It got a karaoke DJ.Leo MacGavin is not the brightest specimen of humanity. But when he inadvertently rescues a flirty alien heiress, he’s promoted from second-rate lounge entertainer to captain of the galaxy’s most sophisticated cruise ship.Before he can flee in terror, a human-hating executive gives Leo an ultimatum—complete the vessel’s maiden voyage or mankind’s last colony will be turned into a sewage dump. To make matters worse, a militant cyborg is undermining his authority, a giant spider is terrifying the passengers, and a sentient plant keeps stealing all the beer.If Leo ever wants to see his home again, he’ll have to keep the guests happy through seven days of onboard antics and madcap shore excursions. As strange malfunctions tear the ship apart, can he hold his rag-tag crew together, or will he flush the last bastion of humanity down the crapper?

    In fact, his main concern is "How long until the government finds me?" Now the owner of a Mobile Network Droid and enrolled as a beta-tester for a brand new extraterrestrial package delivery system, Zane Pendon and Rob, a self-aware advertising drone, have to navigate the intricacies of shopping at home while avoiding arousing any suspicion from the Solar Alliance of Independent Planets and the US government, both of which are very interested in recovering the wayward piece of technology. However, it won't be long before worlds collide and mankind meets alien life. But with their status as intergalactic fugitives, Zane and Rob have their work cut out for them trying to stay alive and under the radar. Can alien infomercials save the world? Of course not. But they just might save Zane and his family.

     Having successfully saved the galaxy on his very first day in space, Cal Carver and the crew of the Shatner drop by the North Star space station for Kroyshuk - an annual celebration of peace and goodwill - and some well-earned rest and relaxation. But the universe has other plans, and Cal soon finds himself playing guardian angel to a mysterious pregnant woman, whose unborn son is being hunted by a malevolent baby-eating king. With the king's forces closing in, and the woman's contractions coming at an increasingly alarming rate, it looks like Cal's first Kroyshuk might just turn out to he his last. A short festive tale packed with space pirates, bounty hunters, Godzilla-lions and Dorothy out of the Golden Girls, Space Team: The Holiday Special provides the perfect entry point to the Space Team universe.

    Okay yes, all that stuff too, but I'm not talking about that right now. The government has also been lying to us about space aliens. Aliens have landed on the National Mall and are asking to speak with the President of the United States. For the sake of the planet, diplomat Michael Wallenson is tasked with keeping them away from Donald Trump at all costs. Will Michael succeed? Or will these heavily armed, easily offended aliens succeed in reaching our leader? Building the border dome, coal-powered missiles, and the true identities of the men in black - all in Take Us To Your Trump, another hilarious satirical comedy from author Andrew Stanek.

    She dislikes puzzles, has never read a detective mystery, and hates wearing uniforms. So why did the Peace Force pick her?Who cares? Harriet needs the money, and she's happy to go along with the training for as long as they keep paying her. She'd better dig out some of those detective mysteries though, because she's about to embark on her first real mission ...

    When the system begins to misfire under the workload, the ill-equipped representatives of God and the Devil tasked with managing the process are given an ultimatum. Fix The Afternet or go back to your previous afterlives. They begin an odyssey through the hordes of souls awaiting judgement and the oblivious living in search of a solution. Rich in comic detail and populated with characters real and imagined from throughout time, their quest is never going to be straightforward…

    After swallowing her pride and purchasing a subscription to the dating service that’s rumored to be powered by the same benevolent artificial intelligence that runs the huge station, Kelly decides to give love a shot. But as her dates go from bad to worse, she can only hope that the supposedly omniscient AI is planning a happy ending.

    Earth is on the verge of war with a vastly superior alien race. A lone man races against time and a host of enemies to find the one object that can save our planet and our people from alien enslavement...A sheep.That's right, a sheep. And if you think that's the most surprising thing about this book, wait until you read Chapter One. Welcome to The Android's Dream.For Harry Creek, it's quickly becoming a nightmare. All he wants is to do his uncomplicated mid-level diplomatic job with Earth's State Department. But his past training and skills get him tapped to save the planet--and to protect pet store owner Robin Baker, whose own past holds the key to the whereabouts of that lost sheep. Doing both will take him from lava-strewn battlefields to alien halls of power. All in a day's work. Maybe it's time for a raise.Throw in two-timing freelance mercenaries, political lobbyists with megalomaniac tendencies, aliens on a religious quest, and an artificial intelligence with unusual backstory, and you've got more than just your usual science fiction adventure story. You've got The Android's Dream.

    Lieutenant Orion Murphy is scheduled for execution due to a clerical error. His only out is to undergo a complete physical makeover, get a rank and name change, and agree to take over a new platoon in the Segnal Space Marine Corps (SSMC). Seeing that it's a case of comply or die, he accepts the offer. A week later, he finds himself standing on the bridge of The SSMC Reluctant with a misfit crew, an insane special agent, an antiquated robot mechanic, and his updated identity. Will the newly-named Commodore Don Harr be able to get control of the ship and crew? Can they all survive their first mission, especially since they're not really supposed to? And who came up with this mission, anyway? …it all makes Harr wonder if execution may have been the better option.Author Rating - Comedic-Red: Contains racy and irreverent humor, adult themes, situations, and language. Will likely be offensive to some people.

    He’s never flown a spaceship before, but at least he’s not alone; none of his crewmembers have, either. To make matters worse, the ship’s computer thinks it’s a comedian.So the last thing jixX needs is an encounter with aliens, particularly a nutty bunch of religious fanatics. They believe in the existence of The Ultimate Inferior Beings, a species so totally inept at everything that, according to an ancient prophecy, their incompetence will bring about the end of the Universe. One alien becomes convinced that humans are this bungling species and that the only way of saving the Universe is by destroying them.So it comes down to jixX to save Humankind.

    The plan: fly his unwanted passenger, Erin, to her destination, squeeze her for every last penny, then immediately find refuge in the nearest pub. Unfortunately, when the galaxy is on the verge of economic collapse and your passenger has a bounty the size of a planet on her head, there’s only so much another drink can do to help. Daedalus soon finds himself playing babysitter to someone stronger, angrier and far more dangerous than he is. On top of that: the booze is running out, his ship’s AI won’t stop trying to kill him, and he’s having to pretend very hard that he hasn’t started hearing voices in his head. Erin is under the eye of forces which seek to use her. Daedalus's mistakes have changed him in ways he does not yet understand. In search of Erin's past, and in flight from his own, Daedalus will soon learn what happens when you let wounds fester unchecked. The Second Death of Daedalus Mole was longlisted for the inaugural Bath Novel Award. It's a character-driven novel which tells the story of two damaged, guilt-ridden misfits struggling to find closure in a galaxy on the cusp of war, whilst becoming slowly entangled in the struggles of greater forces. In one sense it’s a traditional star-hopping journey with an unlikely crew of miscreants, but in another it’s an exploration of scars, self-destruction, healing and loneliness, as well as the flawed ways in which we view those closest to us. It’s also a novel about bar fights and space battles, so there’s something for everyone, really.

    The Robert Sheckley Megapack presents 14 short stories and 1 novel by the author Neil Gaiman called "probably the best short-story writer during the '50s to the mid-1960s working in any field." Here are tales of adventure in strange futures, full of the wry wit and piercing characterizations that made Sheckley one of the great writers working in science fiction!"Robert Sheckley: the best short-story writer the field has produced." — Alan Dean Foster "I had no idea the competition was so terrifyingly good." — Douglas AdamsIncluded in this volume are:WATCHBIRDTHE STATUS CIVILIZATIONASK A FOOLISH QUESTIONCOST OF LIVINGBAD MEDICINEDIPLOMATIC IMMUNITYWARRIOR RACETHE HOUR OF BATTLEKEEP YOUR SHAPEWARMDEATH WISHBESIDE STILL WATERSFOREVERTHE LEECHONE MAN'S POISONAnd don't forget to search this ebook store for "Wildside Megapack" to see many more entries in this series, covering science fiction, fantasy, mysteries, westerns, classics, and much, much more!

    This would have worked out better for all involved if they hadn’t arrived after a mutated plague wiped out half the planet, turned the rest into shambling, near-unstoppable animals, and basically destroyed human civilization. You know—your standard apocalypse. The Krakau’s first impulse was to turn their ships around and go home. After all, it’s hard to establish diplomatic relations with mindless savages who eat your diplomats. Their second impulse was to try to fix us. A century later, human beings might not be what they once were, but at least they’re no longer trying to eat everyone. Mostly.Marion “Mops” Adamopoulos is surprisingly bright (for a human). As a Lieutenant on the Earth Mercenary Corps Ship Pufferfish, she’s in charge of the Shipboard Hygiene and Sanitation team. When a bioweapon attack by an alien race wipes out the Krakau command crew and reverts the rest of the humans to their feral state, only Mops and her team are left with their minds intact.Escaping the attacking aliens—not to mention her shambling crewmates—is only the beginning. Sure, Mops and her assortment of space janitors and plumbers can clean the ship, but flying the damn thing is another matter. As they struggle to keep the Pufferfish functioning and find a cure for their crew, they stumble onto a conspiracy that could threaten the entire alliance.A conspiracy born from the truth of what happened on Earth all those years ago…

    And when Lady Peculiar’s butler – a part-time comedian – is found drowned in his own mango chutney, Detective Inspector Clinton Trump comes blundering onto the scene – ready to shun logic, breach protocol and trust in his own gut instincts. What will South East England’s greatest detective uncover? Is her ladyship a murderess? Was the killer a comedy rival? Or are darker forces at work in this particular corner of Brokenshire? Join our self-proclaimed British detective genius, as he races against time to solve this very funny murder mystery – so he can play golf at the weekend! The first novel in the ‘Clinton Trump Detective Genius’ series This riotous English detective spoof is murderously good fun from first page to last, as Inspector Trump and his unwanted sidekick, Constable Dinkel, encounter a procession of crazy comedy characters in the Great British countryside. Stuffed solid with British humour (or ‘humor’, if you’re one of the many American tourists who visit Upper Goosing), its mix of black comedy, British farce, funny one-liners and downright silliness is guaranteed to generate tremendous titters across the very civilised world.More amateur sleuth than professional investigator, Clinton Trump will bring a smile to your face like no other Trump has before, or probably ever will. So, jump aboard the Trump detection train, blow your Clinton trumpet and join the movement – Make Murder-Mystery Great Again! A Word from Detective Inspector Clinton Trump: “Greetings from Upper Goosing – the murder capital of Europe. You’ll find the scenery, tea rooms and cake shops are well worth the risk of a premature, grisly death. But before purchasing this novel, please note that it only employs British English, as spoken by Her Majesty the Queen. I don’t want anyone griping about me saying ‘per cent’ instead of ‘percent’, ‘metre’ instead of ‘meter’ or ‘tea’ instead of ‘coffee’. If you must grumble, please do as the English do and complain only to yourself. And if you’re planning on enjoying a cup of Earl Grey with this quality e-book, please remember: it’s tea first, milk second. Finally, don’t be afraid to laugh thunderously when reading this novel. Just don’t laugh yourself to death – we have enough fatalities around here as it is. Thank you.”

    My Man Jeeves 1919Right Ho, Jeeves 1922Death At The Excelsior, Others 1914