powers of Federal government in using federal military personnel to enforce the State laws.) The training and armament of our civilian police has led to many abuses of power where the police don't believe they are above the Law, but that they ARE the Law". This has culminated in the deaths of many Americans who have reacted to middle of the night break-ins by law enforcement, reached for a weapon to protect his or her family, and been executed. The 'no-knock' rule must go and civility towards the public must return. Barring that, I see a time when this story line will become the common occurrence. People will say, "Enough!" and will say it with force, if needed.

    What twisted, funny tales would it unleash upon the world?Each episode of Crackanory contains two 15-minute tales and is a master class in storytelling, combining some of the UK's best comedy writers and performers.Full author list: Nico Tatarowicz, Toby Davies, Kevin Eldon, Ali Crockatt, David Scott, Laurence Rickard, Jeremy Dyson, Simon Judd, Alex Carter and Holly WalshFull narrator list: Jack Dee, Sally Phillips, Rebecca Front, Kevin Eldon, Harry Enfield, Sarah Solemani, Sharon Horgan, Charlie Higson, Richard Hammond and Jessica Hynes.

    Rowling (the HARRY POTTER series), Darren Shan (CIRQUE DU FREAK), R.L. Stine (the GOOSEBUMPS series), and Stephen King (IT)! Volume Three in the PETER AND THE MONSTERS series! Follow the adventures started in PETER AND THE VAMPIRES (Volume One) and PETER AND THE WEREWOLVES (Volume Two)!Tragedy has struck Peter’s best friend Dill. In his effort to help, Grandfather might have actually made things worse. But help is on the way in the form of a new ally, and important information surfaces that might explain the Curse now haunting Peter and his family. In this volume, Peter battles more supernatural mayhem, including:A scientist who pieces together a family of monstrous creations…A pack of small creatures that kill the local baker, and plan to make Peter their next victim…Peter’s own dark side, which rears its ugly head in a violent rampage…A mysterious ‘snow demon’ out of Native American legend that menaces Peter on a ski trip…And a couple of ‘walking dead’ who try to put Peter in the morgue during a visit to the hospital. The PETER AND THE VAMPIRES series is for teens and adults who, when they were kids, were looking for stories that kicked butt. The protagonist might be young, but the stories are dark, funny, and edge-of-your-seat suspenseful.PETER AND THE FRANKENSTEIN is the third in an ongoing series that includes PETER AND THE VAMPIRES (Volume 1) and PETER AND THE WEREWOLVES (Volume 2). This book is 150,000 words (450+ pages) and contains some mild language, violence, and scary situations.

    Buses rumble towards Ealing Broadway and I'm expected to do battle with the powers of darkness. It all seems a little unfair...'You could say it all started with the red-eyed tramp with the slimy fingers who put the wind up Neville, the part-time barman, something rotten. Or when Archroy's wife swapped his trusty Morris Minor for five magic beans while he was out at the rubber factory.On the other hand, you could say it all started a lot earlier. Like 450 years ago, when Borgias walked the earth.Pooley and Omally, stars of the Brentford Laboiur Exchange and the Flying Swan, want nothing to do with it, especially if there's a Yankee and a pint of Large in the offing. Pope Alexander VI, last of the Borgias, has other ideas...

    The gifts, the music, the yearly seafood buffet, the orgy...what's not to like?But, like all children, he eventually finds out Santa isn’t who he thought. The good news is, unlike everyone else, Santa Claus actually is his mom. Even better, she wants Bert to take over the job. The bad news is there’s more to the job than stuffing stockings and getting his bells jingled. So what's a demon to do? Drag his friend Mark Vedis along for the ride, of course. Join Bert, Mark, and the Santa team as they go through hell in their quest to bring a merry Christmas to all. Especially for Bert.

    With four brand new stories and two previously published tales, you are sure to giggle, smirk and guffaw. So escape from reality for a bit and snag a copy of Free the Shorts!

     A photographer reluctantly agrees to take images of an abandoned manor house on the Dorset cliff tops only to find the building is not completely empty. . .