Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries


Danny Silk - 2013
    It’s a hard thing to do. Sometimes it’s the hardest thing to do. But if you want to build healthy relationships with God and others, learning to keep your love onis non–negotiable. Adults and children alike thrive in healthy relationships where it is safe to love and be loved, to know and be known. Yet for many, relationships are anythingbut safe, loving, or intimate. They are defined by anxiety, manipulation, control, and conflict. The reason is that most people have never been trained to be powerful enough to keep their love on in the face of mistakes, pain, and fear. Keep Your Love On reveals the higher, Jesus–focused standard defined by mature love—love that stays ‘on’ no matter what. Danny Silk’s practical examples and poignant stories will leave you with the power to draw healthy boundaries, communicate in love, and ultimately protect your connections so you can love against all odds. As a result, your relationships will be radically transformed for eternity. When you learn to keep your love on, you become like Jesus.

Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents


Nina W. Brown - 2000
    Children of the Self-Absorbed helps readers sort out what happened to them as the result of a destructive childhood living with a self-absorbed parent. Through challenging self-exploration exercises, Brown helps readers to work toward building healthy self-esteem and to develop a new repetoire of protective and coping strategies. Readers learn how to identify destructive patterns that their parents may have had, evaluate attitudes and behaviors that may be hampering their own adult relationships, deal with self-doubt and other negative feelings, and explore techniques and stragegies for rebuilding their confidence and self-esteem.

Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies: And Other Rituals to Fix Your Life, from Someone Who's Been There


Tara Schuster - 2020
    By all appearances, she had mastered being a grown-up. But beneath that veneer of success, she was a chronically anxious, self-medicating mess. No one knew that her road to adulthood had been paved with depression, anxiety, and shame, owing in large part to her minimally parented upbringing. She realized she’d hit rock bottom when she drunk-dialed her therapist pleading for help.Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies is the story of Tara’s path to re-parenting herself and becoming a “ninja of self-love.” Through simple, daily rituals, Tara transformed her mind, body, and relationships, and shows how to:• fake gratitude until you actually feel gratitude• excavate your emotional wounds and heal them with kindness• identify your self-limiting beliefs, kick them to the curb, and start living a life you choose• silence your inner frenemy and shield yourself from self-criticism• carve out time each morning to start your day empowered, inspired, and ready to rule• create a life you truly, totally f*cking LOVEThis is the book Tara wished someone had given her and it is the book many of us desperately need: a candid, hysterical, addictively readable, practical guide to growing up (no matter where you are in life) and learning to love yourself in a non-throw-up-in-your-mouth-it’s-so-cheesy way.

The Strength In Our Scars


Bianca Sparacino - 2018
    Through poetry, prose, and compassionate encouragement you would expect from someone who knows exactly what you’re working through, Sparacino is here with the words you need. “The Strength In Our Scars” tackles the gut-wrenching but relatable experiences of moving on, self-love, and ultimately learning to heal. In this book you will find peace, you will find a rock, you will find understanding, and you will find hope. Remember: Whatever is dark within you has also carved light into your soul. Whatever is lost within you has also brought you back home to yourself. Whatever is hurt within you is also healing you in ways you may not understand at that moment in time. This book hopes to show you that.

The Marshmallow Test: Mastering Self-Control


Walter Mischel - 2014
    What will she do? And what are the implications for her behavior later in life?The world's leading expert on self-control, Walter Mischel has proven that the ability to delay gratification is critical for a successful life, predicting higher SAT scores, better social and cognitive functioning, a healthier lifestyle and a greater sense of self-worth. But is willpower prewired, or can it be taught?In The Marshmallow Test, Mischel explains how self-control can be mastered and applied to challenges in everyday life—from weight control to quitting smoking, overcoming heartbreak, making major decisions, and planning for retirement. With profound implications for the choices we make in parenting, education, public policy and self-care, The Marshmallow Test will change the way you think about who we are and what we can be.

Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear


Elizabeth Gilbert - 2015
    Gilbert offers insights into the mysterious nature of inspiration. She asks us to embrace our curiosity and let go of needless suffering. She shows us how to tackle what we most love, and how to face down what we most fear. She discusses the attitudes, approaches, and habits we need in order to live our most creative lives. Balancing between soulful spirituality and cheerful pragmatism, Gilbert encourages us to uncover the “strange jewels” that are hidden within each of us. Whether we are looking to write a book, make art, find new ways to address challenges in our work, embark on a dream long deferred, or simply infuse our everyday lives with more mindfulness and passion, Big Magic cracks open a world of wonder and joy.

Single On Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First.


John Kim - 2021
    After a series of failed relationships and a painful divorce, John Kim realized he had never truly been on his own. He knew that to move forward, he had to build a relationship with himself, to embark on a journey from alone and lonely to alone and fulfilled.For John, it took donuts, barbells, and a motorcycle. For the thousands of clients he’s helped as the Angry Therapist, it was yoga, or salsa dancing, or finally speaking their truth. In Single. On Purpose., John takes his signature “self-help in a shot glass” approach and shows readers how to own their shit, break their patterns, and find a grounded sense of self.Single on Purpose is for people who have never been involved, people who have jumped from partner to partner, and those who have lost themselves in their current relationship—anyone who needs to learn that there’s more to life than who we choose to love.

Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Committment


Gay Hendricks - 1990
    Through their own marriage and through twenty years' experience counseling more than one thousand couples, therapists Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks have developed precise strategies to help you create a vital partnership and enhance the energy, creativity, and happiness of each individual. You will learn how to:* Let go of power struggles and need for control;* Balance needs for closeness and separateness; * Increase intimacy by telling the "microscopic truth"; * Communicate in a positive way that stops arguments;* Make agreements you can keep;* Allow more pleasure into your life. Addressed to individuals as well as to couples, Conscious Loving will heal old hurts and deepen your capacity for enjoyment, security, and enduing love.

Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence


Rick Hanson - 2013
    Dr. Hanson’s four steps build strengths into your brain— balancing its ancient negativity bias—making contentment and a powerful sense of resilience the new normal. In mere minutes each day, we can transform our brains into refuges and power centers of calm and happiness.

Conflict is Not Abuse: Overstating Harm, Community Responsibility, and the Duty of Repair


Sarah Schulman - 2016
    Illuminating the difference between Conflict and Abuse, Schulman directly addresses our contemporary culture of scapegoating. This deep, brave, and bold work reveals how punishment replaces personal and collective self-criticism, and shows why difference is so often used to justify cruelty and shunning. Rooting the problem of escalation in negative group relationships, Schulman illuminates the ways cliques, communities, families, and religious, racial, and national groups bond through the refusal to change their self-concept. She illustrates how Supremacy behavior and Traumatized behavior resemble each other, through a shared inability to tolerate difference.This important and sure to be controversial book illuminates such contemporary and historical issues of personal, racial, and geo-political difference as tools of escalation towards injustice, exclusion, and punishment, whether the objects of dehumanization are other individuals in our families or communities, people with HIV, African Americans, or Palestinians. Conflict Is Not Abuse is a searing rejection of the cultural phenomenon of blame, cruelty, and scapegoating, and how those in positions of power exacerbate and manipulate fear of the "other" to achieve their goals.Sarah Schulman is a novelist, nonfiction writer, playwright, screenwriter, journalist and AIDS historian, and the author of eighteen books. A Guggenheim and Fulbright Fellow, Sarah is a Distinguished Professor of the Humanities at the City University of New York, College of Staten Island. Her novels published by Arsenal include Rat Bohemia, Empathy, After Delores, and The Mere Future. She lives in New York.

Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection


Jia Jiang - 2015
    Despite early success in the corporate world, his first attempt to pursue his entrepreneurial dream ended in rejection. Jia was crushed and spiraled into a period of deep self-doubt. But he realized that his fear of rejection was a bigger obstacle than any single rejection would ever be, and he needed to find a way to cope with being told no without letting it destroy him. Thus was born his "100 days of rejection" experiment, during which he willfully sought rejection on a daily basis - from requesting a lesson in sales from a car salesman (no) to asking a flight attendant if he could make an announcement on the loudspeaker (yes) to his famous request to get Krispy Kreme doughnuts in the shape of Olympic rings (yes, with a viral video to prove it).Jia learned that even the most preposterous wish may be granted if you ask in the right way, and here he shares the secret of successful asking, how to pick targets, and how to tell when an initial no can be converted into something positive. But more important, he learned techniques for steeling himself against rejection and ways to develop his own confidence - a plan that can't be derailed by a single setback.Filled with great stories and valuable insight, Rejection Proof is a fun and thoughtful examination of how to overcome fear and dare to live more boldly.

Soar: The Breakthrough Treatment for Fear of Flying


Tom Bunn - 2013
    Therapists who have found this phobia difficult to treat will find everything they need to give their clients success. Anxious flyers who have “tried everything” to no avail can look forward to joining the nearly 10,000 graduates of the SOAR program who now have the whole world open to them as they fly anxiety free wherever they want. This approach begins by explaining how anxiety, claustrophobia, and panic are caused when noises, motions—or even the thought of flying—trigger excessive stress hormones. Then, to stop this problem, Captain Bunn takes the reader step-by-step through exercises that permanently and automatically control these feelings. He also explains how flying works, why it is safe, and teaches flyers how to strategically plan their flight, choose the right airlines, meet the captain, and so on. Through this program, Captain Bunn has helped thousands overcome their fear of flying. Now his book arms readers with the information they need to control their anxiety and fly comfortably.

The Self-Sabotage Cycle: Why We Repeat Behaviors That Create Hardships and Ruin Relationships


Stanley Rosner - 2006
    Yet, 30 years later, the boy now a man leaves his own family. A young woman who's broken off an abusive relationship is now attracted to the same kind of personality in a potential boyfriend. And an attorney who grew up with an impossible-to-please father takes a job in a firm where the boss thinks praise is never productive. These are the kind of repetitive cycles that Stanley Rosner has seen time and again in his practice across 40 years as a clinical psychologist. A past president of the Connecticut Psychological Association, Rosner examines in this book whether there is for some people a compulsion to repeat self-destructive acts, and what the foundation for that compulsion might be, as well as how it can be changed to afford better, happier living.Assisted by popular author Patricia Hermes, Rosner offers many eye-opening vignettes from his therapy rooms, showing us clearly how early life events can create unconscious dilemmas that move us to repeat the situation in other forms. He aims to show us how we can resolve the issues that linger, explaining how to recognize these issues, then move forward to put them to rest in ways that are not self-sabotaging. What I have to offer, says Rosner, is the opportunity for change.

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope - Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy


Manuel J. Smith - 1975
    The best-seller that helps you say: "I just said 'no' and I don't feel guilty!" Are you letting your kids get away with murder? Are you allowing your mother-in-law to impose her will on you? Are you embarrassed by praise or crushed by criticism? Are you having trouble coping with people? Learn the answers in "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty," the best-seller with revolutionary new techniques for getting your own way.

How to Be Married: What I Learned from Real Women on Five Continents about Surviving My First (Really Hard) Year of Marriage


Jo Piazza - 2017
    But before long, Jo found herself riddled with questions. How do you make a marriage work in a world where you no longer need to be married? How does an independent, strong-willed feminist become someone’s partner—all the time?In the tradition of writers such as Nora Ephron and Elizabeth Gilbert, award-winning journalist and nationally bestselling author Jo Piazza writes a provocative memoir of a real first year of marriage that will forever change the way we look at matrimony. A travel editor constantly on the move, Jo journeys to twenty countries on five continents to figure out what modern marriage means. Throughout this stunning, funny, warm, and wise personal narrative, she gleans wisdom from matrilineal tribeswomen, French ladies who lunch, Orthodox Jewish moms, Swedish stay-at-home dads, polygamous warriors, and Dutch prostitutes.Written with refreshing candor, elegant prose, astute reporting, and hilarious insight into the human psyche, How to Be Married offers an honest portrait of an utterly charming couple. When life throws more at them than they ever expected—a terrifying health diagnosis, sick parents to care for, unemployment—they ultimately create a fresh understanding of what it means to be equal partners during the good and bad times. Through their journey, they reveal a framework that will help the rest of us keep our marriages strong, from engagement into the newlywed years and beyond.