Okay yes, all that stuff too, but I'm not talking about that right now. The government has also been lying to us about space aliens. Aliens have landed on the National Mall and are asking to speak with the President of the United States. For the sake of the planet, diplomat Michael Wallenson is tasked with keeping them away from Donald Trump at all costs. Will Michael succeed? Or will these heavily armed, easily offended aliens succeed in reaching our leader? Building the border dome, coal-powered missiles, and the true identities of the men in black - all in Take Us To Your Trump, another hilarious satirical comedy from author Andrew Stanek.

    Britain has always been a land of gallows, and every town had its hanging post and local 'turn off man.' First these men were criminals doing the work to save their own necks, and then later they were specialists in the trade of judicial killing. From the late Victorian period, the public hangman became a professional, and in the twentieth century the mechanics of hanging were streamlined as the executioners became adept at their craft. Britain's Most Notorious Hangmen tells the stories of the men who worked with their deadly skills at Tyburn tree or at the scaffolds in the prison yards across the country. Most were steeled to do the work by drink, and many suffered deeply from their despised profession. Here the reader will find the tale of the real Jack Ketch, the cases of neck-stretchers from the drunks like Curry and Askern, to the local workers of the ropes, Throttler Smith and the celebrated Billington and Pierrepoint dynasty. Along with some of the stories of famous killers such as William Palmer and James Bloomfield Rush, here are the bunglings, failures and desperate lives of the notorious hangmen, some who could entertain the vast crowds enjoying the show, and others who always faced the task as a terrible ordeal.

     It is DC Jane Dixon's first week on Kendal's CID team. Her new boss, DI Andy Hall, gives her an open file to review, and it's a far from straightforward case. A woman has died in suspicious circumstances in a Windermere caravan park, and although her husband is suspected there's not a shred of solid evidence against him. Can Jane move the case forward, or will a cold-blooded killer really get away with murder? The rest of the team is busy too, because a vulnerable teenager from a troubled family has gone missing from home. There's nothing to suggest that the boy has been abducted, so what could have caused him to run away from home? DS Ian Mann, a tough ex-military man, and DC Ray Dixon are both heavily involved in the investigation. This story introduces key members of the investigative team, as well as many of the themes that are developed in the full-length Lakeland Murders novels: including a strong sense of place, and an understanding that while justice usually prevails it is rarely complete, or completely fair. Reader reviews for the full-length novels in the Lakeland Murders series include: 'Well developed, realistic, relatable characters, great plot, believable detailed scenes, good action sequences. Recommend to those that appreciate British detective novels. Always devour Lakeland murder mysteries.' 'Love J J Salkeld's books, his understanding of police procedure, his ability to draw his characters out into real people is, I believe, up there with the best of them and it is good to find crime stories set in Cumbria for a change.' 'Salkeld is good. Not just as a writer of gripping detective stories; but even more for his feisty exposure of the lunacies of institutions, hierarchies, and power. A refreshing and enlightening anarchist - much needed in these jaded, compliant and consumptive times.'

    His worldview and his common sense are being defied by an adversary who seems to know everything about him.From the moment he discovers an obscure icon on his desktop, everyday life seems to unravel. Everything he holds dear appears to slip through his fingers and is about to disappear from his life. Unless he manages to make the right defining decisions while working on a challenging drug trafficking case from this point forward. Is knowledge true power?This gripping novel simultaneously plays with your imagination, the fringes of theoretical physics and philosophy. You will be devouring every word, absorbing page by page, positioned on the edge of your seat. Buckle up! "Tomc uses an intriguing story to question the impact of every decision a person can make." - Independent Book Review"The book is truly captivating and unique in the way it weaves genres together." - Literary Titan"You should expect to be impressed and pleasantly shocked." - Indie Book UprisingFinalist in the 2019 IAN Book of the Year Awards in the "Novella" category.Winner of 2018 Breakthrough Fiction Award in the Suspense/Thriller category.

    It's belly-laughing funny but it's also a hymn to the grand and complex game delivered with a narrative pace and ability I'm afraid most Test players don't have. For anyone who ever dreamed of excelling at a sport but never quite made it but still gave it your life, this is the story. A great read!' Tom Keneally'The Grade Cricketer has taken us so far inside a district club dressing room that you feel like a locker. Ligaments could not be closer to the bone than some of his observations.' Kerry O'Keeffe 'The Grade Cricketer is strange and, I suspect, brilliant'. Wisden

    As a player, Kammy trawled football's outposts with the likes of Bradford City, Stoke City and Portsmouth where he suffered the slings, arrows and hurled bananas of racial abuse. Later, during the autumn of his career, he played in Howard Wilkinson's swashbuckling Leeds team where he rubbed shoulders with the likes of Eric Cantona and Lee Chapman.On hanging up his boots, he moved into the dugouts at Bradford and Sunderland as manager before joining the Sky football revolution as roving reporter on Soccer Saturday and Goal On Sunday's eagle-eyed analyst, amassing a raft of catchphrases along the way.Mr Unbelievable is a hugely entertaining, moving, shocking and laugh out loud funny story of a genuine cult hero.

    Twirty-Something: A Young Woman's Guide to Giant Underwear is a hilarious new Kindle Single from Award-Winning and Amazon Best-Selling author and humorist Ingrid Reinke.On the cold January day when Ingrid Reinke turned 30, she looked back upon the last decade of her life in deep thought before finally shaking her head and mumbling to herself the following insight: "Wow, what a shit show."So, she sat down, braless and alone, and penned a collection of laugh-out-loud essays about the ridiculous, shocking and occasionally horrifying things that happen to us as we ungracefully age from 20 to 30, try, semi-successfully, to leave our clueless years behind and become mature, responsible grown-up women.From weird hairs to boob sweat, OCD to weddings, Twirty-Something swings between a no-holds-barred conversation and a cautionary tale about aging and all the crap that comes along with it.Sometime instruction manual, sometime commiseration partner, get ready for Reinke's honest and occasionally potty-mouthed accounts of this tumultuous decade.So hike up your yoga pants, plop another ice cube in your Pinot Grigio and get ready to laugh at the author, young women in general, and most of all at yourself.

    56 pages of chapter summaries, quotes, character analysis, themes, and more – everything you need to sharpen your knowledge of The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove. This detailed literature summary also contains Topics for Discussion and a Free Quiz on The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove by Christopher Moore.

    Her brother is suspected of murdering an elderly wealthy widow, and sins of the past have echoes in her life and the lives of those close to her.

    This is her true story. During a terrifying journey that began as a 14-year-old armed robber, she has been shot four times, tasered three times by police and served three jail terms. Convicted for armed robbery she was released from prison only to go out and attempt to murder four people. Gypsy Jane has led a life packed with crime, betrayal, drugs and murder but she classes herself as a woman of principles: she values loyalty and honour, and has only ever wanted a 'normal' life.

    How wrong he was. In What Am I Bid? he tells of life after the events he described in his previous memoirs, An Auctioneer's Lot and Sold to the Man with the Tin Leg, to bring his story up to date. From dodgy cars to fakes in the sales room; angry livestock, mangled silverware and tortuous--not to mention muddy--experiences in local markets and farm sales, Serrell has been there, done that, and got the hoof prints on his suit to prove it.

    It includes the story of Frank's beloved sister, Eva, who was a top-class West End shoplifter, and his sons David and Patrick, who reveal in shocking detail the full extent of the family's network and the influences that shaped them.With sawn-off shotguns as toys, the Kray twins as family friends and a mother who urged them as teenagers to 'get out of bed and rob a bleedin' bank', it is little wonder that the Fraser boys were heavily involved in organized crime by the time they were in their twenties. Packed with new information, and featuring some of the most famous names in the London underworld, this is a fascinating slice of gangland history seen through the eyes of Frank Fraser and his two renegade sons.

    So when Roxanne finds the body of a beautiful young woman the week before Halloween, she is more than happy to leave the detecting to her son Marc, an Eastport, Virginia homicide detective...until a retired astronaut who also happens to be an old flame is arrested and the abbess from a nearby monastery insists Roxanne must help clear his name. Only neither woman realizes that by unmasking a killer, Roxanne is placing someone she loves in mortal danger.MURDER IN A GOOD NEIGHBORHOOD was the 2009 winner of the Best Unpublished Novel Contest sponsored by James River Writers and Richmond Magazine. (63,800 words)The author is currently writing a sequel.

    In a career spanning forty years, Barry has worked alongside the greatest producers and performers in show business: Tommy Cooper, Humphrey Lyttelton, Morecambe and Wise, Willie Rushton, Peter Cook, Kenny Everett, Rory Bremner to name but a few - this book is a veritable Who's Who of comedy.From humble beginnings at the Windmill Theatre and Expresso Bongo, to The Frost Report, Call My Bluff and I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue, Barry recalls the good, the bad, and the downright ugly in his own inimitable style.'Barry Cryer ...an anecdote jukebox whose whole life is basically one big chatshow.'Guardian

    Some of his tales will seem far fetched, unless you're a cop and then you know that anything can happen - and just when you think you've seen it all, someone will surprise you.