When Elizabeth Castle's handsome Beverly Hills boyfriend Daniel McCafferty proposes, she feels like all her hard work has finally paid off. Granted, her fact-checking job for a tabloid TV show isn't exactly the news anchor spot she aspires to, but she's come a long way from the backward hometown she left at eighteen. That is until a lawyer from Victory, California, calls to announce that Elizabeth's best childhood friend has died and left custody of her teenage daughter, Tiffany, to Elizabeth. . .Buck Planter, a former high school football star in Victory, has never forgotten his senior prom date, Lizzie Castle, and her irresistible, too-cool-for-school attitude. He always hoped he'd reconnect with her, but arriving at Elizabeth's doorstep with Tiffany in tow isn't exactly the kind of romantic reunion he'd envisioned. Though fate might have other ideas when at the prospect of instant fatherhood Elizabeth's fiancebreaks off their engagement. . .Funny and heartwarming, Not Quite a Mom is a delightfully unexpected story of modern love and accidental motherhood from "an extremely talented author" (Fresh Fiction).More Praise For Kirsten Sawyer And Not Quite A Bride "Endearing characters. . .hard to put down and leaves you hoping for a sequel." --Romantic Times (4 1/2 stars)"Funny, quirky lead characters and fully developed, wonderful supporting characters. . .a zany ride through a modern woman's quest to fulfill her fantasy. . .A terrific look at modern friendship, family, and weddings." --Romance Reviews Today Not Quite A Bride "A sympathetic character. . .weddings are a popular subject for romance readers so this book is sure to be popular!" --Booklist"A delightfully hilarious debut." --Fresh FictionKirsten Sawyer graduated from the University of Southern California in 1999 with a degree in Communications and began a career in the television industry. While working as the assistant to a sitcom writer, Kirsten caught the writing bug herself. She recently left the insanity of entertainment for something far more insane. . .full-time motherhood. In between Mommy-and-Me yoga classes, she is working on her second novel. She lives in Los Angeles.

    Good for readers in grades 1-3. Tyler has a monster called Eddie! He is a perfect monster at home- he is well mannered, helps Tyler practice his soccer skills and even cleans the house. But in public, it's a different matter! Eddie farts in public and doesn't seem to think it's a big deal. Not at all! Although Tyler pleads with him to stop, Eddie won't listen. It all ends in a way Tyler couldn't have imagined!

    

    

    

    What Michael doesn’t expect, is to be put in charge of a group of offenders and sent to a remote location in the Sierra Nevada Mountains in Spain to teach them survival skills as part of their rehabilitation programme. But Michael knows nothing at all about survival skills. He was sort of in the SAS, yes, but his shining record on the “Escape and Evasion” courses was more a testament to his computer skills than his ability to catch wildlife and barbecue it over an impromptu fire. Basically, he was the SAS’s techy nerd and only achieved that position as a result of a bet with a fellow hacker. Facing a stark choice between starvation or returning home to serve out their sentences, the group of offenders under Michael’s supervision soon realise that the only way to survive is to use their own unique set of skills – the kind of skills that got them arrested in the first place.

    i really mean it! IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED AND BELONG TO ONE OF THE FOLLOWING GROUPS, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS BOOK: SCOTTISH, WELSH, NORTHERN IRISH, IRISH CATHOLICS, COCKNEYS, CHAVS, UPPER CLASS ENGLISH TWATS, RELIGIOUS CHRISTIANS, MUSLIMS, JEWS, HOMOSEXUALS, RESIDENTS OF WATFORD, THE ACTOR ROBERT CARLYLE, THE WORKING CLASSES, THE UNEMPLOYED PUB GOING DOLE SCROUNGERS, THE AUTHOR'S FRIEND DANIEL SKELTON, REPUBLICAN AMERICANS, SOUTHERN STATES AMERICANS, CHRISTIAN MIDWEST AMERICANS WITH TRADITIONAL VALUES, ANY AMERICAN, TRANSVESTITES, SUPPORTERS OF THE ENGLAND FOOTBALL SQUAD, IRANIANS, EX PRESIDENT OF IRAN MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD, SYRIANS, BASHAR AL ASSAD, WAYNE ROONEY, BELGIUMS, AGATHA CHRISTIE, THE FRENCH, YAHOO MESSAGE BOARD COMMENTATORS, SOUTH AMERICAN CRIME CARTELS, PRIESTS AND REVERENDS, THE WRITER OF THIS BOOK, PALESTINIANS, ARABS IN GENERAL, OLD YIDDISH MEN, THE FICTIONAL OLLAWONGA TRIBE OF DARKEST AFRICA, THE WRITER AND READERS OF FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, THE CHINESE AND TONY BLAIR. IF YOU BELONG TO ONE OF THE FOLLOWING GROUPS WHO HAVE HAD A MORE THAN CAMEO MENTION/APPEARANCE IN THE NOVEL, PLEASE READ THE BOOK WITHOUT FEAR OF OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPING: ITALIANS. If you have got this far, then allow me to enlighten you about a secret so great that the general public has no idea about but every government in the world knows and they are involved in a consistent cover up to keep the horrors from you.. What are the Ethereals? Some say they are the personifications of iconic and stereotypical energies given life by our collective beliefs and imagination. Others say they started as humans and evolved for much the same reasons given above. Both viewpoints have a basis in truth. A decade ago one of the most fearsome of these beings 'The Englishman,' was banished from our plane of existence by a weeping Tony Blair who cut the throat of a small child in a necromantic energy ritual to do so. With such a price paid, the question has to be asked ... just how serious a threat has arisen from the Ethereal world that the British government's only option is to bring back the Englishman to save us!!!! Set in 2012 in the lead up to the US election ... welcome to the twisted world of Mad Dog and The Englishman. WARNING: The following piece of hack work contains levels of swearing, depraved activity and violent situations sufficient enough to have Jihadi John puking up his guts.

    This book was brought to you by the one and only - THE CLOWN FACTORY.

    Because a pair of drawstring sweatpants could bring about your most embarrassing moment. And a toothpick in your sandwich can be the deadliest of weapons. Including hundreds of bizarre-but-true things that can get you, this compact volume will induce nervous page flipping and make even the most snug and secure folks bonafide paranoiacs. Chilling black and white photographs document the everyday items that menace your safety. But whether it's archibutyrophobia (the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth) or phobophobia (the fear of fear itself) that eventually gets you, don't be afraid to buy this book. You never know what might happen to you if you don't.

    Those who manage to survive the first day of the new world must survive in the wake of a new reality, life lived as a turn-based tactical role playing game. Feel the horror, and revel in the humor, as battles take place one turn at a time. Can one man survive a world gone tactical? Will he ever understand the need for background music and strange announcer voices? It's your turn... to find out!

    I’m the ditzy one that gives blondes a bad name’. Cappuccino and Chick-Chat is a riotous read about Debbie Viggiano’s candid observations in her often-chaotic world. Whether it’s losing her car, attempting cosmic ordering, freaking herself out manifesting a can of cola, or buying sweaters in shades that flatter her frequently flushed face, Debbie takes her reader on a madcap journey while trying to see the lighter side of life. It’s the perfect bedtime read. What readers are saying about Debbie’s books: ‘My favourite book this year… had me literally LAUGHING OUT LOUD… This book had me laughing and crying. I loved it and recommend it for everyone!’ Being Miss Meg, 5 stars ‘Absolutely hilarious. It is so easy for any woman to relate to this book… sooooo good. I read this in just a few hours as I simply couldn’t put it down. Go and grab your copy now. It’s one everyone will be talking about this year.’ Goodreads reviewer, 5 stars ‘Wow!... Honest, heartfelt and totally hilarious! Such an amazing read, I found myself either smiling or laughing constantly... Bl**dy brilliant!! I love it!... a must read for every woman this summer.’ Goodreads reviewer, 5 stars ‘Made me smile, giggle and laugh out loud. I loved it and would recommend it to anyone.’ Goodreads reviewer, 5 stars ‘Funny from the very beginning until the end, and there were some laugh out loud moments which I loved… I was reading this at 2am!... had me giggling away. I ended up reading this in one sitting, I just couldn't put it down. Thanks for one hell of a laugh Debbie!’The Bookend Reviews, 5 stars ‘Loved this book from the very first word.’ Goodreads reviewer, 5 stars ‘My first read of Debbie Viggiano, and I can't wait to read more!... Entertaining from beginning to end.’ Goodreads reviewer, 5 stars ‘Funny from beginning to end… quite often had me nodding in recognition of some of the situations.’ A Good Book and a Brew, 5 stars ‘OMGoodness – what a treat… a chuckly book, with a light heart.’ Goodreads reviewer, 5 stars ‘This author certainly knows how to make you laugh.’ 5 stars, B for Book Review,

    Whether this is because they haven't yet mastered the 21st century phone or because they live to embarrass you throughout all forms of communication, Text Fails from Mum, is a hilarious collection of our all time favourite texts from Mum.Please stop changing the google logo so much, I like the original one.Mum I don't change the logo. Google changes it.On my computer, you don't run the Google?If I did I wouldn't be driving a 2004 Ford.Andy, I can't find my phone. Can you call it so I can try and track it down?I don't have time to be quippy, mum. It's in your hand.What? No it's not. I've got a bag of groceries in my hand. Are you saying it's in the grocery bag? How do you know these things!?WHAT ARE YOU TEXTING ME WITH!?Never mind! I found it! Thanks!This humour gift book is the laugh out loud answer to the annual conundrum what should I get Mum for Christmas, Mother's Day and her Birthday? Text Fails From Mum is the perfect stocking filler, and a gift all the family can relate to and enjoy.

    Yes, it is really that good.""This is going to be my 'go to book' when I've had a bad day!"Please Note: Some profanity, not for children!

    Still wet behind the ears, he found himself on a whirlwind tour through the seven ages of man and the 57 varieties of human nature. He has to learn how to examine real people, diagnose them without becoming emotionally involved and fend off the crises of confidence which await around every corner. The book is set in the 1970s and there will no doubt be some readers who might think that things were better then. Edward Vernon is a pen name of a well known British doctor/author. Here's what the critics said about the series: Delightfully and wittily written. His descriptions of daunting receptionists, magazine-strewn waiting rooms and hypochondriacal patients will strike many familiar cords, but Dr Vernon is at his best when recounting his encounters in the surgery and at the bedside. For anyone needing to be entertained, and at times moved, there could be no better prescription than one chapter...taken each night at bedtime - Liverpool Echo Truthful, well observed and consistently readable - Daily Telegraph The funniest of the funny doctor books - Richard Gordon Dr Vernon is onto a good thing; we could do with some more - Oxford Times Hilarious - Titbits Thoroughly delightful - Fresno Bee Delightfully funny - Sunday Advocate, Baton Rouge For entertainment, a chapter or two before bedtime is just what the doctor ordered - Sacromento Bee Does for British GPs what Herriot has done for vets - Booklist Hilarious - Grimsby Evening Telegraph Very funny - Citizen, Gloucester Genuinely funny - South Wales Echo Wise, funny, sad and heartwarming - Chattanooga Times Good fun - Homes and Gardens Jolly good reading - Publishers Weekly Views the human species he treats with much the same affection, compassion and humour as Herriot brings to the animal world - Cleveland Plain Dealer Sometimes serious, sometimes hilarious - Lancashire Evening Post Will amuse, amaze and entertain - Yorkshire Post etc etc

    FICTION: Poolside at their motel, the Fab Four fell into conversation with a snappy-dressing local named Bert the Shirt, who listened as the band worked out a harmony to the most beautiful song he’d ever heard--and wouldn’t hear again for over half a century. FACT: That night, the Beatles played an unannounced free concert in the motel bar. Everyone was welcome. Local musicians showed up with guitars and keyboards, and had the once-in-a-lifetime experience of jamming with the Beatles till 4 am. This legendary event has forever after been known to Key West locals as THE PARADISE GIG.FICTION: Next day, hung over and exhausted, the Beatles left for the airport, having somehow lost a stained and battered notebook that held a priceless stash of unrecorded songs. NOW CUT TO THE PRESENT: A beautiful woman is doing a yoga headstand on a Key West beach when she’s abducted by a pair of thugs. An aspiring young singer is offered a recording deal that seems a bit too good to be true. Bad things happen to a couple of one-hit wonders…And old Bert hears a new song that is hauntingly familiar, but that he can’t quite place.Could it possibly be the same song he’d heard at poolside so many years before? Could it be that all the present mayhem circles back through the decades to THE PARADISE GIG? Could the precious, even sacred, Beatles notebook possibly turn up after all these years? Could Bert be the hero who would rediscover that stash of unheard songs for music lovers everywhere—and save a young singer’s life in the process? With Nacho, his intrepid Chihuahua, at his side, and with no one but bumbling detective Pete Amsterdam for an ally, the undaunted Bert the Shirt sets out through the Florida haze to piece it all together, learning along the way how much the world has changed—and how much it has not. In equal parts suspenseful and nostalgic, funny and romantic, this time-bending caper celebrates the power of music and the many tricks of memory, the joys of youth and the comforts of age, and the free and funky spirit of Key West.