Quotations are ordered not by A-Z, but by thematic categories: love; business; religion; celebrity, you name it, every category is covered. The collection includes all the classics from Oscar Wilde to Winston Churchill, Dorothy Parker to Groucho Marx but also mines many new hidden gems from lesser lights and includes many contemporary quotes by everyone from Jilly Cooper to Jonathan Ross. A standard companion for new collectors, and a fresh perspective for serious quotation addicts.

    It’s called BASTARDS AND BONEHEADS.Bastards succeed. Whether their goals are noble or immoral, Bastards are ruthless. Active. They cause events to unfold by an act of focussed will. Boneheads fail, usually by stumbling over their own two feet. Boneheads are reactive. Inept. They cause events to unfold mainly by accident. Bastards screw Canada. Boneheads just screw up.BASTARDS AND BONEHEADS makes an excellent parlour game. Pierre Trudeau was a Bastard. Joe Clark was not. Brian Mulroney managed to be both. Your turn: Jean Chrétien—Bastard or Bonehead?But Ferguson doesn’t limit himself to the prime ministers. No, sir. He takes on the full sweep of Canadian history, examining and evaluating the key personalities behind our most momentous events. When the English captured Quebec in 1759, was it a “Battle of Boneheads” or a “Contest of Bastards”? Was the War of 1812 won by Bastards? Or lost by Boneheads? From the internment of Japanese Canadians during the Second World War to Canada’s contribution to the Holocaust, from the battle for women’s rights to the rise of the separatist movement, Will Ferguson looks at our past head-on, wars and all. This is history on the edge: opinionated, hard-hitting, outrageous and always thought-provoking. Watch out, Canada. Will Ferguson is headed our way.

    As audacious as it is edifying, here is a hilarious and irreverent—yet always historically accurate—overview of the ascent (or descent) of humankind, courtesy of the same rebel geniuses who brought you Mental Floss presents Condensed Knowledge and Mental Floss Presents Forbidden Knowledge. Updated with all the hot topics and events of the past few years, The Mental Floss History of the World is proof positive that just because something’s true doesn’t mean it’s boring.

     It also features maps, including a fold-out world map at actual size. Readers will learn about every country from Afghanistan, "Allah's Cat Box," to the Ukraine, "The Bridebasket of Europe." Today's news-parody consumer cannot possibly understand made-up current events without the context of fake world history and geography. That is why The Onion is publishing a world atlas: to help us. Our Dumb World is an invaluable tool for any reader interested in overthrowing a weakened government in East Asia, exploiting a developing nation in Africa, or for directions to tonight's party at Erica's. It is a reference guide to 250,000 of the world's most important places, such as North Korea's Trench of Victory, the Great Human Pyramid of Egypt, and Saudi Arabia's superhighway, the Mohammedobahn.

    But her "problems" have landed her in shopping rehab--that's what happens when you spend $246,893.50 in one afternoon at Barneys. Now she's decided to write her memoir, revealing the gut-wrenching hurdles she's had to overcome in order to be perfect in every way, every day. Hurdles such as: - I hate my horse. - Every job I've ever had is the worst job I've ever had. - He's not a doctor, a lawyer, or a prince. - I'll eat anything, as long as it's gluten-free, dairy-free, low-carb, low-fat, low-calorie, sugar-free, and organic. In an Adderall-induced flash of inspiration, Babe Walker has managed to create one of the most enjoyable, unforgettable memoirs in years.

    As the home of A. J. Liebling, Joseph Wechsberg, and M.F.K. Fisher, who practically invented American food writing, the magazine established a tradition that is carried forward today by irrepressible literary gastronomes, including Calvin Trillin, Bill Buford, Adam Gopnik, Jane Kramer, and Anthony Bourdain. Now, in this indispensable collection, "The New Yorker "dishes up a feast of delicious writing on food and drink, seasoned with a generous dash of cartoons. Whether you re in the mood for snacking on humor pieces and cartoons or for savoring classic profiles of great chefs and great eaters, these offerings, from every age of The New Yorker s fabled eighty-year history, are sure to satisfy every taste. There are memoirs, short stories, tell-alls, and poems ranging in tone from sweet to sour and in subject from soup to nuts. M.F.K. Fisher pays homage to cookery witches, those mysterious cooks who possess an uncanny power over food, while John McPhee valiantly trails an inveterate forager and is rewarded with stewed persimmons and white-pine-needle tea. There is Roald Dahl s famous story Taste, in which a wine snob s palate comes in for some unwelcome scrutiny, and Julian Barnes s ingenious tale of a lifelong gourmand who goes on a very peculiar diet for still more peculiar reasons. Adam Gopnik asks if French cuisine is done for, and Calvin Trillin investigates whether people can actually taste the difference between red wine and white. We journey with Susan Orlean as she distills the essence of Cuba in the story of a single restaurant, and with Judith Thurman as she investigates the arcane practices of Japan s tofu masters. Closer to home, Joseph Mitchell celebrates the old New York tradition of the beefsteak dinner, and Mark Singer shadows the city s foremost fisherman-chef. Dining out: All you can hold for five bucks / Joseph Mitchell --The finest butter and lots of time / Joseph Wechsberg --A good appetite / A.J. Liebling --The afterglow / A.J. Liebling --Is there a crisis in French cooking? / Adam Gopnik --Don't eat before reading this / Anthony Bourdain --A really big lunch / Jim Harrison --Eating in: The secret ingredient / M.F.K. Fisher --The trouble with tripe / M.F.K. Fisher --Nor censure nor disdain / M.F.K. Fisher --Good cooking: / Calvin Tomkins --Look back in hunger / Anthony Lane --The reporter's kitchen / Jane Kramer --Fishing and foraging: A mess of clams / Joseph Mitchell --A forager / John McPhee --The fruit detective / John Seabrook --Gone fishing / Mark Singer --On the bay / Bill Buford --Local delicacies: An attempt to compile a short history of The buffalo chicken wing / Calvin Trillin --The homesick restaurant / Susan Orlean --The magic bagel / Calvin Trillin --A rat in my soup / Peter Hessler --Raw faith / Burkhard Bilger --Night kitchens / Judith Thurman --The pour: Dry martini / Roger Angell --The red and the white / Calvin Trillin --The russian god / Victor Erofeyev --The ketchup conundrum / Malcolm Gladwell --Tastes funny: But the one on the right / Dorothy Parker --Curl up and diet / Ogden Nash --Quick, hammacher, my stomacher! / Ogden Nash --Nesselrode to jeopardy / S.J. Perelman --Eat, drink, and be merry / Peter De Vries --Notes from the overfed / Woody Allen --Two menus / Steve Martin --The zagat history of my last relationship 409(3) / Noah Baumbach --Your table is ready / John Kenney --Small plates: Bock / William Shawn --Diat / Geoffrey T. Hellman --4 a.m. / James Stevenson --Slave / Alex Prud'Homme --Under the hood / Mark Singer --Protein source / Mark Singer --A sandwich / Nora Ephron --Sea urchin / Chang-Rae Lee --As the french do / Janet MalColm --Blocking and chowing / Ben McGrath --When edibles attack / Rebecca Mead --Killing dinner / Gabrielle Hamilton --Fiction: Taste / Roald Dahl --Two roast beefs / V.S. Pritchett --The sorrows of gin / John Cheever --The jaguar sun / Italo Calvino --There should be a name for it / Matthew Klam --Sputnik / Don DeLillo --Enough / Alice McDermott --The butcher's wife / Louise Erdrich --Bark / Julian Barnes

    You probably thought you couldn't stand any more genius in one lifetime. Well, fasten your intellectual seat belts! Inside you'll find 100% guaranteed top quality brilliance on every page, as he winsomely and wisely answers questions like these: Can people really hear radio broadcasts through their teeth? What does Queen Elizabeth carry in that purse, anyway? So how DO porcupines mate? And many more. When you hear the answers, you'll be glad someone asked the questions.

    And you’re definitely not alone. There’s Jimmy Carter, forgetting the nuclear launch codes in a suit at the dry cleaners. Rod Stewart fumbling for the name of the intense first love who inspired “Maggie Mae.” G. K. Chesterton writing a long letter to hismother announcing the good news about his engagement—while his mother is in the room with him. Marilyn Monroe blowing the same line through 52 takes during the filming of Some Like It Hot.Celebrating history’s greatest mental lapses, is a perfect impulse book in the fine gift format of Famous Last Words. Not just outlandishly funny, it’s also a book of great comfort—after all, having a senior moment puts you in the company of Einstein, Lincoln, Beethoven, Newton, Toscanini, and a whole assortment of presidents, poets, philosophers, popes, and Nobel Prize–winners. Talk about gaffes. Here are best men forgetting to show up at the wedding. Judges staggered by the incompetence of their previous decisions. Senators frozen in front of TV cameras. Olympic officials gazing absently while bewildered runners continue through the finish line. Bono losing the only copy of his lyrics to a new album. Forget to pick up your copy today!

    En route, John Cleese describes his nerve-racking first public appearance, at St Peter’s Preparatory School at the age of eight and five-sixths; his endlessly peripatetic home life with parents who seemed incapable of staying in any house for longer than six months; his first experiences in the world of work as a teacher who knew nothing about the subjects he was expected to teach; his hamster-owning days at Cambridge; and his first encounter with the man who would be his writing partner for over two decades, Graham Chapman. And so on to his dizzying ascent via scriptwriting for Peter Sellers, David Frost, Marty Feldman and others to the heights of Monty Python.Punctuated from time to time with John Cleese’s thoughts on topics as diverse as the nature of comedy, the relative merits of cricket and waterskiing, and the importance of knowing the dates of all the kings and queens of England, this is a masterly performance by a former schoolmaster.

    Now, in I’m Not Really Here, he takes a look at men in midlife—and their relationship to wives, children, friends, the universe, God, and why it’s so tough to get a good night’s sleep.The book opens with Tim suddenly waking from a strange dream. He’s been reading late into the night about today’s hot scientific topic—quantum physics—and what he’s learned about the nature of reality really disturbs him. Fortunately, he’s got plenty of time to mull it over. Tim’s wife and daughter are going away on a camping trip, and Tim is left at home with their dog, Spot. At first, he’s excited at the opportunity to eat what he wants (bologna and potato chip sandwiches), watch the sci-fi videos he loves, and finish the 1946 Ford he’s been restoring so he can deliver it to a car show on Monday. Unfortunately, he can’t find the final part: a one-of-a-kind hood ornament. He encounters very strange coincidences, meets people he doesn’t know who seem to know too much about him, and wonders if his life is half full or half empty.As he roams from room to room, Tim ponders how we wind up sounding like our parents when we raise our own children (“Don’t stir your ice cream into soup!”), men’s fascination with pricey gadgets (“Does this drill bit set really cost $89,000?”), and how romantic “chemistry” really works (“It’s all based on salt”). He describes his own rise to celebrity and what it’s like to buy groceries without wearing a mask. He explores the allure of hot cars, the temptation of fast-food chain prizes which seem to be getting bigger ad bigger all the time (“I’ll have the happy meal and the Harley, please”), and his obsession with his place in the cosmos.I’m Not Really Here deals, in the Toolman’s inimitable way, with some of the urgent questions a man faces at midlife, from “What is real?” to what should he eat for breakfast (“The gummy cinnamon buns or the cereal no one can pronounce? Moose lips. Mouse licks”). This book is a culmination of a five-year journey of self-discovery. It will surprise and challenge, make you wonder and think, and induce laughter on every page.

    Apple products, indie music, food co-ops, and vintage T-shirts make them weak in the knees. They believe they’re unique, yet somehow they’re all exactly the same, talking about how they “get” Sarah Silverman’s “subversive” comedy and Wes Anderson’s “droll” films. They’re also down with diversity and up on all the best microbrews, breakfast spots, foreign cinema, and authentic sushi. They’re organic, ironic, and do not own TVs. You know who they are: They’re white people. And they’re here, and you’re gonna have to deal. Fortunately, here’s a book that investigates, explains, and offers advice for finding social success with the Caucasian persuasion. So kick back on your IKEA couch and lose yourself in the ultimate guide to the unbearable whiteness of being.

    Now, Harry shares many of his hilarious insider tips.

    Unfortunately, not all of the hopeful thinkers and academics around the globe can become Nobel laureates, but some are lucky enough to win the Ig Nobel Prize instead. Drawn from the world’s wackiest actual research, The Ig Nobel Prizes demonstrates the extreme measures that people will take in the quest for knowledge, and pays tribute to those individuals whose achievements cannot—or should not—be reproduced. Recent Ig Nobel honorees include: • The professor who proved that toast falls buttered side down more often than not • The Southern Baptist Church of Alabama which devised a formula to determine how many Alabamans will go to hell • The founder of the amusement park known as “Stalin World” Featuring these endeavors and many more, The Ig Nobel Prizes is an entertaining exhibition of brains and determination.

    Mangled Moments of Western Civilization from Term Papers & Blue Book Exams Did You Know:Cesar was assassinated on the Yikes of March when he is reported to have said, "Me too, Brutus!"Stalin, Roosevelt, Churchill, and Truman were known as the "Big Three"Rasputin was a pheasant by birthJudyism had one big God named YahooWestward expansion ended at Custard's Last StandMarie Curie won the Noel Prize for inventing the radiatorThe Civil Rights movement turned the corner with Martin Luther Junior's famous "If I Had a Hammer" speech

    Derived from the authors' Archaeology: Discovering Our Past, this book follows the same organizing principle but in less detail.