Well, we offer you YOUR DISGUSTING HEAD by Dr. and Mr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey. A world-renowned and much feared expert on everything, Dr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey has seventeen degrees from eighteen institutions of higher learning. With her husband, Benny, she has traveled the world many times over, has learned about all aspects of life, including outer space and food, first hand. The human body is beautiful and mysterious. The mysterious part reeks of cheese. But no part of your body is as scary and horrifying as your head! In YOUR DISGUSTING HEAD: The Darkest, Most Offensive--and Moist--Secrets of Your Mouth, Nose and Ears, Dr. & Mr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey reveal -- through newly discovered discoveries -- all the ways in which your head disappoints you. With such amazing information as: • The ear was invented and designed by Feranando de la Mancini Goldfarb, in 1911, which was also a good year for yeast. • Good Reasons for teeth removal: dentist did it; peer pressure; not sharp enough; found better teeth, like, on the ground; suspected of enjoying flossing; decay and mouth politics. • The real reason your ears can't hear your pets talking. The answer is simple: your pet is a mumbler." With the wit and irreverent sense of humor for which Dave Eggers and McSweeney's is known, comes the second volume in the revolutionary Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance books. More than just entertaining and informative, YOUR DISGUSTING HEAD will help you appear smarter, more in touch with your sensitive side and whiten your teeth. And much, much more that will likely sicken you.

    DEPRAVED KIDNAPPERS, HORRIFIC ORDEALS, COURAGEOUS SURVIVORSTrue stories of twisted criminals who hold their victims in endless captivity to satisfy their perverse desires, Against Their Will is a comprehensive compendium of the most disturbing kidnappings of all time.Jaycee Lee Dugard — lived to tell the tale of her 18 years of captivity in paroled rapist Phillip Garrido’s suburban backyard.Elizabeth Smart — bravely held on for 9 long months in a forced marriage to religious fanatic Brian David Mitchell, who repeatedly raped her in the name of God.Elisabeth Fritzl — amazingly overcame 24 years trapped in a basement dungeon built especially for her by her father, Josef.Colleen Stan — heroically endured 7 years as a sex slave, brutally tortured with the full consent of her captor’s wife.Tina Marie Risico — escaped certain death at the hands of a killer by being an unwilling accomplice in other kidnappings.

    A. Wallis Budge (1857-1934) was one of the great Egyptologists of the century and author of a host of books on ancient Egypt. For this collection, he carefully selected nine of the most interesting and important Egyptian legends and published them in hieroglyphic texts with literal translations on facing pages. The result is a wonderful sampling of typical Egyptian literature in the best and most complete form possible.This convenient edition enables students to study these ancient myths for their linguistic, literary, and cultural meanings — all in one inexpensive volume. The legends included are:The Legend of the CreationThe Legend of the Destruction of MankindThe Legend of Ra and the Snake-BiteThe Legend of Horus of Edfu and the Winged DiskThe Legend of the Origin of HorusA Legend of Khensu Nefer-Hetep and the Princess of BekhtenThe Legend of Khnemu and a Seven Years’ FamineThe Legend of the Death and Resurrection of HorusThe Legend of Isis and Osiris According to Classical WritersAny student of ancient Egyptian literature, language, or culture will welcome this classic compilation, enhanced with 19 illustrations from Egyptian art.

    At higher levels, testosterone causes destructive male behavior, the two most terrible kinds being: 1. War. 2. Do-it-yourself projects.

    Before he embarked on his writing career, Eggers was classically trained as a draftsman and painter. He then spent many years as a professional illus­trator and graphic designer before turning to writ­ing full-time. More recently, in order to raise money for ScholarMatch, his college-access nonprofit, he returned to visual art, and the results have been exhibited in galleries and museums around the country. Usually involving the pairing of an animal with humorous or biblical text, the results are wry, oddly anthropomorphic tableaus that create a very entertaining and eccentric body of work from one of today’s leading culture makers.

    He wasn't partying in high school or winning football games like his older brother. Instead, he posted comics on the Internet. Now, he's ready to share his hard-earned advice from his 21 years of life in the funny, relatable voice his fans love.In this illustrated collection, Rallison tells his own stories of growing up as the "odd one out": in art class with his twin sister (she was more talented), in the middle school locker room, and up to one strange year of college (he dropped out). Each story is filled with the little lessons he picked up along the way, serious and otherwise, like:* How to be cool (in seventh grade)* Why it's OK to be second-best at something, and* How to survive your first, confidence-killing job interviewsFilled with fan-favorite comics and never-before-seen material, this tongue-in-cheek take on some of the weirdest, funniest parts of life is perfect for both avid followers and new converts.

    In other words, perfect." - The Huffington PostAn amusing and captivating tale that's a delightful primer for laughing at the inevitable: If you're a dinosaur, all of your friends are dead. If you're a pirate, all of your friends have scurvy. If you're a tree, all of your friends are end tables. Each page of this laugh-out-loud, illustrated humor book showcases the downside of being everything from a clown to a cassette tape to a zombie. Cute and dark all at once, this hilarious children's book for adults teaches valuable lessons about life.From the sock whose only friends have gone missing to the houseplant whose friends are being slowly killed by irresponsible plant owners (like you), All My Friends Are Dead presents hilariously entertaining stories about life and existential predicaments.The simple yet effective imagery, the personification of inanimate objects, and short, hilarious quips come together to create an amusing adventure through each character's unique grievance and wide-eyed dilemmas.Written by Avery Monsen, an actor, artist, and writer and Jory John, a writer, editor, and journalist. They are friends, and neither is dead. Yet.All My Friends Are Dead is both the saddest funny book and the funniest sad book you'll ever read.Children's book written for adults Displayed in an accessible cartoon form

    For ages women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone chats to analyze the puzzling behavior of men. Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that —despite good intentions— you're wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they'd like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages. He's Just Not That Into You —based on a popular episode of Sex and the City— educates otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn't like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship. This book knows you're a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better.

    These essays, which found a well-deserved home within the pages of Reader's Digest as the column "My Planet," detail the inner workings of hypochondriacs, hoarders, and compulsive cheapskates. (Did we mention neurotic interior designers and professional list-makers?) For Roach, humor is hidden in the most unlikely places, which means that nothing is off limits. Whether she is dwelling on her age or talking about the pros and cons of a bedroom night light -- "A married couple can best be defined as a unit of people whose sleep habits are carefully engineered to keep each other awake" -- Roach finds a lesson, a slice of sarcasm, or a dash of something special that makes each day comical and absolutely priceless.In keeping with our mission -- curating the best reads in the land -- Reader's Digest editors neatly packaged these timeless (and hilarious) Roach essays together for the first time. Whether you read this cover-to-cover or during spare moments over morning coffee, flip to a page in this volume and try not to smile.

    Please go away.This book is for the rest of us. These comics document the wasting of entire beautiful weekends on the internet, the unbearable agony of holding hands on the street with a gorgeous guy, dreaming all day of getting home and back into pajamas, and wondering when, exactly, this adulthood thing begins. In other words, the horrors and awkwardnesses of young modern life.

    But new technology using concentrated sunlight to provide intense heat energy that can be effectively stored overcomes this problem, providing clean renewable power around the clock. Further, the large amounts of power produced can be used to tackle the issue of feeding the world’s growing population—by enabling energy-intense methods of purifying polluted land for agricultural production.Drawing carbon out of the atmosphere is an essential component in limiting climate change. Flannery explores the potential of kelp, a fast-growing sea algae, to be used on a large scale to convert carbon from the air to a non-gaseous form, reducing levels of atmospheric carbon.With accessible and engaging explanations of the fascinating science behind these technologies, as well as accounts of the systems already in operation around the world, Sunlight and Seaweed is an enlightening and uplifting view of the future.

    Most dads say a lot of sh*t. But unfortunately, what they say is usually not even worth writing down. Thats because they have about as much wit as a sack of flour. Justin Halpern's dad is the rare exception. His dads sh*t is funny because it is just so stupid and ridiculous. This book is both a parody and a tribute to the book Sh*t My Dad Says. This book is a carefully selected collection of things that dads most definitely would never say, just because these sayings are actually clever, witty and smart.

    You'll learn... • The 3 sure-fire ways to generate material • The 11 different kinds of jokes and how to tell them • The secret to permanently overcoming writer's block • And many more tips, tricks, and techniques Table of Contents 1 Introduction Use the techniques in this book to reliably create top-notch humor writing (page 9) 2 Your Brain’s Comedy Engine Access both hemispheres of your brain to eliminate writer’s block and tap an endless reserve of comedy ideas (page 19) 3 The Humor Writer’s Biggest Problem Overcome this one devastating obstacle to reach the widest possible audience (page 27) 4 How To Get Laughs Understand the different kinds of laughs, and how to generate the best one (page 37) 6 Subtext: The Secret Ingredient Infuse your humor with this vital component to create writing that makes people laugh (page 51) 6 The 11 Funny Filters Create any joke using the 11 fundamental building blocks of humor (page 61) Funny Filter 1: Irony (page 62) Funny Filter 2: Character (page 64) Funny Filter 3: Shock (page 70) Funny Filter 4: Hyperbole (page 74) Funny Filter 5: Wordplay (page 77) Funny Filter 6: Reference (page 81) Funny Filter 7: Madcap (page 85) Funny Filter 8: Parody (page 90) Funny Filter 9: Analogy 9(page 4) Funny Filter 10: Misplaced Focus (page 96) Funny Filter 11: Metahumor (page 99) 7 Using The Funny Filters Layer the building blocks to create increasingly hilarious jokes (page 105) 8 Process Overview Master this simple system to become a prolific humor writer (page 127) Click "Look inside" to see more!

    Anderson has written 160 books—nearly fifteen million words!—most of them by dictating into a hand-held recorder while hiking. Award-winning novelist and short story writer Martin L. Shoemaker dictates chapters and stories while driving, turning his daily commute into a productive work session. These two die-hard “dictators,” share their techniques and insights into how dictation can help you *Improve your writing productivity *Use otherwise lost time to brainstorm, plot, develop characters, write articles, and more *Get inspired by leaving your confined office and getting a fresh perspective elsewhere *Stay in shape while writing On Being a Dictator, part of the Million Dollar Writing Series, will help you think outside the box, consider a different writing method, and up your game in the fast-paced ever-changing world of publishing.

    Einstein himself said it was “the most valuable theory of my life,” and “of incomparable beauty.” It describes the evolution of the universe, black holes, the behavior of orbiting neutron stars, and why clocks run slower on the surface of the earth than in space. It even suggests the possibility of time travel.And yet when we think of Einstein's breakthrough year, we think instead of 1905, the year of Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity and his equation E=mc2, as his annus mirabilis, even though the Special Theory has a narrower focus.Today the General Theory is overshadowed by these achievements, regarded as 'too difficult' for ordinary mortals to comprehend. In Einstein's Masterwork, John Gribbin puts Einstein's astonishing breakthrough in the context of his life and work, and makes it clear why his greatest year was indeed 1915 and his General Theory his true masterpiece.