When he emerged he had under his arm a manuscript, a genre-smashing book about comedy, tragedy, love, loss, war, and redemption. When asked if this was the celebrity memoir, Norm replied, "Call it anything you damn like."

    Who will save Grandma? What would you do if a mysterious plague began to devour your city and the dead started banging on your door?Fifteen-year-old Liam Peters is spending the summer with his great-grandmother (not by choice) when the authorities of St. Louis spin up the tornado sirens to announce a civic emergency. Police robocalls declare mass disturbances throughout the city, suggesting citizens try to escape to safer jurisdictions. Radio offers contradictory instructions: stay inside, hunker down, ride it out. The President tries to convey a message of hope to calm a scared populace, but the tone is interpreted as a goodbye. The mixed messaging sends society--already on the verge of panic--into a tailspin. When the President signs off, half the city hunkers down while the other half dashes for the interstate.Now Liam is faced with his first dilemma of an increasingly complicated morning. Should he stay with Grandma and attempt to defend her urban home against both the living and the dead, or should he try to get her out of the city to his parents' home in the suburbs? Nothing is ever as simple as it sounds when life and death are on the line.As an avid reader of zombie literature, Liam realizes you go into the zombie apocalypse with the army you have, not the one you want. He sees himself as an unlikely savior, with an unlikely ally, but he embarks on the hero's journey nonetheless. As the city implodes, they race against the clock to outpace desperate refugees, gang violence, criminal opportunists, overzealous military units, scared civilians, and a growing horde of bloodthirsty zombies. He does it while burdened with a woman who is unable to walk more than ten feet without help.As they chase the elusive vision of safety, Liam comes to appreciate why there are no atheists in foxholes. Introducing the Sirens of the Zombie Apocalypse series. Book 1: Since the Sirens Book 2: Siren Songs Book 3: Stop the Sirens Author's Notes: Since the Sirens can be read as a standalone story. It doesn't end with a cliffhanger. Books 2 and 3 are optional reading beyond this first volume. I hope you'll enjoy Liam and Grandma's journey enough to follow them further, but as an author and a reader of zombie books, I abhor misleading or otherwise trapping readers.This cover replaces original edition ASIN B018H82ZYU.

    Landing dead center at a college campus swarming with zombies, the aliens soon realize that their abduction mission is going to be quite a bit more complicated than they'd imagined. The presence of vampires only makes the situation worse.Will the human race prevail or be forced to relocate to an alien planet? Is there any way to reverse the zombie plague? Is the plague contagious to aliens and can an alien be turned into a vampire? What if a vampire alien became a zombie, then was bitten by a radioactive spider and then possessed by the ghost of a robot werewolf? That last part doesn't happen in the story, but what if it did? Find out what becomes of humanity in this hodgepodge of dystopian absurdity.

    And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire -- too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead -- he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race. Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

    Then his life takes an unexpected turn when he meets a female Protestant vicar (who also happens to be an atheist), and a homeless receptionist at a former brothel which is now a one-star hotel. The three join forces and concoct an unusual business plan based on Hitman Anders’ skills and his fearsome reputation. The vicar and receptionist will organize jobs for a group of gangsters, and will attract customers using the tabloids’ love of lurid headlines.The perfect plan—if it weren’t for Hitman Anders’ curiosity about the meaning of it all. In conversations with the vicar, he turns to Jesus and, against all odds, Jesus answers him! The vicar can’t believe what’s happening. When Hitman Anders turns to religion, the lucrative business is in danger, and the vicar and the receptionist have to find a new plan, quick.Fast-paced and sparky, the novel follows these bizarre but loveable characters on their quest to create a New Church, with all of Sweden’s gangsters hunting them. Along the way, it explores the consequences of fanaticism, the sensationalist press, the entrepreneurial spirit and straightforward human stupidity—and underlying all of it, the tenuous hope that it’s never too late to start again.

    When Greyboar, a professional strangler, discovers the Supreme Philosophy of Life, he becomes a new man--but how can a villain in good standing pay the bills with his philosophical exploration getting in the way? Then Greyboar's long-lost sister asks him to help persecuted dwarves escape their human oppressors.

    Now you can, too.On November 2, 1983, Sam and Dean Winchester lost their mother to a demonic supernatural force. In the wake of the tragedy, their father, John, set out to learn everything he could about the paranormal evil that lives in the dark corners and on the back roads of America . . . and how to kill it. In his personal journal, he not only compiled folklore, legend, and superstition about all manner of otherworldly enemies but he also recorded his experiences—hunting the creature that killed his wife even as he raised his two sons.Part prequel, part resource guide, John Winchester's Journal finally gives fans the ultimate companion book for Supernatural. It's all here: the exorcism Sam and Dean used in "Phantom Traveler," John's notes on everything from shape-shifters to Samuel Colt, Dean's first hunt, Sam's peewee soccer team . . . and John's single-minded pursuit of a growing and deadly evil.

    Smella Rosepetal must find a millionaire husband to finance her baby’s heart transplant. She flies home to her deputy father’s ranch in Pitchforks, Texas, where she falls in love with Deadward Forest, a wealthy environmentalist vampire. When a deranged murderer is on the loose in Pitchforks, killing romance heroines, Deadward assumes Smella would be safer without him. Smella turns to her childhood friend, Snake Long, for comfort. But Snake doesn’t have the money to save her baby, so Smella places herself in peril in a desperate hunt for a rich husband. Time is running out for Smella’s baby, and she must escape from the Australian Outback and face down Flabio, an overweight and disgruntled, aspiring cover model, plus enraged vampire wives and their homosexual, vampire, cowboy husbands, a jealous were-gerbil, James Bond, a drunk rodeo clown and Smella’s strange boyfriend who wants to drain her blood, yet is repulsed by her smell. ROMANCE NOVEL—the unabridged, unauthorized comedic look at the bestselling vampire series that will leave you wondering who the hell ever believed vampires could “sparkle.” And you’ll laugh…all the way to the bathroom!

    With over 400,000 copies sold, Benrik's brand of unhinged self-help has changed countless lives worldwide, some of them even for the better. "This Book Will Change Your Life" collects together the 365 best extreme life-changing tasks from the cult series "This Diary Will Change Your Life", and constitutes the definitive version. Road-tested by thousands of devotees, if this book doesn't change your life, you're most probably dead. Enjoy! 'Hip, visually delightful and almost endlessly engaging' - "The Guardian". 'Cheerfully nihilistic' - "The Times". 'Wonderful, zany, absorbing' - "The Observer". 'Will put a smile on even the gloomiest Monday-morning face' - "Glamour".

    In this parody of a children's classic, a very hungry zombie eats his way through a variety of his favorite foods, including clowns, astronauts, rock stars, fingers, and brains.

    She tells us the intoxicating story of her beloved Gideon, an adorably clueless boy who flukes his way into New England's fanciest prep school.  Gideon's naïve compared to the wolves at Midvale Academy, especially Cullen and Nicholas, his charming, morally ambiguous roommates.  They welcome Gid by trashing his music and betting big on when he'll lose his virginity. Will he lose it with the cute and feisty Molly McGarry? Or Pilar Benitez-Jones, the most beautiful girl Gid's ever seen? Gid actually likes Molly and hooking up with her might be possible. But winning Pilar would be legendary. Gid is torn--he wants to prove himself to his roommates, but he also wants love. Through it all there is one hysterically funny girl sharing every thought in Gid's conflicted little mind. But who is she?

    Today, most of them have died, and now they are hungry. Corporal Dan Williamson is caught in the middle of the outbreak. He is desperately trying to reach his wife who is somewhere amid the urban decay. There are other souls out there, other tales of survival among the horror. Dan will soon learn that the living may prove to be an even bigger threat than the dead.

    It all begins when Dave Lister is celebrating his twenty-fourth birthday on a Monopoly board pub crawl round London, and somehow ends up three million years from Earth, marooned in the wrong dimension of the wrong reality, and down to his last two cigarettes. Together with a dead man, a senile computer, a deranged sanitation mechanoid with an overactive guilt chip and the best-dressed entity in all six known universes, the last remaining member of the human race begins his epic journey home.

    It wouldn't. In fact, it's actually pretty insulting that this so-called 'Community' hasn't done more to acknowledge (or even begin to repay) its undoubted debt to me.Richard Ayoade is many things - film director (of Submarine and the forthcoming The Double), comedy actor (The IT Crowd), comedian and TV presenter (Gadget Man). Ayoade on Ayoade captures the director in his own words: pompous, vain, angry and very, very funny.

    Now Mitchell is The Devil's intern in Hell's accounting office. Lately, he's noticed a disturbing trend: the volume of new arrivals is straining Hell's limited resources. Then Mitchell overhears his boss discussing plans to limit newcomers with a legendary time travel mechanism. With a device like that, Mitchell realizes, he could change history and prevent his own death. Mitchell's plot goes awry when his three closest friends—Alfarin, the Viking prince; Elinor, from 17th-century London; and Melissa, from 1960s San Francisco—insert themselves into his plans. It soon becomes clear that the fates of all four are entwined in dangerous and unpredictable ways. With unforgettable characters and a thrilling premise, this original novel is by turns funny, poignant, and thought-provoking.