They’re fluffy, playful, and can be a joy to have as a companion. However, they can also be huge assholes. So what can you do? How do you deal with a roommate who always seems to be plotting to kill you?While we all love sharing adorable photos of kittens, these frisky felines are known more for marching to the beat of their own drum than abiding by the rules. From running around your home at two in the morning, knocking everything off your shelves, or taking up most of your bed, these furry critters can be immensely selfish and disrespectful to those who give them endless love and affection.Why Cats Are Assholes is up for such a challenge. From studying their history all the way back to ancient Egypt, comedian Liz Miele—the daughter of veterinarians—digests the cat psyche to try and understand why they do the things they do, and how we, as their loyal servants, can handle domestic bliss with them around.With the help of her cat Pasta, Miele breaks down the common behaviors of cats in an attempt to try and better understand their plan of attack (if there is one), as well as what we can do to better prepare ourselves.Whether you have one, two, or twelve fur babies, Why Cats Are Assholes is the ultimate guide to better understanding your pet’s behavior while taking back your home from these domesticated terrorists.

    With her faithful Newfie, Miss Fancypants, at her side, Maggie is determined to find the real killer and clear her grandpa's name.Assuming he isn't the actual killer, of course...

    Her husband, a prestigious psychiatrist, has been in an accident. And he isn’t alone.Suddenly Evelyn’s world isn’t as tidy as she thought. And in the midst of it all is Juliette, not only her husband’s secret lover but also his patient. If news of the affair were to get out, it would ruin more than just Evelyn’s marriage. Although it’s a bitter pill for Evelyn to swallow, protecting her family means staying silent—even if, as she begins to discover, the night of the accident has consequences far more dangerous than the unmasking of an affair.But the more Evelyn learns about Juliette’s picture-perfect life—complete with a handsome, unsuspecting husband—the more she yearns for revenge…and satisfaction. Her growing obsession fuels her rage, burning away her complacency. What will be left of her after it flames out?

     It’s February 2003 and private detective Glenn Wozniak just wants to ride out the remainder of a cold Chicago winter perched on a bar stool, pairing shots of Irish whiskey with cheap beer. But when a client neglects to pay him for services rendered, Glenn finds himself desperate for work, any work. Enter a wealthy new client offering a lot of money to find his missing daughter. On the eve of the U.S. war in Iraq, Glenn begins an investigation that will take him from the far northern edge of Chicago to an industrial wasteland at its southern border to some of the most dangerous parts of the city’s west side. Along the way, he’ll encounter anti-war protesters, ex-cons, drug dealers, corrupt cops, and a gang member leading a double life, ultimately unearthing deadly secrets that will make him some dangerous enemies. This new mystery and suspense release is the first in a series about Chicago Private Investigator Glenn Wozniak. It is recommended to readers who enjoy gritty, fast-paced thrillers in the tradition of Raymond Chandler, Dashiell Hammett, Ross MacDonald and Robert Parker. The Glenn Wozniak private eye fiction series can be found under the following ebook categories: - Chicago crime - Thriller books with a twist - Chicago detective - Chicago private investigator - Mystery and suspense new releases - Private eye series - Pulp modern - Private detective novels - Private eye fiction

    Elizabeth (Bessie) Cubbon, aged somewhere between free bus pass (60) and telegram from the Queen (100), has lived her entire adult life in a small cottage on Laxey beach. For most of those years, she's been in the habit of taking a brisk morning walk along the beach. Dead men have never been part of the scenery before. Aunt Bessie assumes that the dead man died of natural causes, then the police find the knife in his chest. Try as she might, Bessie just can't find anything to like about the young widow that she provides tea and sympathy to in the immediate aftermath of finding the body. There isn't much to like about the rest of the victim's family either. Aunt Bessie assumes that the police will have the case wrapped up in no time at all, then she finds a second body. Can Bessie and her friends find the killer before she ends up as the next victim?Aunt Bessie Believes that Moirrey Teare is just about the most disagreeable woman she's ever had the misfortune to meet. Elizabeth Cubbon, (Aunt Bessie to nearly everyone), is somewhere past sixty, and old enough to ignore the rude woman that does her best to ruin the first session of the beginning Manx language class they are both taking. Moirrey's sudden death is harder to ignore. Aunt Bessie believes that Moirrey's death was the result of the heart condition that Moirrey always complained about. The police investigation, however, suggests that someone switched some of the dead woman's essential medications for something far more deadly. Aunt Bessie believes that she and her friends can find the killer. But with Doona suspended from work and spending all of her time with the dead woman's long-lost brother, with Hugh caught up in a brand new romance and with Inspector Rockwell chasing after a man that might not even exist, Bessie finds herself believing that someone might just get away with murder. Aunt Bessie Considers it an honour to be giving a presentation about her research at a conference at the Manx Museum. Miss Elizabeth Cubbon is known as “Aunt Bessie” to nearly everyone in her hometown of Laxey. While she never earned a college degree, she’s become something of an expert in the history of the island that she’s called home for all of her adult life. Once she turned sixty, she stopped counting how many years that includes. Aunt Bessie considers it unfair when the entire conference schedule is thrown into disarray by Mack Dickson’s sudden arrival. Mack promises that what he has to say is important enough to warrant the upheaval. But even more turmoil follows when Bessie discovers Mack’s body only a short time after he’s finished giving his speech. Aunt Bessie considers Police Inspector Peter Corkill a poor substitute for her friend, John Rockwell. But the Manx Museum is out of Rockwell’s jurisdiction and that means Corkill is in charge of the investigation, no matter what Bessie thinks. With Corkill insisting that Mack’s death was probably an unfortunate accident, Mack’s slides that shocked the conference disappear. Bessie finds herself drawn into another investigation, and she’s determined to drag her friends, Rockwell, Doona and Hugh, in with her.

    Instead, she reinvents herself and the new Bobbie Jones—new haircut, new name, new attitude—follows her soon-to-be ex to the small Northern California town of Cottonmouth. What better way to show him—and his sweetheart—what he’s missing in the brand new Bobbie Jones than taking up with the town’s local bad boy—who’s also reputed to be a serial killer. Nick Angel is devilishly handsome and sexy as all get-out. In a word, perfect.It’s all going exactly according to plan...until a real murder rocks the little town of Cottonmouth. Of course, Nick didn’t do it...did he?“She’s Gotta Be Mine”, previously published as “Sex and the Serial Killer”,

    Known for roles on the small screen such as "never-nude" Tobias Funke on "Arrested Development "and the role of "David" in "Mr. Show With Bob And David, "as well as a hugely successful stand-up routine full of sharp-tongued rants and rages, Cross has carved out his place in American comedy. Whether deflating the pomposity of religious figures, calling out the pathetic symbiosis of pseudo-celebrity and its leaching fandom, or merely pushing the buttons of the way-too-easily offended P.C. left or the caustic, double-standard of the callous (but funnier) right, Cross has something to say about everyone, including his own ridiculous self. Now, for the first time, Cross is weaving his media mockery, celebrity denunciation, religious commentary and sheer madness into book form, revealing the true story behind his almost existential distaste of Jim Belushi ("The Belush"), disclosing the up-to-now unpublished minutes to a meeting of Fox television network executives, and offering up a brutally grotesque run-in with Bill O'Reilly. And as if this wasn't enough for your laughing pleasure in these troubled times, some of the pieces splinter off with additional material being created online in exclusive video and animated web content created solely for the book-a historical first (presumably)! With a mix of personal essays, satirical fiction posing as truth, advice for rich people, information from America's least favorite Rabbi and a top-ten list of top-ten lists, I DRINK FOR A REASON is as unique as the comedian himself, and cannot be missed.

    Together with handsome detective Mark Snow, they set to bring the killer to justice. But Annie is haunted by her past, unable to overcome her mother's death and her father deserting their family. Soon after, the investigation takes a surprising turn when Annie and her boyfriend find themselves among the suspects. What is the cryptic message left on the late doctor's charts... and is it possible that Annie, or one of her friends, is responsible for the crimes? Praise for BLOOD SISTER: "A charming murder mystery" - Gisela Hausmann, author & blogger "A uniquely courageous and quirky whodunit with a fresh voice." - Jesse Giles Christiansen

    A sinister key whose history changed the course of a world war. A cursed chalice that's gone missing in the city of sin. An Icelandic town with a terrible secret. Join retired detective Virginia Holmes on the adventure of a lifetime as she investigates some of the most hair-raising cases in the history of sleuthing! This complete collection is guaranteed to keep you guessing and enjoy a few laughs along the way! This collection contains: MURDER AT THE FILMORE A murder has occurred at the Filmore Hotel, one of Madison, Wisconsin's most discreet lakeside resorts. It looks cut and dry: a suspect fleeing the scene, a scorned wife, a mythical murder weapon. But then a retired detective by the name of Virginia Holmes arrives. There's more to this mystery than meets the eye ... and the murderer might still be inside the hotel. THE VANISHING SPY A murdered French butler. A missing skeleton key. For retired detective Virginia Holmes, this case should be no problem. But when Holmes and her assistant travel to France to investigate, the sleuths find themselves embroiled in a far deeper mystery that leads all the way back to the French Resistance of World War II. Spies. Nazis. Deception. And a town that may hold a terrible secret. DEADLY ODDS An ancient chalice. A missing man. A mysterious death ... Retired detective Virginia Holmes arrives in Las Vegas and quickly finds herself taking on more than she bargained for! With the help of her plucky assistant, she'll need to uncover the mystery of an ancient artifact if she has any hope of finding an important executive who's gone missing in the Sin City. But the closer they get to the truth, the faster the bodies pile up. And if she's not careful, Holmes will be next! ICED OUT IN ICELAND When a grisly murder occurs in a remote Icelandic town, it's up to Detective Virginia Holmes to fit together the pieces! But with no leads and only a few clues, she'll have to dig deep into the town's history. What she finds is almost as explosive as the volcano threatening to erupt at any moment ...

    That is unless Jeffrey, the mischievous Russian Blue cat who led her to the icy body in the first place, can flick his sleek gray tail at the final piece in the puzzle.

    In this hilarious book of tongue-in-cheek poetry, the author of the internationally syndicated comic strip Sally Forth helps cats unlock their creative potential and explain their odd behaviour to ignorant humans. With titles like Who Is That on Your Lap?, This Is My Chair, Kneel Before Me, Nudge, and Some of My Best Friends Are Dogs, the poems collected in I Could Pee on This perfectly capture the inner workings of the cat psyche. With photos of the cat authors throughout, this whimsical volume reveals kitties at their wackiest, and most exasperating (but always lovable).

    In the same moment, his dreams of settling down with his pregnant girlfriend are dashed when she is moved off to Texas by her parents. Left alone in small town Oklahoma, he embarks on a deranged, cross-country quest for a family of his own.STILL LIFE WITH BRASS POLE is Craig Machen’s funny, debauched and heartfelt memoir about young love and coming of age in the titillation business. And how a roaring White Knight Complex, an eccentric comedy club owner, and a trio of unpredictable striptease artists conspire to help him achieve his aims.

    Mostly. Calm down.)Jewels, art, historical artifacts—nothing is safe when this professional thief is on the job.(That makes it sound so sinister.)Lying to everyone you love is second nature when you work in that particular industry. The truth, however, becomes a little harder to hide when she falls into bed with her roommate/crush.Avoiding dealing with the unpleasantness of feelings, Molly takes an assignment in Scotland and is paired up with an untrustworthy wildcard. It doesn’t help that her new partner-in-crime is super annoying. And devastatingly handsome…(Are you suggesting there’s something between me and him? hahahahaha No. Just no.)When a mission doesn’t go according to plan, she wonders if it’s time to hang up her burglar mask for good and try having a normal life with a normal job. And a lot less trespassing.(Snore. Borrrring.)Join Molly on her hilarious adventures as she dodges bullets, wears disguises, and steals her way into trouble.

    He has it all: the beautiful wife, the high-powered job, the glittering circle of friends. But there is a price to be paid for all these trappings, and the pressure is mounting—until the day Adam makes a fatal mistake. His assistant leaves him a message with three words: your sister called. What no one knows is that Adam’s sister has been missing for decades. That she represents the excruciatingly painful past he has left behind. And that her absence has secretly tormented him all these years. When his assistant brushes off his request for an explanation in favor of her more pressing personal call, Adam loses it. And all hell breaks loose. Adam is escorted from the building. He loses his job. He loses his wife. He loses the life he’s worked so hard to achieve. He doesn’t believe it is possible to sink any lower when he is assigned to work in a soup kitchen as a form of community service. But unbeknownst to Adam, this is where his life will intersect with Chance. Chance is a mixed breed Pit Bull. He’s been born and raised to fight and seldom leaves the dirty basement where he is kept between fights. But Chance is not a victim or a monster. It is Chance’s unique spirit that helps him escape and puts him in the path of Adam. What transpires is the story of one man, one dog, and how they save each other—in ways they never could have expected.

    Dog Town, USA. Population: 30,342 people, 25,212 dogs and counting. Mutts of all sizes, shapes, and creeds welcome. Wipe your paws at the front door. After spending six years covering crime for a big newspaper in Portland, ace reporter Winifred Wolf returns to her hometown of Dog Mountain and takes a job covering canine-related stories for the local paper. But soon the dog parades, humane society fundraisers and Dog-a-thons take a toll, and it’s not long before the normally dogged reporter finds herself…well, dog tired of her boring new beat. That is, until a dead body shows up in a local dog park one day in June, and Winifred’s sister, the owner of prominent pastry shop The Barkery, is accused of committing the ghastly deed. Winfred suddenly finds herself in a race against the clock to uncover the real murderer. Her only hope in saving her sister is convincing a police lieutenant who she’s been at odds with to break the rules and delve deeper into the mystery. Can Winifred find the real criminal in time for the town’s annual Fourth of July Pooch Parade? Or will the summer go to the dogs? Romance smolders, mystery flourishes, and dogs of every sort abound in the first installment of this brand new cozy mystery series from Amazon bestselling author Meg Muldoon.