Okay yes, all that stuff too, but I'm not talking about that right now. The government has also been lying to us about space aliens. Aliens have landed on the National Mall and are asking to speak with the President of the United States. For the sake of the planet, diplomat Michael Wallenson is tasked with keeping them away from Donald Trump at all costs. Will Michael succeed? Or will these heavily armed, easily offended aliens succeed in reaching our leader? Building the border dome, coal-powered missiles, and the true identities of the men in black - all in Take Us To Your Trump, another hilarious satirical comedy from author Andrew Stanek.

    When the system begins to misfire under the workload, the ill-equipped representatives of God and the Devil tasked with managing the process are given an ultimatum. Fix The Afternet or go back to your previous afterlives. They begin an odyssey through the hordes of souls awaiting judgement and the oblivious living in search of a solution. Rich in comic detail and populated with characters real and imagined from throughout time, their quest is never going to be straightforward…

    You're a genius in my book". Kathryn Cooper (KatherineCooperWrites.com) "This is my first Kindle formatted quiz book and I have to say I'm quite impressed with the author's ingenuity." Gerry Marrs "Very well done book- great gift for the Divergent fan" PookieGalore "It literally turned a book into an interactive quiz that readers/fans can indulge in! It's a great addition for those who are fans of the Divergent series!" Cassaundra Aunna "Well this series of book game quizzes will certainly round out your fan collection!" Samara Sant Divergent is the first book in the Divergent Series (Divergent, Insurgent, Allegiant) by Veronica Roth. This truly unique interactive quiz book game is the perfect addition to your reading enjoyment of this dystopian classic. You may think you know all about the factions (Abnegation, Dauntless, Erudite, Amity & Candor) including symbols, values & mottos? You may think you know the characteristics & what happens with of all of the characters? BUT, how much do you really know? For example, Which of the transfers has a soft spot for Tris? 1) Al 2) Caleb 3) Drew 4) Edward How does Tobias stop the program? 1) He removes the hard drive 2) He shoots out the processor 3) He throws water over it 4) He shuts down the power supply Where did the remaining Abnegation citizens go for safety during the war? 1) The Erudite compound 2) The Amity compound 3) The Dauntless compound 4) The Candor compound I know you'll like the quiz so much that I'm even offering another one absolutely free which you can access just by looking in the 'Look Inside' feature of Amazon. This amazing quiz book is really a must if you are a true fan of this spectacular post-apocalyptic novel - Divergent.

    Lieutenant Orion Murphy is scheduled for execution due to a clerical error. His only out is to undergo a complete physical makeover, get a rank and name change, and agree to take over a new platoon in the Segnal Space Marine Corps (SSMC). Seeing that it's a case of comply or die, he accepts the offer. A week later, he finds himself standing on the bridge of The SSMC Reluctant with a misfit crew, an insane special agent, an antiquated robot mechanic, and his updated identity. Will the newly-named Commodore Don Harr be able to get control of the ship and crew? Can they all survive their first mission, especially since they're not really supposed to? And who came up with this mission, anyway? …it all makes Harr wonder if execution may have been the better option.Author Rating - Comedic-Red: Contains racy and irreverent humor, adult themes, situations, and language. Will likely be offensive to some people.

    after a cleaner unplugged his cryogenic freezing machine by accident, Detective Inspector Capstan wakes up to find that he's been in a state of suspended animation for over four hundred years. As he's forced to adjust to life in the future he finds himself reinstated as a policeman, and together with the great great great great grandson of his former subordinate, Sergeant Dewbush, he's put on the case of a missing cow.

    But when you’re a living ringer for one of the country’s best-loved historical figures, privacy is hard to come by—especially when your face is on money. Across town, Norma Greenberg, one of the world’s many Marilyn Monroe clones, is struggling with identity issues of a different sort. It’s not easy going through life as a copy of the beautiful Norma Jeane Baker! When Abe is taken away by government agents eager to discover the secrets of his illustrious ancestor, Norma could be Abe’s last hope of escape—or, thanks to her kleptomania, his worst chance of recapture. With only their wits, a cigarette lighter, a bottle of perfume, and the disembodied arm of Richard Nixon, can Abe and Norma make it back to safety and anonymity? Advance Praise: “A gorgeous, funny romp along the seam between reality and artifice, fame and obscurity, history and Disney, Roufa has a deft, hilarious touch. This is a wry, gleeful take on the choice between destiny, authenticity, love, and the eternal call of the stovepipe hat.” – Dahlia Lithwick, Senior Editor, Slate “A perfect gem with terrifically simple and funny twists.” – Josh Kilmer-Purcell, New York Times bestselling author of I Am Not Myself These Days and The Bucolic Plague

    Doctor Ravinder Shah speaking. No case too weird, no problem too bizarre. Strangeness a speciality. How can I help you?” London Social Worker Rav Shah moonlights as a paranormal detective, aided by one of his clients and a Border Collie he rents by the hour. It was supposed to be a bit of fun: a search for truths out there; a quest for a life more interesting than the one that fate, destiny, and personal apathy had granted him. But then a case involving a Yorkshire farmer and a herd of flying pigs leads him into a world darker and more dangerous than he’d ever dreamed. The truth is indeed out there. And it’s got Rav square in its sights.

    That is, until Jamie makes a delivery to an old acquaintance, Tom, who works at what he calls "an animal rights organization." Tom's team needs a last-minute grunt to handle things on their next field visit. Jamie, eager to do anything, immediately signs on.What Tom doesn't tell Jamie is that the animals his team cares for are not here on Earth. Not our Earth, at at least. In an alternate dimension, massive dinosaur-like creatures named Kaiju roam a warm and human-free world. They're the universe's largest and most dangerous panda and they're in trouble.It's not just the Kaiju Preservation Society that's found its way to the alternate world. Others have, too--and their carelessness could cause millions back on our Earth to die.

    And when the feisty royal accuses George of kidnapping her, his very ordinary life is turned completely upside down, as the party princess takes root in his apartment, causes royal waves among his friends and family, and demands to go walkabout on the streets of London.It’s blue-blooded comedy by unofficial royal appointment in this hilarious, and often surreal, regal romp that's packed with majestic mystery, aristocratic intrigue and Great British humour. Guaranteed to raise a laugh from Balmoral to Buckingham Palace!This very British comedy novel is the first in a series starring reluctant hero George Nearly, the unpredictable Princess Araminta of Essex (‘Minty’ to her friends) and a host of other quirky characters – all of whom make Mad King George seem like a perfectly sane individual. Royals and commoners collide with comical consequences in these uniquely English adventures that will bring a smile to the faces of even the grumpiest gargoyles at Windsor Castle.

     Jo's world is about to change forever, and it’s about time Her marriage is on auto-pilot, daughter hates her, job sucks and it’s not even Tuesday. As Jo's life implodes, a freak event hurls her back through time and space to ‘90s Los Angeles where, in a parallel universe, she’s about to hit the big time as a rock star. Jo has to choose between her dreams and her family in an adventure that propels her from London to Hollywood then Glastonbury, the world’s greatest music festival. In her desperate quest, Jo encounters a disgraced guru, a movie star with a fetish for double-decker buses, and the biggest pop star in the world... who just happens to want to kill her.

    It got a karaoke DJ.Leo MacGavin is not the brightest specimen of humanity. But when he inadvertently rescues a flirty alien heiress, he’s promoted from second-rate lounge entertainer to captain of the galaxy’s most sophisticated cruise ship.Before he can flee in terror, a human-hating executive gives Leo an ultimatum—complete the vessel’s maiden voyage or mankind’s last colony will be turned into a sewage dump. To make matters worse, a militant cyborg is undermining his authority, a giant spider is terrifying the passengers, and a sentient plant keeps stealing all the beer.If Leo ever wants to see his home again, he’ll have to keep the guests happy through seven days of onboard antics and madcap shore excursions. As strange malfunctions tear the ship apart, can he hold his rag-tag crew together, or will he flush the last bastion of humanity down the crapper?

    Peter Serafinowicz's Questions and Answers is a showcase for the razor wit and joyful nonsense of one of Britain's cleverest comedians, firing back genuinely funny instant replies to a stream of questions from the general public. This book collects together several hundred jokes from Peter's store of one-liners in a stylish, faux-Victorian, gifty hardback, just in time for Christmas. 'Peter Serafinowicz is hilarious' David Walliams' 'It's funny, but Peter Serafinowicz is the kind of funny person that funny people find funny' Simon Pegg 'Peter Serafinowicz is one of the funniest women in the world' Derren Brown

    COMEDY. LOVE STORY. AND OF COURSE... NIKOLA TESLA.I'll let Chip, the main character tell you more: "I found the journal at work. Well, I don't know if you'd call it work, but that's where I found it. It's the lost journal of Nikola Tesla, one of the greatest inventors and visionaries ever. Before he died in 1943, he kept a notebook filled with spectacular claims and outrageous plans. One of these plans was for an "Interdimensional Transfer Apparatus" - that allowed someone (in this case me and my friend Pete) to travel to other versions of the infinite possibilities around us. Crazy, right? But that's just where the crazy starts."CHIP'S OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction: the events depicted in the collection of emails did not happen. I have never been in contact with a covert government group attempting to suppress knowledge of the lost journal of Nikola Tesla. I have not been threatened with death if I divulge the secrets contained inside. They did not buy me this handsome jacket (oh crap, you're reading this - trust me, it looks great on me). They did not come to my place, and liquor me up, and offer to publish this book as a sci-fi comedy novel to throw the public off the trail of the real truth.Or did they?I'm kidding. Of course they didn't.Or did they?God, I can't keep my big mouth shut.

    The gods were supposed to preside over Creation with unmatched wisdom and knowledge. Well, that was the idea. But what is Death – a god of terrible majesty and splendour – supposed to do when his daughter asks for a pony? Is he really supposed to just go out and get a mortal one? Like that’s going to work. It’ll keel over and die in a couple of decades. No, his daughter deserves something better, a pony truly worthy of her divine heritage, which means he’s going to have to get a little bit creative. And then there’s Bureaucracy. The Supreme Mother and Supreme Father might have given rise to Creation, but Bureaucracy is the one who has to keep everything running smoothly. But that’s easier said than done when there are hundreds of gods and countless mortals to consider – none of whom understand the importance of filing paperwork in triplicate. Luckily, not even gods can escape the awesome power of divine paperwork. And let’s not forget gods like Mayhem, Mischief, and Rabble. Their names speak for themselves. When the three of them take a holiday in the mortal world at the same time, trouble is right around the corner. Divine Assistance is a collection of fourteen short stories about the gods and their attempts to manage Creation. There are souls to claim, mortals to woo, and even the occasional city to smite. After all, what’s life without a little divine assistance?

    When she disappeared she fell into an in-between called Nowhere. For her soul to rest, she has one assignment: Help someone navigate a life-changing crossroad or be forgotten forever.Theo is running out of time when she encounters Richard Cox, a West Point cadet who’s desperate. After someone from Richard’s past presents him with an impossible ultimatum, he has two choices: Return to spying on the Russians…or die.As Theo and Richard battle adversaries, treachery collides with their growing passion. Can they trust each other enough to elude their enemies? Or are they pawns for a bigger foe determined to destroy them?Hard to Die is the first book in the Nowhere Series, a speculative blend of riveting suspense, forgotten history, and a dash of paranormal fiction. If you like edge-of-your-seat action, compelling characters, and white-knuckle emotion, you’ll love the first installment in Andra Watkins’ page-turning series.Buy Hard to Die today and discover your next favorite read!