It's OK." Over one hundred contributors share their failures, setbacks and most embarrassing moments for this compilation of hilarity with the hopes that their stories would give the embarrassed and struggling souls some comic and inspirational relief. Life is riddled with pain, disappointments, and failures, but given enough time, they're folly. "We're All A Mess. It's OK" captures life's most absurd moments honestly and without a filter. It's filled with funny essays and one-liners that highlight the grainier sides of being human and imperfect. The book covers everything from horrible internet dating experiences, the strangest of co-workers, vacations that went array, to the worst holiday gifts of all time. It's an anthology of real-life disasters. You'll enjoy comedian/actor Kim Banta's tale, "My First Date and a Sluggish Toilet," detailing a first date in the nicest home in town, ending with an overflowing toilet and panicked placement of poo into her purse. And... "You Must Have Me Confused With Someone Else" depicts Dane Levent's severe behavior problems with her golden retriever, Buddy, after picking him up from boarding, only to find out a week later that she had the wrong dog. And... "He's Worth the Wait" by Bes. D describes her mother-in-law's long-term relationship with a convicted felon she had met on Meet-An-Inmate.com. And... "Saying ‘I'm Sorry' Will Not Fix This Situation" by Ashley P. is a hilarious tale of turning her best date into her worst date by leaping onto her partner's lap, causing what is called in medical terminology, a penile fracture. And... Follow along with Traci Jo's daily embarrassment by her mother, picking her up from school wearing different wigs, such as Dorothy Hamill and Marilyn Monroe. And... Read an entire chapter dedicated to strange conditions, such as Shelley Miner Gardler's need to gather her pets before she goes to work to tell them goodbye and to assign one to be in charge while she's away. And... Discover why Christine T sorts M&Ms in ROYGBIV order and eats them first by frequency until they're even, and then one of each color in order, until they're gone. These humorous essays and quips are about the blunders and snafus, and of everyday life that most of us can relate to. It's like "Chicken Soup for the Soul" if you threw in snark and expletives. If you like Jenn Mann, Samantha Irby and Jenny Lawson, you will love "We're All A Mess. It's OK." Get a copy for your funniest friends, or for grouchy people, maybe it will cheer them up. The book is an easy read and offers a real message that we all can survive, even the worst of failures and ultimately, even though we're all a mess, it's OK. Snarky women, quip, short stories, essays, funny, humorous essays, humor essays, gifts for women, funny stories, dating, relationships, failures, work, family, cats, dogs, alpacas.

    We have your favourite table ready and waiting and a selection of tasty and unusual dishes for your delectation and delight (but do bear in mind that the kitchen closes shortly as the Chef needs to go to his second job, rodding out blocked sewers). We have a few choice 'nostalgedy' stories for Starters, some meatier ones for your Mains, a selection of 'curmudgeonly rants' or keen observations (you take your choice) for Dessert, and something unspeakable to go with your Coffee and Mints.Philip Whiteland tickles your fancy (it's not a crime yet) once again with this compilation of stories, often with a food-based theme, from today and yesterday. Pull up a chair and tuck in!

    There’s a snake in his toilet, a rabid raccoon in the yard, and his girl Krystal’s in jail for getting naked at a Waffle House and licking the manager.Gary’s a redneck living in a trailer by the swamp. But he’s got dreams, big dreams. Every time he tries to get ahead, fate deals him a low blow. But then he gets lucky…With his best friend, Floyd, Gary sets out to sell his prized Barry Bonds rookie card to raise the five hundred needed for bail. But things always find a way of getting out of hand.“Florida Man will make you laugh out loud. It’s sui generis.”

       Tina Fontana is the hapless but brazen thirty-year-old executive assistant to Robert Barlow, the all-powerful and commanding CEO of Titan Corp., a multinational media conglomerate. She’s excellent at her job and beloved by her famous boss—but after six years of making his reservations for restaurants she’d never get into on her own and pouring his drinks from bottles that cost more than her rent, she’s bored, broke, and just a bit over it all.   When a technical error with Robert’s travel-and-expenses report presents Tina with the opportunity to pay off the entire balance of her student loan debt with what would essentially be pocket change for her boss, she struggles with the decision: She’s always played by the rules. But it’s such a relatively small amount of money for the Titan Corporation—and for her it would be a life-changer . . .  The Assistants speaks directly to a new generation of women who feel stuck and unable to get ahead playing by the rules. It will appeal to all of those who have ever asked themselves, “How is it that after all these years, we are still assistants?”

    He worshipped Mark Spitz, swam his heart out, and just missed qualifying for the Olympic trials in swimming as a college senior. Although he didn't qualify for the 1976, 1980, 1984, 1988, 1992, 1996, 2000, or 2004 Olympics, he never stopped believing he could make it. And despite past failures and the passage of time, Carter began his quest once more at the age of forty-two. Maybe he's crazy. But then again, maybe he's onto something. He entered the Masters Championships. He swam three to four miles each day, six days a week. He pumped iron, trained with former Olympians, and consulted with swimming gurus and medical researchers who taught him that the body doesn't have to age. He swam with sharks (inadvertently) in the Virgin Islands, suffered hypothermia in a relay around Manhattan, and put on fifteen pounds of muscle. Amazingly, he discovered that his heartbeat could keep pace with the best of the younger swimmers'. And each day he felt stronger, swam faster, and became more convinced that he wasn't crazy. This outrageous, courageous chronicle is much more than Carter's race with time to make it to the Olympics. It's the exhilarating story of a man who rebels against middle age the only way he can—by chasing a dream. His article in Outside magazine, on which this book is based, was the winner of a Lowell Thomas award from the Society of American Travel Writers Foundation.

    Decker, star tenant of the local trailer park and neophyte private eye is fishing for a killer. Thanks to a sportsman's scam that's anything but sportsmanlike, there's a body floating in Coon Bog, Florida -- and a lot that's rotten in the murky waters of big-stakes, large-mouth bass tournaments. Here Decker will team up with a half-blind, half-mad hermit with an appetite for road kill; dare to kiss his ex-wife while she's in bed with her new husband; and face deadly TV evangelists, dangerously seductive women, and a pistol-toting redneck with a pit bull on his arm. And here his own life becomes part of the stakes. For while the "double whammy" is the lure, first prize is for the most ingenious murder.

    But when a mysterious man shows up in Dodge City, unannounced, things really get crazy! Preliminary Comments: I loved it! I absolutely loved it! You buy your ticket with no idea where John will take the story, but you’re always glad to ride the ride. Locke’s Rag Soup recipe is a perfect blend of winning ingredients: blistering pace; authentic dialog; crazy characters; improbable situations, non-stop humor; plot twists galore; and big-hearted, good-natured fun.

    But things are never really as simple as they seem. An unsolved murder involving the Love Bus and the Mexican mafia, along with a major case of mistaken identity, complicate Walker's efforts. Add a crazy gun-toting senior citizen, Mango Bob's escape attempts, and the hot kayak chick, and you get a rollicking travel romp through the Sunshine State.

    

    . . Kipner writes beautifully, is emotionally intelligent and has a keen eye for detail - the more absurd the better. The result is a different, occasionally deranged and always very clever read. I loved every minute.' Daily MailMeet Tabitha Gray, a delusional girl from Topanga, California, who redefines what it means to be a truly hopeless romantic. Tabby suffers from an aggressive strain of cock-eyed optimism – no amount of failure, embarrassment or humiliation can dent her fierce belief that real, true, lasting love is just around the corner.Where most people think, fantasize and dream, Tabby says, feels and does. Whether waiting in her lingerie for Harrison Ford to open the door of his hotel room; declaring her love, aged nine, for Ernesto the gardener; encountering Al Pacino in a Russian bathhouse; seeking passion with a blind man on the advice of a wise old woman with dementia at her grandmother’s home for the elderly; or sending intimate photos to a random sexter with an apparently charming dick, Tabby refuses to be crushed by her many misadventures. She has to keep believing, because if she gives up, what then? Ill-advisedly armed with the words of Dorothy Parker, Tabby knows that her own ferocious optimism is the only thing keeping her heart-sore, wine-swilling mother and cynical, single-mum sister from giving up on love altogether. She is their only hope. If Tabby can find love, then they too will believe…In this warmly witty debut novel, Sophie Kipner takes a satirical look at the extremity of romantic desperation, and pays wry tribute to the deep human need to keep on heroically searching for love despite our manifold absurdities.

    Not only that, but Sam's new friends can't miss this opportunity to tease and torment her.Sam has never really come to terms with her parents' divorce, so when her world crashes down on her in the form of cyberbullying and Zach's apparent return to the Amish community, she reverts to old, illegal habits. Does Sam even want friends like these? And, will her culture-crossed love with Zach find a way?

    It's a modern Greek tragedy, as defined by Roger Dunkle in The Classical Origins of Western Culture: a story in which "the central character, called a tragic protagonist or hero, suffers some serious misfortune which is not accidental and therefore meaningless, but is significant in that the misfortune is logically connected."In other words? The bitch had it coming.

    I on the other hand see it and him as nothing more than an annoyance and inconvenience.All I wanted was to make my famous eggnog and enjoy my first Texas Christmas in peace. Imagine my surprise when said asshole shows up at my neighbor’s Christmas Party. And now he wants to date me. I should turn him down, but how could I when I’m so damn attracted to him.Caleb O’NeilWho would have thought a fight over a pesky bottle of whiskey would lead to me finding the woman of my dreams. Shani is drop-dead gorgeous, curvy in all the right places, educated, and feisty—a deadly combination to any man with a pulse. And now, I’m pretty sure she hates my guts. But color me surprised when I arrive at the holiday festivities to find the ballsy New Yorker standing in the center of my brother’s living room. She would have liked for me to leave well enough alone, but when I want someone, I won’t stop until she’s mine. Six days is all I need to convince her to be mine forever. I expect her to decline, but she shocks us both when she accepts. So, let the wooing begin.KISSES OVER EGGNOG is a stand-alone, BWWM Christmas romance complete with a HEA. This book contains mature content and is suited for readers 18+.

    Turns out that’s impossible... it took 30!He had a dull, drizzly weekend to kill, so made a start on the book he’d been promising to write all his life... and had it finished by midnight Sunday.You’ll laugh out loud reading his odyssey of non-stop writing, in a selection of anecdotes, asides and stories... all dredged up from an over-stimulated brain functioning on caffeine, nicotine and the occasional chocolate biscuit. The book is a conversation with YOU and with Nick you'll venture into the thorny topics of love, life, sex, horribly timed bowel movements and a deathly fear of sponges (among many other things).After you've read Life... With No Breaks, you may never look at the world the same way again!

    The Stench of Honolulu Are you a fan of books in which famous tourist destinations are repurposed as unlivable hellholes for no particular reason? Read on! Jack Handey's exotic tale is full of laugh-out-loud twists and unforgettable characters whose names escape me right now. A reliably unreliable narrator and his friend, who is some other guy, need to get out of town. They have a taste for adventure, so they pay a visit to a relic of bygone days-a travel agent-and discover an old treasure map. She might have been a witch, by the way. Our heroes soon embark on a quest for the Golden Monkey, which takes them into the mysterious and stinky foreign land of Honolulu. There, they meet untold dangers, confront strange natives, kill and eat Turtle People, kill some other things and people, eat another thing, and discover the ruins of ancient civilizations. As our narrator says, "The ruins were impressive. But like so many civilizations, they forgot the rule that might have saved them: Don't let vines grow all over you."