So are we.Sick of the entire unlife of vampires?Yeah. So is Vince Hammond.Unfortunately, Vince is in it up to his (wait for it) neck. Because Vince is a young vampire hunter who lives with his vampire hunter mother in an entire community of vampire hunters, who in turn are part of a cult of vampire hunters going back all the way to the French Revolution, which many believe to be an uprising of the poor against the rich but was actually a massive purging of vampires from the French nobility (hence the guillotine; way more efficient than shoving stakes into their hearts.)And here's Vince's major problem: he's a vampire. But he dare not "come out of the coffin," as it were, and reveal his true nature, because his mother will literally kill him. And if she doesn't manage it, she has lots of friends and neighbors to help make sure that happens.So instead Vince has to keep his head down and hunt his own kind while making sure not to actually kill them since, for the most part, vampires are law-abiding citizens who drink from eagerly volunteering "Wanna V's" hoping for their own shot at the night life. But when some out-of-town hunters show up with a very personal connection to Vince, his two worlds are going to collide in a way that may wind up forcing Vince to run for the hills...assuming he can get far enough away before Mom hunts him down.Part 1 of 2

    But are they? He is probably the only man who has ever requested the recipe for an airline’s lasagna or wanted to enjoy his flight with an inflatable rubber woman sat on his knee. Prepare to meet the man who must have his diet of stir-fried mulberry leaves accommodated and the man who left his false teeth on a flight and is sure he recognized them on a later flight—in a flight attendant's mouth. Ravenscroft's correspondence tackles travel annoyances like excess baggage charges alongside more surreal letters, such as the one starting out asking an Australian airline if they offer an authentic Australian experience (for instance, Australian cuisine or in-flight movies) which then moves on to the question of at what age a baby is safe from being swallowed by a dingo.

     Meet Barney. He’s an average guy in his mid-thirties with questionable social skills and progressive germophobia. He likes routine. He likes to keep his head down. Life’s pretty safe…until he’s spectacularly fired from a ten-year public service career. Desperate to find a new job, Barney lands a private sector role with a struggling communications firm that has a suspicious lack of clients and is run by a man who wears Hawaiian shirts to staff meetings. The one shining light is Gloria. Fierce, devastatingly intelligent and with a brutal sense of humor, Barney is mesmerized from the moment they meet. To win Gloria’s heart, and his new team’s respect, Barney sets out to prove that he’s more than just a public service reject—even resurrecting a stand-up comedy career that hasn’t produced a laugh in more than a decade. But in trying to be everything he thinks they want, Barney is forced to question who it is he really wants to be. An offbeat comedy with echoes of The Rosie Project, this hilarious and heart-warming novel is a story about the masks we wear to impress others, and the freedom that comes with just being ourselves.

    The joys and travails of building a home in Baja California.

    Emilion,” “Due to the laughter you owe my secretary one clean pair of knickers.”Two reviewers have even suggested I should tour as a stand-up comedian; “I found myself laughing out-loud and even sharing segments with my spouse ….. I think Karl could tour as a stand-up comedian,” “Mr Wiggins has views on life that are expressed in a manner worthy of any stand-up comedian.” So my scribblings do seem to raise a smile and a chuckle, and either way you look at it, that has to be a good thing. “I got kicked out of bed TWICE for laughing so hard. This is, by far, one of the funniest books I've yet read” “JFC!!!! This is soooo hilarious”“I have never, ever read a book that caught me so unawares and made me laugh so much as Calico Jack. I laughed and laughed so much on the train home that I had to stop reading it. He is capable of making the reader cry with laughter” “There were times when I had to set the Kindle down and just laugh out loud. Some of Mr Wiggins' thoughts are just hilarious” Whilst it’s evident that a number of people love my writing - I've even been told by some that they settle themselves with a cup of coffee before reading my blogs, Newspaper columns or Facebook posts - I'm very much aware that I have an inappropriate sense of humour that isn’t to everyone’s taste. In short, not everyone ‘gets’ me. Hardly any subject is taboo to the Englishman when he’s laughing, and this often seems insensitive to other cultures, but the bedrock of the British sense of humour is a strong sense of sarcasm and self-deprecation. The British can be very passionate – and if you doubt that try going to a football match - but that passion is often hidden deep in our humour so that other nationals fail to not only recognise the deadpan delivery but are never too sure if they’ve been involved in a serious conversation or just a little bit of friendly banter. Having said that my style of writing is now appealing more and more to the American market.No longer simply a fad, blogging is now an important new literary innovation. This book is not a story, and if you’re looking for a book that is all sweetness and light, please give this one a miss. It’s not for you. I won’t be offended and I honestly wish you a great life. If everyone likes me, then I’m not being controversial enough. If you’re looking for Humorous books about Life, Comedy Writing or even Humorous Books for Adults then take a chance on this book; I’ve been told I write with an “easy-going style and a zest for living that is infectious.” I’m not so sure about that, but I have an opinion on a range of hot issues, although you don’t have to agree with all my views to enjoy the ride. Other comments on my writing style warn that I "talk to the reader with all the confidence of a man in touch with his own reality, in a voice which is seasoned with a hint of world weariness that is so telling of a writer who has written what he knows and written it with disarming fearlessness." And that I guess is true. I can be a handful at times and I know it. I’m strong-willed, a bit outspoken and I write exactly what I’m thinking. It’s not to everyone’s taste, but this is a book you can dip in and out of whenever the mood takes you. I hope you enjoy!

    Follow counterterrorism operative and ex-SEAL Scot Harvath’s action-packed exploits, and discover why Brad Thor has been called “America’s favorite author” (KKTX). The Athena Project When a terrorist attack in Rome kills more than twenty Americans, four of Delta Force’s best and brightest women—part of a top-secret program codenamed the Athena Project—are tasked with hunting down a Venetian arms dealer. But as team members Gretchen Casey, Julie Ericsson, Megan Rhodes, and Alex Cooper close in on their target, the deadly assignment unearths a grisly discovery in the jungles of South America...and a foreign spy penetrating a mysterious secret hidden in the American West. With an unthinkable second attack already set in motion, the women of the Athena Project race to uncover the greatest of threats: the secrets kept by their own government. Full Black Born in the shadows and kept from heads of state, some missions are so deadly, so sensitive, that they simply don’t exist. When one such mission goes horribly wrong, only former Navy SEAL Team 6 member turned covert counterterrorism operative Scot Harvath can carry out an audacious plan to prevent the United States from facing complete and total collapse. But as the identities of the perpetrators are laid bare, Harvath will be left with only one means to save America. Unable to trust anyone, he will be forced to go full black. Black List Somewhere…deep inside the United States government is a closely guarded list. Once your name is on the list, it doesn’t come off…until you’re dead. Someone…has just added counterterrorism operative Scot Harvath’s name. Somehow…Harvath must evade assassination long enough to untangle who has targeted him and why. Somewhere, someone, somehow…can put all the pieces together. But Harvath must get to that person before the United States suffers the most withering terrorist attack ever conceived.

    Illustrated with aptly corny nature photographs, The Lost Deep Thoughts takes a profound plunge into the world of Handey's life-altering aphorisms. 96 photos.

    The book chronicles the city's colorful citizens and hopping nightlife, and also explores some of the most hilarious events from its crazy history—like the time the whole town was on fire, its ongoing raccoon infestation, and the cult that took over in the 1970s. Packed with laugh-out-loud-funny photographs, illustrations, and commentary by the other inhabitants of Pawnee, it's a must-read that will make you enjoy every moment of your stay in the Greatest Town in America. Praise for Pawnee: "Carrying this book around is a good way of picking up girls with glasses." —Tom Haverford "I have read over four books, and this is by far the one that has me in it the most." —Andy Dwyer "Literally the greatest endeavor of human creativity in the history of mankind." —Chris Traeger

    Another super collection of naughty and not-so-naughty jokes, humorous anecdotes, comic interludes, hilarious situations and bitchy remarks, selected by Khushwant Singh from amongst the thousands contributed by his readers and fans - and some manufactured by him.

    Turner's "Tales of Imperfection" series, the author relates her adventures on the Jersey Shore, at an Idaho drag show with her in-laws, and surviving the perils of an elementary school ice-cream social with equal parts wit and heart. The laughter pairs well with two parts cocktail.

    Twelve classic Horrible Histories are being reissued with a tie-in cover. In Gorgeous Georgians readers can discover thehe full story: Gangs who made a living selling dead bodies. Husbands who sold their wives at auction. Doctors who cured toothache with squashed fish eyes. Join Rattus Rattus and the gang for the funniest, fastest, nastiest and daftest ride through histor you're ever likely to see..

    Some things last forever...so of all people, you'd think tattoo artists would use spell-check! Get this e-book and laugh your @#$ off at what happens when questionable taste and lack of foresight collide.Note: As the title says, there's some pretty inappropriate stuff in here...not for children!

    They're so ridiculous you may think they're fiction. Like the time I went to a drive-in X-rated movie without realizing my parents were in the next car. Or the time I let my kid throw a rock through our living room window. There's the time I bought a camouflage thong in a bait shop and the time I ruined a kid's birthday party. And the other time I ruined a kid's birthday party. I can't guarantee that these stories will make you laugh, but I can guarantee that I didn't make them up.

    If you cherish every piece of art, every book report, every letter to Santa your child gives you, then this book is not for you. If your refrigerator is adorned with mementos from your kid's childhood, then you are a sucker. Maddox, who has been writing hilarious essays for his popular site, TheBestPageInTheUniverse.com since 1996, can spell, do math, and run faster than your kids, and he is here to show you just how inferior your kids are. Marvel as Maddox deconstructs an eight-year-old's crayon-drawn family portrait! Laugh uproariously as he judges sub-par Valentines, homemade "gifts" and other areas of elementary-aged underperformance!Why reward weakness and mediocrity with gold stars? You are in Maddox's world now, and no child is safe from the scrutiny and critical gaze of the world's foremost authority on children's crappy artwork.

    For the boy inside the pages . . From Charles: I am often asked about my childhood. How I grew up. Where. What informed me as a writer, man and child of God. Starting with some of my earliest memories, these are stories of that place in me. That kid in me. In here you will find honest admission of my mistakes, failures, successes. Note: these are not fiction and this is not a novel.These stories are as true as I can remember. In these pages, you will hear the beginnings of my voice as a writer, the things that were troubling me — things I didn’t know how to voice out my mouth so they bubbled up and out my fingers. You will also hear my unshakable and childlike faith in a sovereign and good Heavenly Father.I wrote most all of these stories between my sophomore year in high school and my senior year in college so my temptation here and now was to edit them. To make them sound like me today, the writer I’ve become after almost thirty years with this keyboard on my lap. For the record, I have not done that. What you read today, is what I wrote then. (That doesn’t mean they’re sloppy. I’ve cleaned them up a bit.) But, as a result, you hear my early voice. And while it is ripe with mistakes and a wordiness long since edited out of me, there’s also an innocence and purity that I cherish.For those of you looking for my next novel, this is not it. But, it will give you insight into the novels you have read or might read. I’ve entitled them, “River Road,” because I grew up there. Because that hallowed ground along the St. Johns River holds a tender place in my heart. Because the valiant, sweaty kid I knew back then is still running around with Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn and he holds an absolute faith that fishing is a more noble pursuit than school, that he can play in the NFL, that men don’t die of hiccups, that he can still cat-walk his Schwin Mag Scrambler over sixty nine parking spaces, that swallowing Levi Garrett chewing tobacco won’t hurt him and that girls actually think it’s cool, that throwing tangerines at cars is good training for arm strength, that being a bully to a buddy hurt his heart, that a pellet to the gonads is excruciatingly painful, that when my praying mother hit her knees next to a wrecked car and bleeding man that she towered over the men around her, that forgiveness is the toughest thing that kid will ever offer another and that God can and will kill the devil. Enjoy.