(or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner) brought lots of readers to JebKinnison.com, where the most asked-about topic was dealing with avoidant lovers and spouses. There are many readers in troubled marriages now who are looking for help, as well as people already invested in a relationship short of marriage who’d like help deciding if they should stick with it. The reason why there is so much interest is the large number of people in relationships with Avoidants who struggle with their lack of responsiveness and inability to tolerate real intimacy. Relationships between an Avoidant and a partner of another attachment type are the largest group of unhappy relationships, and people who love their partners and who may have started families and had children with an Avoidant will work very hard to try to make their relationships work better, out of love for their partner and children as well as their own happiness. And it’s also true that the Avoidants in these relationships are more than likely unhappy with the situation as well—retreating into their shells and feeling harassed for being asked to respond with positive feeling when they have little to give. The other reason why so many people are looking for help on this topic is that it is an almost impossible problem. Couples counsellors rarely have the time or knowledge to work with an Avoidant and will often advise the spouse to give up on a Dismissive, especially, whose lack of responsiveness looks like cruelty or contempt (and sometimes it is!) Yet there is some hope—though it may take years and require educating the Avoidant on the patterns of good couples communication, if both partners want to change their patterns toward more secure and satisfying models, it can be done. How can you tell if your partner is avoidant? Does your partner: • Seem not to care how you feel? • Frequently fail to respond to direct questions or text messages? • Accuse you of being too needy or codependent? • Talk of some past lover as ideal and compare you to them? • Act coldly toward your children and the needy? • Remind you that he or she would be fine without you? • Withhold sex or affection as punishment? If that sounds familiar, then your partner is likely avoidant. At about 25% of the population, Avoidants have shorter, more troubled relationships, and tend to divorce more frequently and divorce again if remarried. What can be done? Individual therapy for the motivated Avoidant can move their default attachment style toward security, and to the extent that problems have been made worse by an overly clingy and demanding anxious-preoccupied partner, therapy can help there, as well. Insecure partners who read and absorb the lessons of these books will have a head start on noticing and restraining themselves when they are slipping into an unsatisfying communications pattern, and an intellectual understanding of the bad patterns is a step toward unlearning them. Not all difficult Avoidants can be reformed; that depends on both partners, the depth of their problems, and their motivation and ability to change over time. But many troubled marriages and relationships can be greatly improved, and the people in them can learn to be happier, with even modest improvements in understanding how they can best communicate support for each other. For those reading who have not read Bad Boyfriends or are less familiar with attachment types, a beefed-up section on attachment theory and attachment types from Bad Boyfriends is included. Regular readers of JebKinnison.com will find edited versions of some relevant material previously posted there.

    She felt like a single parent raising her four young daughters alone. She finally told her husband, “I quit,” and left the thriving church he pastored, beginning a journey that transformed her and her marriage for the better.In The Emotionally Healthy Woman, Geri provides you a way out of an inauthentic, superficial spirituality to genuine freedom in Christ. This book is for every woman who thinks, “I can’t keep pretending everything is fine!”The journey to emotional health begins by quitting. Geri quit being afraid of what others think. She quit lying. She quit denying her anger and sadness. She quit living someone else’s life. When you quit those things that are damaging to your soul or the souls of others, you are freed up to choose other ways of being and relating that are rooted in love and lead to life.When you quit for the right reasons, at the right time, and in the right way, you’re on the path not only to emotional health, but also to the true purpose of your life. "QUITTING WILL SET YOU FREE!Not a typical message heard in the church today, especially among 'nice, Christian women," but one that has been needed for years! By refusing to cling to a shell of pretension, the true freedom of our new lives in Christ is realized, and Geri shows us how. A fast, informed read, this book breaks down the walls of the false ideals we cling to in and shows us that by quitting these idols, we re-discover God's love. I was supposed to read this book. I needed to read this book. Thank you, Geri."Kim de Blecourt, Short-term Adventure Specialist with Food for Orphans and author of "Until We All Come Home: A Harrowing Journey, a Mother's Courage, a Race to Freedom"

    You don’t believe you make mistakes, you believe you are a mistake.You feel controlled from the outside and from within. You feel that normal spontaneous expression is blocked.You may suffer from debilitating guilt; you apologize constantly.You have little sense of emotional boundaries; you feel constantly violated by others; you frequently build false boundaries.If you see yourself in any of these characteristics, you can learn how shame keeps you from being the person you were born to be and how to change that. Shame And Guilt describes how debilitating shame is created and fostered in childhood and how it manifests itself in adulthood and in intimate relationships. Through the use of myths and fairytales to portray different shaming environments, Dr. Middelton-Moz allows you to reach the shamed child within you and to add clarity to what could be difficult concepts. Read Shame and Guilt — you’re worth it.

    They have legitimate longings that the Church has been afraid to talk about, and books like Fifty Shades of Grey exploit. Whether you are single or married, sexually dead or just looking to revive your sex life, Pulling Back the Shades will address your desire to be both sexual AND spiritual. With solid Biblical teaching and transparent stories, trusted authors Dannah Gresh  and Dr. Juli Slattery, offer an unflinching look at the most personal questions women ask. The book offers practical advice for women to address five core longings:to be cherished by a manto be protected by a strong manto rescue a manto be sexually aliveto escape realityGod designed women with these longings and has a plan to satisfy them. It's time for women to identify their intimate longings and God-honoring ways to fulfill them.

    Angelyn Miller's own experience is a dramatic example: neither she nor her husband drank, yet her family was floundering in that same dynamic. In spite of her best efforts to fix everything (and everyone), the turmoil continued until she discovered that helping wasn't helping. Miller recounts how she learned to alter the way she responded to family crises and general neediness, forever breaking the cycle of co-dependency. Offering insights, practical techniques, and hope, she shows us how we can transform enabling relationships into healthy ones.

    Christians, the church and the Bible seem to be out of step with modern attitudes towards homosexuality. And there is growing hostility towards those who hold a different view. So is God homophobic? And what do we say, and how do we relate to to both Christians and non Christians who experience same-sex attraction.In this short, simple book, Sam Allberry wants to help confused Christians understand what God has said about these questions in the scriptures, and offers a positive and liberating way forward through the debate.

     While on a three-month-long tour, Jeremy met and built a friendship with the lead singer of another band. In a beautiful and inspiring story their love unfolded taking them both by surprise. After 16 years of marriage, Jeremy and Adrienne have experienced devastating losses and incredible joy, and have grown alongside each other. They continue to build a friendship as they juggle life and frequent separations, due to tour schedules, with the demands and stressors of parenting their three kids.In Unison is the story of the lessons they’ve learned in love and marriage told from each of their voices. They vulnerably share the highs and lows of life together and offer practical advice for how to deal with conflict, manage finances, move through grief, and work to build your own family culture. You can’t do marriage without Jesus, and when you keep Him in the middle, together, you can build a lasting love.

    He didn't need to." Eight years before his death, Fred Rogers met author, educator, and speaker Amy Hollingsworth. What started as a television interview turned into a wonderful friendship spanning dozens of letters detailing the driving force behind this gentle man of extraordinary influence. Educator? Philosopher? Psychologist? Minister? Here is an intimate portrait of the real Mister Rogers. The Simple Faith of Mr. Rogers focuses on Mr. Rogers' spiritual legacy, but it is much more than that. It shows us a man who, to paraphrase the words of St. Francis of Assisi, "preached the gospel at all times; when necessary he used words."

    Ferree offers a unique resource for women struggling with sexual addiction. Taking her book's title from the parable where Jesus extends grace to the woman caught in adultery, Ferree bravely shares her own story of sexual addiction, recalling her years of shame from living a double life and the moment when she ultimately had to tell the truth. But more than just offering her story as a hopeful example of God's transforming power, Ferree distills her clinical expertise on female sexual addiction accessibly and gently, providing a much-needed resource for women struggling with any degree of relational or sexual addiction. Ferree details the roots of addiction in family trauma and offers clear-eyed advice as both a counselor and a grateful recovering sex addict on how to achieve sobriety and healing. Written by a counselor who understands the condition from the inside out, No Stones offers practical help for those battling sexual addiction. It also includes a specific chapter for anyone in close relationship with an addict, whether a spouse, family member, or friend, who wants to come alongside women as they seek help. Important for pastors and church leaders, this book will also be a much sought-after resource for Christian counselors and therapists counseling women who grapple with this type of addiction.

    People sitting together in pews every Sunday have started to feel like strangers, loved ones at the dinner table like enemies. Toxic political dialogue, hate-filled rants on social media, and agenda-driven news stories have become the new norm. It’s exhausting, and it’s too much.In I Think You’re Wrong (But I’m Listening), two working moms from opposite ends of the political spectrum contend that there is a better way. They believe that we can choose to respect the dignity of every person, choose to recognize that issues are nuanced and can’t be reduced to political talking points, choose to listen in order to understand, choose gentleness and patience. Sarah from the left and Beth from the right invite those looking for something better than the status quo to pull up a chair and listen to the principles, insights, and practical tools they have learned hosting their fast-growing podcast Pantsuit Politics. As impossible as it might seem, people from opposing political perspectives truly can have calm, grace-­filled conversations with one another—by putting relationship before policy and understanding before argument.

    The greatest display of God’s glory, the greatest wholeness of personhood, the greatest joy of human relationships, and the greatest fruitfulness in ministry come about when we embrace and celebrate His design.In this Bible study for women, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and Mary Kassian delve into Titus 2 to celebrate redeemed womanhood. Exploring 10 “design elements” of biblical womanhood, they will lead you on a 10-week journey of discovering what a beautiful heart looks like, and how it leads to a beautiful life.Each week is divided into five lessons that provide opportunity for group interaction and delving deep into Scripture. You'll explore the following themes:DiscernmentHonorAffectionDisciplineVirtueResponsibilityBenevolenceDispositionLegacyBeautyThe Lord wants to come in and do a radical renovation of your heart. He wants to change you into a godly woman from the inside out. If you let Him, He’ll give you an extreme makeover . . . a new interior design. Why wait? Begin your renovation today.