Offered for free by Apple and Touchstone, a trademark of Simon & Schuster Inc., contains selections from the two books mentioned in the title.

    Looking for Something New and Really Funny? Imagine you can get it with JUST ONE CLICK! Yes, this is a JOKE BOOK of your dreams. Vol.1 of the Donald's Humor Factory series. This super funny adult joke book is free of swear words. Donald Shaw is a popular comic and an award-winning humor books author (his wife gave him a French kiss award)! His jokes are loved by thousands of people from Alaska to Zimbabwe, and possibly outside of Earth. Joking is always fun! Jokes bring smiles to people’s faces. Jokes make us laugh. People fall in love when they smile at each other. We love joking in the company of our best friends and families. Jokes help us to relax and overcome any difficulties. Joking is an awesome social skill and a great way to make new friends and to communicate nearly in any surrounding. Many people also love just to read some good jokes for amusement. However, it is not that easy to find real good jokes today. Some of them are simply out-of-date. Some of them are not clean enough. You may also find many joke books that are not really funny and contain too much fluff and advertising. This jokes book is different! Buying this humor book you will get: A great collection of 300 FUNNY JOKES One-liners, real-life awkward situations, and hilarious short stories Great book to read on a long trip Clean and dirty jokes WITHOUT nasty words Jokes for adults and teenagers Jokes about relationship, marriage, bar, professions, hobbies, etc. LIMITED TIME BONUS: the link to download my FREE HUMOR LIBRARY that includes hundreds of great jokes for kids, adults, and teenagers. So the whole family may have fun! This is no-brainer, really! This book is free of racism. I support LGBT community, because love is love. I love all people in the world and I want to make you laugh and smile! This is my ultimate goal and I did not mean to insult anyone. So relax, take it easy and enjoy this humor book! Buy this funny book NOW and roll on the floor laughing! Pick up your copy today by clicking the BUY NOW button at the top of this page!

    Stores are boarded up, sidewalks are cracked, houses are in need of a coat of paint. But despite all that, there’s a spirit of hope here, of defiance. The few people still left here are fighting for their town. Lindsay Snyder is an outsider, even though she spent childhood vacations here. Now she returns to see the family house again, to explore family secrets and to reevaluate her life. And soon after she arrives, she meets a local farmer named Gage Sinclair… Lindsay’s decision to stay marks a new beginning for Buffalo Valley and for her. Because in this broken little town she discovers the love and purpose she’s been seeking.DAKOTA HOMEPeople have started moving to Buffalo Valley, North Dakota, and the town is coming back to life. Maddy Washburn has decided to pull up stakes and join her best friend, Lindsay, hoping for the same kind of satisfaction. And the same kind of love. Jeb McKenna is a rancher, a solitary man who’s learned to endure. Maddy—unafraid and openhearted—is drawn to Jeb, but he rejects her overtures. Until one of North Dakota’s deadly storms throws them together… Those few days and nights bring unexpected consequences for Maddy and Jeb. Consequences that, one way or another, affect everyone in Buffalo Valley.

    Wodehouse tradition, if Wodehouse had had a libido. Without meaning to, Corky Wopplesdown has just gotten sexy lingerie model, Wisper Nuckeby, fired. In an effort to somehow make things right he sets off on a wild journey to find her while in the unlikely company of a rude, horny stripper, a repressed minister, an unexpected fiancee and a comic book collecting pervert. Then Corky's car breaks down in the tiny hamlet of Nikkid Bottoms, a little, coastal village where the sun is warm, the people are nice, and the clothing is optional. Funny, edgy and wickedly satirical, this is the irreverent Chuck Austen writing at his ingeniously zany, and unbelievably outrageous best. Fully illustrated.

    A STARSTUCK KISS was previously available as a limited time prequel novella. It is now ONLY available in the book STARS IN THEIR EYES. You will not find A STARSTRUCK KISS on any retailers. You will find it in the book STARS IN THEIR EYES.Celebrity photographer Jess Leighton is pitted against her rival William Harrigan in a high-stakes Hollywood chase. She can't trust him, but she can't resist him either. Can they work together and will their intense attraction get in the way? Book 1 in the new adult series Wrapped Up in Love...

    1 bestselling author Robert Bryndza.Coco Pinchard has just turned forty, and is feeling fabulous. Her long-held dream to be a writer has been realised, with the publication of her debut novel, her son, Rosencrantz, is attending a prestigious London drama school, and her musician husband, Daniel, seems more in love with her than ever. Coco feels poised to enter an exciting new chapter in life.When the New Year dawns after a hideous Christmas spent with her awful in-laws, Coco catches Daniel in bed with a younger woman, her novel flops, and Rosencrantz goes spectacularly off the rails.As her once-happy life unravels, and any chance of an exciting new chapter recedes into the distance, Coco's new iPhone becomes her confessional.Through emails to loyal friends Christopher, a neurotic middle-aged socialite, and Marika, a slightly alcoholic schoolteacher, Coco begins to document her seemingly endless (and often hilarious) run of bad luck.When Coco reaches the top of the local allotment list (after putting her name down nineteen years previously) she meets the drop-dead gorgeous Adam, and she's back in the world of dating as a single forty-something. Read the emails that tell the hilarious, feel-good tale of Coco picking up the pieces!Fans of rom coms by Sophie Kinsella will be glued to the pages of this totally addictive page-turner.

    It’s a wonderful existence for someone like The Big Guy and his furry brother, except for the flea problem. Then an expedition of explorers from the outside turn his world inside out. Or rather a very blonde beauty called The Woman does. It leads to his and his ape brother being convinced to fly to New York by zeppelin, where they become the toast of the town. They even make Hollywood movies. It seems perfect. At least until The Big Guy does something that comes quite naturally to him in the wild, but leads to public humiliation in this new found world. To make matters worse, his ape brother has grown to not only love the pampered life, meals he doesn’t have to chase down, good cigars, fine wines and statuesque women, he’s come to like the Wrong Woman.Changes are afoot. They lead to a return to the world beneath the mist, and a deadly and unexpected encounter with a foe that is in many ways far worse than any dinosaur. Envy, jealousy, greed, fleas, and pyramids under the mist, are all part of this rollicking novella of the sort only Joe R. Lansdale could write. And don’t forget dinosaurs.

    But leave the mimes outside in the cold where they belong."Praise for Jeremy C. Shipp:"I'm convinced Jeremy Shipp is a little bit crazy, in the best possible way."--Jeff VanderMeer, author of City of Saints & Madmen"Jeremy Shipp is a very good drug."--John Skipp, author of The Emerald Burrito of Oz"Two thumbs up!"--Midwest Book Review

    As in Thanks for the Mammogram!, she uses hilarious vignettes and a delightful mix of wit and wisdom to connect with her readers. With chapters about how "All Varicose Veins Lead to Rome" and "PMS Is a Picnic in the Park," this book helps women dealing with "mentalpause" and those around them gain a better understanding--and certainly a lighter attitude--about this passage of life. Mentalpause . . . and Other Midlife Laughs will get readers laughing at themselves as they hear Laura lightheartedly describe her age spots, lament her sagging everything, and look anew at love after forty.

    His tweets are re-tweeted a hundred times and thousands follow his blog.Then there’s Paul, who stumbles on an old crush while Facebooking. Through research of her online habits, he arranges a “chance” meeting so they can fall in Like with each other.Martin is a cancer survivor with renewed purpose in life thanks to a supportive social media family.It’s a tapestry of people and events woven together with this era’s most abundant thread: social media.“With one Like I can say hi to a friend, support them during a crisis, share in a joke, make someone happy, or reinforce a person’s self esteem. I make myself part of their world. It’s like I stopped by for coffee. But, by Liking, I can also avoid talking to all the people I don’t want to waste time on. Or I can check to see what my ex girlfriend is doing seven or eight times an hour. It’s a double-edged mouse click.”- Anonymous

    Why else would you be looking at this book? If you have ever wanted to see behind the front lines of retail, this is the book for you. If you want to validate your own experiences in retail, this is the book for you. If you just want to laugh at humorous things from funny people, this is the book for you. Packed full of true short stories from working in one of these super stores, only one conclusion can be reached in the end: Wal-Mart is the craziest place on Earth!

    The story captures the struggles of a family as it was pulled apart by poverty and alcohol, yet bound by witty—and sometimes ribald—humor.The cast of characters reads like fiction, but it is actually truth. There’s the father, the sarcastic, anti-government, alcoholic, and general ne’er-do-well. He moved his family from state to state, only to leave them again for years at a time in search of construction work. He’d return with empty pockets and bizarre interests such as ESP, pyramid power, and telekinesis. The mother, an Irish Catholic, stayed devoted to him.Her lack of education and access to transportation in a small town led to a dependence upon welfare.Two older sisters complete the picture, acting as sources of tension and strength throughout the book. And then there’s the narrator, the youngest—the snoop, the clown, and the observer.In the spirit of memoirs such as Blackbird and Angela’s Ashes, the narrative addresses serious issues while avoiding self-pity. Don’t Spend it All on Candy continuously comes back to the humor that sustained them while celebrating the tenacity that led all three daughters to break the cycle of poverty.

    Throw in some vampires and a plot to overthrow the British monarchy, and what you have is the thrilling account that Charles Dickens was too scared to share with the world.From the brilliant mind of novelist and comic book veteran Peter David, Artful is the dark, funny, and action-packed story of one of the most fascinating characters in literary history.With vampires.

    And you feel frustrated that others are able to reach their dreams so easily. Why? Its all due to Self Belief. Self Belief is the only common denominator between all successful people. Your Self Belief has a deep connection with your Thoughts and Actions. This book will finally unravel why you have been struggling. This book will strengthen your Self Belief by first strengthening your thoughts and actions. Here what will be unveiled: Introduction: Self-Belief allows you to predict the future SECTION I: Thoughts that strengthen Belief Chapter 1: We think only twice in a year I didn't make the above claim. It was made by one of the greatest thinkers of yesteryears. George Bernard Shaw. Why? This chapter will tell you. Chapter 2: Thinking is Praying Countless times you have prayed for something, and it didn't materialize. Be honest. Did you really felt deep down that it wasn't going to happen? Did you know that you are praying each minute of your life without knowing it? God is always providing you with exactly what you are praying for. Stop getting in your own way of success. Be kind to yourself and learn why you hold yourself back. Chapter 3: Asking Hard Questions We can walk up to anyone and tell 'em how to get thin, save more money, have better relations. Question is, why don't we follow our own advice? SECTION II: Actions that strengthen belief Chapter 1: Why the Law of Attraction will never work for you? So you think Law of Attraction is either awesomeness or a scam? This chapter will tell you of a more powerful law than the law of attraction. And surprisingly, its hidden within those very words. Chapter 2: Taking tough actions Whose dream are you living? Yours? Your spouse's? Your boss'? Your kid's? Its time to live your own dream. Whether it's a New Year's Resolution or a list of chores, you need to take action. Chapter 3: Why its critical to succeed just today? Forget long term goals. Your mind simply isn't programmed to think about what you will be 5 years from now. This critical piece is missing from most goal-setting exercises. You will be a success tomorrow only if you just do everything right only for today. "Just do it only for today. We will think about tomorrow, tomorrow." BONUS SECTION: How do I use this information to change my life in the next fifteen minutes Unlike most other self-help books, you will get to know exactly what you need to do in the next 15 minutes after completing this book. As easy as following Step 1...Step 2...Step 3... etc. Please scroll up and grab this book NOW.

    I ended my day with a bottle of tequila. I'll let you connect the dots.Somehow, I wound up working as a waitress at an Italian restaurant. I have no idea what I'm doing. And I'm not just talkin' about life.This should be interesting.Previously published as Tales of a New York Waitress