Boundaries After a Pathological Relationship


Adelyn Birch - 2016
    It gets to the heart of the matter of personal boundaries. Identifying and setting clear boundaries is vital for survivors and for anyone who wants to become more confident, improve relationships, and prevent victimization.When you create boundaries you take a stand for yourself and your life, and you communicate your worth to others in a real and practical way. This concise and powerful book is filled with practical wisdom and useful tips. It will walk you through the process of creating boundaries from start to finish.You get to decide how you want to live. Find your courage. Live in an authentic way. Protect yourself and what's important to you. Gain self respect and the respect of others. Boundaries will help you do all of these things."The BEST Manual on how to protect yourself from becoming a victim again - I know the subject too well... I am going to recommend it to the facilitators in the divorce support group I am attending.""This small book was full of tons of useful information. I don't usually write in my books, but my copy of Boundaries has underlining on almost every page. I was really glad I bought it.""Excellent Book for Individual, Group or Use in Therapy. A very well written book by an author who has a firm grip on abusers and their cunning ways. Excellent description on what boundaries are, why they are needed and what they can do for the holder of the newly created list of personal boundaries. This book if studied and put into practice could protect many from the narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths in all areas of one's life. It would lend exceptional protection in the area of dating. It would protect a person from repeating the selection of another abuser if a past relationship was abusive. Highly recommend!""Super Helpful: Make And Keep Your Boundaries.This is a really well written book. I found her tips for discovering, recording and keeping your personal boundaries extremely helpful.""My eyes have seen the light. How I wish I would have read this book years ago.""Worth your time! Well written, clear, and concise. So thankful I came across this quick, but powerful read. Having separated myself from an 8 year long destructive marriage, and reading many, many books on the topic, I so appreciate the wisdom I found in this writing. I feel empowered once more! Easily rated at 5 stars."

Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Inner Wholeness Using IFS, a New, Cutting-Edge Therapy


Jay Earley - 2009
    'Self-Therapy' makes the power of a cutting-edge psychotherapy approach accessible to everyone. Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) has been spreading rapidly across the country in the past decade. It is incredibly effective on a wide variety of life issues, such as self-esteem, procrastination, depression, and relationship issues. IFS is also user-friendly; it helps you to comprehend the complexity of your psyche. Dr. Earley shows how IFS is a complete method for psychological healing that you can use on your own. 'Self-Therapy' is also helpful for therapists because it presents the IFS model in such detail that it is a manual for the method. The fact that Jay Earley wrote this book is high praise for the IFS model because he was an accomplished writer and thinker long before encountering IFS. Jay's passion has been to introduce IFS to a lay audience so that people can work with their parts on their own. Through well-described experiential exercises and examples of actual IFS sessions, you will be able to enter your inner world, heal your extreme parts, and transform them into valuable resources. -Richard Schwartz, PhD, creator of IFS, from the Foreword

Games People Play


Eric Berne - 1964
    More than five million copies later, Dr. Eric Berne’s classic is as astonishing–and revealing–as it was on the day it was first published. This anniversary edition features a new introduction by Dr. James R. Allen, president of the International Transactional Analysis Association, and Kurt Vonnegut’s brilliant Life magazine review from 1965.We play games all the time–sexual games, marital games, power games with our bosses, and competitive games with our friends. Detailing status contests like “Martini” (I know a better way), to lethal couples combat like “If It Weren’t For You” and “Uproar,” to flirtation favorites like “The Stocking Game” and “Let’s You and Him Fight,” Dr. Berne exposes the secret ploys and unconscious maneuvers that rule our intimate lives.Explosive when it first appeared, Games People Play is now widely recognized as the most original and influential popular psychology book of our time. It’s as powerful and eye-opening as ever.

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love


Sue Johnson - 2008
    In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond. With this in mind, she focuses on key moments in a relationship-from "Recognizing the Demon Dialogue" to "Revisiting a Rocky Moment" -- and uses them as touch points for seven healing conversations.Through case studies from her practice, illuminating advice, and practical exercises, couples will learn how to nurture their relationships and ensure a lifetime of love.

Parenting From the Inside Out


Daniel J. Siegel - 2003
    Siegel, M.D., and early childhood expert Mary Hartzell, M.Ed., explore the extent to which our childhood experiences actually do shape the way we parent. Drawing upon stunning new findings in neurobiology and attachment research, they explain how interpersonal relationships directly impact the development of the brain, and offer parents a step-by-step approach to forming a deeper understanding of their own life stories, which will help them raise compassionate and resilient children. Born out of a series of parents' workshops that combined Siegel's cutting-edge research on how communication impacts brain development with Hartzell's thirty years of experience as a child-development specialist and parent educator, Parenting from the Inside Out guides parents through creating the necessary foundations for loving and secure relationships with their children.

Growing Yourself Back Up: Understanding Emotional Regression


John H. Lee - 2001
    . . you feel rage . . . fear . . . sweaty palms . . . unbidden tears . . . you feel like a kid . . .We've all experienced moments when we lose control of a situation and ourselves. Now, in Growing Yourself Back Up, the first book to explain the idea of emotional regression to the general reader, bestselling author John Lee identifies the circumstances that cause these seemingly uncontrollable feelings and shows how they are directly tied to our experience as children.No adult, explains Lee, need ever experience the helpless feelings of childhood again. Here are his proven methods and visualization exercises, developed in his popular workshops, for recognizing, preventing, and diffusing regression in ourselves and others. He teaches, for example, that adults cannot be abandoned, they can only be left; if we're feeling abandoned we're regressing. He also reminds us that no matter how overwhelmed we are, adults always have options; if we believe we don't, we're in a regression.Growing Yourself Back Up will show you how to:* develop strong emotional boundaries and convey them to others* learn the Detour Method that reverses regression* confront without regressing* communicate with the authority figures who push your buttons* minimize regression at family functionsLee offers hope--as well as practical strategies that work--for conquering those childlike feelings of powerlessness that are almost always rooted in regression.

Overcoming Trauma through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Body


David Emerson - 2011
    In order to fully heal from trauma, a connection must be made with oneself, including one’s body. The trauma-sensitive yoga described in this book moves beyond traditional talk therapies that focus on the mind, by bringing the body actively into the healing process. This allows trauma survivors to cultivate a more positive relationship to their body through gentle breath, mindfulness, and movement practices. Overcoming Trauma through Yoga is a book for survivors, clinicians, and yoga instructors who are interested in mind/body healing. It introduces trauma-sensitive yoga, a modified approach to yoga developed in collaboration between yoga teachers and clinicians at the Trauma Center at Justice Resource Institute, led by yoga teacher David Emerson, along with medical doctor Bessel van der Kolk. The book begins with an in-depth description of trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), including a description of how trauma is held in the body and the need for body-based treatment. It offers a brief history of yoga, describes various styles of yoga commonly found in Western practice, and identifies four key themes of trauma-sensitive yoga. Chair-based exercises are described that can be incorporated into individual or group therapy, targeting specific treatment goals, and modifications are offered for mat-based yoga classes. Each exercise includes trauma-sensitive language to introduce the practice, as well as photographs to illustrate the poses. The practices have been offered to a wide range of individuals and groups, including men and women, teens, returning veterans, and others. Rounded out by valuable quotes and case stories, the book presents mindfulness, breathing, and yoga exercises that can be used by home practitioners, yoga teachers, and therapists as a way to cultivate awareness, tolerance, and an increased acceptance of the self.

Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism


Sandy Hotchkiss - 2002
    Exploring how individuals come to have this shortcoming, why you get drawn into their perilous orbit, and what you can do to break free, Hotchkiss describes the "Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism" and their origins. You will learn to recognize these hallmarks of unhealthy narcissism -- Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance, Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation, Bad Boundaries -- and to understand the roles that parenting and culture play in their creation. Whether the narcissist in question is a coworker, spouse, parent, or child, Why Is It Always About You? provides abundant practical advice for anyone struggling to break narcissism's insidious spread to the next generation, and for anyone who encounters narcissists in everyday life.

The Dance of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self


Harriet Lerner - 2004
    They are the uninvited guests in our lives. When tragedy or hardship hits, they may become our constant companions.Anxiety can wash over us like a tidal wave or operate as a silent thrum under the surface of our daily lives. With stories that are sometimes hilarious and sometimes heartbreaking, Lerner takes us from "fear lite" to the most difficult lessons the universe sends us. We learn:how a man was "cured in a day" of the fear of rejection -- and what we can learn from his storyhow the author overcame her dread of public speaking when her worst fears were realizedhow to deal with the fear of not being good enough, and with the shame of feeling essentially flawed and inadequatehow to stay calm and clear in an anxious, crazy workplacehow to manage fear and despair when life sends a crash course in illness, vulnerability, and losshow "positive thinking" helps -- and harmshow to be our best and bravest selves, even when we are terrified and have internalized the shaming messages of othersNo one signs up for anxiety, fear, and shame, but we can’t avoid them either. As we learn to respond to these three key emotions in new ways, we can live more fully in the present and move into the future with courage, clarity, humor, and hope. Fear and Other Uninvited Guests shows us how.

The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You


Karla McLaren - 2010
    When you learn to welcome them as your allies, they can reveal creative solutions to any situation. For 35 years, empathic counselor and researcher Karla McLaren has developed a set of practical tools for the real-world stresses of family, career, and the quest for personal fulfillment. On The Language of Emotions, she presents her breakthrough teachings for a new and empowering relationship with your feeling states.How to Harness the Energy of Your EmotionsYour emotions--especially the dark and dishonored ones--hold a tremendous amount of energy. We've all seen what happens when we repress or blindly express them. However, there is a powerful alternative.On The Language of Emotions, you'll learn to meet your emotions and engage with them to safely move toward resolution and equilibrium. Through experiential exercises covering a full spectrum of feelings from anger, fear, and shame to jealousy, grief, joy, and more, you will discover how to work with your own and others' emotions with fluency and expertise.Your Direct Link to Inner WisdomWhen we relate to our emotions with respect and authenticity, we can directly access our innermost wisdom, unfold the deepest parts of ourselves, and heal our most painful wounds. The Language of Emotions gives us a much-needed resource for self-understanding and freedom.Karla McLaren is an award-winning author and pioneering educator who has specialized in the study of emotions as an integrated system for more than 35 years. She is the author of five books and six audio courses on self-healing.Program HighlightsHours of practical insights and guided exercises for partnering with your emotions for wisdom and healing- How to overcome addictions, distractions, and unresolved trauma--the three primary impediments to emotional ease- Using the energy of anger to protect and restore personal boundaries- Step-by-step guidance in the five skills of the empath (someone skilled in reading emotions)- How to balance your "quaternity," a metaphor for the interplay of mind, body, spirit, and emotions- Honoring sadness as a source of release and rejuvenation- Joy, the natural response to beauty and communion

I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression


Terrence Real - 1997
    And these escape attempts only hurt the people men love and pass their condition on to their children.This ground breaking book is the "pathway out of darkness" that these men and their families seek. Real reveals how men can unearth their pain, heal themselves, restore relationships, and break the legacy of abuse. He mixes penetrating analysis with compelling tales of his patients and even his ownexperiences with depression as the son of a violent, depressed father and the father of two young sons.

The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse


Debbie Mirza - 2017
    When most people think of a narcissist they think of someone who is grandiose, obviously self-absorbed, sees themself as superior to others, and throws fits of rage when they don’t get their way. But what if the narcissist is one of the nicest people you’ve ever met? What if they are a great listener, seem to care about others, and are a pillar of the community? What if they are the mother that volunteers at the school, the husband that your girlfriends wish they had, the boss that your co-workers feel so lucky to work for? A covert narcissist has the same traits as the well-known overt type. The difference is when they control and manipulate, when they demean and devalue you it is done is such a subtle way you don’t notice it. Many people can have a parent who is a covert narcissist and not realize it until well into their adulthood. Most people who are married to this type can be with this person for decades, not even recognizing the tactics that have been used on them for years. Others have experienced a boss or co-worker that have taken years of their life and drained them of their energy and self-worth, bringing them to a place where they question their own sanity. There are no visible scars with this form of abuse and you are usually the only one that experiences their destructive and psychologically debilitating behavior. The most common description a survivor of this type of abuse will use is crazy making. If you have experienced or are in a relationship with a covert narcissist this book will help you see that you are not crazy. The author thoroughly explains and illustrates through real life stories what the traits of a covert narcissist are and look like. Your feelings and hunches will be validated and you will finally be able to see clearly and know how to heal after years of confusion. Living with a covert narcissist drains your spirit and leaves you questioning your own reality. You have been lied to for years and it is time to finally see the truth of what you have been through, who you really are, and how much you deserve love and happiness.

Emotional Sobriety: From Relationship Trauma to Resilience and Balance


Tian Dayton - 2007
    Dr. Dayton accomplishes this by presenting and explaining the latest research in neuropsychology and the role trauma plays on chemically altering the brain. With compassion and clear explanations and her own personal journey, Dayton teaches readers how to undo the neuropsychological damage of trauma to rewire the brain and reverse the negative effects trauma has on our future relationships and behaviors to gain emotional sobriety. In Emotional Sobriety, Dr. Dayton teaches readers: How to understand the mind/body relationship of addiction and relationship trauma How to rewire your brain to undo the negative effects trauma has on personal, career, and romantic relationships How changing the way one lives and perceives adult relationships can change the way one thinks and feels and vice versa

Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families


John C. Friel - 1988
    But what about the rest of us? What about families that had no alcoholism, but did have perfectionism, workaholism, compulsive overeating, intimacy problems, depression, problems in expressing feelings, plus all the other personality traits that can produce a family system much like an alcoholic one?Countless millions of us struggle with these kinds of dysfunctions every day, and until very recently we struggled alone. Pulling together both theory and clinical practice, John and Linda Friel provide a readable explanation of what happened to us and how we can rectify it.

Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts


Carol Tavris - 2007
    When we make mistakes, we must calm the cognitive dissonance that jars our feelings of self-worth. And so we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility, restoring our belief that we are smart, moral, and right -- a belief that often keeps us on a course that is dumb, immoral, and wrong. Backed by years of research and delivered in lively, energetic prose, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception -- how it works, the harm it can cause, and how we can overcome it.