after a cleaner unplugged his cryogenic freezing machine by accident, Detective Inspector Capstan wakes up to find that he's been in a state of suspended animation for over four hundred years. As he's forced to adjust to life in the future he finds himself reinstated as a policeman, and together with the great great great great grandson of his former subordinate, Sergeant Dewbush, he's put on the case of a missing cow.

    No Jobs. No friends. Just buckets of our own ignorance. Follow along in horror and hilarity as the family acclimates to the new small town way of life and the author bounces from jobs working in a school cafeteria to selling women’s clothing in a call center to opening a barbecue restaurant. Written in a smart, self-deprecating, salty style, Small Town Ho is all at once poignant and laugh-out-loud funny, full of the struggle of an ordinary family consisting of three boys, one big black lab, one assassin of a cat, and two very tired parents.

    He calls for boycotting Canada, says Adolf Hitler would have been a card-carrying member of the ACLU, and thinks Hurricane Katrina victims seen carrying televisions should be shot on sight. Amann and Breuer – the creators of the hugely popular website www.sweetjesusihatebilloreilly.com — take a close look at O'Reilly's own assertions and arguments — taken from his TV and radio shows, books and columns — to expose him for what he is: a self-righteous boob and a sham newsman. The ongoing themes explored in Sweet Jesus, I Hate Bill O'Reilly are that O'Reilly is a bit crazy, not all that sharp and, as the authors put it, about "as self-aware as a legume." The result is a hilariously funny book, a great read for anyone who enjoys seeing a puffed-up blowhard taken down a notch or two — whether they're an O'Reilly hater, fan, or something in between.

    In this mock autobiographical collection his mischievous drawings capture life's anxieties and ambitions from the mundane to the surreal. Here, at last, is The Truth about beer, doctors, shadow puppets, lunch, dolphins, boredom, and supernatural forces. Seductively strange and addictively amusing, this edgy little book welcomes the uninitiated and rewards the faithful.

     It took college freshman Aaron Karo only one week to realize that college was a joke -- an especially funny one that he could share with his friends in a regular email newsletter about life on campus. By his senior year, Ruminations on College Life had become an international phenomenon. Now, for the first time in print, here is the best of the original ezine, previously unpublished material, and brand new introductions to each section by the author. Share in the absurdity and insanity of the college experience with Karo as you read his outrageous inside account of scheming students, crazy professors, confused parents, and rowdy frat boys. Perfect for anyone who is destined for college, currently surviving it, or already a veteran, this book is a cult classic readers can enjoy alone or read out loud at their next party for tons of laughs.

    When she discovers the drunken vows she exchanged with the groom during a wild Las Vegas trip eight years previously mean they're legally married, her future plans ricochet out of control.Gavin Maguire's life is low on drama, high on stability, and free of pets. But Gavin hadn't reckoned on Fiona blasting back into his life and crashing his wedding. In the space of twenty-four hours, he loses a fiancée and a job, and gains a wife and a puppy. Can he salvage his bland-but-stable life? More importantly, can he resist losing his heart to Fiona all over again?

    Jay, a large-hearted wiseass who’s nearly impossible to dislike, has a narrative patter so deeply laced with groaner puns, pop-culture bombs, and warp-speed free associations that it’s almost a new language. It’s an argot he shares with vivacious Cam (whose real name, hilariously, is Cameo Appearance Parnell), but after he gets rebuffed trying to share a bit more with her, he starts seeing another cutie who’s more or less the anti-Cam. While their awkward love triangle takes shape, Jay’s parents get mired in their own supremely embarrassing love-life disaster. To help him out of his funk, Jay’s government teacher (who can match him bon mot for bon mot) challenges him to use his considerable powers of clever to write a school blog. OK, so it’s not the most thrilling goal ever, but getting there is both flippantly fun and surprisingly resistant to ironic detachment. Most of all, though, Jay’s smarts, originality, and warmth make the old teen trope of the hot girl(s) falling for the doofus guy actually believable. Grades 8-11. --Ian Chipman

    The only thing separating Lilly from true love is the fear of flying, lactose intolerance, a scandal with the Pope, and the sexy Italian she meets on the plane.

    Suddenly, he’s given a mission way above his paygrade — to uncover the truth about First Lieutenant Robert Davidson, the son of an American military legend and a war hero who died in combat during the Afghanistan conflict. Or did he?To find the answer, Max must take a road trip into the heart of America’s darkness as well as his own. Along the way, he encounters an exploding home, a murderous clone of a classic TV hero, a sexy heiress, and a misguided teenager desperate for a father figure. And, oh yeah, there’s also a para-military organization that’s just waiting for the right moment to kill him. It all happens in DARK SKY, a sardonic and suspenseful mystery-thriller in which an underwhelming hero must confront an overwhelming conspiracy — not to mention himself.

    After discovering they were born at the same clinic two decades earlier, she investigates further and uncovers a startling list. With the realization that more gender-fluid people are targeted for elimination, Taylor kicks her investigation into high gear. But the researchers who conducted the experiment aren’t about to let anything interfere with their plans. Soon Taylor is in deep trouble and needs the help of FBI Special Agent Bailey. As Bailey scrambles to track down leads, events spin out of control and she finds herself blocked at every step by powerful military forces. With the clock ticking on Phase 2 of the experiment, can Bailey and Taylor uncover the truth in time to save the other subjects?

    Of endless weekdays, working weekends, making presentations, working with complicated Excel sheets, handling a boss with time-management issues and the general politics of the workplace. Sigh! After eight years of this life, her only personal insight is that she's terribly unambitious and constantly struggling to be an average performer in the competitive corporate world. When a colleague flashes the glint of a golden sabbatical she catapults into it headfirst. After all, one has to find one's calling at some point in one's life. So will the sabbatical miraculously change her life forever? Or will she go rushing back to her pocket money-generating job?

    It's a world of danger and excitement, and Mazik Kil'Raeus is . . . a door-to-door salesman. Though a skilled spellcaster, Mazik couldn't get a good job out of college, and now he's stuck in a dead-end one he hates. Along with his friends, Gavi Ven'Kalil (waiter at a local bar) and Raedren Ian'Moro (apprentice healer . . . it's not as glamorous as it sounds), Mazik is not happy with the way his life is going. Frustrated with boring work, selfish bosses, and wasting their lives for meager pay, the three friends decide to do something crazy—they're going to become monster-slaying adventurers. Not that it will be easy. With a consortium of powerful guilds determined to keep people like them out, they'll have to wow everyone to make it. That's when they set their eyes on a difficult quest: stopping a group of kidnappers who have been terrorizing their city for months. But when the kidnappers turn out to be acolytes of a power-hungry god, the quest transforms into an explosive battle that rampages across the city. The three friends are in over their heads, and nobody expects them to come out on top. That's an adventure they relish. After all, it's better to risk uncertainty and death now, than to accept mediocrity and die without ever having lived. WAGE SLAVE REBELLION combines the fantasy adventure of The Hobbit with the pulse-pounding combat of a Marvel action movie. It's medieval sword & sorcery meets urban high fantasy, in a tale about refusing to accept limits and living life to its fullest, no matter what anyone else has to say. WHO SHOULDN'T READ THIS BOOK: Anyone who doesn't like stories with drinking, cussing, fighting, or killing likely won't enjoy this book. The main characters are adults, and they live in a dangerous world; they act accordingly. Anyone who prefers their books serious or grimdark may be disappointed. This book has adult themes and situations, but above all else it's intended to be fun. If that doesn't sound like something you would enjoy, this book may not be for you. WHO SHOULD READ WITH BOOK: Anyone looking for an action-packed, fun-filled fantasy adventure. If you enjoy friendly banter, thrilling heroics, and tons of explosions, this book is for you. If you like stories with a certain lightness of tone which eschew angst in favor of punching problems in the face, this book is definitely for you. And if you've ever loathed your job or dreamed about going on adventures with your best friends, this book was written with you in mind. Want behind-the-scenes info, sneak peeks, and to be the first to learn about sequel announcements? Sign up for the author’s email list at www.stephenwgee.com. You’ll get a free prequel short story when you sign up. NOW AVAILABLE: The exciting sequel to WAGE SLAVE REBELLION and the second book in the FIRESIGN series. Join Mazik, Gavi, and Raedren as they continue their adventures in FREELANCE HEROICS.

    But will they write ANY essay you request? Only the WORST of these horrible companies were employed in the composition of Mindsploitation. A GREAT DEAL of money was wasted ACROSS THE GLOBE to commission what may be the dumbest collection of ridiculous assignments in HUMAN HISTORY.What does it say about our society that we can buy a quick custom eulogy for our grandmother, or pay to have a love poem for a mistress prepared by a stranger at the click of a button? How entitled is a culture that keeps these services afloat? Mindsploitation uses such questions as a launching pad for wildly entertaining comedic exchanges. The 50 assignments in this book hilariously explore self-help, spirituality, family, health, diet, pop culture, love, and more.

    Lots of things. And with a peculiar intensity too.Grak’s contempt is so strong, in fact, that it often leaves his fellow tribesmen bewildered. And when attempting to describe his personality, they find themselves in need of words with greater nuance. “Neurotic” is typically used. “Sociopath” and “narcissist” are also common terms. The most popular descriptor, however, is “pathological.”Grak, on the other hand, sees his situation in a rather different light. He finds his behavior “necessary” and “selfless,” or even “benevolent” when his mood is just so. Most often, though, he simply attributes his nature to “being human.”But of all the things Grak despises, his antipathy for olives takes precedence. In his efforts to be rid of this nuisance, he gets his first taste of power and ignites a series of events with troubling consequences. Unwilling to give up his newfound influence, he sets about honing his only true talent: manipulation. But as his grip tightens, Grak’s naively selfish exterior crumbles to reveal a dark and malicious evil …In his debut work, author Peter J Story brews a robust psychological satire infused with dry humor and a pinch of emotion. Set just prior to recorded history, Things Grak Hates chronicles the life of a bizarre nomad and his descent toward evil. Along the way, this unconventional and introspective allegory explores a variety of complex issues. Among them: power, politics, religion, redemption, the dissemination of ideas, and human nature itself.

    Now we’re taking it to the next level with an anthology of original short stories from some of the wittiest women writers we know—stories they would only tell their closest friends, most likely from within the haven of a ladies’ room. Inside you’ll find 39 (mostly) true tales by women, for women, about being women—bodily changes, relationships, careers, motherhood, aging, illness, and more—written with the humor and grit that proudly sets In The Powder Room apart.But be forewarned: we’re holding nothing back. We’re revealing our deep dark secrets—because it’s through our most vulnerable and honest moments that we forge the strongest connections and discover we aren’t so alone after all. You have a gimpy boob? Me too. You think glitter is the herpes of the craft world? Me too! You got your fishnet-clad leg stuck to your head on stage in front of thousands of people? Wait…what? OMG. Tell me everything! We are your friends, sisters, mothers, and daughters. Regardless of what life has dished up for you, chances are, we’ve been there and we can relate. We’ll help you laugh it off, or hold your hand until you’re ready to laugh again. And we promise: we’ll always tell you when you have lipstick on your teeth.