You would too if you found out that your boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo or if you had to pretend to be honeymooning with your father in order to upgrade to first class. Welcome to Chelsea's world - a place where absurdity reigns supreme and a quick wit is the best line of defense.In this hilarious, deliciously skewed collection, Chelsea mines her past for stories about her family, relationships, and career that are at once singular and ridiculous. Whether she's convincing her third-grade class that she has been tapped to play Goldie Hawn's daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin, deciding to be more egalitarian by dating a redhead, or looking out for a foulmouthed, rum-swilling little person who looks just like her... only smaller, Chelsea has a knack for getting herself into the most outrageous situations. Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea showcases the candor and irresistible turns of phrase that have made her one of the freshest voices in comedy today.

    

    I sat down one day and said to myself, “Larry, you’ve done it all. You’ve got three gold records, a successful DVD, a hit TV show, a picture of Shania Twain givin’ ya the finger, and most important, the high score on Frogger. What more could you possibly do?” Then I started thinking about writing a book. I wanted mostly to write Git-R-Done for all those good Americans who just wanna laugh like I do. Come on inside and hear me make fun of Janet Reno, Rosie O’Donnell, and my fat sister, who caused a twelve-tray pileup in front of the caramel nut rolls at the country buffet. I’m gonna tell you why Dick Trickle is my hero, why we need to get back to good ol’ common sense, and why I prefer a picture of the Last Supper with NASCAR drivers as the disciples over just about anything.Lord, I apologize!The book will go down in history as one of America’s most important events since the breakup of Aldo Nova. Even my mom liked the book—here’s what she said: “There’s really not much I can say here except for I apologize to everyone ahead of time for the crap you are about to read.” Git-R-Done is just plain funny, I don’t care who ya are!Also available as an eBook.From the Hardcover edition.

    They have covered everything from the Olympics and the Gulf War to natural disasters and the AIDS crisis in Africa. Now these two married journalists and parents have collaborated on the most personal and important “story” of their lives. Been There, Done That is a funny, heartfelt, and empowering collection of life lessons, hard-won wisdom, and instructive family anecdotes from Al and Deborah’s lives, from their parents and grandparents, and from dear friends, famous and not. Here, Al and Deborah candidly share childhood obstacles like obesity and growing up in the segregated south; the challenges and blessings that come from raising very different kids; hard-won truths about marriage and career; the illuminating “little things” that adults can learn from children; and the genuine wisdom that the elderly can share with a younger generation. These are real-life stories told from every perspective—from parent, spouse, daughter, son, and friend, stories that every reader can relate to, appreciate, and share.

    So what is Maryann Flemming's obituary doing on Page 4 of the Fiddly Falls Citizens Gazette? Folksy and fun, this 7,000-word short story is a quick read featuring Christian themes and a touch of romance. Download it now to enjoy during your next coffee break or at bedtime. (Goes great with cookies!) Brenda Coulter's first four novels were published by Harlequin's popular "Love Inspired" imprint; one was a finalist for Romance Writers of America's prestigious RITA Award (Best Inspirational Romance). Her first self-published work, Her Minnesota Man, is a longer Christian romance novel that's getting rave reviews at Amazon and elsewhere online. "Living it Up in Fiddly Falls" is her first short story. Read long excerpts from all of Brenda's books at http://BrendaCoulter.com

    It's hilarious high school dating hi-jinx in a great pocket-sized edition from Archie Comics! This graphic novel collection features hand-picked, favorite stories about the comedically dysfunctional dating scene of friends Archie, Betty and Veronica at Riverdale High.

    In and out of institutions for the greater part of his youth; Josh, a wild teenager, falls into a rollercoaster romance with Isabel, a Southern jewel, who drives him to search for purpose in professional Mixed Martial Arts. As Isabel marches towards personal battles of her own, Josh fights his way from local MMA circuits to front and center of FOX's The Ultimate Fighter TV show. After losing the most important bout of Josh's career, the pair rekindle their love, and seek to find strength in each other. With a penchant for raw and heartfelt honesty, Samman chronicles a gut-wrenching story of love, loss, and what it means to conquer life's greatest tragedies. The Housekeeper is an intimate look into the world of a man fighting for redemption.

     Book 22 – Westward Sight. When Frankie Scorrano and D.J. Samuels meet, romance blossoms, but when a terrible illness strikes, leaving behind complications, will their love survive or will it succumb to bitterness and despair? Book 23 – Westward Horizons. Grieving Chief Black Fox meets Beth Langley, who runs an orphanage in Wolf Point, and they fall in love. Can they reach the horizon that promises happiness, or will their path be forever darkened by anger and pride?

    Hicks's summation of life gains greater spirituality as he goes on.' Scarlett Thomas, Independent on Sunday

    The book gives a rare insight into the home life I shared with my brother Les (James Phelge). Why he called himself Phelge I don’t know, but James is my father’s name: We shared a common mother. The story starts in Edmonton, London. It is the story of heartbreak and neglect in the relentless struggle for food amidst the filth of poverty. What is it like for a small girl to starve? When she needs help, she is abandoned and left to struggle alone.

    Read it and prepare for your next date."—James Van Praagh, New York Times bestselling author, Talking to Heaven "Every story is the truth and every truthful moment is a hilarious journey! It's as if you're listening to your best friend at a coffee shop and watching a stand—up take command of the stage. You won't be disappointed as you travel this refreshingly funny road of 'horrible dates!'"—Debra Wilson, actress/comedian, MADtv "Eddie's book is an emotional catharsis for anyone who has ever come home from one horrible date and wondered, What the hell was that? This book is laugh–out–loud hilarious and extremely well written."—Chad Allen, writer, producer, actor, activist What I have to tell you in this book will seem almost unreal. But you are going to have to keep reminding yourself that these are actual real dates. For everyone who can empathize and knows what it's like to be on at lease one crappy date, this book is for you. For everyone who wants that dinner back or sat through a boring, horrible movie only to determine that the person you were with was a complete and utter tsunami, this book is for you. For everyone else, buckle your seat belt and turn off your phone, because a massive car wreck is about to begin.

    With his dry, cynical wit and cautious nature, Clegg has been taken to the hearts of the nation. Now the man behind this creation, and the voice of Wallace in Wallace & Gromit, is telling his story.From his early days in the RAF in the Second World War, through an extraordinary theatrical career that saw him perform alongside the likes of Joan Collins, John Gielgud and Orson Welles, to the fame that came to him late in his career, Peter Sallis has a wonderful, heartwarming story to tell.Packed with brilliant stories and amusing anecdotes, this is a memoir that will appeal to Peter Sallis's millions of fans, as he looks back over his career with a warm glow of nostalgia.

    While there, Mr. Pinocchio meets all sorts of Fascinating Characters, one more Unbelievable and Amazing than the next, and they challenge him to confront his Deepest, Darkest Fears. The experience leads Mr. Pinocchio to the very edges of despair, but at a critical juncture he finds hope in the arms of a Bad Woman.The love affair ends tragically, alas, and, like many parts of Mr. Pinocchio's story, stretches credibility to the breaking point, but the harrowing adventure -- which involves a great deal of pain, a smattering of dirty sex, and endless amounts of girlish crying -- eventually leads to Redemption and Healing. But not for Mr. Pinocchio

    Urzila talks candidly about her childhood with a great family, apart from her abusive dad, and about growing up in South Africa. She shares crazy but true tales about her OE, her move to New Zealand, coming out, getting married and having children, and her life in comedy. This is a great listen from one of our most loved and most popular comedians.

    Their destination was the Eden Valley, and a small stock-rearing and dairy farm called Rowfoot. There they have spent the last 20 years getting to grips with the practice of running a working farm, keeping sheep, cattle, pigs, and horses, becoming part of the community, and coping with the ups and downs of farming life.