Gary Handler has issues. His boss hates him, his mother hounds him, and his cat thinks he’s an idiot. But that’s okay because Gary’s got the perfect solution to all of life’s troubles: a porn site subscription and his right hand.Sadly, all habits grow old, even the fun ones. Gary soon finds himself at the doorstep of a creepy old pawn shop where he buys a used adult novelty toy to spice up his one-man sex life.Pity for him that it’s cursed by the angry spirits of all the “kids” he’s flushed down the toilet. Needless to say, hairy palms are about to become the least of his worries.----------Jack on, jack off ... with the Jacklight in book 2 of Shingles, the horror comedy series that’s not for those with faint hearts or weak bladders.

    Now for the first time, li'l ol' me shines front-and-center in a book of my very own! A Book of Jean's Own! features all-original, never-before-published material, and if that wasn't impressive enough, marks the very first Onion book by a solo writer! Historical, huh? My book is sure to find an eager audience among The Onion's ten-million-strong readership. Wait, ten million people? I had no idea! Frankly, that scares me a little. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto! (Oh shoot, I should have put that hilarious phrase in my book!)A Book of Jean's Own! also marks a departure from past Onion books in that it isn't crammed with headlines and articles in teeny-weeny print! Instead, I write about the stuff that really matters: shopping, chocolate, part-time jobs, and hot Hollywood hunks! Whether you read my book on the bus, the beach, or the toilet, you're guaranteed to find something to chuckle at and deeply relate to!Among the many nuggets of fun:* I tell you the Twenty Things That Are Better Than Sex! * For the first time ever, you learn my maiden name!* I spill the secrets of my scrumptious chocolate-loaded desserts, such as Ooey Gooey Choco-Cocoa-Mocha Cupcakes With Raspberry Filling And Coconut-Cream Cheese-Cola Frosting!* Acquire valuable, real-world tips on coping with a job you dislike, getting through those rough teenage years, and styling a Jean hairdo of your very own!* Get a giggle out of my doodles and overdose on the words of wisdom that are my Jean Proverbs!* You've heard of pity parties—get my tips for throwing your very own self-pity party!* Check out my own cure for the blues, the Plush Jamboree!* Witness my nervous breakdown while writing this book (well, writing is hard, after all!)* Also for the first time ever, Hubby Rick speaks! (Spoiler: It's not entirely in grunts!) * Lots of exclamation points! (And phrases in parentheses!)I'm sure every single one of those ten million readers will buy my book! And who knows? They just may find something in it that will help them lead happier and better lives!

    He lands an enviable gig writing about shopping and fashion for the city’s major newspaper, but an ill-fated promotional junket gets Albo into hot water. He becomes a gossip item and finds himself caught in an acrimonious war between Old and New Media. Here's a gimlet-eyed account of the back-biting media scene, a glimpse into the inner workings of the fashion crowd, and a candid portrait of what it takes to survive as a writer in today’s chattering and watchful New York City."I was perilously close to exposing a secret underground economy of promotion: favors and junkets and banquets and gifts that keeps the city in motion, and keeps underpaid writers at work. Basically, I became the Silkwood of Swag."

    Time to move up.When Donald was a kid in the late 60's on the South Side of Chicago, he had a Schwinn Sting Ray bike. Everyone did. But everyone else had a five-speed. Donald's was a three-speed. It was good enough, as was explained by his parents, just as their Ford Maverick wasn't the neighbor's Le Mans, but it was good enough. And that's the way Donald was taught to live his life. It was a three-speed life. It was good enough. He marries Emily because she's good enough. Emily marries Donald because that's what she had planned, and she is not going to experience divorce as did her parents. Donald opens a law practice with his two best friends and roommates from college because it's good enough.Then the Roths meet their son's future in-laws and everything changes. Donald wonders if, in fact, he could get that five-speed.In this hilarious and thought-provoking novel, the whole concept of morals and convention is turned inside out. Everything is perception. If you like Richard Russo, Tom Perotta, and Jonathan Franzen, you're going to love this book.

    Telling three interconnected stories taking place on the same day, two weeks after events in "The Foul Mouth and the Mancy Martial Artist" this novel is a can't miss for fans of THE KING HENRY TAPES. Spending equal time with Tyson Bonnie, Eva Reti, and King Henry Price himself, KING HENRY AND THE THREE LITTLE TRIPS shows the fallout from the Days of Supernatural Exhibit in both the personal cost for our characters and the political cost for supernatural organizations worldwide as fear of the Curator spreads to even the Asylum itself. Read as Tyson Bonnie escorts Vicky Welf to the Coyote Nation compound, find out if Eva Reti can survive the anima experiment inflicted upon her, and follow King Henry as he returns to the Asylum seeking Plutarch's help. The queue for the "Foul Mouth and the Pit of No Return" roller-coaster begins here! THE KING HENRY TAPES Book 1 - "The Foul Mouth and the Fanged Lady" (released) Book 2 - "The Foul Mouth and the Cat Killing Coyotes" (released) Book 3 - "The Foul Mouth and the Troubled Boomworm" (released) Book 4 - "The Foul Mouth and the Headless Hunny" (released) Book 5 - "The Foul Mouth and the Mancy Martial Artist" (released) Book 5.5 - "King Henry and the Three Little Trips" (released) Book 6 - "The Foul Mouth and the Pit of No Return" (forthcoming)

    Living in his motorhome, Walker is tasked with finding the daughter of the Mafia boss he befriended in Key West. She went missing while digging crystals in the mountains of Arkansas and to aid in his search, Walker reluctantly agrees to take along a mystery woman who supposedly has a psychic gift. She's smart, sexy, and single and the question is, does she have more on her quirky mind than finding the bosses daughter? Ride along as Walker, the mystery woman, and Mango Bob the cat travel cross country in Walker's motorhome, trying to avoid the trouble that seems to show up around every curve in the twisty mountain roads. A fun read!

    Ranging from joyous to elegiac, verses touch on love’s delights and follies with elliptical eloquence. Lovely to read aloud or reflect on silently. Photos of African artwork accompany the text.My heart is single and cannot be dividedAnd it is fastened on a single hope;Oh, you, who might be the moon!--Somali love song

    Set in the 1980s, she endures a sub-zero marriage to Mike, Assistant Manager of Friendly Finance, as well as the impossible role of mother to fifteen-and-a-half-year-old Kim and fourteen-year-old Molly. Adding to her misery, is the job she loathes at Big Brother Insurance Company. Life in the San Fernando Valley in Southern California is a soap opera. Kim and Molly skip school, smoke pot, and call each other bitch, while Mike loan sharks by day and guzzles Coors by night. Eventually a line is drawn across the matted shag carpet when Mike sides with the girls.Pushed to her limit when Kim's truancy draws the attention of the State Attorney's Office, Margie flees to San Francisco and a new life.

    When beach-connoisseur Taco Bob decides on a road trip, he leaves the Conch Republic in search of the beautiful woman who broke his heart, and the ultimate trout recipe. But soon after he leaves town, the entire state is in an uproar when a young man on a mission from Texas makes off with the most prized souvenir in Key West. Meanwhile, a sexy but twisted cult leader shows up, determined to find some magical gold idols so she can rule the world, or at least the world of lingerie fashion. But first she has to deal with a renegade bounty hunter, a nearly invisible rival from her past, and the untold thousands of people cramming into Key West for the biggest outdoor concert in the state's history. Taco Bob is going to have plenty of surprises waiting when he returns to the southernmost city in the US. At least it was the southernmost city when he left.

    Their idyllic, brief childhood together is short lived ending in hardship and heartbreak. Finding themselves alone in the world, both boys struggle to self-educate. Against the odds, Matthew Gray builds a global business empire and Luke Mbeki travels to England, in self-imposed exile, entangling himself in the anti-apartheid movement. With their paths crossing intermittently, it is only when Nelson Mandela is released from prison that Luke returns home continuing his fight for freedom alongside his comrades. Matt’s all-consuming business life continues but betrayal strikes. Leaving everything behind, he escapes to another world – an artist colony.This incredibly powerful and moving story tells how each man struggles to survive in a country deep in the throes of violent change, with friendship and families being torn apart. Matt and Luke's friendship is unimaginably tested so how does it survive in such terrifying and perilous times?

    Now in her mid-forties, she’s starting to feel like she’s seen it all.But that’s about to change.When a simple case of a missing werebear takes an unexpected turn, Eastwind’s angel sheriff enlists Ruby’s psychic gifts to help find the culprit. But a string of suspicious attacks and rumblings of an old sinister legend lead Ruby True and Sheriff Bloom into uncharted territory.Will they find the one responsible for the carnage before it finds them?Werebear Scare: An Eastwind Witches Paranormal Cozy Mystery is the first book of the Ruby True Magical Mystery series that takes place 30 years before the Eastwind Witches Cozy Mysteries. If you like strong female friendships, gossipy quaint towns, and lighthearted humor, you will love Nova Nelson's delightful tale!Buy Werebear Scare to solve the mystery today!Note: This is a second edition and was previously published under the series True & Bloom.

    Hal SpacejockAn incompetent space pilot, a massive debt and a twenty-four hour deadline...Freighter pilot Hal Spacejock has a life to die for: His very own cargo ship, a witty and intelligent flight computer ... and a debt so big it makes the GFC look like a rounding error.Hal's an upright sort of guy, and he won't take jobs from gun runners, drug smugglers or politicians. On the other hand, the finance company's brutal enforcer is on his doorstep, and Hal has barely twenty-four hours to pay him off. Miss the deadline and he - and his ship - will go under. Way, way, under.Faced with an impossible choice, Hal chooses an impossible job ... and gains an impossible new co-pilot into the bargain.Hal Spacejock is the first novel in the Hal Spacejock series (80,000 words, approx 350 pages)2. Hal Spacejock: Second CourseRex Curtis is trying to save his freight company from bankruptcy, and the last thing he needs is a cheeky freelancer stealing his best customers.Hal Spacejock, cheeky freelancer, is fighting for survival in the cut-throat interstellar cargo business. The last thing he needs is a powerful enemy.Two headstrong men on a collision course, in a Galaxy barely room enough for one.Hal Spacejock: Second Course is book two in the Hal Spacejock series. (80,000 words, approx 350 pages)3. Hal Spacejock Just DessertsPlanet Cathua has a proud history where robots are concerned. Their legendary factories produced the best, the fastest, the most efficient robots in the Galaxy ... but no longer.Now they must go cap in hand to neighbouring planets, haggling and bartering for the very  robots they used to be so famous for.One Cathuan patriot is determined to reverse this embarrassing situation, and Hal Spacejock lands in the middle of his sinister plot ...Hal Spacejock: Just Desserts is book three in the Hal Spacejock series. (80,000 words, approx  350 pages)Plus ... Hal Spacejock: VisitHal returns to his ship after a shopping expedition, and finds Clunk in a right old state. Break out the crayons and colouring sheets ... they're booked in for a school visit!Hal and Clunk, stars of the Hal Spacejock comedy series, feature in this 3500-word short story. Visit slots into the series any time after Hal Spacejock (book one), but can be read and enjoyed as a stand-alone.

    Okay yes, all that stuff too, but I'm not talking about that right now. The government has also been lying to us about space aliens. Aliens have landed on the National Mall and are asking to speak with the President of the United States. For the sake of the planet, diplomat Michael Wallenson is tasked with keeping them away from Donald Trump at all costs. Will Michael succeed? Or will these heavily armed, easily offended aliens succeed in reaching our leader? Building the border dome, coal-powered missiles, and the true identities of the men in black - all in Take Us To Your Trump, another hilarious satirical comedy from author Andrew Stanek.

    You'll not find six more remarkable characters: a cashier-turned motivational speaker, an undertaker with a toenail fetish, a girl wrapped in dreams, a man who communicates with whales, a garbage man with a peculiar sense of smell, and a Guinness Book of World Records representative.

    This captivating novel intertwines the stories of several inhabitants on Saipan, America's least-appreciated tropical island. George Griffin is a jaded writer who comes for a press junket and stays far longer than expected; Stephanie Warner is a university professor recently on "trial separation" from her husband; Mel Brodie is an elderly entrepreneur; and Khan is a Bangladeshi laborer who comes to Saipan ("America") to escape hunger. Their voices circle the enthralling element of Saipan-and the hopes that originally drew them to the island. With the versatility that won Kluge accolades as the writer behind Dog Day Afternoon, The Master Blaster is a rare wonder of contemporary storytelling.