Damn, now I sound stupid, too." -Bomani Jones, ESPN "It's great, and I have no idea what just happened, but Jerry Jones dick exploded and that's enough for me." -Spencer Hall, SB Nation "The only parody Twitter account worth following" -Deadspin.com "This is the least influential book of anything I've ever read. I hated it." -Adolf Hitler In what is being hailed by many, probably, as the best, funniest, most gut-shittingly poignant literary work since The New Testament, PFT Commenter takes you on a realistic-fiction journey through the backdoor politics of today's NFL. Set in the 2014 offseason, Roger Goodell and President Barack Obama become locked in a mano a mano battle over the future of the Dallas Cowboys, culminating in a literal fight to the death. Starring NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, Barack Obama, Mike Ditka, Joe Biden, Michael Vick, Peter King, Ron Jaworski, Dan Snyder, Robert Griffin III, Danny Woodhead, J.J. Watt, Jerry Jones, Russell Wilson, Pete Carroll, and many more of your favorite NFL stars and media personalities; "Goodell vs. Obama: The Battle for the Future of the NFL" will take you on a journey that any NFL fan is sure to love, or at least not hate. WARNING: Told through the narrative eye and screaming mouth of an uneducated internet commenter, this book is filled with grammatical errors. It was written by a someone who was raised on scorching hot sports takes, light beer, and an undying love for Roger Goodell. He cares about TELLING, not about spelling. If that's going to be a problem,, there's the door.

    When a small-town beat cop comes home to bury his murdered father—the revered Philadelphia detective James Sangster Sr.—he begins to unravel a mystery that leads him down a path of horrors that will shake his beliefs to their core. The city that was once the symbol of liberty and freedom has fallen prey to corruption, poverty, unemployment, brutality… and vampires. Welcome to KILLADELPHIA.

    He had antlers and lived with his father in a little cabin in the woods. Then his father died, and the big man with cold eyes took Gus away. Gus went on many great adventures, found friends, love, happiness, family, and acceptance.Now, years later…it begins again. A young boy with antlers and deer-like feature wakes in a bizarre and completely foreign world where the last humans struggle to survive. They tell the boy he is special, he is chosen, and that he alone can lead them back to a world dominated by the oppressive Hybrids.Sweet Tooth: The Return is no re-hash of the original series, but rather a bold re-imagining of the Sweet Tooth mythology; taking elements of the original series and remixing them into something familiar, but totally new. A divided world. A planet long ago past the point of devastation. And at the center of it all, a child who didn’t ask to be born into any of this, but who has no choice but to try and forge some life for himself. His visions and dreams may not be real at all…they may just be fiction. But they are hope. And sometimes hope is enough.Acclaimed writer/artist Jeff Lemire reunites with colorist José Villarubia to bring you the next chapter in the saga of DC’s acclaimed series Sweet Tooth!

    Read a scare … if you dare! Mystery Underground is a collection of scary short stories for kids, middle grade readers, and everyone who likes a good scare. The stories combine the monsters and mystery of Goosebumps with the surprise endings of The Twilight Zone. They are the perfect scary stories to read in the dark, around the campfire, or under the covers at night with a flashlight. States of Emergency includes six short stories from the first three books in the Mystery Underground series. #1: HAPPY HAIRY BIRTHDAY WALLED LAKE, MICHIGAN It’s Cody Wolf’s birthday and a party waits for him. To get there, he takes a dangerous short cut. Halfway along, a snarling werewolf appears in his path. Cody runs but the werewolf pursues. The chase in on! #2: ZOMBIE KING MIDLAND, MICHIGAN Bryce doesn’t want to dress up as something silly for Halloween. He wants to be a zombie. He even calls himself the zombie king. Does he get his wish in the graveyard on a haunted foggy night? #3: DEEP GREEN SEA PENSACOLA, FLORIDA Emma and her family return wearily home after a hurricane. The devastation left behind looks like a zombie apocalypse. But are zombies the scariest things that can rise from the ruin? #4: SECRET OF THE SINKHOLE GAINESVILLE, FLORIDA Brady, Calvin, and Troy discover a sinkhole in a Florida orange grove. There are police cars and flashing lights all around, but no other people. When they climb into the hole, the boys discover the frightening truth about how—and what—causes sinkholes to form. #5: TAR PIT TERROR LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA The fossils of many prehistoric animals—from dire wolves to mastodons—have been found in the La Brea Tar Pits. When Liam and Charlotte discover a saber-toothed cat’s paw, they realize that not all fossils want to be found. #6: NO. 13 PENCIL SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA Jackson is an amazing artist. His drawings of monsters, beasts, and witches are realistic and terrifying. What happens when the creatures come to life? ALSO AVAILABLE #1: MICHIGAN MONSTERS Dive into Terror in the Great Lakes State #2: FRIGHTENING FLORIDA Fear Strikes Florida When the Sunshine State Goes Dark #3: CALIFORNIA CREATURES Beware the Glitter of the Golden State

    Now forever means something vastly different for the two best friends. Taria just being a college student she never thought she would run into a vampire serial killer or being accused of murder, to becoming a vampire herself. Taria never thought that asking for excitement in her life she would end up with Michael a sexy vampire with deadly secrets but who made her his Queen. Michael has always seen visions, but he never saw Taria coming into his life. The couple is more than just lovers but soulmates who were destined to be together. Michael can feel his power growing as the New Year approaches as he fights whoever attacks his family and friends. He knows that he must protect his people as he takes the throne, but before that can happen, he had to take the Van Allans down. With Taria by his side, Michael knows he can defend and rule the vampire covens, or they would die trying. LaToya never imagined finding someone who loves her enough to let her be herself. She never thought she would have children and now can’t Imagine life without them. LaToya went looking for answers about herself and found that she was more than what she appeared. Quinn with deadly secrets himself found his mate and would never let her go. Finally finding of his own past, he has to find the True Alpha inside if he wants to keep his mate, children, and all wolf shifter packs safe. Enemies are all around the friends who became more. They found allies, friends and more secrets to uncover but before they can move on to their next adventure in their lives, they had to deal with the fact something wants to end the world, and another wants to rule it. It's up to these four to make it right even at the cost of their own lives. They will come to realize nothing lives forever. Will Michael gain the power that belongs to him or will Victor Van Allan finally take it? Will Quinn be able to be the True Alpha of his kind? Will LaToya keep her children safe while learning to use her birth given gifts? Will Taria be able to fulfill her hunter role, help Michael rule the vampire covens, and finally figure out the power that is hidden inside of her? Who will make it in this last installment of Deadly Secrets Brothers That Bite? This story will be best read if you read Deadly Secrets Brothers that Bite 1-4, Desire of the Harvest Moon: The Change, Twice Marked Witches and Wolves first.

    if you dare.

    The series is designed to be read in order, and you should read part 1 first (Strange Sanctuary). The complete series box set is also available —Blackburn Manor hides a terrifying and unnatural secret. Evil just got a new address…After months on the run from an abusive relationship, Linda Green is ready to slow down and start her life over again. Exhausted from ever-present fear and stress, she yearns for the peace that a fresh start can bring. A fresh start she hopes to find at Blackburn Manor.The lush green trees and serene nature surrounding the manor feel so calming to her frazzled soul that Linda is ready to take advantage of everything this peaceful oasis has to offer. No internet, no distractions. It’s perfect.Until she sees the faces in the window.Not one to believe much in the supernatural, Linda shrugs it off as just a feeling. But the longer she’s at the manor, the more the feeling of uneasiness grows. From the creepy old neighbor who watches her every move to the moving shadows and unexplained phone calls in the middle of the night, something is just not right.She can trust no one. Not even herself.As Linda begins to uncover the history of the place, she is sure that something strange is going on at Blackburn Manor. Something sinister that hides in the shadows, deep within walls cloaked with secrets.Something that will stop at nothing to keep those secrets hidden.The Haunting of Blackburn Manor is a chilling supernatural tale of what happens when a woman’s search for sanctuary turns into a desperate and terrifying attempt to save her own life. Evil truly has a new address...- Part One: Strange Sanctuary (released on March 4th);- Part Two: Voices in the Night (released on March 11th);- Part Three: Secrets in the Dark (released on March 18th);- Part Four: Legend and Lore (released on March 25th);- Part Five: A Call from the Beyond (released on April 1st);- Part Six: Ashes to Ashes (released on April 8th).Don’t miss the second installment of the Haunting of Blackburn Manor, a six-part series of suspense, supernatural horror and mystery.New to the series? Start with Strange Sanctuary, part One of The Haunting of Blackburn Manor.

    But as grief and rage builds inside Bruce until he feels he can’t keep it inside anymore, something strange starts taking wing in the Gotham night! Perhaps Bruce’s grief isn’t inside him after all?Modern masters Kurt Busiek and John Paul Leon unite for the spiritual companion to the beloved SUPERMAN: SECRET IDENTITY, putting a new spin you’ve never seen before on the legend of Batman—and the dark emotions that drive him!

     Will her time at the haunted Leaf Academy change all that? Award-winning photographer Jocelyn Graves gets an invitation to document the Leaf Academy, but she may get more than she bargained for in this spooky location. There's music coming from the rotting auditorium, doppelgangers have made an appearance, and there is a ghost boy who haunts the place. But is he a forgotten victim, or is he really a negative entity masquerading as a sad child? There's a mysterious saying carved into the stone above the door, and Jocelyn discovers black feathers in strange locations. The Leaf Academy is a puzzle Jocelyn needs an answer to--before the sun comes up. The photographer is about to get the shock of her life and meet an entity she will never forget. Although she will wish she could. The October People is a Gulf Coast Paranormal Extra and a standalone novella.  Read all the Gulf Coast Paranormal books and meet the entire paranormal investigation team.  Gulf Coast Paranormal Series The Ghosts of Kali Oka Road The Ghosts of the Crescent Theater A Haunting on Bloodgood Row  And so many more!  Scroll up and grab your copy of THE OCTOBER PEOPLE!

    Then they came. And everything changed.Through an innocent act of mischief, a trio of an ancient witches is unleashed in the small town of Clayton, New Mexico.Years later, a dust storm suddenly appears across a stretch of Interstate 412, creating a massive crash that includes Chris Boylin and his daughter, Jaycee. They are uninjured, but while Chris goes to assist others who were not so lucky, his daughter disappears.In the thick air of the storm, just before the clouds clear, Chris sees a pair of haunting shapes outlined in a glow of light.The search for Jaycee dead ends, but a website article about an abduction in 1939--one eerily similar to Jaycee's--leads Chris to an elderly man named Arthur Richland, whose terrifying childhood story of his sister Ruby just might be the answer to saving a missing girl's life.What came with the storm? And are they responsible for the mysterious disappearances?Do not miss this creepy new tale from the author readers are comparing to Dean Koontz and Stephen King. Grab your copy today and prepare to be swept into a story you won't soon forget.They Came with the Storm is a standalone novel, not part of a series.

    One now roams the Spanish countryside, feeding on robbers and bandits, while the other hides in a cave on the slopes of Mt. Vesuvius, experimenting with his newfound powers. Neither has thought much about the other over the last eighteen years. But Baella, the ancient renegade, has plans for the pair, and her plans don’t involve letting the two live out their lives in relative peace. Through her treachery, they are reunited in Pompeii, but not even Baella can stop the coming cataclysm. Powerful forces are rising in the world of the Bachiyr, and Taras and Theron may find themselves caught up in something much bigger than they can imagine. That is, if either of them survive the mountain’s fiery anger.

    Portsmouth, England. A global particle physics experiment releases a pulse of unknown energy with catastrophic results. Scientists in their laboratories search desperately for a solution to the broken fabric of existence, but they are already too late, the sanctity of the grave has been sundered. There is no virus or bacteria to combat, just chaos and horror as a million graveyards expel their tenants from eternal slumber. The world is unaware of the impending apocalypse, realisation only dawns with the appearance of the mouldering corpses who devour everything they encounter. Governments crumble and armies are scattered to the wind. Kurt Taylor, a self-employed plumber, witnesses the start of the horrifying outbreak. Desperate to reach his family before they fall victim to the ever growing horde of shambling corruption, he flees the scene, watching the unfolding cannibalism and destruction in his rear view mirror. In a society with few guns, how can people hope to survive the endless waves of zombies that seek to consume every living thing? With ingenuity, planning and everyday materials, the group forge their way and strike back at the Hellspawn legions. Rescues are mounted, but not all survivors are benevolent. The evil that is in all men has been given free rein in this new, dead world. With both the living and dead to contend with, is there any hope for the Taylor family?

    Learn more about Peter, Lois, Meg, Chris, Stewie, Brian, and friends than you can shake a stick at -- or, in Brian's case, shake a martini at!There's a ton of insider stuff too:Commentary from the show's creator, producers, writers, and voice-over artists, including thoughts about those guys at Fox who did the unthinkable (like canceling the show) ...and then the unheard of (like bringing it back to the network!)Behind-the-scenes jokes and pranksSubtle things you may have missedAnd lots moreIt's all here -- Family Guy, uncanceled, unbanned, and uncensored!It's a must-have for all Family Guy fans.

    But what if something has come back with them? In the real world, a father and son discover the blurred line between fiction and reality.The writer and artist behind Batman: The Black Mirror reunite to shed light on a celluloid artifact once thought forever missing, perhaps with good reason…Part of the comiXology Originals line of exclusive digital content only available on comiXology and Kindle. Read for free as part of your subscription to comiXology Unlimited, Kindle Unlimited or Amazon Prime. Also available for purchase via comiXology, Kindle and collected in print via Dark Horse Books.

    But even they could not have been prepared for the horrors that arose from beneath the decks of The Swift Current one dark evening. That night, the sea birthed a perfect predator: hundreds of years old and gargantuan in size, with hungry jaws that have never needed to evolve, and glassy eyes that disguise a fierce intelligence. Can Newfoundland and her people survive this horror from an age gone by?International Best-Selling horror icon Paul Carberry takes the terror offshore in this stunning, suspenseful new thriller!