Thinking this is his rock bottom, little does James know that by the end of the year he will have befouled himself in a Los Angeles steakhouse and disrespected a pensioner on television. Luckily, there is one thing he can rely on for comfort – music. In true Acaster fashion, this ends up with a completely unnecessary mission: to buy as much music as he can released in 2016, the year before everything went wrong (for James, at least). Some albums are life-changing masterpieces, others are ‘Howdilly Doodilly’ by Okilly Dokilly, a metalcore album devoted to The Simpsons character Ned Flanders. But all of them play a part in the year that James gets his life back on track.In PERFECT SOUND WHATEVER, James takes us through the music of 2016, the bullshit of 2017, and how the beauty of one defeated the ugliness of the other. He will also reveal how he stole a cookie from Clint Eastwood and attempted to complete his musical odyssey by reforming one of Kettering’s most overlooked bands.

    Be careful what you wish for...When a lowly antiques dealer who's in love with the governor's girlfriend releases a genie from a magic lamp, he unwittingly wishes himself into a hole the size of the Grand Canyon!

    Tom even married a superhero, the Perfectionist. But at their wedding, the Perfectionist was hypnotized (by ex-boyfriend Hypno, of course) to believe that Tom is invisible. Nothing he does can make her see him. Six months later, she's sure that Tom has abandoned her.So she's moving to Vancouver. She'll use her superpower to make Vancouver perfect and leave all the heartbreak in Toronto. With no idea Tom's beside her, she boards an airplane in Toronto. Tom has until the wheels touch the ground in Vancouver to convince her he's visible, or he loses her forever.

    In Watch Your Mouth, Daniel Handler takes "different" to a whole new level....

    A single father too busy for love. Could their chance meeting be the start of something magical? With Christmas fast approaching, Kayla Jones is preparing for another cold, and lonely, December. But a lost little girl and her father soon change all that and, with them by her side, Kayla finds herself rediscovering the magic of the season… DECEMBER MAGIC is the perfect winter romance, full of love and laughter, ideal for fans of Kirsty Greenwood, Sophie Kinsella and Becky Monson.

    Criticised by her outwardly perfect mother, dearly loved by her father, she’s the ‘Queen of Low Self-Esteem’. Finding herself suddenly immersed in a world of glitz and glamour, where nothing is quite as it seems, will she finally realise ... ... ‘It’s what’s inside that counts’?

    Pursued by the demons left by her ex-boyfriend, she takes refuge in quiet Crickleford, a sleepy town in Dartmoor, where she can lay low.Life in Crickleford is quiet and peaceful, but it won’t be for long if people discover the truth about Emma’s past. Not wanting to make too much of a fuss, she ends up lying about why she's there - she's looking after some cats, she says - then suddenly the town’s new ‘pet-sitter’ is in high demand!While looking after an Alsatian, Emma finds all attention is on her, and the handsome young reporter from the local paper takes an interest in her story...Note: this is part one of a four-part serialised novel. The full length paperback will be available in April 2018

    You could say we're the #1 nation at being the best at greatness.But as perfect as America is in every single way, America is broken! And we can't exchange it because we're 236 years past the 30-day return window. Look around--we don't make anything anymore, we've mortgaged our future to China, and the Apologist-in-Chief goes on world tours just to bow before foreign leaders. Worse, the L.A. Four Seasons Hotel doesn't even have a dedicated phone button for the Spa. You have to dial an extension! Where did we lose our way?!It's high time we restored America to the greatness it never lost!Luckily, AMERICA AGAIN will singlebookedly pull this country back from the brink. It features everything from chapters, to page numbers, to fonts. Covering subject's ranging from healthcare ("I shudder to think where we'd be without the wide variety of prescription drugs to treat our maladies, such as think-shuddering") to the economy ("Life is giving us lemons, and we're shipping them to the Chinese to make our lemon-flavored leadonade") to food ("Feel free to deep fry this book—it's a rich source of fiber"), Stephen gives America the dose of truth it needs to get back on track.

    

    One night, Elsie and Mallory sneak out of their pasture; but while Mallory is interested in flirting with the neighboring bulls, Elsie finds herself drawn to the farmhouse. Through the window, she sees the farmer's family gathered around a bright Box God-and what the Box God reveals about something called an "industrial meat farm" shakes Elsie's understanding of her world to its core.There's only one solution: escape to a better, safer world. And so a motley crew is formed: Elsie; Jerry-excuse me, Shalom-a cranky, Torah-reading pig who's recently converted to Judaism; and Tom, a suave (in his own mind, at least) turkey who can't fly, but who can work an iPhone with his beak. Toting stolen passports and slapdash human disguises, they head for the airport.Elsie is our wise-cracking, pop-culture-reference-dropping, slyly witty narrator; Tom-who does eventually learn to fly (sort of)-dispenses psychiatric advice in a fake German accent; and Shalom, rejected by his adopted people in Jerusalem, ends up unexpectedly uniting Israelis and Palestinians. David Duchovny's charismatic creatures point the way toward a mutual understanding and acceptance that the world desperately needs.

    At home, thanks to Serena, his adoring wife, mother of his two young children, his life is seemingly content. But when Stephen doesn't come home one night, Serena's perfect world comes crashing down around her. Millions of pounds has been stolen from the bank - and Stephen leaves no word or trace. A husband on the run, her assets seized, and a house repossessed, can this kept woman keep it together for a family that is falling apart at the seams? For Serena, who had it all, there is nothing left to lose...and everything to gain. ‘Forget rags to riches, this is a riches to rag story and all the more fun for it. A really good read.’ Women's Weekly 'Will surely please everyone' Sunday Times 'One of those indispensable sand sagas or towel tales, a good beach book in which to immerse yourself while relaxing' Daily Mail 'Tough, yet tender, A Kept Woman is a feminist romance, how a strong woman can thrive without losing her vulnerability and potential to fall in love. Go for it.' Home and Life Frankie McGowan is a journalist and former magazine editor. Her novels include 'Ellie' and 'A Better Life.' Endeavour Press is the UK's leading independent publisher of digital books.

    Meet the man who vacuums bewildered prairie dogs out of their burrows; a frustrated werewolf who roams the streets of Soho getting mistaken for Brian Blessed; a smug carbon-neutral eco-couple; a teenage girl who invites 45,000 MySpace friends to a house party; the author of a business book entitled Highly Successful Secrets to Standing on a Corner Holding Up a Golf Sale Sign and a man whose attempts to teach softball to a group of indolent British advertising executives sparks an international crisis.

    Then I said “yes.” Now I am the lunatic bride I always made fun of!What is it about getting married that turns normal people into total freaks?A savvy, riotously funny novel, Diary of a Mad Bride is for anyone who has ever been a bride, is about to become a bride, yearned to be a bride, or suffered the sheer indignity of appearing in public in the world’s ugliest bridesmaid dress....My wedding was starting in less than twenty minutes, and I was stuck in a 7-Eleven parking lot with popcorn kernels wedged in my gums and vanilla ice cream melting on my dress. It was a disaster too large to comprehend. After an agonizing year spent planning my wedding, could it really end like this? The voices chronicling a year of wedding hysteria swirled in my head....— My grandmother upon viewing my engagement ring:“What do you mean he gave you an emerald! Diamonds are eternal, emeralds say, maybe five years.”— My future father-in-law on the night of my engagement party:“To a happy marriage and, if necessary, a painless divorce!”— My best friend, Anita:“Oh, screw congratulations. Of course I’m happy for you. Stephen’s a major piece of ass and he’s got a sense of humor. Just as long as you’re certain this is what you want.” Would I survive this day after all....?

    He was praying for an actual merry Christmas for his daughter.Beckett Caden has one wish this year: that his daughter’s Christmas would be as magical as childrens' holidays were supposed to be. After two bittersweet December twenty-fifths without his wife, Beckett knows he needs to do something different this year, for his daughter. Listening to his parents’ advice, he takes a break from his executive position at their family-run bookstore chain and books a trip for Holly and himself. Beckett hopes that a few weeks in a charming lodge, with a laundry list of fun activities, will help to restore the smile that used to light up his little girl's eyes.Through snowman building, city sightseeing, and a constant theme of Christ in the season, Beckett begins to think this was the right decision. The only downside? The sarcastic and irritating elf of a woman with hair as boisterous as Santa Claus, himself.When an unexpected snowstorm traps them all inside, it’s either work alongside The Elf or watch chaos overtake the understaffed inn. Surviving on the aid of caffeine and prayer, Beckett has a feeling this Christmas will turn out to be one of the most memorable he's had.Elise McKenzie needs a social life. At least, that's been the constant mantra from her family for the past, oh, all her adult years.With her freelancing graphic design work and the volunteering she does at her grandparents’ lodge, Elise seems to be the only one happy with her life. Even if the male she most frequently has deep conversations with is her cat.For Elise, this Christmastime brings a flurry of unsanctioned blind dates, questions about the future, and a snowfall that will keep her toe-to-toe with the single father whose dimples remind her of the infuriating enjoyment he receives from pushing her buttons.Elise’s Christmas wish? Survive this season and try not to bonk the obnoxious guest over the head with a gingerbread house.

    . . until Dottie’s given a free trip to Las Vegas. Second-grade teacher Dottie Gale lives in the tiny town of Quandary, Kansas, which is pretty much smack dab in the middle of nowhere. No mountains. No ocean. No life. Her ex-boyfriend and current school board member, Corbin Lane, cheated on her, making school functions more than a little awkward. But worst of all, a tornado named Maxine Westward rips through Dottie’s school as the new principal and has made her life at work a living hell. When Dottie is chosen to go to a teacher’s conference in Las Vegas, she knows her life is going to change. Driving from Quandary to Vegas, three strangers enter her life. Through a string of situations involving poppies, flying monkeys, and a life-size sculpture of an iconic rock star the four soon become inseparable. So, when Westward arrives on her broom in Vegas, Dottie is ready for battle. Her boss black mails her with stories of incarceration, thievery, and a steamy relationship with her travel companion, but Dottie knows that those who hurl insults shouldn’t hold secrets of their own. Editorial Reviews "I had so much fun reading this and spotting all the clever twists, it was very entertaining. In fact I’m tempted to re-read it, to find more of the subtle hints. I’ve also been to a few of the places mentioned in the book which meant an extra thumbs up for me. I would definitely recommend to readers who enjoy a modern take on a good original oldie." Roses are Amber