With over 400 of the best jokes ever told, The Naked Jape is both a lesson in joke-making and a damn good laugh.

    George. Elaine. Kramer. We've followed their misadventures for nearly ten years on Thursday nights. Here, finally, are the scripts of the first two seasons that will take you back to the beginning of Seinfeld.Featuring the first 17 episodes ever aired, The Seinfeld Scripts contains all the great lines that have kept us laughing for years: the pilot episode, "The Seinfeld Chronicles," where it all began; George introduces his importer/exporter altar ego Art Vanderlay in "The Stakeout"; Kramer becomes obsessed with cantaloupe in "The Ex-Girlfriend"; Jerry and George meet Elaine's dad in "The Jacket"; is Jerry responsible for a poor Polish woman's death when he makes "The Pony Remark"?; Jerry and Elaine decide to become intimate again in "The Deal"; what will George do when he is banned from the executive bathroom in "The Revenge"?; and Jerry, George, and Elaine wait for a table in "The Chinese Restaurant."It's all here: the award-winning writing of Seinfeld, "the defining sitcom of our age". Created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld.Elaine: My roommate has Lyme disease. Jerry: Lyme disease? I thought she had Epstein-Barr syndrome? Elaine: She has this in addition to Epstein-Barr. It's like Epstein-Barr with a twist of Lyme disease. George: She calls me up at my office she says, "We have to talk." Jerry: The four worst words in the English language. Kramer: What a body. Yeeaaah...that's for me. Jerry: Yeah and you're just what she's looking for, too--a stranger, leering through a pair of binoculars ten floors up.

     (Note: both books (1) How to Write Descriptions of Eyes and Faces and (2) How to Write Descriptions of Hair and Skin are now available in a single, unabridged volume for readers interested in both buying both books together at a cheaper price than buying them individually: How to Write Descriptions of Eyes, Faces, Hair, Skin. ASIN: B00670OUGW.) Here, you get more help than you could possibly imagine on describing eyes and faces. Each section centers on a type of description, such as Eye Color (for example, "Crystal blue eyes"), or Appearance of the Eye (for example, "Beady eyes," or "Bedroom eyes"), or Actions Involving the Eyes (for example, "Darting eyes" or "Gawking"). Each section lists its descriptive terms alphabetically with full explanations. You can read the lists to learn new terms, or you can look up a specific term. The eye section starts with the location of colors in the iris. Through examples, you learn how physical description starts with an accurate, detailed picture of everything you see, which you condense for your fiction. You learn about the appearance of the eyes, actions involving the eyes, and how to describe eyelids, eyebrows, and eyelashes. All of this leads into more than 2,000 words explaining 82 different color names to assign to eyes that are black, blue, brown, gray, green, hazel, or violet. The face section shows how to describe facial shapes, forehead, ears, cheekbones, nose, lips, chin, and facial hair, if any. You learn about facial expressions, such as simpering or sneering, and things like the differences between a frown and a scowl. You also get a section on how the face shows different emotions. For example, you can look up "Anger" and read about common physical signs of anger such as blood rising beneath the skin, the forehead tightening, the eyes narrowing, and the nose wrinkling in disgust. Who may benefit from this book? Anyone who wants a quick prompt or idea so as not to lose his writing momentum. Readers for whom English is a second language may enjoy the in-depth explanations of American English terms. Authors in genres that demand much physical description (for example, fantasy fiction and romance fiction) may also find this book useful. How to Write Descriptions of Eyes and Faces is about 15,000 words in total. Thank you for reading.

    In a clear, step-by-step fashion, this book is a fun, eye-opening, ?brain-expanding, and often irreverent guide to writing stories that sell. Covering everything from Heroes to Villains, from Theme to Plot Points, from cooking up good ideas to a business plan for smart writers, this book forever eliminates that horrible feeling every writer goes through — staring at the blank page and wondering “what comes next?”

    A revised and expanded sequel to Stealing Fire from the Gods, this 2nd edition includes important new revelations concerning the ultimate source of unity, the structures of the whole story passage, the anti-hero's journey, the high-concept great idea, the secrets of charismatic characters, and the analyses of many important new stories and successful films.

    Discover Block's tips for overcoming writer's block and unleashing your creativity.

    Screenwriting: The Sequence Approach expounds on an often-overlooked tool that can be key in solving this problem. A screenplay can be understood as being built of sequences of about fifteen pages each, and by focusing on solving the dramatic aspects of each of these sequences in detail, a writer can more easily conquer the challenges posed by the script as a whole.The sequence approach has its foundation in early Hollywood cinema (until the 1950s, most screenplays were formatted with sequences explicitly identified), and has been rediscovered and used effectively at such film schools as the University of Southern California, Columbia University and Chapman University. This book exposes a wide audience to the approach for the first time, introducing the concept then providing a sequence analysis of eleven significant feature films made between 1940 and 2000:The Shop Around The Corner / Double Indemnity / Nights of Cabiria / North By Northwest / Lawrence of Arabia / The Graduate / One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest / Toy Story / Air Force One / Being John Malkovich / The Fellowship of the Ring

    It gives the background, insights, and specific procedures needed by all beginning writers. Here one can learn how to group words into copy that moves, movement into scenes, and scenes into stories; how to develop characters, how to revise and polish, and finally, how to sell the product.No one can teach talent, but the practical skills of the professional writer's craft can certainly be taught. The correct and imaginative use of these kills can shorten any beginner's apprenticeship by years.This is the book for writers who want to turn rejection slips into cashable checks.

    In his highly personal and compelling style, DeMarinis shares advice, classic examples and exercises in this definitive book on the short story.

    Delany has written a book for creative writers to place alongside E. M. Forster's Aspects of the Novel and Lajos Egri's Art of Dramatic Writing. Taking up specifics (When do flashbacks work, and when should you avoid them? How do you make characters both vivid and sympathetic?) and generalities (How are novels structured? How do writers establish serious literary reputations today?), Delany also examines the condition of the contemporary creative writer and how it differs from that of the writer in the years of Hemingway, Fitzgerald, and the high Modernists. Like a private writing tutorial, About Writing treats each topic with clarity and insight. Here is an indispensable companion for serious writers everywhere.

    You need a System. Step-By-Step - Amazon's Paperback and E-Book Publishing Systems Explained In CreateSpace and Kindle Self-Publishing Masterclass, top-selling independent author Rick Smith demonstrates a logical, step-by-step system which new Authors can use to succeed. This book will fast-track you through the Jungle! Writing, Publishing, and Marketing Your Books Here you'll find the truth about what to write and how to get it finished. You'll learn the 16 Golden Rules for Successful Amazon Authors. You'll be shown the important things that must be done correctly, and the other stuff which just slows you down. Why you should publish both Paperback and Kindle formats Why you should always do Createspace first What are the best software tools for organisation, creativity, and productivity How to create or source amazing low-cost Covers that drive your sales How to build world-class Sales Pages on Amazon's storefront, with no technical skills required In fact, everything you'll need to take your book to market. Marketing 101 for New Independent Authors You’ll also discover the right moves to achieve commercial success for your book; Where to find your first willing customers who'll kick-off your sales The importance of Reviews and how to get genuine customers to write them Using the right Keyword tactics to get your book onto Page 1 in Amazon's Category Search How to price, track, and promote your book, and when to write the next one Brand New Chapters on Kindle Unlimited, Countdown Deals, and Pre-Order, the powerful new Amazon Marketing Programs As you follow these step-by-step instructions you'll quickly learn everything you need to know in order to start a new career as an Independent Self-Published Author. Along the way, you'll acquire a few Secret Weapons that could propel your book to it's Category's Top-Row, where every author wants to be and every potential buyer can see you. Publishing your first book is the ride of your life; get it right first time!Rick Smith is an independent Author and Publisher on Amazon, with multiple Top-Ten books in their categories, and numerous Best Seller badges. Click on “Look Inside” to Find Out Much More!

    His passion for the genre, along with a refreshingly open and honest relationship with his fans, shows why he is such a unique talent.In About Writing, Powell shares his insights and tips from the world of fiction. More than just an instructional how-to, this is a practical, inspirational field guide, and a unique, invaluable insight into what it takes to be a successful author.

    Michael Straczynski, writer/producer of Murder, She Wrote and creator of Babylon 5 teaches scriptwriters how to write and sell work for television, movies, animation, radio and the theatre. Straczynski covers each medium in depth. He reveals facts, tells stories and offers observations from the vantage point of a career in the business.

    Today’s readers of mysteries, thrillers, Westerns, true crime, police procedurals, and romantic suspense are better informed about weapons than ever before. If you think you can slip one past these readers, you’re wrong. Dead wrong. You don’t have to be a gun buff to need this book. If you care enough about your readers and your craft to strive for accuracy, then this book is your comprehensive source for information on: • The characteristics, advantages, and disadvantages of hundreds of weapons • Which weapons were available during each period of history, including their wars • Weapons favored by various types of criminals and terrorists • Weapons used by law enforcement • Weapons used for hunting You’ll also find a glossary of weapon-related terms and a series of appendices including: • A selective chronology of firearms development • Comparative handgun identification information • Comparative trajectories of rifle cartridges In the past, this kind of information was attainable only through hours of digging. Now it’s available at your fingertips in one handy guide. Make sure your story is accurate—refer to Armed & Dangerous.

    He keeps "one up, one down and one pending" until unexpected schedule changes bring all three to Paris and Bernard's apartment at the same time.