A guy walks into a bar. Eight Canada Geese walk into a bar. A termite jumps up on the bar and asks, "Where is the bar tender?" Drum roll. The "Fifth Edition "of the perennially popular "Pretty Good Joke Book" is everything the first four were and more. More puns, one-liners, light bulb jokes, knock-knock jokes, and third-grader jokes (have you heard the one about Elvis Parsley?). More religion jokes, political jokes, lawyer jokes, blonde jokes, and jokes in questionable taste (Why did the urologist lose his license? He got in trouble with his peers). More jokes about chickens, relationships, and senior moments (The nice thing about Alzheimer's is you can enjoy the same jokes again and again). It all started back in 1996, when "A Prairie Home Companion" fans laughed themselves silly during the first Joke Show. The broadcast was such a hit that it became an almost-annual gagfest. Then fans wanted to read the jokes, share them, and pass them around, and the first "Pretty Good Joke Book" was born. With 362 new jokes (more or less), the latest edition promises countless giggles, chortles, and guffaws anyone--fans of the radio show or not--will enjoy.

    Some mammoths were smaller than children. Owls are the dumbest birds in the world. Very few people with Tourette's syndrome swear. You can't get a six-pack from doing sit-ups. King Arthur's sword wasn't called Excalibur. Milk doesn't make your bones strong. There's no bones in your fingers. The Bible states that humans can't become angels. Humans have more than two nostrils. It's impossible to slide down a bannister. At a wedding, the bride doesn't walk down the aisle. Ties were invented for war, not fashion. Most Disney classics made almost no money. Slavery has only been illegal in the UK since 2010. George Washington wasn't the first American President. Velcro doesn’t exist. Nobody knows why we sleep.

    No human being who stood on her decks that fateful night was alive to commemorate the event on its 100th anniversary. Their stories are with us, however, and the lessons remain. From the moment the world learned the Titanic had sunk, we wanted to know, who had survived? Those answers didn’t come until the evening of Thursday, April 18, 1912―when the Cunard liner Carpathia finally reached New York with the 706 survivors who had been recovered from Titanic’s lifeboats. Harold Bride, “Titanic’s surviving wireless operator,” relayed the story of the ship’s band. “The way the band kept playing was a noble thing. I heard it first while still we were working wireless when there was a ragtime tune for us. The last I saw of the band, when I was floating out in the sea with my lifebelt on, it was still on deck playing ‘Autumn.’ How they ever did it I cannot imagine.” There were stories of heroism―such as that of Edith Evans, who was waiting to board collapsible Lifeboat D, the last boat to leave Titanic, when she turned to Caroline Brown and said, “You go first. You have children waiting at home.” The sacrifice cost Evans her life, but as Mrs. Brown said later, “It was a heroic sacrifice, and as long as I live I shall hold her memory dear as my preserver, who preferred to die so that I might live.” There was mystery. There was bravery. There was suspense. There was cowardice. Most men who survived found themselves trying to explain how they survived when women and children had died. But mostly, there was loss. On her return to New York after picking up Titanic’s survivors, Carpathia had become known as a ship of widows. Rene Harris, who lost her husband, Broadway producer Henry Harris, in the disaster, later spoke of her loss when she said, “It was not a night to remember. It was a night to forget.” Drawing on a wealth of previously unpublished letters, memoirs, and diaries as well as interviews with survivors and family members, veteran author and writer Alan Rockwell brings to life the colorful voices and the harrowing experiences of many of those who lived to tell their story. More than 100 years after the RMS Titanic met its fatal end, the story of the tragic wreck continues to fascinate people worldwide. Though many survivors and their family members disappeared into obscurity or were hesitant to talk about what they went through, others were willing to share their experiences during the wreck and in its aftermath. This book recounts many of these first-hand accounts in graphic, compelling detail.

    You have what it takes! Did you ever wonder what you can do with all of those LEGO® bricks after you have created the project they came with?Now with The LEGO Ideas Book, you can take what you already have and make something new! The book is divided into six themed chapters—transportation, buildings, space, kingdoms, adventure, and useful makes—each with basic templates of key models and spreads to inspire you to create your own.Hints and tips from Master Builders can help you turn your classic car into a race car or add a bridge to your castle! Don't be concerned if you haven't got all the bricks you need: this book also shows how to simplify details, making this a great user-friendly guide for any building ability.Featuring all-new LEGO® building projects, tips to supplement and enhance your LEGO creations, inspirational builds, and expert advice from LEGO Master Builders, The LEGO Ideas Book will keep kids of all ages creating for hours.

    He has perfected the perfect way for anyone to have a garden without weeding, bending over, or using chemicals. If you follow his step by step methods and suggestions you will be assured to grow a beautiful and productive garden this year, even if you have never gardened before. The best part is that if the soil in your backyard is less than productive it doesn't matter at all. If you have sunlight and water, you will have a great garden this year. From the Arctic Circle in Northern Alaska to the heat of the desert in Saudi Arabia, people are using this method, and having great success. The booklet is full color with 78 pages, and has a perfect bind booklet binding.

     The team returns from the Nether. Disclaimer: This book is a work of fanfiction; it is not an official Minecraft book. It is not endorsed, authorized, licensed, sponsored, or supported by Mojang AB, Microsoft Corp. or any other entity owning or controlling rights to the Minecraft name, trademarks or copyrights. Minecraft ®/TM & © 2009-2017 Mojang / Notch / Microsoft

    

    A fascinating insight into the mind of this musical genius.

    It is, in its earliest form, a spontaneous and instinctive endeavor to shape the facts of the world to meet the needs of the imagination, the cravings of the heart.Classics included in this volume include:One Eye, Two Eyes, Three Eyes,The Magic Mirror,The Enchanted Stag,Hansel and Grethel,The Story of Aladdin,This Story of Ali Baba,The Second Voyage of Sinbad the Sailor,The White Cat,The Golden Goose,The Twelve Brothers,The Fair One With the Golden Locks,Tom Thumb,Blue Beard,Cinderella,Puss In Boots,The Sleeping Beauty In the Wood,Jack and The Bean-Stalk

    Fun illustrations of the animals and their scat and tracks supplement the charming story, and a quick-reference chart at the back will make field identification a breeze.

    And after you read Why Do Dogs Drink out of the Toilet?, it will make perfect sense to you, too. Award-winning pet experts Dr. Marty Becker and Gina Spadafori take you on a trip into the canine mind. And it's not at all a scary place. . . .Dogs live to smell, to feel good, to clarify their relationship with other dogs (and with us), to love, to laugh. When you start looking at the world their way, everything falls into place. Of course they drink out of the toilet--the water is fresher. Sniffing another dog's behind is just like reading their resume, except you know nothing is made up. Barking at the letter carrier makes him go away--every single time! And rolling in stinky stuff just smells like heaven. (Because what smells heavenly is, after all, a matter of taste.)The better you understand dogs, the easier it is to love the pooch on your couch. Find out why hunting dogs don't mind suppressing their basic instinct, how assistance dogs for the blind get their job done, why little dogs like to mix it up with big dogs, and everything you always wanted to know about canine sex but were afraid to ask.You'll also find the answers to questions that tend to tickle your curiosity: How do dogs get into dog shows? Which breeds are made in America? Do some dogs really have dreadlocks? Do all dogs need a backyard? How did Lassie always find her way home?You've got questions? This book's got answers.

    No fondant. No red velvet. Upscale bakery Robicelli's has become a buzzed-about, in-demand purveyor of decidedly adult cupcakes. Nixing cutesy, pastel-colored dollops of fluff for real ingredients and rich French buttercreams, the husband and wife team have reinvented the cupcake craze for a more sophisticated palate, making each a small piece of the greatest cake ever made. Now their extraordinary recipes are available to the home cook.Now their extraordinary recipes are available to the home cook, including: The Laurenzano (fresh fig cake topped with goat cheese buttercream, fig balsamic gastrique, and crisp prosciutto flakes)The Brooklyn Blackout Cake (chocolate cake with chocolate custard buttercream, dipped in homemade fudge and rolled in chocolate cake crumbs)This book captures not only the Robicelli's unique take on baking but also their edgy, unapologetically hilarious take on life, including how they survived severe economic setbacks to launch the country's hottest cupcake brand-- a venture begun with thirty dollars in borrowed quarters.Offering both cupcake recipes and a recipe for life that calls for a stash of "emergency cake," Robicelli's: A Love Story, with Cupcakes is a baking book like you've never seen before.

    Set against the dark backdrop of Hurricane Katrina, this luminous and infinitely inviting memoir traces the affecting stories of Rea and his hilarious and dynamic friends and teammates. Comprised primarily of ex-pats over the age of 35, Finn McCool's Football Club boasts a dynamic mix of idiosyncratic personalities. From Macca, the team's Scottish coach and a hard-drinking ex-professional player, to its outspoken South African landscape gardener/striker Benji, each character comes vibrantly to life in Rea's fresh and frank prose. Hilarious moments and poignant reflections shine with equal intensity throughout this multifarious work, which captures the individual experiences of the Finn's players in the wake of Katrina. A literary memoir, soccer story, and tale of survival and resolve, this work is an indefatigable tribute to a city and its residents who determined to play on after their lives were all but washed away.

    Textbook theory and evidenced-based speech therapy techniques are applied in an enjoyable and user-friendly way. Whether you’re a parent or a professional, Kimberly shows you how to engage your toddler with play routines that stimulate speech while having fun. The guide includes detailed steps, numerous examples, and play routine activities to facilitate learning and language development. Speech language pathologists and parents describe My Toddler Talks as: “a go to resource”, “unintimidating and user-friendly” and “simply fabulous!”MY TODDLER TALKS includes:•Effective language stimulation tips, techniques and strategies used by professional speech therapists•Advice on how to maximize your child’s potential without causing pressure or frustration•25 fun play routines designed to improve your child’s speech and language skills•Straightforward instructions with many examples to foster understanding and empowerment•Step by step directions on how to elicit communication from your child•Charts to monitor progress with your child•A system to track your child’s word growth•Ways to incorporate speech development activities into your daily routines•Recommended goals to drive results•Ideas for troubleshooting development setbacksMY TODDLER TALKS is the perfect resource for:•Parents, Grandparents & Caregivers•Speech Therapists•Speech Therapy Grad Students•Early Intervention Specialists•Early Childhood Educators•Occupational & Physical Therapists

    Start today.If you've been searching for an excellent way to bond with your baby and improve his or her health, Itsy Bitsy Yoga is the solution you've been looking for. Helen Garabedian, a certified instructor in yoga and infant massage, has developed over seventy yoga postures and thirty-five series for moms and dads to enjoy with their growing babies. You don't need any previous yoga experience. Learn the many benefits of yoga, posture by posture, in this accessible guide, with seventy beautiful black-and-white photos, at-a-glance reference charts, and memorable Itsy Bitsy Yoga rhymes. Yoga can help babies up to two years of age: -sleep better -get relief from gas pains and colic -digest food easier -stay healthier with a strong immune system -receive neuromuscularm stimulation -learn to relax The book also features seven Magic Poses that can soothe fussy, upset babies within minutes! So start enjoying more time with your happy yoga baby right now.