Guaranteed.   Let award-winning comedy troupe Kasper Hauser transport you into the sublime universe that is SkyMaul, where Banana-ganizers and Reality-Canceling Headphones coexist with Crack Pipe Chess Sets and Llamacycles. More than just a catalog parody, SkyMaul explodes with razor-sharp wit, boundless creativity, and a keen eye for the absurd. This smart, edgy satire will earn your laughter again and again.

    Ranging from his absurdist side (Message from a Cockroach; TV News: The Death of Humpty Dumpty; Tips for Serial Killers) to his unerring ear for American speech (Politician Talk; Societal Clichs; Euphemisms: 13 sections) to his unsparing views on America and its values (War, God, Stuff Like That; Zero Tolerance; Tired of the Handi-crap), Carlin delivers everything that his fans expect, and then adds a few surprises. Carlin on the battle of the sexes: Here's all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

    History has no record of him. There is a moral in that, somewhere.""The problem with being a pain in the ass is that you never quite know who's trying to get you.""Why do people keep insisting that I join the 21st Century? I *LIVE* in the 21st Century! I just don't want to be bothered by the shitheads on the internet!""I have no mouth. And I must scream.""I think love and sex are separate and only vaguely similar."

    In The Grrl Genius Guide to Life, stand-up comic and Grrl Genius Club founder Cathryn Michon explains why she is a genius and demonstrates how you can become one, too, by following her easy twelve-step program.The first step in the program is the most important: Admit that you are a Grrl Genius. Acknowledge that you are beautiful, intelligent, and talented and that you are the only person in the world who can decide just how great you are. In subsequent steps, you will learn to embrace the domestic arts, love your Grrl Genius good looks, celebrate your sexuality, appreciate your Grrl Genius mother, and pass the Grrl Genius message on to others!Filled with little-known facts about such unacknowledged Grrl Geniuses as Mozart's younger sister Nannerl and Einstein's wife Mileva, as well as hilarious, embarrassing stories from Michon's own life, The Grrl Genius Guide to Life is a must-read for Grrl Geniuses and Enlightened Males everywhere. Michon shares her most humiliating memories -- singing show tunes at her aunt's funeral, crying uncontrollably in an airplane bathroom and holding up the flight -- as well as her moments of triumph, like attending the birth of her niece (a future Grrl Genius) and getting liposuction that not a single human being noticed. This is an uproarious roller-coaster ride through the life of a self-declared Genius -- in which Michon writes about everything from doughnuts to divorce, from physics to push-up bras -- and a comic inspirational guide for those aspiring to Grrl Geniushood.Cathryn Michon is a genius -- just because she says she is. Read her book, and you will become one, too. As with any twelve-step program, becoming a Grrl Genius takes work. All your life you have been telling yourself that your butt is too big, your ideas are too small, and your love for creme-filled doughnuts is inherently evil. With the help of The Grrl Genius Guide to Life, you will learn to recognize your own brilliance, shamelessly proclaim it to the rest of the world, and eat all the Krispy Kreme doughnuts you want. In case you need inspiration, Michon has included numerous Grrl Genius slogans and Little Pink Post-it Notes; in case you get hungry, she has included her recipe for the best chocolate chip cookies in the world. So go on -- take the first step. Read the book that is guaranteed to change your life forever (or at the very least to make you laugh yourself silly) -- and declare your Genius to yourself and the world!

    Baiting is the art of luring unsuspecting pedophiles (as well as the occasional religious zealots and others) into online chat with a false persona and then turning the conversations into the most vile, merciless and hilariously abusive logs ever recorded on the World Wide Web. This book will leave you less afraid of internet predators, yet more terrified knowing that people this stupid live among us without supervision. Either way, you will never look at Instant Messenger the same way again.

    As pioneers, inventors, and dreamers have always known, you can do anything if only you persevere. Ever since we hauled ourselves out of the swamp, our history has been one of extraordinary cultural and technological progress, of mind-boggling discoveries and remarkable achievements, often against the odds. It's no coincidence that you see no statues of pessimists in city squares.Still, cynical and doubting voices are heard all too loudly and frequently in public discourse. A potent antidote to their gloom and doom, "The Optimist's Handbook" is a joyful explosion of wit and wisdom from our past and present that celebrates the art of greeting life with the excitement it deserves. This handbook will inspire, enchant, and entertain you as you go forward into all your wonderful tomorrows. Even if, after reading it, you are not moved to feats of glory for the greater good, the fact is that optimists are healthier, happier, and richer than their gloomy counterparts. Hear that, killjoys?"The world is a grindstone and life is your nose."Fred Allen, 1894-1956, American humoristWhy beat around the bush? The truth is that life is a never-ending cycle of toil and pain with nothing but death to reward all our suffering. Furthermore, what solace is there in blind optimism or fanciful daydreaming when it is perfectly clear that the world is heading toward a complete meltdown whether we live in it or not? Resigning yourself to life's grim treadmill, and thereby avoiding more disappointments, is the best way to trudge forward."The Pessimist's Handbook" is an indispensable companion on your journey through this vale of tears. A clear-sighted, realistic look at life's obstacles, this guidebook is stocked with the pearls of wisdom you need to counter the irritating voices of those who trumpet futile positivity and inane confidence in a brighter future. Feel reassured that scores of people share your sense of impending doom...and have done so for centuries. After all, misery loves company, but not when it's a horde of perky utopians.

    Get real, get close, get Bad with anyone, anytime -- friends, family, lovers, of course, but don't forget your hairdresser, bartender, landlord, dry cleaner, taxi driver, boss, dog, and telemarketer. In her fourth hot how-to for the willfully naughty, reigning Bad Girl Cameron Tuttle dishes out more irreverent, inspiring attitude. Discover when to prune your family tree, when to flirt, and when it's time to start or end a relationship. Special sections such as Can This Relation-ship Be Saved?, Notes to Self, and Personal Power Steering offer hundreds of smart tips and clever tricks with a healthy dose of Bad Girl wisdom. Witty, warm, and packed with sassy charm, this is why being Bad is so darn good.

    He just comes with boundless energy, spirit, and love, all waiting to be shaped. And one of the powerful forces in the shaping is the wish to grow up to be "just like Dad," who was himself a young boy once. With apologies to mothers and daughters, there's really nothing like the primal bond between a son and his father. A little book of wisdom for fathers on raising boys, "Father to Son" is a guide to the joys and responsibilities of fatherhood. Divided into sections covering the different stages of a boy's life, the book features one succinct lesson per page--some lighthearted, some serious, all supported by the book's strong moral backbone. Here is the importance of passing along skills-- "Show him how to eat an Oreo." "Show him how to put a baseball in a new glove and wrap a belt around it." Of setting a good example--"Be home for dinner." "Do push-ups together." Of staying involved-- "Race him. You'll never forget the day he beats you." "Be sure to meet his girlfriends." Being flexible--"If his favorite thing about organized sports is the uniform, let him wear it to school." Offering guideposts, material and intangible-- "Hang a punching bag in the garage." "Put a computer in his room. Never a TV." "Never tell him boys don't cry-ask him why he's crying." Nurturing responsibility-- "Make him understand that even a small lie makes him a liar." "Teach him the joy of finishing a job." And instilling wonder--"Teach him the joys of staring at the moon." "Encourage him to go barefoot."

    Both success and failure have a limited lifespan. Successis neither a miracle nor a mystery. It does not depend upon special skills, formaleducation or superior intelligence. It is the natural outcome of consistently applyingcertain principles on an ongoing basis. The ultimate goal is to sustain success andeliminate failure. Acquiring facts is knowledge, understanding facts is comprehension, and the properapplication of facts is wisdom. The principles in this book can help you to: 1. Live by design, not by default2. Gain confidence and optimize your potential3. Become proactive and develop a winning attitude4. Balance your health, wealth and relationships5. Overcome day-to-day problems and make better decisions6. Make positive choices and avoid pitfalls The secret to a meaningful life is in your hands. Through inspiring ideasand basic values, this book will help empower you to Achieve More andbecome unstoppable.

    He has, however, been a disappointment to his family in several ways: In appearance he is insignificant looking both in face and figure; he went to the University of Florida instead of Harvard where his forbears had been mainstays of the varsity crew for generations, and he studied agriculture instead of pointing himself toward a career in banking, bonds, or law. To say the least he is not apparently the stuff from which heroes are fashioned.As an agricultural expert specializing in fruit farming, Arthur becomes a Peace Corps volunteer and is assigned to the Republic of San Marco in the Caribbean. This weak-chinned Don Quixote soon acquires his Sancho Panza in the person of a rascally eleven-year-old boy, Pepe, who makes a bargain to be paid 400 pesos each time he saves Arthur's life. (The payments mount alarmingly!)The island's dictator thinks he can use Arthur to obtain military supplies with which to wipe out the band of guerillas in the hills who oppose his corrupt dictatorship. Failing in this the dictator decides to murder Goodpasture and cause an international incident by blaming it on the guerillas. This, he reasons, will bring the U.S. in to help stamp out the rebels.This plan also backfires (with Pepe's help, of course) and Goodpasture is taken prisoner and when they see he is a harmless eccentric he is appointed chief cook for the guerillas. From then on Arthur's life becomes a series of misadventures through which he moves serenely and from which he generally emerges unscathed (again with Pepe's assistance) until he surprisingly finds himself the guerillas' leader.Following one of the funniest bloodless revolutions imaginable Arthur Peabody Goodpasture ends up as Arthur el Gavilan, the new dictator of San Marco. "His strength was as the strength of ten because his heart was pure."

    If anyone asked about her family, she would tell them her parents were wealthy and that she came from a refined background. She never mentioned the time they lived in a mobile home two miles north of the Tijuana border. "Trailer Trashed" is a collection of interconnected essays, ranging from hilarious to heart-breaking, all on one broad theme—Hollis Gillespie's relationships with her equally offbeat sisters, her precocious daughter, her bizarre friends, and the people they love. Think David Sedaris meets "Thelma & Louise." "If David Sedaris had a vagina and wasn't such a pussy, he'd write like Hollis Gillespie." --Bust magazine

    Okay yes, all that stuff too, but I'm not talking about that right now. The government has also been lying to us about space aliens. Aliens have landed on the National Mall and are asking to speak with the President of the United States. For the sake of the planet, diplomat Michael Wallenson is tasked with keeping them away from Donald Trump at all costs. Will Michael succeed? Or will these heavily armed, easily offended aliens succeed in reaching our leader? Building the border dome, coal-powered missiles, and the true identities of the men in black - all in Take Us To Your Trump, another hilarious satirical comedy from author Andrew Stanek.

    In these nineteen whip-smart essays, Jon Stewart takes on politics, religion, and celebrity with seething irreverent wit, a brilliant sense of timing, and a palate for the absurd -- and these one-of-a-kind forays into his hilarious world will expose you to all it's wickedly naked truths.

    The funniest book I've read in years.' DAVID WALLIAMSLee Ridley won the hearts and minds of the nation on Britain's Got Talent. Now the much-loved comedian opens up about what it's like to be him.I'm Only In It for the Parking is a wonderful romp through Lee's extraordinary life, by way of the people who like to pray for him, the comparisons with Stephen Hawking, some perilous falls, some epic fails and more information about Lee's private life than you probably need.This is the wickedly funny story of the stand-up who struggles to stand up, but who learns to finds his feet. The Geordie without the accent. The entertainer who really can't speak at all, but who has something important to say.- 'Hilarious.' The Sun- 'A unique and brilliant comic voice.' Ross Noble

    From the presenters of the hit BBC One TV show, Pointless, comes a collection of musings on some of the most pointless things, places and facts in everyday modern life.This book is the perfect blend of the obscure, the fascinating and the downright silly.