We had underestimated the danger involved in going out to sea. We had no radio, compass, life raft or flares. In other words, we were a couple of idiots.'This is the story of Shane and Timothy Spall and their Dutch barge The Princess Matilda. After a summer on the Thames they head out to sea with only a road atlas and a vast amount of ignorance - and it is absolutely terrifying!On their travels, memories are triggered of childhood trips to the seaside, but also of more recent times. A decade before, Tim had been diagnosed with acute leukaemia and was given only days to live.Shocked at how life can pass you by they decided that when, and if, Tim got better, they would buy a boat.As Tim and Shane explore the coast from the Medway to Cornwall, eventually they start to wonder, could they make it out of England altogether? Could Matilda make it to ... Wales?!Taking over five years, The Voyages of The Princess Matilda is a minor epic,charting a very personal, moving and uplifting story of an everyday couple's adventure around their much loved homeland.

    Complete with awkward, “what was he thinking?” photos—unmitigated proof of Mulgrew’s ungainly adolescence—236 Pounds of Class Vice President is an no-holds-barred yet tender look at the years some of us would rather forget.

    It rings the cosmic gong on so many levels, turns so many stereotypes inside out, one scarcely knows what to do but hold on and enjoy the ride. And enjoy it I did." —TOM ROBBINSAcclaimed for his surreal, satirical vision and his “consistently dazzling” (Kirkus Reviews) writing style, cult favorite Tony Vigorito stretches the boundaries of storytelling beyond all limits with his long-awaited third novel. A quest to find the treasure of all treasures launches this swashbuckling tale of romance and high adventure across three centuries and takes you on a hilarious and visionary journey that includes lovers, pirates, bank robbers, treasure maps, yoga cults, love potions, assassins, con artists, quicksand, smugglers, and rock-paper-scissors. Welcome to the “incomparable imagination” (Minneapolis Books Examiner) of a Tony Vigorito novel. And beware the meadow of marvels... "A masterful story..." —Seattle Book Review"Opening with a satire of the Adam and Eve story, this book moves seamlessly back and forth between eighteenth century Caribbean pirates with a treasure map and twenty-first century San Franciscans contending with a false New Age prophet. The author controls these seemingly disparate scenarios with humor and panache, creating such memorable characters as a guardian parrot, a bumbling true believer, and a herd of cowbell-wearing bison somehow relocated to a tropical island. This is a deeply original and satisfying book." —BookLife

    

    A scientific look at zombies-the ultimate guide to how the other half lives (or not)How fast and far would a zombie infection spread? What would a nutritionist say about an all-brain diet? Why are the undead so pissed off? Here are the answers to all of your essential zombie questions (you know you've asked them), with a lively, science-based exploration of every aspect of the undead.First book to examine the possible science of our undead brethren, from what a zombie brain looks like to why zombies don't get fatFact-based approach-looks at zombies through the lens of real sciencePerfect gift for zombies (assuming they could read) and zombie-philesDripping with great zombie factoids and insights, The Proper Care and Feeding of Zombies will flesh out your understanding of the living dead.

    Johnstone, an outfielder and pinch hitter for the Dodgers, Cubs, Padres, Yankees, Phillies, A's, and White Sox shares humorous stories about his teammates and career.

    This entertaining 31st anniversary edition contains 512 pages of all-new articles that will appeal to readers everywhere. Pop culture, history, dumb crooks, and other actual and factual tidbits are packed onto every page of this book. Inside, you’ll find . . .Dogs and cats who ran for political officeThe bizarre method people in Victorian England used to resuscitate drowning victimsThe man who met his future pet—a stray dog—while running across the Gobi DesertSearching for Planet X—the last unknown planet in our solar systemTwantrums—strange Twitter rants that had disastrous effectsThe true story of Boaty McBoatfaceAnd much more!

    No U-turns allowed. You've survived the battles of baby- and toddler-hood, playdates and temper tantrums to time-outs. And just when it seems your former life is within reach--taking up neglected jobs and hobbies, committing to a fitness program, rediscovering the boyfriend living in the body of your husband--you crash headfirst into the wall of reality. The kids may be able to fasten their own seatbelts and pour their own cereal, but the homework, tucking in, car pools, and birthday parties have just begun. Let Vicki Iovine, author of The Girlfriends' Guides, show you how to navigate the twists and turns of family life--and find time for your kids, your spouse, your home, your work, and yourself. You're not alone in this "mommy adolescence." In The Girlfriends' Guide to Getting Your Groove Back, Iovine provides her trademark sage, witty advice on:- How to focus at work when things at home are in chaos--and vice versa- Making time for yourself--and not the PTA- Getting over the romantic myth of "date nights" and weekends away from the kids- Homework help--your transformation into a human flashcard- The dinnertime crush and how to relieve frozen pizza fatigueIovine puts the perils of perpetual parenthood into perspective. You'll feel like you do after a long chat with a good friend--relaxed, refreshed, and ready to reclaim your life ...

    A must for anyone who's interested in the business of laughter.' JOE LYCETT'The funniest book I've read in years.' ADAM KAYFrom a childhood spent making smoke bombs, killing wasps and carving soap in 70s Kent, Harry Hill then found himself in charge of hundreds of sick people as a junior doctor. Out of his depth and terrified, he chucked it all in to pursue his dream of becoming a stand-up comedian. Battling his way through the 90s Comedy circuit he quickly rose to become a household name and one of the UK's most celebrated comics, almost making it to the top of the showbiz tree . . .From being chased around a car park by an angry heckler, getting fired from Capital Radio and watching every episode of Freaky Eaters, to a bizarre assassination attempt and cutting up Simon Cowell's trousers, Harry takes an honest and hilarious look at the ups and downs of his life and career through the lens of what didn't go right.He shares his secrets on how to be a great comedian, finding joy in failure and creativity in struggle, whilst never forgetting that life is short . . . What readers are saying about Fight! 'Hilarious... recommended unreservedly' *****'Lots of laughs and memories of days gone by' *****'A great book... I could not put it down' *****'Beautifully written and great fun' *****

    Estes Kefauver High School in Dacron, Ohio!  They’re all back in glorious black and white with color Magic Marker–Chuck U. Farley, Maria Teresa Spermatozoa, Purdy “Psycho” Lee Spackle, Faun Laurel Rosenberg, and, of course, Dacron’s most famous son, Larry Kroger.  Learn everything there is to know about Kroger’s past before he became the pop-culture legend Pinto (Tom Hulce), the virgin fraternity pledge in National Lampoon’s Animal House. With a hilarious “Where are they now?” addendum and a brilliantly funny new introduction by P. J. O’Rourke, the 39th Reunion Edition is sure to be the talk of the baby boomers who grew up with National Lampoon and of the new generation of comedy fans spawned by the success of The Onion.

    McManus’s existing work in humor. The author weighs in on his childhood, everyday life, and outdoor tales with his typical exaggerated commentary that will elicit a belly laugh from all types of readers.Read about the antics of Patrick’s friends Rancid Crabtree and Retch Sweeney in such stories as “Shaping Up for the Hunt” and “Bear Hunters.” McManus plays off the recent obsession with hoarders in his surprising story “The Lady Who Kept Things.” In the titular story, meet Patrick’s horse, Huckleberry, and enjoy the experience of all the problems that come along with owning your own horse—or keeping him in the garage.Other great stories include:“Catch-And-Eaters,” about the importance of a forked stick when fishing“$7000 TV Historical Extravaganza,” a look at one director’s loose interpretation of historical accuracy and political correctness“A Lake Too Far,” concerning the woes of Patrick and his wife, Bun, on a fateful birding trip in Australia“Chicken Chronicles,” which involves Patrick’s memory of wandering around naked in the chicken yard when guests came to callSo pull up a chair, sit back, and enjoy laughing to the hilarious adventures of Patrick F. McManus in The Horse in My Garage and Other Stories.

    The book chronicles the city's colorful citizens and hopping nightlife, and also explores some of the most hilarious events from its crazy history—like the time the whole town was on fire, its ongoing raccoon infestation, and the cult that took over in the 1970s. Packed with laugh-out-loud-funny photographs, illustrations, and commentary by the other inhabitants of Pawnee, it's a must-read that will make you enjoy every moment of your stay in the Greatest Town in America. Praise for Pawnee: "Carrying this book around is a good way of picking up girls with glasses." —Tom Haverford "I have read over four books, and this is by far the one that has me in it the most." —Andy Dwyer "Literally the greatest endeavor of human creativity in the history of mankind." —Chris Traeger

    Meet the man who vacuums bewildered prairie dogs out of their burrows; a frustrated werewolf who roams the streets of Soho getting mistaken for Brian Blessed; a smug carbon-neutral eco-couple; a teenage girl who invites 45,000 MySpace friends to a house party; the author of a business book entitled Highly Successful Secrets to Standing on a Corner Holding Up a Golf Sale Sign and a man whose attempts to teach softball to a group of indolent British advertising executives sparks an international crisis.

    Another super collection of naughty and not-so-naughty jokes, humorous anecdotes, comic interludes, hilarious situations and bitchy remarks, selected by Khushwant Singh from amongst the thousands contributed by his readers and fans - and some manufactured by him.

    The result is a conservative's guide to love, work, dinner party mischief and staying un-smeared in liberal America.