For example, I was once pinned down by a young lad who repeatedly asked me why I was hitting myself, when he knew full well that I had temporarily ceded hegemony over my hands and forearms. I tried to explain it to him, but he didn’t seem to comprehend. In retrospect, I can only conclude that my explanation was not articulate enough.To that end, I and Phil Plait have teamed up to create precisely 128 insults designed to weaken the resolve of aggressors, while educating them in their primary field of interest. Whether the person pummeling you is a student of mathematics or belles-lettres, we have the right words for the occasion.Zach WeinersmithPS: In the highly likely situation that the person pummeling you refuses to cease his aggression until he understands the meaning of the insult, we have also provided an appendix in which the insults are explained.

    Find your favourite pop-culture character in this collection of silhouettes from well-known movie, television, comics and video game characters!

    Personally, I think the eye-catching cover shot of me in my pajamas is reason enough. (By the way, those are my real kids on the cover, and yes, those are my actual ankles. No, I'm not retaining water.)What you're holding in your hands is a very funny and sometimes remarkably poignant look at fathers, not from the mother's point of view or the child's, but from the dad's side. Which is why it's called Tales from the Dad Side.It's filled with stories of what it's like to be a dad and a son, from a child's first day of kindergarten to the awkward sex talk and right up to the day the always-practical dad tries to pay for college with bonus miles. I was there for every landmark in my children's lives, except the day I was on the riding lawn mower and missed my son's first words, which my wife insists were “trust fund.”As children get older, the lessons of the father get harder, like teaching my son how to shave just as my father taught me, with a rusty double-edged safety razor. At the end of my dad's lesson, I emerged from the bathroom nicked and gouged, looking like an extra from a Quentin Tarantino film. My more civilized son is a Norelco man. With my high-school-age daughters, I promised them a day on which I'd take them anywhere and do anything with them they wanted, expecting them to ask for dinner and a movie; I was horrified when they told me they wanted all of us to get manicures and pedicures together. That was not the answer I was expecting; it was like discovering Lou Dobbs was an illegal alien.Over the course of raising three children, I have learned with my wife that fathers are different from mothers. That could be the greatest understatement since Noah turned on the Weather Channel and found out that the next forty days called for a 20 percent chance of light rain.The truth is, fatherhood is like Wikipedia: some parts based in fact, others just made up along the way. And while bookstores are filled with tales of mothers, their children and families, there are few from the dad's side. Now, as a public service, I'm doing my part to right this wrong.I sincerely hope this answers your questions. If perhaps it's not exactly your cup of tea, I bet you've got a father or mother in your life who'd like the stone-cold truth about dads. Besides, for the same money, you can either put three gallons of gas in your car or take home this book, which has a highway rating of 29 smiles an hour.Steve Doocy

    Kate (Kate Albrecht) offers a stunning collection of step-by-step personal style and home projects—woven in with quirkily hilarious stories and anecdotes.Do you dream of finding ways to infuse do-it-yourself projects into every aspect of your life and have fun doing it? From the quirky personality behind the Mr. Kate brand comes a not-so-average DIY lifestyle book that will make your dreams of creating unique how-to projects become reality.Filled with 50 unique and approachable projects, along with hysterical, unfiltered stories from Mr. Kate’s crazy life, A Hot Glue Gun Mess will show how life can inspire art. Growing up with a high-powered Hollywood father and an oddball, down-to-earth mother, Kate Albrecht had a childhood that was anything but normal. From how her first period influenced her to become an artist to how her friendship with a high-priced hooker encouraged DIY beauty products, Mr. Kate’s stories are weird, wonderful, personal, inspiring, and downright hilarious.Her love of self-expression inspired Mr. Kate to create her own DIY life and a social media platform to connect with young women everywhere. Her projects involve style, home design, and beauty, including DIY nail art techniques, upcycled projects for your old jeans, and watercolor curtains. You don’t have to be a seamstress, metalsmith, or expert at anything to enjoy these projects, all of which are doable in under two hours and require a minimal number of supplies. Now you, too, can become a DIY diva!

    Featuring 50 common North American birds, such as the White-Breasted Butt Nugget and the Goddamned Canada Goose (or White-Breasted Nuthatch and Canada Goose for the layperson), Matt Kracht identifies all the idiots in your backyard and details exactly why they suck with ink drawings. Each entry is accompanied by facts about a bird's (annoying) call, its (dumb) migratory pattern, its (downright tacky) markings, and more.The essential guide to all things wings with migratory maps, tips for birding, musings on the avian population, and the ethics of birdwatching.

    Hernandez provides commentary on two ball games in the 1993 season : a Philles-Braves match-up and an extra innings battle between the Tigers and the Yankees. [He] examines the overall strategies of the game and offers good analyses of fielding techniques, base stealing, lineups, umpiring etiquette, double-steal rundowns, hit-and-runs, signals, infield shifts and more. His most intense and incisive analysis, however, is saved for the psychology of the pitcher-hitter duels. No matter where you are watching, you will never again see the game in the same way."-- Playboy"Keith Hernandez, it turns out, is even smarter than we thought he was in the Mets' glory years. All the subtleties of baseball are revealed as the two games unfold. Mr. Hernandez's opinions and pet-peeves--intentional walks, early-inning sacrifices, throwing fastballs to prevent stolen bases, large gaps in the outfield, pitchers who 'nibble. nibble, nibble,"--are well thought out and clearly articulated. [He] is particularly strong in analyzing the cat-and-mouse game played between pitchers and hitters as the count shifts the odds back and forth."-- New York Times Book Review "An MVP of a guide to the national pastime from savvy 17-year veteran of the major leagues who remains an ardent fan in retirement. Hernandez came up with an angle that works to near perfection: tellingly detailed start-to-finish accounts of two games played midway through the 1993 baseball season."-- Kirkus Reviews(starred)

    Despite her extensive pre-baby research, nothing prepared her for the momentous task of caring for this new little person. Featuring dozens of funny moments like baby's first lunch out to a forensic view of the living room, this charming doodle collection includes 120 two-color illustrations and is the perfect gift for Mother's Day, baby showers, or year-round fun. Also included are a few doodling prompts in the back of the book so moms can doodle their own first-year memories.

    Classics from the website, including “Dear Sriracha Rooster Sauce,” “What It Means When You Say Literally,” and “What We Should Have Been Taught in Our Senior Year of High School,” are featured alongside never-before-seen works of epic hilarity that will delight veteran and newbie Oatmeal fans alike.Matthew Inman’s first collection of The Oatmeal.com spent six weeks on the New York Times bestseller list and sold 200,000 copies. This pivotal and influential comic collection titled 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth introduced Samurai sword-wielding kittens and informed us on how to tell if a velociraptor is having pre-marital sex. Matthew's cat-themed collection How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You is a #1 New York Times bestseller and has sold over 350,000 copies. Now with Why Grizzly Bears Should Wear Underpants, Inman offers a delicious, tantalizing follow-up featuring all new material that has been posted on the site since the publication of the first book plus never-before-seen comics that have not appeared anywhere.  As with every Oatmeal collection, there is a pull-out poster at the back of the book.In this second collection of over 50 comics, you'll be treated to the hilarity of "The Crap We Put Up with Getting On and Off an Airplane," "Why Captain Higgins Is My Favorite Parasitic Flatworm," "This Is How I Feel about Buying Apps," "6 Things You Really Don't Need to Take a Photo of," and much more. Along with lambasting the latest culture crazes, Inman serves up recurrent themes such as foodstuffs, holidays, e-mail, as well as technological, news-of-the-day, and his snarky yet informative comics on grammar and usage. Online and in print, The Oatmeal delivers brilliant, irreverent comic hilarity.

    Especially you.It's already too late. From overstaying your welcome at a party, to leaving passive-aggressive post-its on your roommate's belongings, to letting your date know the extent of the internet reconnaissance you did on them--you're destined to embarrass yourself again and again. In You Blew It!, Josh Gondelman, comedian and co-creator of the "Modern Seinfeld" twitter account, teams up with Joe Berkowitz, an equally wry and ruthless social-observer, to dissect a range of painfully hilarious faux pas. Breaking down the code violations of modern culture--particularly our fervent, ridiculous addiction to technology--Gondelman and Berkowitz will keep you laughing as they explore how social blunders are simply part of the mystery that is you.

    Pyle comes an adorable and profound universe in pink, blue, green, and purple. Based on the phenomenally popular Instagram of the same name, Strange Planet covers a full life cycle of the planet’s inhabitants, including milestones such as:The Emergence DayBeing Gains a SiblingThe Being Family Attains a BeastThe Formal Education of a BeingCelebration of Special DaysBeing Begins a VocationThe Beings at HomeHealth Status of a BeingThe Hobbies of a BeingThe Extended Family of the BeingThe Being Reflects on Life While Watching the Planet RotateWith dozens of never-before-seen illustrations in addition to old favorites, this book offers a sweet and hilarious look at a distant world not all that unlike our own.

    It enables you to have complete control over style, design, and color of your garments. And once you learn the basic practice, you can knit almost anything you can think of. What stands in most people’s way is getting started. How do you learn to knit socks? Where do you find knitting patterns? This book answers all of those questions and more. What will this book teach you? • Getting started knitting socks • How to find the right knitting tools and correct needles for knitting your socks • How to pick the best knitting yarn • 10 Most popular sock knitting patterns • How to size your socks • How to knit socks from the Top-down • How to knit sock from the Toe-up • Sock Cast-on techniques, such as, Long Tail cast on, Eastern/ Turkish cast on • The Double Point and Circular Needle methods • Tips on how to knit long lasting, beautiful socks • And so much more!.. Even if you have never picked up a pair of knitting needles before, you can easily start knitting your way towards a pair of perfect socks with this book. It even includes a Glossary of Knitting Terms as an added BONUS, so as you expand your projects to other designs and find other patterns, you will never be in the dark. This book also includes 1 basic top-down sock pattern and 7 additional popular sock patterns for you to work on. While this book is intended to get you started in the world of knitting, it can easily serve as a refresher for even the most experienced knitter! Whether you want to get started or want to get back to basics and hone your skills, "Knitting Socks for Beginners" is the book for you. From Tube socks to Fair Isle socks, you have all the information and knitting patterns you need. Socks are not necessarily the easiest thing to knit, but the techniques used to make a pair of socks introduces you to everything else you need to know about knitting. This book will guide you through every stage of the knitting process and help you create a pair of perfectly knitted socks, in just three days! There is no better book for learning the basics of knitting. This acts as the perfect springboard for more complex knitting projects, with all of the techniques, tips, and terms spelled out to keep you on the right track. If you are looking for a great book about sock knitting, look no further. Get your copy of "Knitting Socks for Beginners" today! Check Out What Others Are Saying... "This is a brilliant book for beginners. I've never tried knitting before but now can't wait to get started. The author goes through every step of the knitting process in fine detail. The book is very well written and has excellent photographs and diagrams. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who wants to try sock knitting for the first time." - Lesley H "I've been thinking of knitting for quite a awhile now. I'm glad I stumbled on this book. I'm a total newbie so this book is perfect for me. "Knitting socks for beginners" gives step by step instructions to get started at knitting socks. Has tons of info- tools, needle size,yarn types. Great help for the beginner.

    And paperbacks! And ebooks! And bookstores! And libraries! Book Love is a gift book of comics tailor-made for tea-sipping, spine-sniffing, book-hoarding bibliophiles. Debbie Tung’s comics are humorous and instantly recognizable—making readers laugh while precisely conveying the thoughts and habits of book nerds. Book Love is the ideal gift to let a book lover know they’re understood and appreciated.

    Based on the wildly popular eponymous Tumblr, Deep Dark Fears explores our odd, creepy, and hilariously singular fears. Animator, illustrator, and cartoonist Fran Krause brings these fears to life in vividly illustrated comics based on real fears submitted by readers (plus a few of his own). These "deep dark fears" run the gamut from unlikely but plausible to completely ridiculous, highlighting both our deeply human similarities and our peculiar uniquenesses.

    Illustrated with 16 pages of photographs.

    Or a prediction comes true and I couldn't do anything to stop it, so it seems like a kind of useless magic."