But what happens when the credit crunch bites, you’re desperate for another baby and your Asian neighbour is trying to match-make you with her infatuated son?

    The simple ambition to hold dominion over the world and bend all to your Will sounds straightforward but it's not. There are armies to raise, fortresses to build, heroes to defeat, battles to be fought, hours of endless soliloquy in front of the mirror – it's a never ending job. After many spectacular failures, Evil decided to lend more than inspiration to these would be tyrants. He wrote an easy to follow Dark Lord's Handbook. And yet the next Dark Lord that came along screwed up like all the others. It had been hundreds of years, and the Handbook was lost in the annals of time, along with all that was mythic and exciting in the world. Then one day a randy dragon had a chance encounter. Nine months later a Dark Lord was born. In time, the Handbook found its way to this new contender, Morden. To become a Dark Lord is no easy thing. Morden had better be a quick study.

    Crowned "Calamity Jayne" by Iowa Department of Natural Resources officer Rick Townsend, Tressa's out to gain a little hometown respect --or die trying. Unfortunately for Tressa, that may be the case. She's just been handed the perfect opportunity to get "Ranger Rick," the doubting Don Juan of the DNR, and a skeptical citizenry to finally take her seriously. How? By solving a murder no one else believes happened...No one, that is, except the killer.Yup, Calamity Jayne is in it up to her hot pink snakeskin cowgirl boots and matching rhinestone belt. Tressa would tell you her momma never raised no dummies, but the jury's still out on that one.

    Join Broody McHottiepants as he attempts to pen Brooding YA Hero: Becoming a Main Character (Almost) as Awesome as Me, a "self-help" guide (with activities--you always need activities) that lovingly pokes fun at the YA tropes that we roll our eyes at, but secretly love. As his nefarious ex, Blondie DeMeani, attempts to thwart him at every turn, Broody overcomes to detail, among other topics, how to choose your genre, how to keep your love interest engaged (while maintaining lead character status), his secret formula for guaranteed love triangle success, and how to make sure you secure that sequel, all while keeping his hair perfectly coiffed and never breaking a sweat.

    The film, Dear White People, garnered a Sundance Award for Breakthrough Talent and has been hailed by critics everywhere. Channeling the sensibility of the film into this book, Simien will keep you laughing with his humorous observations, even if you haven't seen the satiric film.News Flash: the minimum number of black friends needed to not seem racist has just been raised to two. Rather than panic, readers are advised to purchase a copy of Dear White People. Whether you are a white person wondering why your black office mate is avoiding eye contact with you after you ran your fingers through her hair or you're a black nerd who has to break it to your white friends that you've never seen The Wire, this myth-busting, stereotype-diffusing guide to a post-Obama world has something for you!With decision-making trees to help you decide when it's the right time to wear Blackface (hint: probably never) and quizzes to determine whether you've become the Token Black Friend, Dear White People is the ultimate silly-yet-authoritative handbook to help the curious and confused navigate racial microaggressions in their daily lives. Based on the eponymous award-winning film, which has been lauded as a smart, hilarious satire, this tongue-in-cheek guide is a must-have that anybody who is in semi-regular contact with black people can't afford to miss!

    (To date, it has won no fewer than 31 Emmys.) Seriously... I'm Kidding, Degeneres' first book in eight years, brings us up to date about the life of a kindhearted woman who bowed out of American Idol because she didn't want to be mean. Lively; hilarious; often sweetly poignant.

    Nina Stibbe's Love, Nina: Despatches from Family Life is the laugh-out-loud story of the trials and tribulations of a very particular family.

    Through articles, anecdotes, cartoons, and illustrations pulled from our long and happy history of drinking alcohol, Frank Kelly Rich campaigns to revive the lost art of tippling and taps a deep vein of boozy lore and legend through the ages, uncovering etiquette and expertise from some of history's greatest guzzlers.

    Maybe you're thinking of having one. There might even be one inside you right now, draining nutrients from your system via a tube growing from its midsection. Or maybe you've already got one around the house, somewhere, and you're responsible for its continued survival. You're saddled with a helpless being whom you've agreed to house and feed and love with all your heart for the rest of your life, more or less.Either way, you're confused, you're frightened, and 911 won't take your calls anymore. But don't despair! Let's Panic About Babies! is here to hold your hand and answer some important, age-old baby-related questions, including:- How can I be sure I'm pregnant? (Torso swells gradually until baby falls into underpants.)- Did I just pee myself? (Yes.)- What happens if I have sex during my pregnancy? (Your baby will be born with a full, lush beard.)- How can I tell if I've chosen the wrong pediatrician? (He/she can't pronounce "stethoscope.")- How do I make sure my baby loves me back? (Voodoo.)From the moment they're created until the day they steal our cars, our babies demand center stage in our lives. So join Alice and Eden as they tell you (and your lucky partner!) exactly what to think and feel and do, from morning sickness to baby's first steps. They know everything!

    Some of these stories have been available elsewhere over the past few months, while others are new for this collection. The spectacular tales of space adventure you'll find within its pages are: "Dead Men Don't Get Paid" Undead detective, Dan Deadman, has a problem. He has a number of them, in fact. He's missing an arm. He needs money to repair his broken window. Someone has opened a portal to the hell-like Malwhere in a nightclub, filling the place with slavering flesh-eating monsters. Fortunately, Dan's diminutive house guest, Artur, has a plan to help him fix at least one of these problems, but like everything else in Dan's afterlife, nothing quite works out the way it should. A brand new Dan Deadman Space Detective adventure, set in the aftermath of "Dial D for Deadman". Space Team: The Holiday Special Die Hard meets The Nativity in Space! It's Space Christmas Eve, and all through the space station not a creature was stirring except a load of evil space pirates who're trying to kidnap a very special newborn baby so it can be eaten by their pirate king. They hadn't counted on Cal Carver and the Space Team, though, who happen to be on the station for some much needed R & R. Originally published in December 2016 as a standalone short story. The Last Bounty Once the baddest bounty hunter in the galaxy, all Konto Garr wants these days is a quiet family life with the woman he loves, and the respect of Deenia, the step-daughter who hates his guts. But when Deenia is taken hostage, Konto must employ all his skills to mount a death-defying rescue mission. With a terrorist-filled station between him and the hostages, and an infuriatingly upbeat boy from Deenia’s class for company, Konto's talents will be stretched to their limit as he goes after the most important bounty of his life—his daughter. Originally published as part of the comedy scifi anthology, "Pew Pew - Sex, Guns, Spaceships... Oh My!" Death Comes to Carverville - A Tobey Maguire Mystery Former Hollywood actor, Tobey Maguire, now spends his days as an imaginary construct inside the subconscious of Space Team's Cal Carver, only ever called upon when Cal is knocked unconscious. But when a murderer starts to stalk the corridors of Cal's mind, Tobey Maguire - accompanied by a wise-cracking racist squirrel only he can see or hear - must turn detective and unmask the killer before the imaginary inhabitants of Cal's head are picked off one by one, leaving Cal completely brain dead. The first ever solo Tobey Maguire adventure, written just for this collection. Nun Shall Pass Former Nun, Ronda Sallas, is on a mission to save her son, Narp, from himself. And also from some evil Xandrie gangsters who have tricked him into helping them steal a weapon of mass destruction. Mostly from them, actually. Fortunately, Ronda's time at the convent has left her more than capable to deal with a few dozen gangsters, but when an Anti-Nun strips her of her precognition powers, things suddenly become more difficult. First published in "The Expanding Universe - Volume 2" anthology. Splurt Home Alone An all-new short solo adventure starring everyone's favorite adorable green blob, Splurt.

    She plans to make her comeback by turning temporary DJ Charlie Tenniel into a household name. And if he's willing to help cure her breakup blues with a rebound fling, that's an added bonus. Charlie just wants to kick back, play good tunes and eat Chinese food. He's not interested in becoming famous. But he is interested in Allie. And after all, what harm is a little chemistry between friends? But suddenly their one-night stand has become a four-week addiction. Night after night on the airwaves, his voice seduces her…and all the other women in town. He's a hit. It looks as if Charlie's solved all Allie's problems…except one. What is she going to do when he leaves?

    Situations include these men in art and antiquity sharing keen insight on the female anatomy, an eloquent defense of catcalling, or offering sage advice about horseback riding to the woman who owns the horse and many more situations.

     The world is full of assholes -- but now you can fight back! Ever wish you could leave a nasty note for that jerk meter maid who ticketed you, or the idiot who didn't clean up after his dog, or your asshole psychotic ex? Now you can! Whether it's the asshole landlord, the asshole cheapskate, the asshole backseat driver, or the constantly cheery asshole, you should never leave home without this useful book ever again! Letters include:Dear Asshole Who Stole My Parking SpaceDear Asshole Who Doesn't Know How to Use Self-CheckoutDear Contagious AssholeDear Constantly Broke AssholeDear Online Dating Asshole Who Lied About Their LooksDear Asshole BossDear Fanatically Religious Asshole at My DoorAnd more!

    He joins forces with Ippolit Matveyevich Vorobyaninov, a former nobleman who has returned to his hometown to find a cache of missing jewels which were hidden in some chairs that have been appropriated by the Soviet authorities. The search for the bejeweled chairs takes these unlikely heroes from the provinces to Moscow to the wilds of Soviet Georgia and the Trans-caucasus mountains; on their quest they encounter a wide variety of characters: from opportunistic Soviet bureaucrats to aging survivors of the prerevolutionary propertied classes, each one more selfish, venal, and ineffective than the one before.

    Constantly. He falls helplessly in love with pretty much every girl he meets—and rarely is the feeling reciprocated. Time after time, he hops in a car and tears across half of America with his heart on his sleeve. He’s continually coming up with outrageous schemes, which he always manages to pull off. Well, almost always. But even when things don’t work out, Rothbart finds meaning and humor in every moment. Whether it’s humiliating a scammer who takes money from aspiring writers or playing harmless (but side-splitting) goofs on his deaf mother, nothing and no one is off-limits.But as much as Rothbart is a tragically lovable, irresistibly brokenhearted hero, it’s his prose that’s the star of the book. In the tradition of David Sedaris and Sloane Crosley but going places very much his own, his essays show how things that are seemingly so wrong can be so, so right.