. . if you wear a business suit to job interviews but pajamas to the grocery store . . . if you have your own apartment but no idea how to cook or clean . . . it's OK. But it doesn't have to be this way.Just because you don't feel like an adult doesn't mean you can't act like one. And it all begins with this funny, wise, and useful book. Based on Kelly Williams Brown's popular blog, ADULTING makes the scary, confusing "real world" approachable, manageable-and even conquerable. This guide will help you to navigate the stormy Sea of Adulthood so that you may find safe harbor in Not Running Out of Toilet Paper Bay, and along the way you will learn:What to check for when renting a new apartment-Not just the nearby bars, but the faucets and stove, among other things.When a busy person can find time to learn more about the world- It involves the intersection of NPR and hair-straightening.How to avoid hooking up with anyone in your office -- Imagine your coworkers having plastic, featureless doll crotches. It helps.The secret to finding a mechanic you love-Or, more realistically, one that will not rob you blind.From breaking up with frenemies to fixing your toilet, this way fun comprehensive handbook is the answer for aspiring grown-ups of all ages.New York Times Bestseller.

    

    New York Times bestselling historian and novelist Thomas Fleming takes us back to the days of the founders, detailing the surprising facts of American life in 1776 - including its resemblance to today.

    Read on for the gory details about the cruel Colosseum and the people and animals who were massacred there.

    Those who still believe in them are often wildly misinformed. So what do you think will happen when Johnny McNormalpants finds himself face to face with a bloodthirsty vampire? Probably crap his pants, but then what? An informed citizen would know exactly what to do in this situation. If only there was some way to enlighten the public about this often forgotten subject, preferably in the form of a mock informative guide or something. From Matt Melvin, one of the creators of Explosm.net and the hit online comic Cyanide & Happiness, comes Dracula Is A Racist, the definitive guide to vampires, answering those gravely important questions that keep you up at night. . . Was Dracula really a racist?How do vampires do their hair if they don't have any reflection?Is it gross for immortals to be attracted to high school girls if they're stuck in a 17-year-old body?Was Sesame Street ever truly safe from The Count?Is dressing in all black and acting snobby toward everyone enough to fake being a vampire?Just how much more badass are vampires than zombies?Dracula Is A Racist is the essential vampire handbook that digs up all the dirt and backs it up with hard vampirical evidence. That's totally true. Really. Matt Melvin is a 25-year-old T-shirt aficionado and sideburn enthusiast. Along with three other dudes, he runs Explosm.net, a pretty awesome website full of awesome things. When not adding even more filth to the Internet, he enjoys criticizing and complaining about movies, listening to music and inventing obscure types of niche sexual acts. He currently lives in San Diego. He is very tall."

    Often inspired by events in the news, the "Explainer" column asks the questions we never think to ask, or that we're too embarrassed to admit we don't know how to answer. Filling in these overlooked blanks of our daily lives, the book provides memorable tidbits for conversations, further rumination, or important context as we follow current events from day to day. Full of fascinating information about unlikely but important subjects, The Explainer will entertain and inform anyone who has ever stopped to wonder who runs Antarctica, how cell phones can reveal your location, or whether one can live off lizard meat.

    In this book, Alan and Lorna discover that their local town is not quite as sleepy as they had first imagined and that the local ladies will stand by you once their friendship is won. Alan and Lorna make some great new friends and have a few more unexpected adventures along the way. Add an appearance on Canadian TV into the mix, plus the trials and tribulations of alpaca farming, and this sequel will bring you bang up to date with the lives of two British expats in rural Spain.

    He has played to sold-out venues across North America, Europe, South Africa and Australia. He has sold more than six million DVDs, Forbes has ranked him in their Celebrity 100 list of most powerful entertainers for two years running, and he has been the top touring comedian in the United States for the last two years. Whether he's breathing life into an old curmudgeon, an over- caffeinated purple maniac, or a screaming, skeletal, dead terrorist, Jeff Dunham is the straight man to some of the funniest partners in show business. All by My Selves is the story of one pretty ordinary guy, one interesting hobby, one very understanding set of parents, and a long and winding rode to becoming America's favorite comedian. With wit, honesty, and lots of great show business detail, Jeff shares all the major moments in his journey. From the toy dummy he spotted at a toy store when he was 8 years old to playing to arenas filled with screaming fans, Jeff takes readers behind the curtain to explain how he turned an old fashioned art form into something truly modern and hip. Best of all, Jeff's story is accompanied by asides and interruptions from his characters-who share all the hilarious details Jeff himself is too embarrassed to include.

    Here, he explains how you can effortlessly hold your own against the most highbrow members of society, so that never again will you confuse 'consomme' with 'coulis', or 'entree' with 'entrecote'."

    From Caligula's blood-soaked end to hotelier Steve Wynn's unfortunate run-in with a priceless Picasso, these 365 tales of misery include lost fortunes (like the would-be Apple investor who pulled out in 1977 and missed out on a $30 billion-dollar windfall), romance gone wrong (like the 16th-century Shah who experimented with an early form of Viagra with empire-changing results), and truly bizarre moments (like the Great Molasses Flood of 1919).Think you’re having a bad day? Trust us, it gets worse.

    And the history of weapons began. Comedy writer and weapon nerd John O'Bryan relays the freaky highlights of man's centuries-old obsession with weaponry. He hilariously explains the mace, the morning star, and the man catcher, while conveying factual information about each weapon: its history, uses, and badass potential. Flipping through history's highlights, readers will learn about Attila the Hun, Genghis Khan, and the "peaceful" Shaolin monks. This ultimate compendium of awesome weapons delivers all the surprisingly true details sure to impress anybody who's ever made a gun with their fingers and said, "PEW-PEW-PEW!"

    Millipedes do it. Dinosaurs did it. You do it: I do it. Octopuses don't (and nor do octopi). Spiders might do it: more research is needed. Birds don't do it, but they could if they wanted to. Herrings do it to communicate with each other. At the beginning of 2017, an innocent question on twitter about snakes formed the hashtag #doesitfart and spread pungently across the internet - and major newspapers - as dozens of experts weighed in on which animals do and don't fart, and if they do, how much, how often, what it's made of, what it smells like, and what it's for. Does it Fart? is the result: the fully authoritative, fully illustrated guide to animal flatulence, covering the habits of 80 animals in more detail than you ever knew you needed. What foods make hyena farts smell especially bad? What is a fossa, and does it fart? Why do clams vomit but not fart? What is a fart, anyway? With contributions from dozens of biologists, Does it Fart? is a book that will allow you to shift the blame onto all kinds of unlikely animals for years to come.

    For example, I was once pinned down by a young lad who repeatedly asked me why I was hitting myself, when he knew full well that I had temporarily ceded hegemony over my hands and forearms. I tried to explain it to him, but he didn’t seem to comprehend. In retrospect, I can only conclude that my explanation was not articulate enough.To that end, I and Phil Plait have teamed up to create precisely 128 insults designed to weaken the resolve of aggressors, while educating them in their primary field of interest. Whether the person pummeling you is a student of mathematics or belles-lettres, we have the right words for the occasion.Zach WeinersmithPS: In the highly likely situation that the person pummeling you refuses to cease his aggression until he understands the meaning of the insult, we have also provided an appendix in which the insults are explained.

    "Funny and flattering quote from loving, supportive, perfect husband." —Crappy Husband MARRIAGE: ILLUSTRATED WITH CRAPPY PICTURES provides much-needed laughs about coping with another person's hygiene habits, cleaning rituals (including their ritual of not cleaning), financial decisions, cooking quirks and everything else that makes your spouse weird and annoying special and perfect in every way.

    With hilarious anecdotes and irreverent observations, Karo captures the twentysomething experience like never before and answers the question, "Is there life after college?" Featuring the very best of his world-renowned email column as well as brand-new material published here for the first time, Ruminations on Twentysomething Life details Karo's evolution from frat boy to manhood and explores the frenzied lives of a generation living in the strange and unique gap between college and marriage. With his trademark acerbic wit, Karo ruminates on everything from your first day on the job to the last call at the bar. Perfect for students about to get their first dose of reality, twentysomethings procrastinating at work, or anyone who wants to relive their glory days, this book is sure to have readers laughing out loud and nodding their heads in agreement that there is indeed life after college.