In this book you will find the funniest 288 of them (with a few all-new funny pages squeezed in just because we couldn’t help ourselves). That’s page after page after page of laugh-out-loud dumb jokes, dumb jocks, toasts, pranks, kings, kittens, caboodles, and, of course, poorly translated kung-fu movie subtitles—such as. "It took my seven digestive pills to dissolve your hairy crab!” So whether you like your humor witty or witless, light or dark, or silly or sublime, you’ll laugh until your head explodes. Chortle at…Dumb crooks: The robber who ran face-first into a wall because he forgot to poke eye holes in his pillow case.Witty wordplay: If Snoop Doggy Dogg were to marry Winnie the Pooh, his name would become Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.Flubbed headlines: "British Left Waffles On House Floor”Quirky stars: Billy Idol’s concert rider demands he have one large tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter in his dressing room.Job Lingo: If you hear an E.R. doc mention a "VIP,” be on the lookout for a "Very Intoxicated Patient.”Comedian quips: "I wonder if deaf people have a sign for "Talk to the hand.’” --Zach GalifianakisSputtering sportscasters: "If only faces could talk.” --Pat SummerallAnd much, much more!

      It’s like something out of a spy novel: In the heat of the 2016 election, an unvetted Pakistani national with a proclivity for blackmail gained access to the computer files of one in five Democrats in the House of Representatives. He and his family lifted data off the House network, stole the identity of an intelligence specialist, and sent congressional electronic equipment to foreign officials. And that was only the beginning. Rather than protect national security, Congress and the Justice Department schemed to cover up a politically inconvenient hack and an underlying fraud on Capitol Hill involving dozens of Democrats' offices. Evidence disappeared, witnesses were threatened, and the supposed watchdogs in the media turned a blind eye. Combining tenacious investigative reporting and high-tech investigative techniques, Luke Rosiak began ferreting out the truth, and found himself face to face with the "Deep State," observing how Nancy Pelosi's Democrats manipulated the Department of Justice, the media, and even Republican leadership to sabotage the investigation into what Newt Gingrich calls possibly the biggest congressional scandal in history.

    It opens with snapshots of her troubled childhood and early adult life in two difficult marriages. It quickly transitions to our first meeting, friendship, and relationship - not without their own complications. Through those trials, she showed tremendous strength and heart. We eventually married and lived a love story that others marveled at for years. We travelled, went to concerts, built a home, and remained completely devoted. While still in her early sixties, she lost a piece of herself. Words became harder to find. Steps to perform the simplest tasks became impossible to follow. We knew something was wrong but had no idea the severity of her condition. Our world turned upside down.The latter half of the book chronicles in exacting detail her diagnosis and life with Frontotemporal Degeneration, a dementia known as FTD. I cared for her for the three and a half years of this disease. Her mental state deteriorated rapidly. I changed to a more flexible job to stay with her more during the day as she lost even the most basic functions of eating alone, toileting, or using a phone. We still created tender moments and danced but she was losing a tremendous amount of weight and required greater and greater care.Financials not allowing me to quit work, I succumbed to the recommendations of multiple professionals and made the painful decision to place her in memory care. I visited her every day, two to three times per day, and we made the best of a horrible situation. We still shared many tender moments during this last year, including the moment I held her hand as she passed. The story is told in a vulnerable and unfiltered manner. It collects writings from both husband and wife through journals, letters, and social media posts integrated into the main narrative. It captures our real-life, undying love story through this incurable disease

    A cardinal has roommate problems. A hummingbird is eager to join a social network. A bush baby teeters on the edge (You wanna throw down?!) Here for the first time are the innermost thoughts of our furry and feathered friends, who—it is finally revealed—humorously share the same anxieties, frustrations, and preoccupations as we do. Whether it's a raccoon fretting about his judgmental friends, a buffalo impatiently waiting for his dumplings, or a sloth contemplating a career in stand-up comedy, each colorfully illustrated critter captures a moment of modern flux—and together they create an irresistibly funny portrait of a kingdom both wild and amusingly familiar.

    The bloke can write. He rhapsodizes about heroin better than anyone since Jim Carroll. With the flick of his enviable pen, he can summarize childhood thus: ‘My very first utterance in life was not a single word, but a sentence. It was, ‘Don’t do that.’... Russell Brand has a compelling story." — New York Times Book ReviewThe gleeful and candid New York Times bestselling autobiography of addiction, recovery, and rise to fame from Russell Brand, star of Forgetting Sarah Marshall and one of the biggest personalities in comedy today.Picking up where he left off in My Booky Wook, movie star and comedian Russell Brand details his rapid climb to fame and fortune in a shockingly candid, resolutely funny, and unbelievably electrifying tell-all: Booky Wook 2. Brand’s performances in Arthur, Get Him to the Greek, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall have earned him a place in fans’ hearts; now, with a drop of Chelsea Handler’s Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang, a dash of Tommy Lee’s Dirt, and a spoonful of Nikki Sixx’s The Heroin Diaries, Brand goes all the way—exposing the mad genius behind the audacious comic we all know (or think we know) and love (or at least, lust).

      There are so many ways to be Not Pregnant: You can be young, old, partnered, or unpartnered. Maybe you have endometriosis. Maybe you don’t have enough eggs or your partner doesn’t have enough sperm. Or maybe there’s nothing wrong except you’re Just. Not. Pregnant.   Amy Klein has been there. Faced with fertility obstacles, she quickly became an expert. After nine rounds of IVF, four miscarriages, three acupuncturists, two rabbis, and one reproductive immunologist, she finally became a mother. And she wrote about it all for the New York Times Motherlode blog in her “Fertility Diary” column.   Now, Amy has written the book she wishes she’d had when she was trying to get pregnant. With advice from medical experts as well as real women, she outlines your options every step of the way, from questions you should ask to advice on getting your mother-in-law to mind her own beeswax. In this comprehensive road map to infertility, you’ll find topics such as:   • whether to freeze your eggs • finding (and affording) a clinic  • what to expect during your first IVF cycle • baby envy—aka it’s okay to skip your friend’s shower • whether the alternative route—acupuncture, herbs, supplements—is for you • helpful tips, charts, and more!   Empowering, compassionate, and down-to-earth, The Trying Game will show you what to expect when you’re not expecting with heart and humanity when you need it the most.

    Meet the 38 stones man who has never flown before and stands fat chance of ever doing so. The man who thinks his distinct Turkish looks won't go down very with the locals in the Greek half of Cyprus. The passenger who wants to enjoy the flight with his inflatable rubber woman sat on his knee. The man who suspects his false teeth may have been stolen by one of the cabin crew. Meet these delightful people plus many, many more, and enjoy the funniest read you'll have had for ages. If you enjoyed the Henry Root Letters you'll love Dear Air 2000..

    Finally—a worthy life preserver has arrived. The Enlightened College Applicant presents a no-nonsense account of how students should approach the college search and admissions process. Instead of providing recycled entrance statistics or anecdotal generalizations about campus life, authors Belasco and Bergman incorporate cutting-edge data and research to pull back the curtain on critical topics such as: Whether college prestige really matters, How to maximize your college admission prospects Which schools and degrees provide the best return on investment How to minimize the costs of a college education What college-related skills are valued in the job market,and much more. Whether you are a valedictorian or a B/C student, this easy-to-read book will improve your college savvy and enable you to maximize the benefits of your higher education.

    We knew this instinctively as kids, but somehow forgot on the way to adulthood. We got busy and overwhelmed, started valuing things that don't matter, and learned to follow the rules that don't even exist:hate mondaysonly celebrate when the calendar gives you permissiondon't make a messdon't play hookyhide your weirdnesshide your wrinklescare what other people thinkFollowing these so-called rules is a terrific way to stress you out, sap your energy, and ensure a boring life. But there's a better way. In his enlightening book, author and artist Jason Kotecki uncovers some of the most useless rules so you can shift perspective and start seeing the world with wonder once again.It's time to stop living by someone else's rules. Your life is a story, and a short one at that. Make it a good one.

    She's never short of advice, a kind word and a cup of tea (making sure to scald the teapot first, of course).Bring the coat anyway. If it's too hot you can take it off.Comedian Colm O'Regan explores the phenomenon of the Irish Mammy and what she might say about everything from the 'new mass' to the cardinal sin of not owning a cough bottle and the importance of airing clothes properly. The global influence of the Irish Mammy, through history, science, politics and literature, is undeniable. Did you know, for instance, that Hamlet had an Irish Mammy?So if you're an Irish Mammy, have one, know one or suspect you might be turning into one, this book will act as your guide. But be aware that though this book might think it knows it all, it doesn't, only Mammy knows it all.

    The matriarch, Gabi, was born Jewish but converted to Christianity in her teens. The patriarch, Willibald, is a Lutheran minister who, on one hand is an admirer of Hitler, but on the other hand, the conflicted father of children who are half-Jewish. Mindful and resentful of her husband’s ambivalence, Gabi is determined to make sure her children are educated, devising schemes to keep them in school even after learning that any child less than 100% Aryan will eventually be kept from completing education. She even hires tutors who are willing to teach half-Jewish children and in this way comes to hire Fraulein Kaminsky who shows Gabi how to cure her frustration and rage: to keep her mouth filled with water until the urge to scream or rant has passed.This beautifully rendered novel of WWII, “seen through a child’s eye, makes delusion and hypocrisy shockingly stark.” (The Guardian)

    uncertain of the outcome. It uses humor to de-stress infertility sufferers, their families and medical teams. It's relief for those who feel they just can't deal with infertility one minute more and that nobody truly understands. It's a fun and cheap gift for those friends and relatives who still don't "get it". It's a glimpse over the reception desk and at the other end of the examination table for medical professionals and their staffs who meet and treat infertile patients every day.It also has been widely read by those who know nothing or care nothing about infertility but enjoy the humor in life's daily angsts that we all can relate to.

    Condo" to his Chicago condominium clients, Donnie Rudd was at the top of his game. Charming, offbeat, and eccentric, he appeared on his own television show and taught at a local college. But behind the public persona of a successful lawyer, Donnie Rudd's life was unraveling as police investigated the death of his second wife, the murder of a local woman, and claims of fraud by several clients.The fascinating memoir by Donnie's step daughters describes the chaos of life with a sociopath as the allegations of infidelity, madness, and murder against Donnie interrupt their lives again and again. The sisters recount the riveting true story of events over a span of 40 years that will leave readers breathless and wondering how Rudd was able to evade accountability for so long. In the midst of the madness also lies a story of redemption and triumph as the family overcomes the dysfunction of their early tumultuous life.Check out the Investigative Discovery Channel Documentary with Keith Morrison: Who is Donnie Rudd? It will give you more insight into the story.Purchase bookwww.livingwiththedevil.com

    In this paradigm-shifting new book, Dillon--the founder of Slavery Footprint and Made in a Free World--reveals the secret to a life of deep and lasting significance: the discovery that our need for meaning is inextricably linked to the needs of the world. A Selfish Plan to Change the World delivers a revolutionary method for meeting both needs.Drawing upon his own unlikely transformation from touring musician to founder of a global movement and telling the stories of other surprising world-changers, Dillon shows how to create a life of deep purpose by stepping into the problems of the world. Taking readers on a journey from sweatshops in India to punk rock concerts in Ireland, Dillon exposes the limitations of the giving back approach involving donations and volunteerism to reveal the unexpected power of giving in to pursue self-interest in a way that alters the very dynamics of the world's most challenging problems.A Selfish Plan to Change the World is your self-help-others guide to a life that matters, demonstrating how you can repurpose your existing talents, backstory, and networks to improve the lives of others. Changing the world no longer belongs only to martyrs and professional do-gooders. You can live an extraordinary life. You can change the world. All you ever needed was a plan.

    Pills’ Pharmacy Hub comes a book about some of the wildest customers that pharmacists have dealt with in retail pharmacy. Journey into the world of retail pharmacy with 80 hilarious short stories: a world where people are not that bright but always think they are right, and where the word patience doesn’t exist. A world with druggies coming up with some not-so-clever schemes to get their fix. A world where people think throwing ice cream in your face is an acceptable way to get your attention. A world with a new twist at every turn--just when you think you’ve seen everything, someone always finds a way to surprise you.