Stories from the Diplomatic Bag

    

    Beginning on January 1, this book features 365 new holidays, each accompanied by a strange, dark and humorous short story explaining the day you woke up in and how to celebrate it. These 365 daily doses of delight, perversion, and nonsense include Hire Someone Attractive To Pretend To Love You Day, Hang on to Your Wide-Eyed Innocence Day, Sit in Abject Terror Day, and, of course, Cruelty Day.Far more than just a humor book, Happy Cruelty Day! is like a daily instructional manual written by a psychopath. On one page, the book has you joining a community crime watch group in an effort to make friends (it won't work). Flip the page, and you'll find the details of your attempt to rescue your husband from a POW camp (you'll fail). Flip it again, and Happy Cruelty Day! will have important insight into how best to befriend a runaway teen (offer her some soup).These holidays celebrate everything from that pivotal point in your life when everything changes, to the day you're not going to do anything but sit on the edge of your bed and get very drunk. When people realize they've fallen in love, or when they realize their love was just a lie. And of course, when love of whatever incarnation brings an index finger to clench tight around the trigger of a gun.Raw, ridiculous, and laugh-out-loud funny, this is a sharp-edged satire on the subtleties, shallowness, and stupidity of daily life.

    The town where roses are difficult is Shelby, in the Alberta foothills, and the time is the 1950s. Matt Stanley, the editor of the local paper, relishes the range of people he meets, from Willie MacCrimmon, the local shoemaker and demon curler, to the oldest resident, Daddy Sherry, all the way to the disreputable Rory Napoleon and his wife, Mame, who once conceived at the top of a ferris wheel “because there was nothing else to do.” But when a sociologist arrives to study the town, Matt takes her under his wing, which produces unexpected results. From scenes of high comedy (as when Santa comes to Shelby, or when Rory Napoleon’s goats invade the town) to gentle sadness, this 1990 novel shows W.O Mitchell at his traditional best.

    Byrne’s own wit, diligent research, and creativity combine to form a fresh go-to reference that serves readers better than Google—no Wi-Fi required. The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said is an all-new collection of clever quips and laugh-out-loud punch lines from Gracie Allen to Frank Zappa, on such topics as sex, divorce, religion, fashion, animals, and money: STEVE MARTIN: “I’d do anything for a good body except exercise and eat right.” JON STEWART: “War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” NORA EPHRON: “Successful parents have adult children who can pay for their own psychoanalysis.” This compilation, to be enjoyed by generations young and old, deserves a place of honor on every language lover’s bookshelf.

    Yes, it is really that good." "This is going to be my 'go to book' when I've had a bad day!" Please Note: Some profanity, not for children!

    In Brooklyn, he grows an unexpected friendship with Aaron, a young ultra-orthodox Jew that helps him find a job and invites him to his home. Jeff meets Eva, a successful businesswoman, who works as a broker at the World Trade Center. When Rebecca, Aaron’s ultra-orthodox sister, falls in love with Jeff, she throws her life, and his, into a swirl.A touching and mind-opening novel that will catch your attention from the very first page.Broken Leaves of Autumn is a fascinating and many-folded love affair that takes the reader from small-town Arizona to the Ultra-Orthodox Jewish community of Brooklyn NY, and from World Trade Center “ground zero” to Israel. It is a delicate and absorbing love story which will not leave you indifferent.A sensitive and perfectly written story the holds an unexpected surprise.A young man trying to build a new life for himself while dealing with his family secrets; A beautiful young woman exiled from her community after her passion is exposed; A handsome broker, pregnant with two, caught in the World Trade Center in 9/11. All these are brilliantly and skillfully brought together into a page turning novel that will catch you by the heart.

    Mikol watches helplessly as his brothers take up arms against a warlord that has united the Savage Kingdoms. Discovering a secret 3000 years forgotten, Mikol must choose between the immediate safety of his apprenticeship and a quest that will take him deep into the Savage Kingdoms that could change the world forever.

    Cricket's dressing-room clown is now broadcasting's joker in the pack. Whether it's dining on mealworms on I'm a Celebrity, displaying his ballroom fleckle on Strictly Come Dancing or causing weekly mayhem for the long-suffering host Sue Barker on A Question of Sport, millions of us enjoy Tuffers' lust for life and endearing sense of humour.In Where Am I?, Phil gamely tries to make sense of the wonderful roller-coaster he has been riding these last dozen years, delighting fans with a treasure trove of wonderful stories about the places he has been, the people he has met, the 'things' he has been asked to do but - most of all - the sheer enormous joy he has had doing it all.

     Bedlam, is the first of four books in the hysterically funny series, “Diary of a Stressed Out Mother”. Dora Loveday (harassed mother of four kids, two unruly dogs, and a psychotic cat), records the daily chaos and madness of her family life in this laugh-out-loud, comic romp of a diary!

    Oaklayne Plantation is in ruins, a stark reflection of the condition of a once prosperous country and her families who have been torn apart by war. Was anything gained by the deaths of so many Americans? Is all hope for restoration gone?The Reconstruction Era is an often overlooked, but politically charged time in American history. Oaklayne, The Reconstruction presents an engaging mix of heart rending tragedy, sabotage, murder, corruption and intrigue, together with humor, romance, joy, faith, hope and love. Come along with General Adam Layne as he walks the tumultuous road toward rebuilding his live, his family, his childhood home and his country in this historically accurate portrayal of a man who refuses to accept meaningless loss.

    This is a #MeToo story that has waited over a century to be told. Mt. Clemens, Michigan, 1887. Seventeen and headstrong, with marriage on her mind, Maggie is sure she has found her one true love. But when she collides head-on with betrayal, overwhelming loss and ill-treatment, her life unravels. Maggie rises above adversity through rare determination and grit, becoming an independent woman ahead of her time. Yet before she can truly find peace, one heartbreaking, life-altering decision remains. Inspired by her great-grandmother's life, the author weaves a timeless story of survival and courage set against the backdrop of Mt. Clemens, Michigan and the prairies of eastern Montana at the turn of the twentieth century.

    He was leaving the hopelessness of his current life behind, but he now faced the uncertainty of living along the coastal waters of Grays Harbor, where the prospect of a better life was likely just as grim.Over the past several weeks, most of his friends and neighbors had either died or disappeared - and judging from the rumors around town and the limited amount of information he'd seen in the news, it seemed to be happening everywhere. He was hoping that the quiet, picturesque community of Cohasset Beach would shield his family from the chaos and misery in the world around them - but even in a secluded cabin, hidden by the ancient forests of the Pacific Northwest, his family begins to notice strange things happening around them. They soon discover that the nightmare they've been hiding from, isn't nearly as terrifying as what awaits them in the nearby town of Westport.

    Liliana is a beautiful and educated young Jewish woman. She marries Henry and becomes a mother to Rebecca. She has a full life ahead of her in Poland, or so it seems. The time period is the beginning of World War II, when the Germans invade Poland. To protect her, Liliana and Henry entrust Rebecca to their Christian friends. Shortly thereafter, Henry is among those taken to the concentration camp. Time passes, and Liliana knows little about the fate of her husband or daughter. To survive, Liliana (now known as Helena) assumes the identity of a Polish aristocrat and ends up working for a German officer named Robert. In a twist of fate, Robert and Helena fall in love with each other and get married. Unknown to Liliana, Henry survives and reunites with their daughter Rebecca. He finds a way to communicate with Liliana, only to find out that she started a new life. Liliana has yet to reveal her true identity to her German husband. Filled with guilt and longing for Rebecca, she thinks of putting an end to all of the lies. Will Liliana finally overcome her fears and reunite with her daughter? Parallel Lives is based on a true story. It brings the reader on a captivating journey of the "parallel lives" of a family who was separated by war. The journey takes the reader though a myriad of human emotions, including: love, jealousy, fear, despair, and freedom.

    How To Be A Public Author will take the debate to another level. It will get everyone talking – and laughing – even more about Britain’s biggest annual book bonanza.Francis Plug is a troubled and often drunk misfit who causes chaos and confusion wherever he goes – and where he most likes to go is to real author events, collecting signatures from the likes of Salman Rushdie, Kazuo Ishiguro, and Eleanor Catton.As he adds to this collection of signed Booker first editions, Francis – a wannabe author himself – is also helpfully writing a self-help manual. This is devised with the novice writer in mind, and full of sage wisdom and useful tidbits to help ease freshly published novelists into the demands and rigors of author events, readings, and general life in the public eye.So, “If you’re provided with a hands-free mic, clipped to your lapel, don’t forget to turn it off when you visit the toilet, or if you need to vomit before your event.” Likewise, it’s always good to be wary of the germs of fans – and “considering the use of elbow-length dishwashing gloves at book signings, and a large, easy-wipe kitchen apron.” And so too, cultivating a photographic ‘look’ for the many publicity shots you will be subjected to is also a good idea – Francis’s personal choice being that of Macaulay McCulkin in Home Alone.With advice like this, and Francis’ warm and deranged personality, How To Be A Public Author will prove ESSENTIAL reading for anyone with an interest in the literary world.How To Be A Public Author is a brilliant slapstick comedy, blurring fact and fantasy to astonishing effect, and it is also a surprising and touching meditation on loneliness and finding a place in the world. The Man Booker Prize becomes a springboard to explore what it means to be an author – and a human being – in the twenty-first century.