Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results."I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left.""Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?""Ten," the doctor says sadly."Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!""Nine..."

    Packed with more than 1,000 jokes, anecdotes, cartoons, quotes, and stories contributed by professional comedians, joke writers, and readers of the magazine, this side-splitting compilation pokes fun at the facts and foibles of daily routines, illustrating that life is often funnier than fiction

    She’s a nobody. And that’s the way she likes it. Her father, on the other hand — Hank Keeling, the serial killer and occasional cannibal better known as the Pork Chop Killer — has just gone viral. Thanks to a prison guard’s error, a cell phone video of Keeling’s botched execution is quickly becoming an internet sensation. After watching her father die in all his pixelated glory, Caroline is taken off-guard when Keeling himself shows up at her front door, looking very much not dead. And he has a plan. A plan involving Caroline. A plan Caroline is going to take part in whether she wants to or not. Success means wealth beyond her dreams. Failure means death. Soon Caroline is whisked away from her bland life to face down killers, gangsters and a well-meaning cop in a hunt for long-lost fortune. Deceit, avarice and unrelenting violence collide in a coming-of-age story like none you’ve ever read.

    He is looking to make friends and playmates but gets rejected because he seems weird and dirty. The book follows Inky in his quest to make new friends and feel loved and accepted. It's a cute, weirdly funny and socially sensitive tale of friendship The author displays a unique understanding of the child’s mindset and masterfully weaves a tale that wisely deals with delicate issues about accepting differences and respecting others. Original, cute and full of humor. You'll fall in love with Inky "Inky Makes New Friends" is an original, captivating bedtime story. It helps to create the social skills that are lacking in our digital era. Full of cute characters and group activities, this story helps children wind down and gently eases them into sleep. Scroll up and grab a copy today

    Follow the flailing escapades of maverick music manager Campbell Ouiniette at the Calgary Folk Festival, as he leaves a trail of empty liquor bottles, cigarette butts, bruised egos, and obliterated relationships behind him. His top headlining act has abandoned him for the Big Time. In a fit of self-delusion or pure genius (or perhaps a bit of both), Ouiniette devises an intricate scam, a last hurrah in an attempt to redeem himself in the eyes of his girlfriend, the music industry, and the rest of the world. He reveals his path of destruction in his own transparently self-justifying, explosive, profane words, with digressions into the Edmonton hardcore punk rock scene, the Yugoslavian Civil War, and other epicentres of chaos.

    They like to look at pictures of different animals whether in books or just pictures by themselves. However, a book would be more beneficial than just looking at pictures of animals. One of the animals that seems to be very interesting to kids, is a wolf. The Wolves of North American book (kids edition) would be a great book for kids who are interested in learning more about wolves in North America. It would be a great educational tool and children of all ages would benefit from reading this kind of book.

    Though they pray for a solution, they find themselves unprepared for the transformation God has in store. Short story, 6,000 words, about 20 pages.

    But occasionally over the years he’s found it impossible to turn down a particularly enticing assignment or, in the case of the 2012-13 Premier League, just unable to resist writing about that most spectacular of seasons. Fortunately for those who love great writing about soccer, all these fugitive pieces are collected in Fan Mail. You can follow the fortunes, as Hornby did, of a hopelessly out-of-their-depth Cambridge United in the old Second Division, discover why Perry Groves was an unlikely hero among Arsenal fans, enjoy Hornby trying to explain the World Cup to Americans, and share with him the pain of watching his national team.

    It was the U.K.’s worst rail disaster in years. On the morning of October 5, 1999, two rush-hour commuter trains collided just outside London. Hundreds were feared dead. Though he was traveling in the front-most carriage, the novelist Andrew Rosenheim survived the crash. In “The Secrets of Carriage H,” Rosenheim recalls in heart-pounding detail the events of that day and opens up about the emotional rollercoaster that consumed him for months thereafter. Told with the rich textures of a novel and the bare heart of a memoir, “The Secrets of Carriage H” explores the unspoken consequences of survival and offers brutal, sometimes hilarious insight into the human condition. Andrew Rosenheim was born and raised in Chicago, but has lived in England for the last thirty-five years. He worked in publishing for many years at Oxford University Press and then as the Managing Director of Penguin Press. He is the author of seven novels, most recently Fear Itself and The Little Tokyo Informant. His writing has appeared in The Times, The New York Times, the Times Literary Supplement, and many other publications. Married, he lives with his wife and twin daughters near Oxford and is the editor of Kindle Singles in the U.K.Cover design by Evan Twohy.

    But, like butterflies must first be caterpillars, becoming a big boy or girl doesn’t happen overnight.In this funny rhyming story for children aged 3 to 7 years old, children will laugh at the illustrations and the extremes that our little dragon friend goes to, as he tries to breathe fire for the first time. After trying so hard with no luck at all, he meets a wise owl who tells him that his Mom has all the answers. This humorous story was created with the intention of helping young children to understand that life is magic. But, just like real magic, you never really know when it will happen!

    They are always around and continue to love you from beyond and they continuously send us signs that they are okay! Are you missing them? In this no-nonsense and no-fluff book, Blair teaches you 3 simple steps to connecting and communicating with your loved ones in spirit. An easy read, this book can change your life! In this book you'll discover: * 3 easy ways to connect with your loved ones in spirit, each method being easy to do. * a simple way to connect with loved ones while you sleep * how to recognize the special signs from spirit in your daily life * how to differentiate what is--and what is not--a genuine sign * discover how to confirm the signs you do receive * Blair's unique T.A.L.K. method of literally having a conversation with your deceased loved one * and much more... This book is brief and to-the-point. No fluff. No filler. Get it and start connecting with your loved ones today! Blair Robertson is a best-selling author and psychic medium who helps people live happier and fuller lives by demonstrating that love never dies. He offers live events, online seminars and courses designed to help people reach new levels of spiritual understanding. A Canadian of Scottish descent, he resides in Arizona with his wife. His website is www.BlairRobertson.com

    This guide will take you step-by-step with all of the Kindle Fire’s features including setup, navigating each tab, play music and videos, read eBooks, and download and use apps.Each chapter contains detailed instructions complete with screenshots, tips, tricks, and shortcuts to quickly get up to speed and more. Additionally, this guide shows you how to and where to receive FREE books, music, videos, and apps you can immediately start using on your Kindle Fire: you may never pay another cent for Kindle content again – download this guide to your Kindle Fire today!Michael Gallagher is the author of several bestselling Kindle “how-to” guides, and his title “Free Kindle Books and How to Find Them” has been the #1 Kindle reference guide for over two years, garnering #53 and #72 on the Top 100 Kindle bestseller lists for all Kindle book titles in 2010 and 2011, respectively. His “Kindle Books and Tips” blog has been the #1 bestselling subscription blog in the Amazon Kindle Store since 2010. You can visit his author page on the Amazon website at http://www.amazon.com/author/gallagher

     Nervousness arrives in various structures like social tension, fear and fits of anxiety and nobody is ever ready to determination in the middle of ordinary and "authority" uneasiness. It's a typical term which is utilized for truly a couple of clutters that cause dread, anxiety, stressing & worry. You'll learn the following: Important points in mindfulness meditations How To Make Relaxation Techniques A Part Of Life Important points in mindfulness meditations And much more Get your copy today!

     In February 2016, desperate to do a physical challenge before my left knee decided the only thing it was good for was a waiting list, I asked my youngest son if he wanted to come for a walk with me. The result was ‘Father, Son and the Pennine Way,’ the story of 5 days and 90 miles on the UK’s toughest national trail. “A great read. It made me laugh out loud – and inspired me to challenge myself.” “I adored this book. It’s incredibly well-written, refreshing, witty and heart-warming.” “One of the funniest, most moving books I’ve read. Move over, Bill Bryson, you have a successor.” Those are just some of the reviews for ‘Father, Son and the Pennine Way.’ ‘Walking Shorts’ contains the stories that explain how I came to invite Alex out for a walk – and what happened afterwards. It’s my journey and – like ‘Pennine Way’ – it’s the story of a father/son relationship. It’s a book you can dip into when you need a laugh, a pick-me-up or some inspiration. It’s a book you can read in bed, on your commute or even on the loo. It’s a book that’ll make you smile, nod in agreement – and think, “Well if he can do that…”

     “You’re about as useful as a windshield wiper on a goat’s butt.” Keep this book handy, someday you’ll be glad you have it. “Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you just be yourself.” Pick any of the many jaw-dropping insults then laugh at the look on your adversary’s face when you whip one out and use it on them. You’ll leave no doubt in their mind that you are a master of sarcastic insults! ADDED BONUS: In addition to the fresh and hilarious insults in this book, you’ll also find great sarcastic observations about life hidden inside this book’s pages, like… “I think the reason so many people have smart phones is because opposites attract!” You’re no idiot, so you need this book to start your new life as the master of sarcastic insults and put-downs! “Hey! Who left the Idiot Box open? Now they're everywhere!”