Like the bungling burglar who logged on to his own Facebook page at his victim's house - and forgot to turn the computer off when he left, or the stupid bank robber who made his escape in his own car - complete with personalised number plates, or the idiotic criminal who tried to hand himself into the police... in order to collect the reward. Award-winning writer Andrew Penman has scoured the country for this hilarious collection of those who are not just bad, but also dim very dim. 'Andrew Penman enjoys a laugh at the expense of Britain's most stupid burglars' - The Mirror 'Exploits so dim-witted it's surprising they ever managed to keep themselves breathing long enough to commit any crime' - Wales Online Illustrated with cartoons drawn by Neil Kerber.

    When the system begins to misfire under the workload, the ill-equipped representatives of God and the Devil tasked with managing the process are given an ultimatum. Fix The Afternet or go back to your previous afterlives. They begin an odyssey through the hordes of souls awaiting judgement and the oblivious living in search of a solution. Rich in comic detail and populated with characters real and imagined from throughout time, their quest is never going to be straightforward…

     Retired stage magician turned professional mystic debunker, John Barker, finds his sceptical beliefs under fire when he encounters a strange man who claims to be Merlin. After several unsuccessful attempts to rid himself of his increasingly unpredictable companion, John finally relents and agrees to assist in the man’s crazy mission, to find the true grave of the mythical King Arthur. Following a hidden code contained within the text of a soft porn novel, they gather a growing entourage of hippies, mystic seekers and alien hunters as they leave a trail of chaos across the south west of England. When the group comes to the attention of a TV Reality Show producer looking to make a fast profit out of harmless eccentrics and fading celebrities, John decides it’s time to take charge and prove one way or the other, the identity of this mysterious person who claims to be a fictional wizard. “Whose reality is this anyway?” is a warm-hearted tale of what it means to be an individual and to follow one’s dreams. With his trademark cast of oddball characters and absurd situations, David Luddington once more transports us into a world where who you are is more important than what you are. “David Luddington epitomizes the elusive quality of writing that he perpetuates - the British Comedy.” – Grady Harp

    Who is the mysterious man in the brown suit? What does he want from her? Is there any wine in the fridge?As her life descends into chaos, Kelly’s questions lead her along a twisting path towards the truth — a truth she could never have imagined.

    Meet the man who vacuums bewildered prairie dogs out of their burrows; a frustrated werewolf who roams the streets of Soho getting mistaken for Brian Blessed; a smug carbon-neutral eco-couple; a teenage girl who invites 45,000 MySpace friends to a house party; the author of a business book entitled Highly Successful Secrets to Standing on a Corner Holding Up a Golf Sale Sign and a man whose attempts to teach softball to a group of indolent British advertising executives sparks an international crisis.

    

    His fleeting fame as the drummer for a one-hit wonder rock band is nearly a decade behind him. His ex-wife is about to marry a terrific guy. And his Princeton-bound teenage daughter Casey has just confided in him that she’s pregnant—because Silver is the one she cares least about letting down.So when Silver learns that he requires emergency life-saving heart surgery, he makes the radical decision to refuse the operation, choosing instead to spend what time he has left to repair his relationship with Casey, become a better man, and live in the moment—even if that moment isn’t going to last very long. As his exasperated family looks on, Silver grapples with the ultimate question of whether or not his own life is worth saving.

    Vincent and Julie. Leo and Deirdre. Three young couples doing their best to keep the magic alive amid the nappies, bills and dirty dishes in recession-hit Dublin. When each of these husbands decides that he deserves a man cave — a space where he can get away from it all and be alone with his toys — simmering tensions come to the boil. A heartfelt comic novel about the trials of modern marriage. It's about compromise. It's about respect. It's about resisting the urge to murder your partner while they sleep.

    

    It’s about how bringing up kids can be a tough business, but we’re all going through the same things, and it’s easier if we can have a good laugh about it. The book covers a range of themes relevant to modern parents, from pregnancy and potty training to school, sex, and nits. There are fun features like Sex Positions For Parents, quizzes such as Did Our Husbands Really Say That?, and Scummy Mummy Life Hacks.

    Things changed for her when the family moved to Oxfordshire. Lew was a doting, loving father who turned into an alcoholic and mentally and physically abused Agnes, his wife. She spent time in prison for a crime she didn’t commit, that’s when it all started. At the age of twelve Tina was being bullied at school, sexually, mentally and physically abused by Lew, and as a punishment he sodomised her. Over a period of two years he persistently raped her and beat her. When Agnes was released from prison Lew carried on raping Tina. Agnes never knew. Eventually Agnes plucked up the courage to divorce him. Tina couldn’t tell Agnes about the abuse, thinking she may not be believed. Everything got too much for Tina, she ran away from home and hitched hiked up to Scotland where the rest of the family lived, but got caught by the police in Edinburgh and returned home. She kept running away and ended up in Birmingham, where she got raped and impregnated by the rapist, she had a baby girl who died eight hours after birth. Tina was kept being put in hostels but kept absconding from them. She had a relationship with Alan and had his child but he denied it was his because his mother told him Tina had an affair with a black man and the baby was black. She met Dan and got into a relationship with him, she had his child and he ended up beating her. Tina married Keith who took on the two eldest children as his own. Tina found him out to be a serial adulterer and had a messy divorce with him going for custody of Naomi and not the other four. Tina married Omar, an Egyptian. He took her into hospital for an operation and after she came round they told her she had cervical cancer. Omar disappeared and came back two days later with no explanation where he’d been, and when she came home no one had seen him for a week. She phoned his friends to find out if they had seen him, they told her that he’d gone back to Egypt for a couple of weeks because his family needed him. The marriage lasted for another two years and eventually ended in divorce. Tina found out her abuser - her father - was in hospital dying with cancer. She went to make sure he was dying and ask him why he did what he did? She went to his funeral just to make sure he was dead and buried. As she passed his coffin she spat on it. Twenty-five years later the truth came out. Tina wasn’t a victim anymore, but the truth divided the family. Ann and Marie called Tina a liar and wouldn’t believe her because Marie asked Lew and he blamed Tina.

    EarthCent's diplomats are learning on the job - but the galaxy doesn't come with instructions. Get a running start on the funny and heartwarming Union Station series with a three book bundle at the special introductory price. Kelly Frank is EarthCent's top diplomat on Union Station, but her job description has always been a bit vague. The pay is horrible and she's in hock up to her ears for her furniture, which is likely to end up in a corridor because she's behind on rent for her room. Sometimes she has to wonder if the career she has put ahead of her personal life for fifteen years is worth it. When Kelly receives a gift subscription to the dating service that's rumored to be powered by the same benevolent artificial intelligence that runs the huge station, she decides to swallow her pride and give it a shot. But as her dates go from bad to worse, she can only hope that the supposedly omniscient AI is planning a happy ending.

    Jen already has two college-age daughters by two different (probably) musicians, and it's her second time around the class mom block with five-year-old Max--this time with a husband and father by her side. Though her best friend and PTA President sees her as the-wisest-candidate for the job (or oldest), not all of the other parents agree.From recording parents' response times to her emails about helping in the classroom, to requesting contributions of-special-brownies for curriculum night, not all of Jen's methods win approval from the other moms. Throw in an old flame from Jen's past, a hyper-sensitive -allergy mom,-a surprisingly sexy kindergarten teacher, and an impossible-to-please Real Housewife-wannabe, causing problems at every turn, and the job really becomes much more than she signed up for.

    To make up for that missed final conversation - and in the hopes of impressing beautiful nurse Sophie - he engages in some good-willed acts of deception- posing as the neglectful relatives of lonely old people in the Peggy Day Aged Cared Home. But when he meets Tamara, a frail and sick 76-year-old with a son she hasn't seen in twelve years, who will really be deceiving who? The Good Son is a story about people fulfilling each other's needs, sometimes unexpectedly. It is about love and fear and relationships, and how we treat the elderly people in our lives. And it is about the difference between blood relatives and the families that we make by choice rather than by birth. And, like all good stories, it involves a road trip.

    Comedy and Error Simon Day, star of the Fast Show and Bellamy's People tells the shocking, sometimes sad and hilariously funny story of his life so far Full description