A baby elephant would do . . . But, if he brings his mother too, There’s Dad’s garage. He wouldn’t mind. To elephants, he’s more than kind. But I wonder what my Mum would say If their aunts and uncles came to stay!Ruskin Bond has regaled generations of readers for decades. This delightful collection of poetry, prose and non-fiction brings together some of his best work in a single volume. Sumptuously illustrated, Uncles, Aunts and Elephants: Tales from Your Favourite Storyteller is a book to treasure for all times.

    No joke! The only extraordinary thing about me is that I look EXACTLY like my BFF, Abbey Croxley. Oh, and that for reasons I can’t explain, I’ve agreed to swap identities and pretend be her to star in the TV show about her aristocratic family’s country estate, Million Dollar Mansion. So now it’s not just my tan I’m faking – it’s Kate Middleton style demure hemlines and lady-like manners too. And amongst the hundreds of fusty etiquette rules I’m trying to cram into my head, there are two I really must remember; 1) No-one can ever find out that I’m just Gemma, who’d be more at home in the servants quarters. And 2) There can be absolutely no flirting with Abbey’s dishy but buttoned-up cousin, Lord Edward.Aaargh, this is going to be harder than I thought…

    Make sure the caterers don't serve devil's food cake to the Christian Women's Alliance- check. Tell my mother that having a séance to get rid of any unwanted spirits in the kitchen during dinnertime is not okay- check. Send a friendly reminder to all staff that the pens are colour coded for everyone's enjoyment, and therefore it is not a good idea to put them all in one jar in order to spice things up as was anonymously suggested- check. But, when an acclaimed hotel critic dies at the Inn, just before she's about to publish a scathing review that would ruin the business, Kate's life and checklists are thrown into disarray. And it doesn't help matters that the detective assigned to the case is messy, unorganized, and too charming for his own good. Now Kate has to prove her innocence and save her Inn, or else the only thing that she'll be organizing is the prison's next bake sale.

    

    JTE is developing advanced animatronics editing techniques to create high-end movies indistinguishable from live-action. Long dead stars can now share the screen with today's A-list. But one night Joshua and Ana discover something lingering in the rendered footage…an entity that will lead them into a new age beyond the reality they have come to know.At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

    Plus, you'll find a perplexingly frank introduction by the author himself, giving a behind-the-scenes look at each book and the zany radio series that inspired them. But that's not all! You also get a ferocious giggle of a short story, starring the two-headed, three-armed, ex-president of the Universe -- Zaphod Beeblebrox. The saga begins and ends...The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy--Arthur Dent, mild-mannered, out-to-lunch kind of guy, is plucked from Earth just before it is demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass. Towel in hand, he begins his journey through space and time with his rescuer Ford Prefect, a traveling research for the Guide.The Restaurant at the End of the Universe--where the floor show is Doomsday and Arthur and Ford dine with Zaphod Beeblebrox, well-appendaged, ex-head honcho of the universe, and Trillian, his human girlfriend. The four friends begin their quest for answers to some of the most confounding questions challenging mankind. When will they finish eating? What is the question to the ultimate answer? (which happens to be 42).Life, the Universe and Everything--Everything important and then some is examined in this third book, when Arthur Dent and his companions find they must avert Armageddon and save the Universe for life as we know it (or think we know it!).So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish--Galaxy-weary space traveler Arthur Dent returns to Earth With his new voidoid gang to discover that it has been mysteriously reinstated. But more pertinent questions remain: Why did all the dolphins disappear? What is God's Final Message to His Creation? What really happened the day the Earth was demolished?And finally, in Young Zaphod Plays it Safe--the two-headed hero travels to the depths of the ocean floor to investigate the mysterious destruction of the ship that "could one hundred percent positively never crash." with the annoying assistance of the Safety and Civil Reassurance Administration, Zaphod learns some disturbing secrets...If you're just discovering Douglas Adams's galactic gangbuster of a series, don't panic--The More Than Complete Hitchhiker's Guide is your chance to have it all! (Towel not included.)--jacket

    Scott's source, which he acknowledged in the 'Magnum Opus' edition of Chronicles of the Canongate (1831), was George Constable (1719 - 1803), a friend of his father and the model for Jonathan Oldbuck in The Antiquary. It has not been established to date whether Constable's anecdote refers to a historically verifiable case.

    

    When Rex encounters a band of stick-wielding separatists on the planet Chicolini, he thinks he’s found the buyers he’s been looking for. But Rex’s greed knows no bounds, and he’s determined to scam the separatists out of their cargo so that he can re-sell his black-market booty a few more times before leaving the planet. As the complications in Rex’s plan multiply, he becomes a target of not only the separatists, but also of paramilitary thugs, the local cops, and even the Ursa Minor mafia. Will Rex’s long-suffering robot companion talk some sense into him before he gets them both killed? Or will Rex, the self-described “greatest wheeler-dealer in the galaxy,” finally succeed in outsmarting himself?

    Hal SpacejockAn incompetent space pilot, a massive debt and a twenty-four hour deadline...Freighter pilot Hal Spacejock has a life to die for: His very own cargo ship, a witty and intelligent flight computer ... and a debt so big it makes the GFC look like a rounding error.Hal's an upright sort of guy, and he won't take jobs from gun runners, drug smugglers or politicians. On the other hand, the finance company's brutal enforcer is on his doorstep, and Hal has barely twenty-four hours to pay him off. Miss the deadline and he - and his ship - will go under. Way, way, under.Faced with an impossible choice, Hal chooses an impossible job ... and gains an impossible new co-pilot into the bargain.Hal Spacejock is the first novel in the Hal Spacejock series (80,000 words, approx 350 pages)2. Hal Spacejock: Second CourseRex Curtis is trying to save his freight company from bankruptcy, and the last thing he needs is a cheeky freelancer stealing his best customers.Hal Spacejock, cheeky freelancer, is fighting for survival in the cut-throat interstellar cargo business. The last thing he needs is a powerful enemy.Two headstrong men on a collision course, in a Galaxy barely room enough for one.Hal Spacejock: Second Course is book two in the Hal Spacejock series. (80,000 words, approx 350 pages)3. Hal Spacejock Just DessertsPlanet Cathua has a proud history where robots are concerned. Their legendary factories produced the best, the fastest, the most efficient robots in the Galaxy ... but no longer.Now they must go cap in hand to neighbouring planets, haggling and bartering for the very  robots they used to be so famous for.One Cathuan patriot is determined to reverse this embarrassing situation, and Hal Spacejock lands in the middle of his sinister plot ...Hal Spacejock: Just Desserts is book three in the Hal Spacejock series. (80,000 words, approx  350 pages)Plus ... Hal Spacejock: VisitHal returns to his ship after a shopping expedition, and finds Clunk in a right old state. Break out the crayons and colouring sheets ... they're booked in for a school visit!Hal and Clunk, stars of the Hal Spacejock comedy series, feature in this 3500-word short story. Visit slots into the series any time after Hal Spacejock (book one), but can be read and enjoyed as a stand-alone.

    Greg's rugby-playing days are well and truly behind him, thanks to countless pints of beer and chicken curry.When Elise, a radio DJ and Zoe's best friend, tells them about a new competition, it seems like the perfect opportunity to turn their lives around. Fat Chance will pit six hefty couples against one another to see who can collectively lose the most weight and walk away with a £50,000 prize.So begins six months of abject misery, tears, and frustration--that just might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to them--in another laugh-out-loud look at the way we live now from bestselling author Nick Spalding.

    Henry would not be easily able to exchange that note in the bank without being questioned about how he had come to it, charged with theft and arrested. He would also not be able to spend it since no ordinary person would be able to change it.Without knowing it, Henry is the subject of a bet: Oliver believes that the mere possession of this symbol of wealth will enable anyone to have anything he wants, without actually cashing the note. Roderick, on the other hand, feels that the prohibition against exchanging the note for cash will render it totally useless.

    Join Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant and Karl Pilkington as they probe the nature of human society.In this episode: Athenian democracy and arboreal investments; Karl on road safety; President Pilkington's pronouncements; Malthusian musings; Karl's adoption agency; the ins and outs of organ donation; social injustice on the busses; morality and entomology; Karl's Luddite attitude to plate sanitation; euthanized ensifera; social orthodoxy at the orthodontist's; and splenetic etiquette.

    In reality, mythology is more screwed up than a schizophrenic shaman doing hits of unidentified. Wait, it all makes sense now. In Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, Cory O’Brien, creator of Myths RETOLD!, sets the stories straight. These are rude, crude, totally sacred texts told the way they were meant to be told: loudly, and with lots of four-letter words. Skeptical? Here are just a few gems to consider: � Zeus once stuffed an unborn fetus inside his thigh to save its life after he exploded its mother by being too good in bed. � The entire Egyptian universe was saved because Sekhmet just got too hammered to keep murdering everyone. � The Hindu universe is run by a married couple who only stop murdering in order to throw sweet dance parties…on the corpses of their enemies. � The Norse goddess Freyja once consented to a four-dwarf gangbang in exchange for one shiny necklace. And there’s more dysfunctional goodness where that came from.

    In "The Nigger of the 'Narcissus'" a ship's crew struggles with morale as a black member of the crew lay dying. In the shorter work "The Secret Sharer" a captain on his night watch discovers an officer that has come aboard has been accused of a murder. In both works through the context of a voyage at sea Conrad masterfully explores the psychological and moral issues that are at the heart of mankind.