Gary Handler has issues. His boss hates him, his mother hounds him, and his cat thinks he’s an idiot. But that’s okay because Gary’s got the perfect solution to all of life’s troubles: a porn site subscription and his right hand.Sadly, all habits grow old, even the fun ones. Gary soon finds himself at the doorstep of a creepy old pawn shop where he buys a used adult novelty toy to spice up his one-man sex life.Pity for him that it’s cursed by the angry spirits of all the “kids” he’s flushed down the toilet. Needless to say, hairy palms are about to become the least of his worries.----------Jack on, jack off ... with the Jacklight in book 2 of Shingles, the horror comedy series that’s not for those with faint hearts or weak bladders.

    It was, however, preferable to his day job of paving driveways, and that day in 2005 saw the start of an incredible journey for Ferris, Ulster and Ireland rugby. A Celtic League title in his very first senior season with Ulster. A Grand Slam in 2009, followed by a sensational Lions breakthrough. A starring role in Ireland's greatest World Cup win, over Australia in 2011, when Ferris famously picked up Will Genia and carried him ten yards. And leading Ulster from nowhere to the Heineken Cup final.Stephen Ferris had an incredible rugby career, tragically ended by ankle injuries so severe they will never properly heal. He is an inspiration to the population of Ulster, an emblem of the sport that serves as such a positive expression of its culture and identity, and earned the respect and admiration of fans across Ireland for his strength, pace, skill and courage. Fearless, funny and full of an incredible array of stories from behind the scenes of Ulster, Ireland and the Lions, this is the must-have rugby book of the year.

    Only thirty-six Americans have competed in the Tour de France since the world’s greatest bicycle race began in 1903. That’s not too many more than the twelve Americans who have walked on the moon. It’s far fewer than the hundreds of Americans who have reached the summit of Mount Everest.But rising stars such as Lawson Craddock of Texas, Benjamin King of Virginia, Taylor Phinney of Colorado, Daniel Holloway of California, and Tyler Farrar of Washington state are doing just that as they endure crashes, cold rain, cobblestones, crosswinds, and culture shock on their road to cycling stardom, which starts in Belgium.This is the story of the next generation—of riders not yet tainted by drug scandals, of riders still bursting with hope and potential. This is the story American cycling fans need right now. -------------------“People, get ready for great stories written well. The Belgian Hammer captures cycling culture.” —Benjamin King, 2010 U.S. Pro Road Racing Champion“The Belgian Hammer is the unique story of professional cycling that hasn’t yet been told until now. Daniel Lee has revealed the road map for the next generation of Americans hoping to become successful in Europe, where cycling is king.” —Jim Ochowicz, President/General Manager of the BMC Racing Team.“All of us who left our tire prints on the European circuits remember how racing there shaped us forever. With passion, Daniel Lee gives substance and perspective to the experience of young Americans trying to make it in Europe; and bicycle racing is illuminated by his craft.”—John Howard, three-time Olympic cyclist, who set a bicycle speed record of 152.2 mph in 1985“For those who admire images of cyclists flashing with arms spread wide in triumph over the finish line on blue-sky days, Daniel Lee gives us an insightful, forceful, and gritty account of the rigorous―and frequently perilous―route that cyclists take to force their way up the ranks and develop skills to win. A former racer himself, Dan Lee puts his passion for the sport into his newspaper reporter experience and writing talent. In The Belgian Hammer he follows Taylor Phinney, Benjamin King, Daniel Holloway, and other legends in the making on the USA Cycling national team living in Belgium, where the young bloods from around the world go to test themselves against the best of their generation. They compete in tight packs exceeding 150 riders pumping over narrow wind-blown roads slick from rain while threading through the countryside at unrelenting speed. To spectators cycling matches the grace of ballet. Daniel Lee reveals its uncompromising demands and brutality and heroics.” ―Peter Joffre Nye, author of The Six-Day Bicycle Races: America’s Jazz Age Sport and a Trustee of the U.S. Bicycling Hall of Fame

    Hal SpacejockAn incompetent space pilot, a massive debt and a twenty-four hour deadline...Freighter pilot Hal Spacejock has a life to die for: His very own cargo ship, a witty and intelligent flight computer ... and a debt so big it makes the GFC look like a rounding error.Hal's an upright sort of guy, and he won't take jobs from gun runners, drug smugglers or politicians. On the other hand, the finance company's brutal enforcer is on his doorstep, and Hal has barely twenty-four hours to pay him off. Miss the deadline and he - and his ship - will go under. Way, way, under.Faced with an impossible choice, Hal chooses an impossible job ... and gains an impossible new co-pilot into the bargain.Hal Spacejock is the first novel in the Hal Spacejock series (80,000 words, approx 350 pages)2. Hal Spacejock: Second CourseRex Curtis is trying to save his freight company from bankruptcy, and the last thing he needs is a cheeky freelancer stealing his best customers.Hal Spacejock, cheeky freelancer, is fighting for survival in the cut-throat interstellar cargo business. The last thing he needs is a powerful enemy.Two headstrong men on a collision course, in a Galaxy barely room enough for one.Hal Spacejock: Second Course is book two in the Hal Spacejock series. (80,000 words, approx 350 pages)3. Hal Spacejock Just DessertsPlanet Cathua has a proud history where robots are concerned. Their legendary factories produced the best, the fastest, the most efficient robots in the Galaxy ... but no longer.Now they must go cap in hand to neighbouring planets, haggling and bartering for the very  robots they used to be so famous for.One Cathuan patriot is determined to reverse this embarrassing situation, and Hal Spacejock lands in the middle of his sinister plot ...Hal Spacejock: Just Desserts is book three in the Hal Spacejock series. (80,000 words, approx  350 pages)Plus ... Hal Spacejock: VisitHal returns to his ship after a shopping expedition, and finds Clunk in a right old state. Break out the crayons and colouring sheets ... they're booked in for a school visit!Hal and Clunk, stars of the Hal Spacejock comedy series, feature in this 3500-word short story. Visit slots into the series any time after Hal Spacejock (book one), but can be read and enjoyed as a stand-alone.

    He was the toast of the business world before his litany of crimes were detected and his empire began to unravel in 2009, leading to a conviction and prison sentence in 2012 with more charges pending.Through compelling storytelling supported by extensive research and documentation-including interviews with many of Dykstra's friends, family, and business associates-Nailed! Peels back the layers to reveal that the criminal charges of grand theft auto, identity theft, vandalism, lewd behavior, sexual assault, are just the tip of the iceberg. This is an engaging read of a sports and business hero gone bad.

    The economy is collapsing, his health is failing, and around his hometown of Broughty Ferry, Bob is struggling to get the respect he deserves. Fortunately his email junk folder is bursting with offers of assistance from around the world. In these genuine emails, Bob Servant looks to the Internet's worst con merchants and charlatans for answers to his many woes. The author of the bestselling Delete This At Your Peril and the critically acclaimed Radio 4 series The Bob Servant Emails is back with an all-new compilation of emails targeting a fresh batch of email spammers—the false lenders who have bravely stepped into the credit crunch, supposed doctors offering expensive treatments for Bob's ailments, and fake foreign soldiers offering him military advice in his campaign against a local bowling club. They all find a man from Broughty Ferry who is ready and willing to give them his valuable time.

    

    Comedy and Error Simon Day, star of the Fast Show and Bellamy's People tells the shocking, sometimes sad and hilariously funny story of his life so far Full description

    All the usual ingredients were there—well-worn gloves, freshly cut grass, and new uniforms. But the addition of a coach who was “new to the area” is what made this season truly unforgettable for young Andy.Baseball fans and both current and former Little Leaguers will love the funny story, the age-old baseball wisdom quoted from some of the game’s greatest players, and the vintage baseball photography.

    But are they? He is probably the only man who has ever requested the recipe for an airline’s lasagna or wanted to enjoy his flight with an inflatable rubber woman sat on his knee. Prepare to meet the man who must have his diet of stir-fried mulberry leaves accommodated and the man who left his false teeth on a flight and is sure he recognized them on a later flight—in a flight attendant's mouth. Ravenscroft's correspondence tackles travel annoyances like excess baggage charges alongside more surreal letters, such as the one starting out asking an Australian airline if they offer an authentic Australian experience (for instance, Australian cuisine or in-flight movies) which then moves on to the question of at what age a baby is safe from being swallowed by a dingo.

    He has, however, been a disappointment to his family in several ways: In appearance he is insignificant looking both in face and figure; he went to the University of Florida instead of Harvard where his forbears had been mainstays of the varsity crew for generations, and he studied agriculture instead of pointing himself toward a career in banking, bonds, or law. To say the least he is not apparently the stuff from which heroes are fashioned.As an agricultural expert specializing in fruit farming, Arthur becomes a Peace Corps volunteer and is assigned to the Republic of San Marco in the Caribbean. This weak-chinned Don Quixote soon acquires his Sancho Panza in the person of a rascally eleven-year-old boy, Pepe, who makes a bargain to be paid 400 pesos each time he saves Arthur's life. (The payments mount alarmingly!)The island's dictator thinks he can use Arthur to obtain military supplies with which to wipe out the band of guerillas in the hills who oppose his corrupt dictatorship. Failing in this the dictator decides to murder Goodpasture and cause an international incident by blaming it on the guerillas. This, he reasons, will bring the U.S. in to help stamp out the rebels.This plan also backfires (with Pepe's help, of course) and Goodpasture is taken prisoner and when they see he is a harmless eccentric he is appointed chief cook for the guerillas. From then on Arthur's life becomes a series of misadventures through which he moves serenely and from which he generally emerges unscathed (again with Pepe's assistance) until he surprisingly finds himself the guerillas' leader.Following one of the funniest bloodless revolutions imaginable Arthur Peabody Goodpasture ends up as Arthur el Gavilan, the new dictator of San Marco. "His strength was as the strength of ten because his heart was pure."

    A devout Catholic, and a ruthless on-field sledger. A brutal enforcer, and a soft-hearted family man. The Australian record-holder for highest score in Tests and One Day Internationals, who was plagued by insecurities. In STANDING MY GROUND Hayden confronts these contradictions head-on. He talks frankly about the forces that shaped his journey from fringe international to a giant of the game. He dissects Australia's tactic of verbal warfare and his own role as a key aggressor, taking us on a privileged tour inside the sporting machine that dominated all comers in a golden age of Australian cricket. This isn't a predictable ball-by-ball account of a stellar career. Instead, Hayden delivers a characteristically direct assessment of the matches and the people that mattered most. He pays homage to great role models like Allan Border and explains his deep connection to controversial Andrew Symonds, but also reveals colourful clashes along the way. He opens up on umpires, the media, superstitions, teammates and opponents with disarming honesty and humour. The country boy from Kingaroy rose to greatness in the cricket world. Here is the superstar batsman, the surfer, fisherman and chef in a book as bold and powerful as the man himself.

    Like the bungling burglar who logged on to his own Facebook page at his victim's house - and forgot to turn the computer off when he left, or the stupid bank robber who made his escape in his own car - complete with personalised number plates, or the idiotic criminal who tried to hand himself into the police... in order to collect the reward. Award-winning writer Andrew Penman has scoured the country for this hilarious collection of those who are not just bad, but also dim very dim. 'Andrew Penman enjoys a laugh at the expense of Britain's most stupid burglars' - The Mirror 'Exploits so dim-witted it's surprising they ever managed to keep themselves breathing long enough to commit any crime' - Wales Online Illustrated with cartoons drawn by Neil Kerber.

    The novel has been filmed with Pauline Collins as Mrs Caldicot and John Alderton as the nursing home owner. This is the first Mrs Caldicot novel. (The second, which continues the story, is Mrs Caldicot's Knickerbocker Glory.) Both book and film have been widely praised. The Times described it as `Funny and poignant'. The Daily Express called it a `fairytale comedy'. The Daily Telegraph called it `Funny and poignant and socially relevant'. Cinema audiences stood and cheered at the end when the film was shown. The first of the books and films to see life through the eyes of the older citizen. `Mrs Caldicot's Cabbage War made me laugh out loud. Dr Coleman's lightness of touch and direct prose are all that one could wish for.' - Maxwell Craven in the Derby Evening Telegraph `Vernon Coleman really captures the personality of Mrs Caldicot. You'll be hooked and won't be able to put it down.' - Newton Abbott & Mid Devon `Understated British classic.' - Express and Echo `Funny and thought provoking novel.' - Western Morning News 'Funny and poignant...about a woman who decides to fight back, transforming the lives of those around her.' - The Times '...typically understated British classic.' - Express & Echo 'Humour, pathos and sympathy.' -Evening standard 'Witty, poignant and beautifully written' - Western Mail '...a little British comedy with a big heart.' Financial Times The author, Vernon Coleman, is a qualified doctor who has written over 100 books - many of which have appeared on bestseller lists. His books have sold over two million hardback and paperback copies in the UK and been translated into 24 languages. There is a list of his other novels on his Amazon author site. Bestselling non-fiction books include Bodypower. He is also the author of How to Stop Your Doctor Killing You. What the papers say about Vernon Coleman: Coleman is a very funny writer - This England Vernon Coleman writes brilliant books - The Good Book Guide No thinking person can ignore him - The Ecologist A godsend - Daily Telegraph Superstar - Independent on Sunday Compulsive reading - The Guardian His message is important - The Economist His advice is optimistic and enthusiastic - British Medical Journal The man is a national treasure - What doctors don't tell you Its impossible not to be impressed - Western Daily Press Outspoken and alert - Sunday Express Marvellously succinct, refreshingly sensible - The Spectator Probably one of the most brilliant men alive today - Irish Times King of the media docs - The Independent Britain's leading medical author - The Star Britain's leading health care campaigner - The Sun The patients' champion - Birmingham Post The doctor who dares to speak his mind - Oxford Mail He writes lucidly and wittily - Good Housekeeping etc etc

    Unfortunately, that was before two dudes wielding high-tech gadgets made off with both his kegs and his brother. Now Clyde has to hunt down his sibling with only his most trusted lackey along to help. Will he manage to recover both his beer and Dougie? Will they survive the night as they unveil the mysterious secret of the kidnappers? Will the Earth be destroyed thanks to their bumbling incompetence? Probably that last one, but you’ll have to read it to find out.