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The Lost Deep Thoughts: Don't Fight the Deepness by Jack Handey
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In a Sunburned Country
Bill Bryson - 2000
His previous excursion along the Appalachian Trail resulted in the sublime national bestseller A Walk in the Woods. In A Sunburned Country is his report on what he found in an entirely different place: Australia, the country that doubles as a continent, and a place with the friendliest inhabitants, the hottest, driest weather, and the most peculiar and lethal wildlife to be found on the planet. The result is a deliciously funny, fact-filled, and adventurous performance by a writer who combines humor, wonder, and unflagging curiousity.Despite the fact that Australia harbors more things that can kill you in extremely nasty ways than anywhere else, including sharks, crocodiles, snakes, even riptides and deserts, Bill Bryson adores the place, and he takes his readers on a rollicking ride far beyond that beaten tourist path. Wherever he goes he finds Australians who are cheerful, extroverted, and unfailingly obliging, and these beaming products of land with clean, safe cities, cold beer, and constant sunshine fill the pages of this wonderful book. Australia is an immense and fortunate land, and it has found in Bill Bryson its perfect guide.
Forever, Erma
Erma Bombeck - 1996
Here is Erma's first column, "Children Cornering the Coin Market," which ran in January 1965, as well as her last one, "Let's Face It," from April 1996. I88 other columns are also collected here, on her favorite subjects, organized by topic.
Crazy Salad and Scribble Scribble: Some Things About Women and Notes on Media
Nora Ephron - 1978
In these sharp, hilariously entertaining, and vividly observed pieces, Ephron illuminates an era with wicked honesty and insight. From the famous “A Few Words About Breasts” to important pieces on her time working for the New York Post and Gourmet Magazine, these essays show Ephron at her very best.
First World Problems: 101 Reasons Why The Terrorists Hate Us
Ben Nesvig - 2012
Tales of unreasonably cold air conditioning, eating to the point of exhaustion, and being unable to enjoy Summer weather due to gainful employment.
An Utterly Impartial History of Britain or 2000 Years of Upper Class Idiots In Charge
John O'Farrell - 2007
Back then 'The Origins of the Industrial Revolution' somehow seemed less compelling than the chance to test the bold claim on Timothy Johnson's 'Shatterproof' ruler. But here at last is a chance to have a good laugh and learn all that stuff you feel you really ought to know by now...In this "Horrible History for Grown Ups", you can read how Anglo-Saxon liberals struggled to be positive about immigration; 'Look I think we have to try and respect the religious customs of our new Viking friends - oi, he's nicked my bloody ox!' Discover how England's peculiar class system was established by some snobby French nobles whose posh descendants still have wine cellars and second homes in the Dordogne today. And explore the complex socio-economic reasons why Britain's kings were the first in Europe to be brought to heel; (because the Stuarts were such a useless bunch of untalented, incompetent, arrogant, upper-class thickoes that Parliament didn't have much choice.) A book about then that is also incisive and illuminating about now, "2000 Years of Upper Class Idiots in Charge" is a hilarious, informative and cantankerous journey through Britain' fascinating and bizarre history. It is as entertaining as a witch burning, and a lot more laughs.
Barely Functional Adult: It’ll All Make Sense Eventually
Meichi Ng - 2020
Prepare to excitedly shove this book in your friend’s face with little decorum as you shout, “THIS IS SO US!”In this beautiful, four-color collection compiled completely of never-before-seen content, Meichi perfectly captures the best and worst of us in every short story, allowing us to weep with pleasure at our own fallibility. Hilarious, relatable, and heart-wrenchingly honest, Barely Functional Adult will have you laughing and crying in the same breath, and taking solace in the fact that we’re anything but alone in this world
Adulthood Is a Myth
Sarah Andersen - 2016
Please go away.This book is for the rest of us. These comics document the wasting of entire beautiful weekends on the internet, the unbearable agony of holding hands on the street with a gorgeous guy, dreaming all day of getting home and back into pajamas, and wondering when, exactly, this adulthood thing begins. In other words, the horrors and awkwardnesses of young modern life.
The Horse in My Garage and Other Stories
Patrick F. McManus - 2012
McManus’s existing work in humor. The author weighs in on his childhood, everyday life, and outdoor tales with his typical exaggerated commentary that will elicit a belly laugh from all types of readers.Read about the antics of Patrick’s friends Rancid Crabtree and Retch Sweeney in such stories as “Shaping Up for the Hunt” and “Bear Hunters.” McManus plays off the recent obsession with hoarders in his surprising story “The Lady Who Kept Things.” In the titular story, meet Patrick’s horse, Huckleberry, and enjoy the experience of all the problems that come along with owning your own horse—or keeping him in the garage.Other great stories include:“Catch-And-Eaters,” about the importance of a forked stick when fishing“$7000 TV Historical Extravaganza,” a look at one director’s loose interpretation of historical accuracy and political correctness“A Lake Too Far,” concerning the woes of Patrick and his wife, Bun, on a fateful birding trip in Australia“Chicken Chronicles,” which involves Patrick’s memory of wandering around naked in the chicken yard when guests came to callSo pull up a chair, sit back, and enjoy laughing to the hilarious adventures of Patrick F. McManus in The Horse in My Garage and Other Stories.
Don Quixote, U.S.A.
Richard Powell - 1966
He has, however, been a disappointment to his family in several ways: In appearance he is insignificant looking both in face and figure; he went to the University of Florida instead of Harvard where his forbears had been mainstays of the varsity crew for generations, and he studied agriculture instead of pointing himself toward a career in banking, bonds, or law. To say the least he is not apparently the stuff from which heroes are fashioned.As an agricultural expert specializing in fruit farming, Arthur becomes a Peace Corps volunteer and is assigned to the Republic of San Marco in the Caribbean. This weak-chinned Don Quixote soon acquires his Sancho Panza in the person of a rascally eleven-year-old boy, Pepe, who makes a bargain to be paid 400 pesos each time he saves Arthur's life. (The payments mount alarmingly!)The island's dictator thinks he can use Arthur to obtain military supplies with which to wipe out the band of guerillas in the hills who oppose his corrupt dictatorship. Failing in this the dictator decides to murder Goodpasture and cause an international incident by blaming it on the guerillas. This, he reasons, will bring the U.S. in to help stamp out the rebels.This plan also backfires (with Pepe's help, of course) and Goodpasture is taken prisoner and when they see he is a harmless eccentric he is appointed chief cook for the guerillas. From then on Arthur's life becomes a series of misadventures through which he moves serenely and from which he generally emerges unscathed (again with Pepe's assistance) until he surprisingly finds himself the guerillas' leader.Following one of the funniest bloodless revolutions imaginable Arthur Peabody Goodpasture ends up as Arthur el Gavilan, the new dictator of San Marco. "His strength was as the strength of ten because his heart was pure."
Fondling Your Muse
John Warner - 2005
I alone have heard your silent screams, so I have written this book to help you achieve what everyone who has the courage to live the creative life deserves: complete, utter, slavish adoration and worship. Also: incalculable wealth that insulates you from the concerns of ordinary people." And there you have it. Fondling Your Muse is John Warner's innovative and slightly insane book of instruction for those who want to write, and those who think they already can. It's packed with quirky (possibly deranged) advice guaranteed to make you laugh out loud in the most embarrassing fashion possible. You know what we mean. It also includes a special chapter entitled "Everything Stephen King Knows About Writing Successfully: Plus Some Things I Know That He Doesn't Because He Isn't That Special." No other book currently available has this chapter! And Fondling Your Muse provides the kind of wise, insightful guidance that's missing from all of those self-serious, mind-numbingly awful books that promise riches and fame by writing only 20 minutes a day. Let's say you're looking for a tried-and-true recipe for literary success. Warner reveals all of the best ones, including these succulent concoctions: * Contemporary Romance Quiche al la Nicholas Sparks ("Tasty with a side of hackneyed potatoes.") * Tom Clancy Techno-Thriller Surprise ("Preparation is usually subcontracted to others.") * Chick-Lit Cacciatore ("Satisfies many, every single time. I can't explain how either.") * Harlequin Romance Salad ("Thoroughly rip bodices, pound prose until purple, and combine all ingredients in a large mixing bowl.") * John Grisham's Legal Thriller Stew ("Boil in pot until ingredients bubble over line of believability.") * Comtemporary American Literary Fiction Flambé ("Served in smaller and smaller quantities as the years go by.") Mmmm...tasty. Even really famous people endorse Warner's work: "Fondling Your Muse is brilliant in the same way the most distant stars in the galaxy are brilliant. If it's a really clear night and you tilt your head to the side and squint, you sort of see it." -- Dave Eggers It doesn't get any better than that. So go ahead - get Fondling today!
It Wasn't Always Easy, but I Sure Had Fun
Lewis Grizzard - 1994
But reading his comments is like having a chat with an old friend, with intervals of belly laughs."--The Richmond-Times DispatchLewis Grizzard is not the only one who had fun. Over the course of seventeen books and countless columns, this feisty son of the South established himself as one of the most entertaining raconteurs--and provocateurs--across the nation. Whether he's trying to make you laugh, make you mad, or make you misty, his mixture of opinionated humor and down-home philosophizing is impossible to resist. Now this definitive collection brings together the cream of Grizzard's comic crop."STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART."--The Indianapolis Star"VERY MOVING, VERY FUNNY."--Headland Observer"RECOMMENDED."--Library Journal
All At Sea: One man. One bathtub. One very bad idea.
Tim FitzHigham - 2009
The book follows the author's death-defying 200-mile journey in his antique Thomas Crapper bath - not just across the Channel, but around Kent - right up to the tremendous reception and huge media attention which awaited him under Tower Bridge. Tim met the Queen, and his bath now resides in the National Maritime Museum of Great Britain.
I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas
Lewis Black - 2010
Christmas is supposed to be a time of peace on earth and goodwill toward all. But not for Lewis Black.He says humbug to the Christmas tradtitions and trappings that make the holiday memorable. In I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas, his hilarious and sharply observed book about the holiday, Lewis lets loose on all things Yule. It's a very personal look at what's wrong with Christmas, seen through the eyes of "the most engagingly pissed-off comedian ever."*From his own Christmas rituals—which have absolutely nothing to do with presents or the Christmas tree or Rudolph—to his own eccentric experiences with the holiday (from a USO Christmas tour to playing Santa Claus in full regalia), I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas is classic Lewis Black: funny, razor-sharp, insightful, and honest.You'll never think of Christmas in the same way.