Whether it is taking a troublesome cow to be mated with a prime bull; dealing with a rat-infested hayrick; learning the ways and means of maggot farming; or describing the fine art of poaching pheasants using nothing but raisins and sleeping pills, Roald Dahl brings his stories of everyday country folk and their strange passions wonderfully to life. Lacing each tale with dollops of humor and adding a sprinkling of the sinister, Dahl ensures that this short story collection celebrates the sweet mysteries of life."All the stories sparkle with vibrant characters, humorous dialogue, and sly rustic lore and cunning." -- Sunday Express"A sophisticated account of village life. The rural characters are molded by Dahl's dark, inquisitive imagination. Compelling and very funny." -- Time Out

    His mother’s cooking. His father’s awkward sense of humor. He remembers air conditioning and warm beds and graduation. But all of that was before the end of the world. Now he is a survivor, one of them – part of a roving clan of killers that combs through the ruined neighborhoods and towns, looking for things to steal, men to butcher, women to enslave and abuse. Then he meets a woman who could kill him without blinking, and together they escape the world that was...

    The 100 Best Yo Mama Jokes.

    Now I know why my dog likes her better. 2. I wish this were the worst thing she’d ever told me. About the book In “The Warlizard Chronicles”, Warlizard tells the tales of a misspent youth, from the story of his “dog-gasmic” ex-fiancée to the logic of serving as a German linguist in Iraq. The stories are light, fast-paced, graphic, and not remotely safe for work. You have been warned. Reader feedback: - “You tell all women that story? You should wash out your mouth!” - “I think I could listen to your stories for hours.” - “So you owe your marriage to the people who brought down the world trade center?” - “I have nothing else I can add or ask, except MORE STORIES.” - “Holy s**t. I wish I was you.” - “You slept with another man's wife and then lied to him about it, and can say with a straight face it was the right thing to do?” - “Godda***t, I spewed out laughter too loud at work, now I have to leave because everyone knows I'm not doing s**t. F*** this is hilarious, and disconcerting, at the same time.” - “He is the most interesting man in the world.” - “I feel like a failure reading these stories, they're awesome.” - “Your life experience makes me feel good. You good sir are somewhat of a new idol of mine. Nothing much you can do about that. Have a good day sir.” - “Warlizard doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis.” - “I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that not only a story like this exists but that a Reddit regular would be living it. And it kinda has this enthusiastic ‘and then it happened...’ moments in it that kinda style like you'd write fiction on the go.” - “This guy is either the most creative man in the world or the most interesting man in the world. Either way...”

    . . Carolyn and her eight-year-old son Jason unwittingly step into a maelstrom of horror partially brought about by their unwillingness to allow a long-standing ritual to continue. As family relationships, heritage, neighbors, and deadly forces intersect, evil becomes apparent in not only an unleashed supernatural beast, but in the hearts of men. Rural roots, supernatural horror, Native rituals, and family relationships blend seamlessly to build a nicely-paced drama that comes full circle for elderly Native John Crow, whose new neighbors have now become part of this sacred valley and its long-standing ritual practices, changing their lives forever. Meadowlarks is especially recommended for fans of Tony Hillerman-style intrigue who seek a vifgorous dose of the supernatural added into a mix of mystery and interpersonal struggle. Diane Donovan, Midwest Book Review All Carolyn Potter wanted was a safe haven in which to raise her son, Jason, not to find a night stalker lurking in the forest surrounding their new mountain home. Following the unsolved murder of her husband and a violent attack on her son, Carolyn Potter learns she has inherited a cattle ranch located in a remote valley high in the Sierra Nevada Mountains. She eagerly leaps at the opportunity to escape urban violence, move out of her oppressive mother's home and get away from her hungry eyed, lip licking employer, Tom Kirby. Kirby, buried under gambling debts, is destroying Kirby Publications, a company built by his deceased father. Learning of Carolyn's inheritance compels him to win her favor in order to marry into her newfound wealth but Carolyn chooses Shangri-la, her dead husband's family ranch. Carolyn and Jason love their new home but soon learn of a local ritual being practiced on their land where a bull calf is brutally slaughtered with each cycle of the full moon. Seeking to end this gruesome practice, Carolyn saves the young calf and unleashes a monstrous creature, not realizing this creature is the protector of Shangri-la. After the creature attempts to break into their home, Carolyn calls on Tom Kirby for help. Kirby zooms to the rescue to confront the beast, rescue the girl and inherit her wealth, with which he intends to regain his prowess as a winning gambler. After her complete failure to end the slaughter of both bull calves and her neighbors, Carolyn must now decide whether to move back to civilization, stay and try to defeat her new threat or accept a bloody ritual that keeps the beast at bay.

    

    Easy reading and enjoyable.." - John P Sam's trousers were round his ankles. The microwaved chicken - long past its sell-by date - had made a hasty exit. He was down a ditch in the middle of nowhere, and there weren't any tissues. Suzy had dumped him. Things weren't going well. He was only one wipe away from his life changing forever when he found a blue IKEA bag packed with banknotes. Gary wants to kill him. So does Vlad. Ashton wants to paint him naked and then there's the Contessa. Suzy isn't certain they've broken up. One thing’s for sure: Sam's life has been turned upside down.

     Featuring stories by Amy Cross, Mike Duke, Matthew Brockmeyer, Lex H. Jones, J.C. Michael and Kevin J. Kennedy.

    Getting so tall and mature. Why, you can barely recognize yourself from just a few short months ago-back when you were so young. Your body is changing. Changes can be scary. Especially for girls, and, gosh, it can be confusing." Nope. No way. That's not this book. This is NOT your mother's coming-of-age manual. In the comedic likes of Chelsea Handler, author Jen Ashton breaks sex-education tradition and begins her hilariously endearing journey to womanhood with stories of growing up a tomboy in Middle America, circa the 1980's. Packed with iconic pop culture, nostalgic geekery, and a healthy dose of self-deprecation, Ashton foregoes the conventional route of learning how to be a lady and dives right in, enlisting the help of Cosmo, Hustler and her anal-loving housekeeper. Forget dancing around the dutiful explanations passed on from generation to generation-tales of 'the red curse' and 'your changing body.' Ashton's rites of passage are chock-full of unique life lessons learned the extracurricular way. From bodily functions to breast enlargement, pregnancy prevention to purgatory, learn the real facts of life as only she can describe them. If you're lucky, you might even discover the answer to the age-old question: Do Girls Poop? If you thought your journey through puberty was rough, be prepared to finally feel normal. Girls Don't Poop is a jaw-dropping, side-splitting adventure of one clueless tomboy's quest to figure out women, so that she could inevitably become one.

    Funny jokes, Knock Knock jokes, Kids Jokes.Jokes for Kids, Best Joke Book for Kids is styled for as kids grow older they find certain jokes less and less funny. This means you have to come up with age appropriate jokes to keep them entertained. Jokes are more than just for laughs. They also stimulate thought and educate. That does not mean you go stiff on the kids, far from it. You want jokes that are funny, corny and have some substance. Usually the really good jokes will give even you the tickles.Kids jokes, with over 200 funny jokes, this will keep the kids, and adult laughing for some time.

    It may be gross, but kids love this stuff, and that's the point! I originally wrote this book for my son, a first grader, who was struggling with sight words and reading speed. The sight word books, decodable word books, early reader books, and flash cards they offered him at school were boring, which made it a challenge to get him excited about reading. So I decided to write a series of children's books using sight words but with stories about the things I heard him and his friends laughing about. It worked! My son was able to read my Billy Bad sight word stories with speed and confidence. And because he was laughing I knew his reading comprehension was improving. This book is written using mostly Dolch sight words and a few other words that are easily decodable. Unlike most sight word books and decodable word books, Billy Bad's sight word books have stories that will capture the attention of early readers and make them laugh. When kids enjoy the stories they read they fall in love with reading. I hope your child enjoys these silly (and gross) sight word books as much as my son does.

    Twenty years spent living in the shadow of something they did in high school, an event that defined them forever in the minds of everyone in their small town. Now they're returning for what should be a relaxing weekend of hunting and fishing, a chance to reminisce about old times and forget their troubles... but mother nature has other plans in mind. There's a storm brewing. A meteor shower is in the forecast, but it's going to be unlike any event in recorded history. This meteor shower is bringing change to the world, it's awakening the creatures of the forest from their quiet slumber... and before long, the Lightning Five are going to find themselves trapped on the roof of their cabin, with their numbers dwindling and supplies running low... Trapped with no means of escape, the men will have to make some hard choices... like who gets to live and who has to die.

    The patriarch, Paul scratched and crawled his way from the bottom to the top, literally since he started life in the mean streets of New York City. He escaped to the south and attended college in Atlanta. His high IQ and street smarts gave him an advantage in both law school and beyond. Years later he is now the premier lawyer for the city's premier criminals. A law degree wasn't the only thing he picked up in school. While there he also caught the attention of a prim and proper co-ed by the name of Madison. Madison was a beautiful chocolate colored girl with an angelic smile. Holding tightly to her chastity made her highly sought after. Paul patiently played his position and beat out all his competition. The couple married and moved to an upscale subdivision in one of Atlanta's exclusive suburbs. There they raised two perfect children in the perfect house. Son Brandon just graduated his parent's alma mater and is now on his way to medical school. Daughter Courtney is right behind him planning to attend the same institution before heading to law school just like their father. Yes, just like any other American family in search of the American dream and just like any other family they have more than their share of drama. After all, every family has it's share of Family Drama.

    A sequel to a #1 bestselling horror anthology Don't Scream, featuring hideous doppelgangers, terrifying apps, lurking monsters, and more. Read... if you dare.

    With over a billion views and millions of subscribers to his name, he is the undisputed king of social media. But despite this success he is a self-confessed bell-end. Excessively posting selfies, oversharing about his dead nan, spending all day scouring Tinder and suffering from red-hot Fifa rage, are just some of his undesirable online habits. However, with acceptance comes salvation and now KSI is blowing the doors off the internet to find the cure. No one is spared, as KSI takes down fellow YouTubers, trolls, paedos, Tinder catfishers and Nigerian scammers in an all-out assault on the online universe. Along the way he also reveals how to become a YouTube kingpin as well as his hot Fifa tips, before he unveils his online revolution to help save the next generation from his fate.So, if you want to avoid becoming a total bell-end, then calm your tits, and simply take the medicine KSI is dishing up.