Renovating the home, Dock stumbles upon a treasure trove of Civil War memorabilia squirreled away in an old root cellar, including pictures and possibly even a recording of Abraham Lincoln at Gettysburg. As he's forced to defend his new find from the onslaught of collectors, history buffs, and media hounds, Dock discovers that, much like Honest Abe himself, he's the right man for the fight--independent, funny, loyal, and stubborn as a Missouri mule. When the scallywags and opportunists--including an easy-on-the-eyes television reporter with one hell of an attitude--start crawling out of the woodwork, he'll need all of that and a bit more.

    Don’t miss this special release from New York Times and USA Today bestselling author, Stephanie McAfee.

     Machinist Mate Nick Barns goes from ship’s mechanic, to bodyguard, to Mission Leader. His only job, keep everyone alive until they are rescued. A task, the primitive Eundai are determined to make difficult. Xeno-sociologist Amanda Rogers' dreams have come true. Humans have finally found an intelligent species. They may be primitives, barely out of their own bronze age. The last thing these Eundai need is to be overwhelmed with human technology. History is filled with examples of primitive cultures being ruined after initial contact. It is her job to make sure that doesn’t happen.

     She joined the Commonwealth Space Fleet to please her mother, a high-ranking military officer; he joined as an escape from the crushing poverty and crime of the Trans-Angeles Public Housing Blocks, and the unlikely friends envisioned boring, peacetime careers as shuttle pilots. The Tahni Imperium had other ideas… Caught in the desperate fury of the Battle for Mars, the two young pilots wind up the last defense against an alien armada, but their war is just beginning. Recruited to fly the Fleet’s newest weapon in this new war, they take the fight deep into the heart of the Imperium and battle not just against the enemy but against incompetent leadership and ineffectual tactics. Can the unconventional strategies of a pair of hotshot young pilots change the course of the war? And when the time comes that a choice has to be made between duty to command and loyalty to a friend, which of the two will be willing to make one last flight alone…

    The elusive underwear thief is busy plundering the local washing lines hoping his identity will never be revealed, whilst the Pappas is up to his neck in nefarious schemes. Mail order Russian bride Masha is indulged by that old fool Vasilis in her passion for plastic surgery, and Stavroula plots to extricate herself from her marriage to the supposedly dead Toothless Tasos. Not a day goes by in Astakos without deviousness and humour as part of the scenic backdrop. The humorous antics of life in a fictional Greek village have the feel good factor to make you laugh-out-loud.

    The ex who can't stop talking about the French girlfriend who dumped him. The cute young bartender who knows how to make a Manhattan straight up. And, of course, Mr. Right—who looks like Liam Neeson, writes poetry like e.e. cummings, plays the guitar like Jimmy Page. Until he turns out to be a complete and total jerk.Narrated in 781 chapters—The List is an irresistible look at love, dating, friendship, sex, cats, thongs, and shopping. And a story that's as pleasurable, as interesting, as gossipy, as truthful, as reassuring, as compelling, as sane, as necessary as a late-night phone call to your best friend ever. Pour a cup of tea, curl up on the couch, and read to your heart's content.

    Women have written lewd messages on his body with lipstick, and two guys are using him as a human toilet. Against Kaylee’s wishes, Ivy decides to get involved. She soon learns four things: his name is Bobby; he’s not drunk, but been drugged; he drives a great car; and he’s separated from his wife. Ivy cleans him up, drives him home. When he starts feeling better, they flirt. If you guess she winds up in bed with him, you’re right. But that’s the last thing you’ll guess correctly in this million-mile-an-hour twisting tale! PRELIMINARY COMMENTS Casting Call moves at warp speed! Hilarious! Mind-blowing. Impossible to predict. Locke’s latest has more twists and turns than a Rubik’s Cube! I literally flew through this book. Can’t remember ever turning pages this fast!

    Meet the 38 stones man who has never flown before and stands fat chance of ever doing so. The man who thinks his distinct Turkish looks won't go down very with the locals in the Greek half of Cyprus. The passenger who wants to enjoy the flight with his inflatable rubber woman sat on his knee. The man who suspects his false teeth may have been stolen by one of the cabin crew. Meet these delightful people plus many, many more, and enjoy the funniest read you'll have had for ages. If you enjoyed the Henry Root Letters you'll love Dear Air 2000..

    He soon realises he has travelled sideways through time to another possible future, as unlike Gardenia as our own era.Arriving in a teeming megacity, Gavin discovers a highly technologically developed society in a vast urban landscape constructed around a seemingly endless series of squares dense with lush vegetation and trees.Much of what Gavin sees is recognisable. But there is one important difference. Here, women make up the majority of the global population and run the majority of institutions, including the vast and mysterious Institute of Mental Health where Gavin is required to live...

    Wodehouse in this hilarious chapter book. Featherbrained, lovable Charlie Bingham just wants a peaceful day at school with Miss Walker, the teacher he loves. But when his best pal Brad accidentally steals Miss Walker's prize possession, an antique alarm clock, things get messy. Pretty soon, Charlie, Brad, and their friend Alyssa are racing to return the clock without being caught in a madcap adventure that's full of laughs.

    (Brought to you by the famed Dweezel and Pallie.)"[A] funny and clever little book... I like this version even better than the original story."Chytach18, Reviewer for OnlineBookClub.org"An amazing story, and hilariously funny to boot, perfect for kids and adults alike!"Angela, Amazon UK reader"It made me laugh. Grossed me out. Then makes you laugh some more."Thelma Coots, Amazon reader"One word : FUNNY! A new way of reading Snow White"Isienie V., Amazon reader*****Take your expectations for a fairy tale and throw them out the window! A noble prince? Lame. A humble princess? What a loser! A happy ending? You wish. This eBook is way better than all that. It will make you giggle, laugh, and ask for more. Either that, or it will make you scream for it all to stop. The only way to know is to read it. Download "Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves" now!The Funny Stories for Kids series, written/recorded by Dr. Dexter Dweezel and Professor Parnassus Pallie, is an ongoing effort to make fairy tales less crappy. "Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves" is the first in this series, with more to come.**Note: This story is not for babies. It can be crude, and has jokes about butts, poo, and drunk people. It also has a bit of cartoony violence. There is no swearing or sexual activity. If this story had a MPGG rating it would probably be PG, and would be comparable to a modern episode of the Simpsons.**

    Now for the first time, li'l ol' me shines front-and-center in a book of my very own! A Book of Jean's Own! features all-original, never-before-published material, and if that wasn't impressive enough, marks the very first Onion book by a solo writer! Historical, huh? My book is sure to find an eager audience among The Onion's ten-million-strong readership. Wait, ten million people? I had no idea! Frankly, that scares me a little. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto! (Oh shoot, I should have put that hilarious phrase in my book!)A Book of Jean's Own! also marks a departure from past Onion books in that it isn't crammed with headlines and articles in teeny-weeny print! Instead, I write about the stuff that really matters: shopping, chocolate, part-time jobs, and hot Hollywood hunks! Whether you read my book on the bus, the beach, or the toilet, you're guaranteed to find something to chuckle at and deeply relate to!Among the many nuggets of fun:* I tell you the Twenty Things That Are Better Than Sex! * For the first time ever, you learn my maiden name!* I spill the secrets of my scrumptious chocolate-loaded desserts, such as Ooey Gooey Choco-Cocoa-Mocha Cupcakes With Raspberry Filling And Coconut-Cream Cheese-Cola Frosting!* Acquire valuable, real-world tips on coping with a job you dislike, getting through those rough teenage years, and styling a Jean hairdo of your very own!* Get a giggle out of my doodles and overdose on the words of wisdom that are my Jean Proverbs!* You've heard of pity parties—get my tips for throwing your very own self-pity party!* Check out my own cure for the blues, the Plush Jamboree!* Witness my nervous breakdown while writing this book (well, writing is hard, after all!)* Also for the first time ever, Hubby Rick speaks! (Spoiler: It's not entirely in grunts!) * Lots of exclamation points! (And phrases in parentheses!)I'm sure every single one of those ten million readers will buy my book! And who knows? They just may find something in it that will help them lead happier and better lives!

    They invite readers to follow the clues and sketches to solve crimes in their hometown of Lakewood Hills. All of the books in the “Can You Solve the Mystery” series contain 9-10 short mysteries. Readers are given written clues as well as visual clues to help them solve the crime. The answers and a brief wrap-up are given in the back of the book.

    Questions about Rob’s past and birthright threaten to disrupt everything, while the unexplained supernatural phenomenon in their new home seems to grow stronger with his presence. To find the answers, Rob has to not only tell Janet the truth about his past, he must discover exactly what happened on the fateful evening in 1982 where a long-forgotten mass murder took place inside their home. A darkness thrives within the Saxton mansion, and it won’t stop until it gets what it need. The supernatural mystery continues in The Haunting of Saxton Mansion: Book One!

    This cast is capable of endless antics, interspersed with thoughtful views on both the animal and human condition. And whether they're raiding garbage cans or basking in full-frontal belly rubs, Mooch and Earl always have a comment to clinch the scene.