Along the way, readers join the author in discovering: • The scary side of fishing; • Why it’s wrong when board games become blood sports; • The unexpected connection between cooking classes and true romance; • How the author's cat convinced him to take up yoga (and why that was a terrible idea); • Golfing for the ball challenged; • The thrill of jumping out of an airplane without risking your life; • The eternal appeal of Elly May Clampett; and, • How to do nothing without feeling guilty about it.

    Small but beautifully formed pieces of Shaun Micallef.

    Jokes? People tell jokes on Twitter? YES, they do. And they are hilarious ... but who wants to sift through the hashtags, RTs and FFs to get to the good stuff? WE GET IT! Parents don’t have time for all that. That’s why the duo behind the illustrated humor blog Science of Parenthood teamed up with Twitter maven Kate Hall of Hall of Tweets to create The Big Book of Parenting Tweets —a laugh-riot collection of more than three-hundred tweetable moments straight from the parenting trenches from the most hysterical comedians on Twitter, who just happen to be parents. Here is just a peek at some of what you’ll find inside:My 4yo is trying to sell my own M&M's back to me. This guy's going places.— @FatherWithTwinsWith my wife away, my children keep asking me for things like meals and bandaids and sympathy, but I don't know where we keep any of that.— @KalvinMacleodShe took 4 y/o to the park & texted "Can I get her ice-cream?"Get her a Heineken for all I care. Free babysitters get to call the shots.— @BunmiLaditanI wish bottles of ibuprofen came with a little prize inside, like maybe a babysitter.— @SuburbanSnapsTo anyone out there thinking about having kids, today my 2yo threw a temper tantrum because she couldn’t get rid of her shadow. — @XplodingUnicornPeppered with cartoons by Science of Parenthood, The Big Book of Parenting Tweets is the perfect gift for every over-worked, under-showered, sleep-deprived parent who could use a quick laugh, because who has time for more?

    Taraj was introduced into the game of life at the ripe age of eleven. Against her will, she’s thrust into some of the seediest acts known to man. She soon finds out that this world is cruel, and she must fight against the grain to truly live. One tumultuous situation after another, Taraj attempts to weather the storms. Steve is the man that is forcibly in her life. He seemingly offers his helping hand to a troubled Taraj, but his help comes at a heavy price. Eventually, things seem grimier than ever before…until Taz enters the picture. Coming fully equipped with his own demons, he’s the unlikeliest person to ever reach back and rescue the next. But there’s something about Taraj that compels him to save her, even if she’s unaware of needing saving. In Taraj’s world, being pretty had never done a thing for her besides bringing heartache and pain to her doorstep. Surely Taz is just like all the others; waiting to take advantage. Life has hardened her, and she’s become a promiscuous girl. Therefore, she can’t see the forest for all the trees. Ultimately, she needs to be saved from herself; but who’s willing to take on that task? Will Taz be her knight in shiny armor, or will he lead her down a fast road of self-destruction?

    But, then, I never wanted to be in AARP, either!"Barbara Johnson laughingly lifted millions of readers out of the depths of despair with her book Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and Be Happy. In that classic volume of humor and encouragement, she shared how God's gift of joy helped her survive the deaths of two sons and the eleven-year estrangement of another son who was lost in the homosexual lifestyle.Now that same laughter-lined attitude has sustained Barbara during a life-threatening battle with cancer?a battle in which she never lost her bubble of joy. Plant a Geranium in Your Cranium is the inspiring yet funny story of Barbara's journey through a year of illness, frustration?and abundant humor. It's a joyful chronicle of her own experiences combined with dozens of hilarious anecdotes and cartoons sent to her by others who share her belief in the healing power of laughter.

    And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire -- too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead -- he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race. Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

    After high school ends, life seemingly begins. But instead of taking the path that leads to a bright future, she instead takes a different, much darker route. James "Jay" Anderson not only opens Angel's eyes to a whole new world, he also introduces her to a quick and convenient way of making cold, hard cash. Floating on a dream, Angel obliges, unaware of the hidden danger that also comes with the territory. If her new gig and love interest aren't enough, things really become complicated after Angel becomes romantically involved with her long time friend, Maurice. With the two most important men in her life pulling her in opposite directions will Angel be able to tolerate it all? And most importantly, will she be able to handle her new-found hustle? Nobody's Perfect Angel has been redesigned, republished, and renamed THOT SCROLL UP AND GRAB YOUR COPY TODAY

    After getting caught reenacting what she sees, she runs away from home and seeks refuge in the streets of East Hammond,IN where she becomes vividly exposed to the rugged street life. Cuz: A focused hustler who's recently released from serving a 5 year sentence. Cuz places Precious under his wings, but only if she agrees to earn her keep by any means necessary. On their rise to power they encounter Shree, LaToya, Sonya, and Neicey. All five women have the same agenda needed for their journey at hand and agrees to live by Cuz's creed. "Never bite the hand that feeds you, unless that hand tries to slap the taste out of your mouth." Shaunta'e Howard is a new author to the game of books. Although she has been writing all her life this is her first release. She is a very outgoing young woman from Hammond, IN via Chicago, IL. She has a bachelor's degree in accounting from Devry University and a MBA in business from Keller Graduate School of Management. She is a mother of a 15 year old son and 5 year old daughter. In her spare time she enjoys reading, dancing, and any activity involving family and friends. Look forward to Shaunta'e bringing more your way. This is just the beginning.

    

    The planes break, the regs break, metal gets bent, students are lost at sea, and a Top Gun wannabe student, who has four hundred hours of flight instruction, still hasn’t made his first solo flight. “CFI! The Book” is an over-the-top satirical aviation comedy that’s loosely based on real world experiences of flight instruction, but if the FAA asks, this is all strictly fictional.

    

     (This is a short story of 6,000 words, previously published in the Cocktales anthology.)

    Mischievous and aloof one moment, affectionate the next, the cat is a confounding creature right down to its question mark of a tail. What cat owner hasn’t wondered what goes on inside that mysterious kitty brain? In this companion to It’s a Dog’s Life . . . but It’s Your Carpet, veterinary specialist Dr. Justine A. Lee answers your questions about all things feline in this entertaining and enlightening guide. An animal lover with two cats of her own, Dr. Lee combines scientific research with irreverent humor to address questions ranging from the common to the offbeat, including:• Do cats always land on their feet?• Can I train my cat to use the toilet?• Do cats have belly buttons? • How do I stop my cat from begging for food at 5:45 a.m.?• Can cats really predict death or cancer? • How can I make my antisocial cat more social?Dr. Lee also shares helpful hints on what to look for in a veterinarian. (Helpful Hint No. 1: Find a veterinarian who owns a cat.) She also reveals what every veterinarian wants you to know about being a smart consumer and pet owner. With tips on dealing with kitty’s more irksome behaviors (yes, she has some), advice on looking out for her health and well-being, and plenty of laughs, It’s a Cat’s World . . . You Just Live in It helps cat owners love and understand their quirky feline companions more than ever.