Disney Declassified


Aaron H. Goldberg - 2014
    Some of the situations are heartbreaking, others are head-scratching, and all of them are tales Disney would rather you not hear.Walt Disney, the company bearing his name, and their theme parks have been analyzed and chronicled almost ad nauseam. The word Disney conjures up different feelings for different people. For many, the Walt Disney Company stands for all things wholesome, family-centric, moral and entertaining, but every now and then scandalous and salacious behavior seeps into the utopian world of Disney. Disney Declassified isn’t about the analysis of the Disney Company at a deep or philosophical level—actually it’s quite the contrary; it is a collection of true stories with Disney being the setting or the catalyst in situations that are very un-Disney-like. In some of these instances, not every Disney story ends happily ever after;•The shocking time a baby was born and abandoned in a Magic Kingdom toilet. •When an eight-year-old girl was randomly shot in the back while riding aboard the Disneyland Railroad.•The controversial story of a handicapped woman having her Disneyland annual pass suspended for speeding and running into other guests with her motorized scooter.•What do a priest accused of molesting multiple children and the founder of a Ponzi scheme have in common? They both fled their situations and went to work at Walt Disney World.•The diabolical tale of a woman who sold her newborn baby for $15,000 to take her other children on a trip to Walt Disney World. •The role a former Nazi SS member played in the construction of Walt Disney World.•Two hostage situations at Walt Disney World, with one at EPCOT tragically ending in suicide.•How a peeping Tom set up an elaborate system to spy on female cast members as they changed for work inside Cinderella’s Castle.•Ever hear of something called “Sphinctering?” If you were one of the unlucky guys working for the fire company on Walt Disney World property, you may have been subjected to this form of male-on-male sexual harassment. •Find out how the public helped to identify and track down a despicable child pornographer based on the Disney resort in the background images the police released from his reprehensible videos. The Disney docket doesn’t end with cases of ride accidents, sex, crimes, death and violence. There are multiple stories of people faking cancer to score a free trip to Disney World, interesting copyright infringement and Americans with Disability Act lawsuits and a touching story of how a young boy with autism utilizes Disney characters to communicate with his family. However you feel about Disney, lover or hater, explore these stories and many more, when the real world collides with Disney and their world. Chances are you may never view Disney the same way again!

Xavier: A British Secret Agent with the French Resistance


Richard Heslop - 2014
    

The Incompleat Pogo


Walt Kelly - 1954
    

101 foolproof jokes to use in case of emergency


Adam Kisiel - 2012
    Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results."I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left.""Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?""Ten," the doctor says sadly."Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!""Nine..."

Father, Son and Return to the Pennine Way


Mark Richards - 2018
    Now comes the sequel… ‘Father, Son and Return to the Pennine Way’ picks up where Mark and Alex left off two years ago and sees them complete the last 100 miles of the Pennine Way. It’s a walk that tests them to their limits (well, one of them…) as they come close to exhaustion, even closer to being eaten alive and – armed only with a pair of shorts and a cup of tea – face-to-face with an assassin. …And, of course, they meet the inevitable cast of ‘characters.’ Barefoot Jimmy, Mr & Mrs Mad Eye, Lonesome Pete and ‘Theresa May.’ But there’s a serious side to the walk as well. It’s two years since they were last on the Pennine Way. They’re both two years older: how has their father/son relationship changed? Who’s really in charge this time? ‘Father, Son and the Pennine Way’ has been a consistent bestseller with over 130 5* reviews on Amazon. “My partner sent me to read in the spare room. All he could hear was me laughing! Would recommend this book to everyone, walkers or not.” ‘Return to the Pennine Way’ will make you laugh, smile and shed the occasional tear. You’ll be on the journey with Mark and Alex – and you won’t want it to end.

Turned Out by a Savage


Shameka Jones - 2017
     Danger is no stranger to the heartaches of the world. After losing her adoptive mother, she almost crumbles under a domino effect of misfortune. When she meets Sleep, she thinks she’s finally found a captain to save her, but when she learns his main goal is to pimp her out, Danger wastes no time getting from under his thumb. On the run to get as far away from Sleep as possible, she lands in Dallas, where she reunites with her bestie. Free is the true definition of dangerous curves. A BBW with enough personality to steal any show, she’s quick to flash a smile that hides her own set of demons. It’s hard to be comfortable in your skin, especially when family is the main one trying to tear you down, but Free is determined to stunt on everybody that has a problem with her weight— family included. Add the kind of street smarts that make a natural born hustler, and Free is every hitta’s dream come true. Whether they can handle her is the real question. Stranger is a self-made boss in his own right, a dude whose name rings bells in the streets and commands respect even while he’s locked up. Growing up with a schizophrenic for a mother made him unbreakable, but not above the law when he gets caught slipping. Done serving his time, he only has two things on his mind: hitting the streets and getting to the money by any means necessary. After stumbling across a connect and an offer he can’t refuse, Stranger agrees to collect a blood debt in exchange for the keys to the streets. Will his decision cost him more than he’s willing to give up? Where Stranger is a silent killer, Spazz, his younger brother, leaves a path of destruction with anything he touches. Wild, rude, and reckless, he’s ready to get it poppin’ if you even look at him wrong, and there’s only one thing that can tame his temper: his five-year-old daughter. With a mouth to feed and a street legacy to claim, he’s down with no hesitation when Stranger brings him into his plan to re-claim the streets. With his brother by his side, Spazz is ready to put his city on the map. Stranger never let his heart take his focus off the money, until he meets Danger. Mesmerized by her effortless beauty, he just has to have her, but there’s one problem: she’s on the arm of the same guy he’s planning to take down. Is he willing to kill for love? Spazz always gets what he wants, and he knows Free will be his from the minute he meets her. Never being attracted to BBWs in the past, he’s powerless against Free’s hypnotizing thickness, and her confidence and slick mouth are just the type of bonus that makes her worth the chase. Will he convince Free to take a chance on a real one? Ain’t nothin’ like lovin’ a savage, and once you get inside the head of one, your life will never be the same. Take a journey with Danger, Free, Stranger, and Spazz as they try to cheat the past for the future. Nothing goes as planned in love, especially once you’re Turned out by a Savage.

Mistaken Identity (Jack Dillon Dublin Tales Book 8)


Mike Faricy - 2019
    Faricy takes things from there into a 'Can't put it down' tale that will have you riveted. A great read. - The Irish Gazette Two American women, Kate Betto and Megan Ganino, a redhead and a blonde, are arrested and cooperate with authorities to aid in the conviction of a pair of major drug dealers. At the conclusion of the trial, they're secretly flown back to the US to serve time. It happens to be the same day that Kate Murray and Megan Gaffney, a blonde and a redhead, arrive in Dublin to celebrate their college graduation, rent a car, and drive west. Things go terribly wrong almost immediately. US Marshal Jack Dillon and DI Paddy Suel investigate a torched rental car and quickly learn there's a lot more going on . . . and the clock is ticking! Grab your copy NOW!

Crazy Ladies


Michael Lee West - 1990
    A woman who can handle any situation, she has her hands full with two headstrong daughters who happen to be complete opposites -- dour Dorothy and sweet Clancy Jane. Hoping money will heal childhood wounds, Dorothy marries the owner of a five-and-dime, while Clancy Jane gets into a mess of trouble, running off with a randy tomcat who pumps gas at the Esso stand. And then there are Gussie's granddaughters, the smart but plain Violet and fancy-talking Bitsy -- a new generation whose lives will reflect a nation's tumultuous times. From Tennessee to New Orleans, from psychedelic San Francisco to a remote Southwestern desert ranch, this funny, poignant novel spans more than four decades as it vividly recounts the universal loves, sorrows, and joys of women's lives.

Fortune's Bastard


Robert Chalmers - 2004
    He wears his temper like a badge of honor, would rather step over a homeless beggar than walk around him, and engages in petty warfare with his staff over expense receipts. He's also never been much bothered with monogamy, but when one morning he spontaneously seduces his temp in an office storeroom, he's definitely crossed a line in blatancy. Miller has made few friends and many enemies—not to mention the fact that the storeroom is a notorious trysting place and he and the temp both emerge covered in dust and airmail stickers—so the news doesn’t take long to reach his cold, beautiful wife. Conveniently, it just happens to be their anniversary. Imagine the celebratory dinner, capped by her returning her house keys and consummating her desire to sleep with the neighbor.Not a man to suffer rejection well, Miller heads for a London media hangout, where two employees introduce him to cocaine. By morning, his exploits are public (a photographer captured him snorting the cocaine in public), his career is over (thanks to a damning interview he gave a journalist from a rival paper), he's not only painted the word 'WANKER' on the cuckolding neighbor's car, but misspelled it, and his house is on fire (never leave a goodbye bonfire of wedding photos unattended). . . . Clearly, it’s time to leave town. Miller has an engagement to speak to the boys at his old prep school, but he can't seem to stop pouring gasoline on the fire that his life has become, showing up hungover after a night partying with an old school friend and a gaggle of Spanish flight attendants, and calling the headmaster by his behind-the-back nickname of "Stiffo" to the students, for a start. After the speech, he speaks with his doctor and learns that his father-in-law plans to kill him.Leigh, the old school friend, works for an English language school in Barcelona, and Miller wrangles its address out of him, for he clearly can't go home. He gets the job and adapts surprisingly well to a life of an underpaid teacher, despite the fact that some of his students will clearly never learn the language (there are hilarious scenes of their attempts in this section) and even starts up a romance with a tough-talking English girl who's one of his fellow teachers—but he doesn't tell her who he really is when he has the opportunity, and when she figures it out on her own she is livid and that bridge is burnt. To make matters worse, his father-in-law's goons have tracked him down.Miller flees again, winding up in Florida, in a town populated by ex-circus freaks and presided over by the Half Man, a criminal and sadist with no legs who welcomes Miller to town by shoving a gun barrel in his mouth and breaking his teeth. But ironically, it seems that despite the fleas in his trailer, the one-eyed albino hit man who seems to overhear every compromising conversation between Miller and the Half Man’s beautiful wife the Lizard Woman, and the fact that the Half Man’s stranglehold on the local police mean that Miller isn’t actually free to leave, it seems that Miller somehow belongs among the freaks. These misfits—among them a black dwarf, a gay clown with a penchant for altar boys, a heroin addict who is their unlicensed doctor, a biker hit man named Hollis after Grove’s erstwhile publicist, and the Lizard Woman’s wonderful eight-year-old daughter—unwittingly teach Miller what normal life never could—how to love, and how to stand up for something he truly believes in. When Miller's wife tracks him down and has him sign over the spoils of his old life to her, he gets enough money out of her to hire the albino to hit the Half Man. And though all certainly does not go smoothly with the hit—someone as vicious as the Half Man is unlikely to go quietly—Miller and the Lizard Woman are able to close that chapter and start a new life together.

Willows: The Creole (The Delegate Book 3)


Cyndie Shaffstall - 2015
     The Heir The Arceneaux family has a long history of falling victim to circumstance--madness, embezzlement, even murder--but when the last of the unmarried females inherits the family plantation, she is determined their unfortunate legacy will end with her. After her father is imprisoned in New York, she embarks on a new life in New Orleans with what is left of all the hope she can muster. What she finds is an abandoned house, a fractured family, and an oppressed people. Determined to find her own way, she confronts the challenges head on, and soon realizes change is not something needed only for her, but for many. People of Color In the decades before the Civil War, Louisiana was the most advanced state on the topic of freedom. People of color were successful in business and owned property--some of which they acquired through the gifts or wills of white fathers whose black and mulatto wives and mistresses exacted better lives for their children. A Step Backward The Civil War brought change--any black lineage became cause for discrimination, even in Louisiana--and many blacks and mixed-race persons were relegated to occupations not unlike those of their ancestors. Women, though white, were expected to be hostesses and leave business to men--especially the business of voting. A Family Reunited Willows Plantation, still worked by the descendants of the slaves who built it, becomes the anchor to affect change and in a historical fiction story spanning five generations, author Cyndie Shaffstall, takes you on a journey through abolition and suffrage efforts of the 1700s and 1800s. A Voodoo priestess, a French artist, the first woman presidential candidate, and the world’s fair shed light on issues and provide opportunities to reunite and strengthen an entire family.Each book of The Delegate series reads as though you've come across someone's journal. While you read, the saga envelopes you, and it becomes your journal, and your story, as you are transported through time.

You Can't Put No Boogie-Woogie on the King of Rock and Roll


Lewis Grizzard - 1991
    Grizzard's millions of steadfast fans will be tickled pink (even red) by the outrageous verbal lashings he administers to our most revered cultural traditions, taboos, and rock stars.

Perhaps I've Said Too Much (A Great Big Book of Messing with People)


Rodney Lacroix - 2013
    Whether you're carving evil messages into your coworker's banana peel or telling your kids that, yes, raisins are actually dehydrated people, there's a certain, sinister-yet-fun draw to really messing with people. In Perhaps I’ve Said Too Much (the much anticipated follow-up to the heralded, award-winning Things Go Wrong For Me), Rodney Lacroix gives the reader some insight on what it's like to live the prankster life. No one is safe, including Rodney himself as not all of his antics go entirely as planned. Join him as he spins some yarns, gives you some new ideas and lets you relive the catastrophic consequences of jokes gone terribly wrong. Complete with original hand-drawn artwork and graphics, one-two punch Brain Nuggets, and the ever-popular Draw Something Files, Perhaps will not disappoint.* (Assumes you are an immature child who enjoys potty humor and making fart noises with your armpits.)

You're the Best: A Celebration of Friendship


Lian Dolan - 2015
    I should not line dance under the influence, and I think we both know that now. I owe you for letting me borrow that really expensive evening clutch with the feathers. I had no idea puppies liked feathers.I owe you for that really poor financial advice I gave to you. It was loud on the subway, but I thought I heard that guy in the suit say, "Buy Enron." I owe you for Brad. Let's not talk about him ever again. You're smart. You're funny. You text just the right amount. You're the one person who tells my about the thing in my teeth without sounding just a little bit superior. You're the best. You're the Best is a thank-you note to female friends, the women we call when the best things in our lives happen—or the worst. Written by two generations of Satellite Sisters, this beautifully packaged hardcover book explores how we rely on our friends to get us up, get us going, get us through, and, most importantly, get us laughing. It makes a superb gift for friends, sisters, mothers, daughters, and granddaughters.The Satellite Sisters—Julie, Liz, Sheila, Monica, and Lian Dolan—are five sisters who believe that a sense of connection is what gives meaning to our lives. The Dolan sisters created Satellite Sisters first as a nationwide radio show and website. Now, the Satellite Sisters connect with a blog, a podcast, books, personal appearances, and social media; joining them regularly are their cadre of twenty-something nieces. After winning twelve Gracie Allen Awards for excellence in women's media, they still have plenty more to say.

More Sand in My Bra: Funny Women Write from the Road, Again!


Julia Weiler - 2007
    From Australia to Zambia and everywhere in between, these true stories are full of bust-a-gut laughter. Nothing helps a travel story more than something going wrong — the frustration, embarrassment, and inconvenience provide great material for stories once the anguish has faded. The adventurers here encounter just about every unexpected mishap imaginable.

Grits Friends Are Forevah: A Southern-Style Celebration of Women


Deborah Ford - 2005
    GRITS Friends are Forevah shows you how to tell if you have true GRITS (Girls Raised in the South) friends in your life. Do you know what her nose looked like before she afixed her deviated septuma? Do you keep the secrets that even her husband doesnat know? Do you find yourself giggling with her though youare far too old to be behaving that way? From your first sorority rush to joining the local Red Hat society, and from long walks to long distance phone calls, a GRITS friend makes your victories sweeter, your laughter longer, and your pain gentler. Whether Deborah is talking about Instant GRITS (young girls), or Seasoned GRITS (women over sixty), childhood friends, newfound pals, sisters, mothers, or even BYOB (Be Your Own Best Friend), she has tips for keeping the laughs and love alive, GRITS-style.