A collection of 45 ridiculous 911 emergency calls, submitted by 911 Call Center Operators across the U.S.Dedicated to you, the Taxpayer who funded these calls.Note: A quick 10-minute read of humorous quotes from real calls.Just enough for a grin of the day!

    Michael W. Fox shares his pioneering 6-step dog massage technique, which is not only a healing tool and healthcare measure, but also affirms the bond between you and your animal companion. Drawn from more than 30 years of experience, Dr. Fox provides an orientation to basic dog anatomy, physiology, and psychology, and then addresses, through easy-to-read instructions and detailed illustrations and photos: Why dogs need massage How to understand your dog’s body language How to develop a massage routine How to diagnose illness with massage How to keep your dog fit and healthy This newly revised and updated volume is an essential guide for helping and healing our animal companions.

    However, when James Aden takes up the position of Deputy Agent he does not realise the full extent of what the job entails.He finds himself spending his days negotiating with royalty, farmers, and even wildlife, as well as the imperious Lady Leghorn. In order to survive, James must come to terms with his role quickly, and not let himself get too distracted by Sophie, the pre-college assistant.

    Her tote bag is stocked with lint rollers and catnip. All her photos get the #catlady or #crazycatlady hashtags. And she’s not alone—each tag has over 4 million posts on Instagram! With clever text by Ms. Scholten and utterly charming artwork by Ms. Loonstra (a regular Flow illustrator), Crazy Cat Lady is a celebration of the quirky, relatable, and instantly recognizable habits of devoted feline fans. There are mottos for the perpetually fur-covered: Cat hair, don’t care. Quotes for the owners who know the more the merrier: “Cats are like glasses of wine. You can’t have just one.” Flowcharts on what to name your kitten. “How to draw a cat” tutorials. Fun facts: Did you know that a cat has 230 bones in its body, more than you? And portraits of crazy cat ladies through history, from Florence Nightingale to Katy Perry. At an impulse-friendly price, this sweetly edgy little book has the fresh outlook on cat fanaticism the modern feline lover has been waiting for.

    In the seventy years since, his wit (and the occasional ‘gaffe’) has continued to endear him to the nation, as he travelled the world taking his unique and charmingly British sense of humour to its far-flung corners. Hailed as a god by a tribe in Vanuatu, the Prince has had his fair share of brickbats from the media nearer home, but his outspokenness never fails to raise laughs – and eyebrows.From notorious one-liners to less newsworthy witticisms and from plain speaking to blunt indifference, the Prince does what we all wish we could do now and again – forgets polite conversation and says what he thinks. In the year in which the Prince has stepped down from his royal duties, this joyous and timely book celebrates his wry humour and supremely wicked wit.

    He lands an enviable gig writing about shopping and fashion for the city’s major newspaper, but an ill-fated promotional junket gets Albo into hot water. He becomes a gossip item and finds himself caught in an acrimonious war between Old and New Media. Here's a gimlet-eyed account of the back-biting media scene, a glimpse into the inner workings of the fashion crowd, and a candid portrait of what it takes to survive as a writer in today’s chattering and watchful New York City."I was perilously close to exposing a secret underground economy of promotion: favors and junkets and banquets and gifts that keeps the city in motion, and keeps underpaid writers at work. Basically, I became the Silkwood of Swag."

    Anna Blandford's easy humor points out cat behaviour at its best, and worst, and why humans still find cats irresistible. Because let's be honest, we're obsessed: if a cat lover is presented with a choice of products and one of them has a cat on it, hands down that will be the one selected. And as Anna asks, 'If it doesn't have a cat on it, is it even worth owning?'Cat lovers worldwide will relate to Anna's whimsical drawings and hilarious insights.

    And one very annoyed world.Based on the ingenious Sir Michael Twitter account, How to (Almost) Make Friends on the Internet is the funniest book you'll read this year.Whether it's offering his services as a Karate Lawyer or Funeral DJ, devising the world's worst plan to get a free haircut, or trying to buy a blue bucket that may or may not be for sale, Michael just wants to connect with people.The only problem is that people are slightly less enthusiastic about connecting with him, and the results are utterly hilarious.Warning: you'll never think about adding someone called Michael to a group chat the same way ever again.

    From aloof Afghan's to tearaway terriers, Breeds will strike a chord with dog lovers everywhere.Corgi - spirited yet loyal dogs. Unusally large ears, all the better for hearing with. The Queen's favourite and they know it.Dachshund - a long, loving and inquisitive dog. Slightly neurotic - will spend large parts of the day worrying. Make excellent draft excluders.Scottie - elegant and compact. Trot along like a dressage horse. Deeply suspicious of other dogs, all of whom are considered lesser beings.

    101 cartoons in all from The New Yorker over the past 65 years.

    But are they? He is probably the only man who has ever requested the recipe for an airline’s lasagna or wanted to enjoy his flight with an inflatable rubber woman sat on his knee. Prepare to meet the man who must have his diet of stir-fried mulberry leaves accommodated and the man who left his false teeth on a flight and is sure he recognized them on a later flight—in a flight attendant's mouth. Ravenscroft's correspondence tackles travel annoyances like excess baggage charges alongside more surreal letters, such as the one starting out asking an Australian airline if they offer an authentic Australian experience (for instance, Australian cuisine or in-flight movies) which then moves on to the question of at what age a baby is safe from being swallowed by a dingo.

    "The Picasso of Pooch Portraits". Unfortunately, Charlie's muse, Pete, his beloved Jack Russell terrier, has just died. And he's totally devastated by the loss of his furry best friend.So, after months of grieving over his dearly departed soulmate and wondering if he ever made it to the Rainbow Bridge, Charlie reluctantly agrees to foster a new puppy –– a cute Cavalier King Charles spaniel named Brownie from the local shelter. Soon after, Charlie is surprised to find himself falling head over heels with this new puppy girl –– his 'Rebound Dog', as he calls her –– as well as being romantically attracted to Janelle Jordan, the head hound at the dog rescue.But then complications arise when the ghost of his old dog, Pete, mysteriously reappears one night and comes back to haunt him and the new puppy –– setting off a bizarre chain of events that throw Charlie's life, career, and entire belief system into chaos!Told with humor and emotion, IT'S JUST A DOG is a fresh, funny, heart-warming new take in the dogoir genre. If you've enjoyed such recent dog book classics as The Art of Racing in the Rain, A Dog's Purpose, and Marley & Me, then you are bound to find a place in your heart for IT'S JUST A DOG.IT'S JUST A DOG is not just for dogs. It's for anyone who has ever lost a pet –– and learned to love again.

    The belief in Dog. 2. The system of rituals, practices, and behaviors engaged in by Dogtologists.Chew on this. As humans, we have a deep need to believe . . . a need to relate to something greater and more ideal than ourselves. Perhaps that’s why so many millions believe in Dog. Man’s devotion to Dog has come to rival the great -isms and -ologies of the world. This has gone way beyond a hobby. We may not literally worship Dogs, but we come pawfully close. This rabid reverence for Rover has a name: It’s called Dogtology. Dogtology is for the dog lover who has bailed on a date because they didn’t want Twinkles to be left home alone, for the human whose dog owns a more festive holiday wardrobe than they do, those whose pups dine on free-range bison burgers while they live off ramen, or whose smartphones have more photos of their dog than of the humans in their family.Live. Bark. Believe. Dogtology is a humorous exploration of man’s fanatical devotion to Dog. In this book, Lazarus makes the case that Dogtology has become a bone-a-fide belief system on par with the world’s great philosophies and religions.

    And it’s about author Matthew Gilbert’s transformation, after much fear and loathing of dogs and social groups, into one of those dog people with fur on their jackets, squeaky toys in their hands, and biscuits in their pockets.    Gilbert, longtime TV critic at The Boston Globe, describes his reluctant trip into the dog park subculture, as the first-time owner of a stubbornly social Yellow Lab puppy named Toby. Like many Americans, he was happily accustomed to the safe distance of TV viewing and cell-phone web surfing, tethered to the digital leash. But the headstrong, play-obsessed Toby pulls him to Amory, and Amory becomes an exhilarating dose of presence for him. The joyous chaos of wrestling dogs and the park’s cast of offbeat dog owners – the “pack of freaks” – gradually draw him into the here and now. At the dog park, the dog owners go off the leash, too.     Dog-park life can be tense. When dogs fight, their owners – such as the reckless Charlotte – bare their teeth at each other, too. Amid the rollicking dog play, feelings tend to surface faster, unedited. But Gilbert shows how Amory is an idyllic microcosm, too, the home of enduring friendships and, as the droll but vulnerable Hayley knows, romantic crushes. Meeting daily, a gathering of dog owners can be like group therapy, or The Office, or a standup concert.    As a TV critic, Matthew Gilbert is well-known by his readership for his humorous and wry writing style. A charming narrative that will appeal to anyone who has ever enjoyed watching a puppy scamper through a park, Off the Leash is a paean to dog lovers and their pets everywhere, perfect for fans of Marley & Me and Merle's Door.

    If you've never been around Pit Bulls, you may think they are bloodthirsty man-eaters on the prowl for their next meal. If you've lived with one you know they are, indeed, on the prowl for their next meal - but they plan to get it by conning you out of your meal by doing something irresistibly cute! A breed of satin and steel, Pit Bulls are a mixture of softness and strength, an uncanny canine combination of fun, foolishness, and serious business. If you think Pit Bulls should be purged from the face of the earth, Pit Bulls For Dummies will enlighten you. Perhaps you're curious about this breed and want to know what Pit Bulls are really like; if so, this book is for you. Who else needs this handy reference?Smart people who realize that all breeds have good and bad points New (and not so new) owners who need help with training Owners looking for just the right veterinarian Potential owners looking to adopt from a breed-rescue group Pit Bull owners who need help identifying Pit Bull health problems Too many dog care books are filled with unrealistic scare tactics that would cause anyone to just give up, while others are filled with hand-me-down dog lore that has no basis in reality. You won't find any of that in Pit Bulls For Dummies. Here's a sampling of the handy information you'll find in this essential guide:Understanding the Pit Bull's origins and characteristics Caring for a puppy or older Pit Bull Keeping your dog healthy with diet and exercise Dealing with bad behavior: Biting, barking, jumping, and more Training your Pit Bull in the basics such as sit, stay, heel, and come Understanding Pit Bull body language Helping your dog become a social animal Owning a Pit Bull isn't easy, but that's not because of the dogs. A special commitment to the breed and a special dog owner are needed. Pit Bulls are pretty special dogs, and they have to prove it every day.