Visual jokes and puns, fantasies and long thoughts-taking the reader to here, there, and Nirvana (sometimes with a side trip to Portland). A New York Times bestseller. 248,000 copies in print.

    Duff bares the creaky, embarrassing parts of our high school cafeteria-scarred souls for us, leaving us no choice but to laugh at our failures, no matter how spectacular, and rejoice in our successes, no matter how itty-bitty. She shows women that each one of us is a wonder in our own way, with the ability — whether we know it or not — to make the best of life’s often absurd situations. Reading If You Did What I Asked In the First Place is like sitting down with a good friend who helps you make it through the day. Pour yourself a glass of whatever makes you feel better and take off any constricting undergarments: Let loose with the knowledge that you are not alone. You have Lori at your side.

    In these essays, Celia Rivenbark reviews the many oddities in stranger-than-fiction news story, chronicles her transition into the Twitter-sphere, and laments a missed opportunity to be a guest on a certain national talk show.

    . . but rarely acknowledging.Filled with insights and observations that instantly ring true—and could have come only from Nora Ephron—I Remember Nothing is pure joy.

    So which does he choose? Despite his love of basalt, he chooses the career that teaches him how to kill... and sh*t in plastic bags.Knowing his weak body will have to shape up to complete thirty weeks of commando training, Mark prepares for the Royal Marines by sleeping in his shed wearing only plastic bags. He braves pain by ordering his mate to attack him while trapped in a sleeping bag. He starves himself in a stupid urban survival exercise, turning down the offer of crispy pancakes from his bewildered mother.He is ready.Some might say for the nut house...Often hilarious and yet shockingly sobering, this is the true story of a boy who joins one of the world's most elite military units with only naivety and incompetence equalling his will to succeed.'A cover to cover laughathon' - SOLDIER MAGAZINE

     Three bone-chilling Mysteries from Best selling Author Willow Rose. - Seven, eight ... Gonna stay up late: She thought she could keep it a secret. Just fourteen years old, Amalie thought she could take off and go to the festival with her best friend without anyone knowing it - without her parents finding out. She thought she was safe when she met a man offering her drugs, she thought she was safe when she went alone to her tent to take the pills. But when she opened her eyes and found herself in the man's basement, she knew she wasn't safe anymore. She was trapped. Seven, eight ... Gonna stay up late is a Scandinavian mystery novel from the Amazon Bestselling author Willow Rose. It is the fourth book in her series about the Danish reporter Rebekka Franck. - Nine, ten ... Never sleep again: It is business as usual when Henrik Fenger picks up a girl in the bar and cheats on his wife with her in his hotel room. But, when he opens his eyes the very next morning nothing is as usual anymore. Henrik Fenger is the victim of a horrendous crime whose like has never been seen in the small kingdom of Denmark. Rebekka Franck is on her way to spend a nice relaxing week of vacation with her ex-husband Peter and her daughter Julie. They're supposed to work on their relationship and find each other as a family again, but soon Rebekka is pulled away for work when she is called in to cover the case for the newspaper along with her photographer and former boyfriend Sune Johansen. Nine, Ten ... Never sleep again is the fifth installment in Willow Rose's popular Rebekka Franck-series. - Eleven, twelve ... Dig and delve: Everybody hates Mondays. This Monday is particularly bad for the residents on Blegevej in the Northern part of Denmark. Just before eight o'clock Monday morning, the entire neighborhood sinks into the ground in a matter of seconds when a giant sinkhole opens up underneath it. Rebekka Franck is visiting a dear friend when she is swallowed up by the hole and ends up trapped inside a limestone mine. Together with the surviving residents from the neighborhood, she tries to get by underground while waiting to be rescued. When the body of one of the survivors turns up inside the mines, they suddenly know that not only do they face starvation and thirst, they also have a killer among them. Eleven, Twelve...Dig and Delve is the sixth book in Willow Rose's internationally bestselling series about the Danish reporter Rebekka Franck. It's followed by Thirteen, Fourteen ... Little boy unseeen Scroll up and grab a copy today.

    

    This is a journey which takes him across the world and back to a triumphant homecoming in Liverpool. But despite the laughs, the real journey in this tale takes him all the way - from a boy to a man.

    And what he or she can or can’t do about it.“This commencement address will never be given, because graduation speakers are supposed to offer encouragement and inspiration. That’s not what you need. You need a warning.” So begins Carl Hiaasen’s attempt to prepare young men and women for their future. And who better to warn them about their precarious paths forward than Carl Hiaasen? The answer, after reading Assume the Worst, is: Nobody. And who better to illustrate–and with those illustrations, expand upon and cement Hiaasen’s cynical point of view–than Roz Chast, best-selling author/illustrator and National Book Award winner? The answer again is easy: Nobody. Following the format of Anna Quindlen’s commencement address (Being Perfect) and George Saunders’s commencement address (Congratulations, by the way), the collaboration of Hiaasen and Chast might look typical from the outside, but inside it is anything but. This book is bound to be a classic, sold year after year come graduation time. Although it’s also a good gift for anyone starting a job, getting married, or recently released from prison. Because it is not just funny. It is, in its own Hiaasen way, extremely wise and even hopeful. Well, it might not be full of hope, but there are certainly enough slivers of the stuff in there to more than keep us all going.

    He’s lost:His home…His girlfriend of nine years…His love of travel…His hair, and much of his confidenceBut then, during an argument with his deeply irritating friend Nick, he checks his spam folder and finds a mysterious invitation to the trip of a lifetime. If he takes it, maybe he can turn everything around?Except Nick decides he’s coming too.What could go wrong?Well, just about everything when Adam: Fights a mandrill in South Africa armed with only a sock Tests black magic with a witch doctor’s love spell Develops an erotic attraction to a purple Cadillac in Havana Hikes into a volcano to meet people with perhaps the worst job in the world Visits a bizarre, bloody funeral hosted by the strangest tribe in Indonesia Learns why it’s a bad idea to become a gold digger in Papua New GuineaCan he change himself and his life? And if so, will the price be worth paying?Both about the people who go, and the places they visit, Don’t Come Back is a hilarious travelogue-meets-memoir full of weird characters, awkward situations, and delightfully British humour.It can be read on its own or as a follow-up to Don't Go There.Come on an unforgettable journey today!

    Call it the algebra oracle: By plugging in the right variables, GEEK LOGIK answers life’s most persistent questions. It covers Dating and Romance, Career and Finance, and everyday decisions like Should I get a tattoo? Can I still wear tight jeans? Is it time to see a therapist? How many beers should I have at the company picnic? How does it work? Take a simple issue that comes up once or twice a week: Should I call in sick? Fill in the variables honestly, such as D for doctor’s note (enter 1 for “no,†10 for “yes,†and 5 for “yes, but it’s a forgeryâ€), R for importance of job (1-10, with 10 being “personally responsible for Earth’s orbit around Sunâ€), Fj for how much fun you have at work (1-10, with 10 being “personal trainer for underwear modelsâ€), N for how much you need the money (1-10, with 10 being “I owe the mobâ€), then do the math, and voilà—if the product, Hooky, is greater than 1, enjoy your very own Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Includes a pocket calculator so that prospective geeks can immediately solve the equation on the back cover: Should I buy this book?

    Symptoms include:*Acute embarrassment at the mere notion of making a fuss;*Extreme awkwardness when faced with any social greeting beyond a brisk handshake;*An unhealthy preoccupation with meteorology.Doctors have also reported several cases of unnecessary apologising, an obsessive interest in correct queuing etiquette and dramatic sighing in the presence of loud teenagers on public transport. If you have experienced any of these symptoms, you may be suffering from VERY BRITISH PROBLEMS. VERY BRITISH PROBLEMS are highly contagious. There is no known cure.Rob Temple's hilarious new book reveals all the ways in which we are a nation of socially awkward but well-meaning oddballs, struggling to make it through every day without apologising to an inanimate object. Take comfort in misfortunes of others. You are not alone.

    Doggie laureates not only chew on quite a lot of things, they also reveal their creativity, their hidden motives, and their eternal (and sometimes misguided) effervescence through such musings as "I Dropped a Ball," "I Lose My Mind When You Leave the House," and "Can You Smell That?" Accompanied throughout by portraits of the canine poets in all their magnificence, I Could Chew on This is a work of unbridled enthusiasm, insatiable appetite, and, yes, creative genius.

    L. Doctorow, and Frank Rich, into a useful guide not just for writers but for everyone who wants to put their best foot forward in writing prose. Dreyer offers lessons on the ins and outs of punctuation and grammar, including how to navigate the words he calls "the confusables," like tricky homophones; the myriad ways to use (and misuse) a comma; and how to recognize--though not necessarily do away with--the passive voice. (Hint: If you can plausibly add "by zombies" to the end of a sentence, it's passive.) People are sharing their writing more than ever--on blogs, on Twitter--and this book lays out, clearly and comprehensibly, everything writers can do to keep readers focused on the real reason writers write: to communicate their ideas clearly and effectively. Chock-full of advice, insider wisdom, and fun facts on the rules (and nonrules) of the English language, this book will prove invaluable to everyone who wants to shore up their writing skills, mandatory for people who spend their time editing and shaping other people's prose, and--perhaps best of all--an utter treat for anyone who simply revels in language.

    You think about it, fantasize about it, live through it in your head. But what would you do if zombies became a reality? If you actually were to see the dead walk, attack and kill people you know - who then rise right in front of your eyes? What would you do when the undead don't follow the script you've played out - over and over - in your own mind?Find out what happens to a woman in central Illinois when her life is turned upside down. Zombies become real and so does the danger. Her family means the most to her, but can she keep them alive? Can she keep herself alive?In this short story that begins the full-length series, you are a big part of it. The main character "speaks" to you often and you're invited into her thoughts - which can be quite humorous at times. She's not perfect and she knows it.She strong and she's a fighter...but she doesn't know it.