I’ve got three words for her. Bah freaking humbug. I hate Christmas. For the last 10 years, I’ve hated everything. Except for my girls. Perfect twins with their mother’s eyes. They want me to move on, but I’m too damaged to listen. Until Niki. Her sass makes my temper rise along with my mammoth… ego. And when I see her delicious curves under that dress, I want to bend her over her party plans and show her what’s waiting in her stocking this year. But giving her what she wants means letting go of the past, And I’m not ready to forget. I’ve got billions to keep me warm, I don’t need Niki too. Except I can’t imagine life without her. Time to turn my bah humbugs into Christmas kisses. Even bums like me need someone to love. I just hope I’m not too late... "Mine on Christmas" is a full length standalone romance with no cheating and no cliffhangers, but with plenty of steam and a HEA. I've also included a preview of my billionaire romance "Accidentally His" for you! - Sarah J. Brooks (USA Today Bestselling Author)

    Traveling from the '60s to the '90s, it showcases the cheapest, the tackiest, and the mechanically inept, including cars made by companies like Porsche and BMW that put them to shame. There's also the blobby Merkur Scorpio, the ungainly Rolls-Royce Camargue, the squarish Maserati Biturbo, and the (ironically) flammable Renault Fuego. Each photo spread is accompanied by a short, hilarious critique by Richard Porter, a crap car expert, who sees straight through all the pimped-out bodywork to the true lemon that lies underneath.Crap Cars is the perfect gift for anyone who loves cars or the casualties of bad taste, or for that special someone who misses their own beloved, long-gone piece of crap.

    A really good joke, like a great poem, memorable song lyric, razor-sharp anecdote, or Zen koan, is a portal of discovery—it can get a meaningful message across in a way that’s clear, humorous, and practical. It’s the secret weapon of every great comedian—there’s the joke, and then there’s the subtext of the joke, and that can mean serious business. A funny, funny joke about a therapist and his patient conveys, for example, an important lesson on the power of communication. A surprising joke about a tribal shaman and the weather service turns into a necessary critique on how we should view experts.

    Here she shares her views on all the important topics, from acceptable careers (bartender; brewer) to her favourite cocktail recipe (beer, preferably obscure Japanese, served on ice). Written with Lee Lin's inimitable flair and contempt for all beneath her, this book will give you the Chinspiration you need to live a transcendent life.

    He is going to change the face of British comedy.Unfortunately for the residents of north London, he's going to finance this dream by becoming a gardener.The result is The Day Job, an account of a year spent working in other people's gardens: people like Mrs Fleming who is convinced there is buried treasure in the bottom bed; Mr Walters who is trying to create a fascist state policed by gnomes in his well-guarded plot in Gospel Oak; Mrs Glover who is probably the most attractive woman living in Britain; and poor Mr Nugent, who likes to save his urine in jam jars and pour it over his compost.Over four seasons Wallington crosses Hampstead Heath from job to job. He survives brushes with the evil contract gardeners who keep trying to knock him off his bicycle. He strives to impress literary agent Herman Gapp who might represent him - depending on what sort of job he does on Gapp's Alpine Terrace. He even finds time to fall for a housecleaner-cum-actor named Helen, as he becomes part of a strange band of artistes, each with a day job of their own, all waiting for that first break.This is the story of long nights spent in the back room of a pub trying to write unsolicited scripts, and of much longer days spent trying to understand the British and their strange obsession with gardening.

    Or remember the time you were at a party and someone asked, "Who knows how to perform open-heart surgery?" and you were the only one who didn't raise your hand?Well, put all of that embarrassment behind you. Want to dazzle crowds with your wondrous knowledge of Shakespeare and surgeries? Want to learn to woo just like history's greatest minds? Well, start reading already! The Genius Instruction Manual is a foolproof finishing school for polishing your brain. All you've got to do is dive in.

    If you cherish every piece of art, every book report, every letter to Santa your child gives you, then this book is not for you. If your refrigerator is adorned with mementos from your kid's childhood, then you are a sucker. Maddox, who has been writing hilarious essays for his popular site, TheBestPageInTheUniverse.com since 1996, can spell, do math, and run faster than your kids, and he is here to show you just how inferior your kids are. Marvel as Maddox deconstructs an eight-year-old's crayon-drawn family portrait! Laugh uproariously as he judges sub-par Valentines, homemade "gifts" and other areas of elementary-aged underperformance!Why reward weakness and mediocrity with gold stars? You are in Maddox's world now, and no child is safe from the scrutiny and critical gaze of the world's foremost authority on children's crappy artwork.

    No longer must you suffer silently as some clerk in a “Tod Browning’s Freaks” T-shirt bombards you with baffling allusions to “wire-fu” pictures, “Todd-AO process,” and “Sam Raimi.” By helping to close the knowledge gap between average moviegoers and incorrigible Snobs, the dictionary lets you in on hidden gems that film geeks have been hoarding (such as Douglas Sirk and Guy Maddin movies) while exposing the trash that Snobs inexplicably laud (e.g., most chop-socky films and Mexican wrestling pictures). Delightfully illustrated and handily organized in alphabetical order for quick reference, The Film Snob*s Dictionary is your fail-safe companion in the video store, the cineplex, or wherever insufferable Film Snobs congregate.

    The laughter continues to flow in Gina Kirkham's brilliant sequel to the hilarious Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong.Our hapless heroine, Constable Mavis Upton, is preparing to walk down the aisle with her fianc� Joe, but has to deal with her temperamental teen daughter, as well as investigate a serial flasher on a push bike.Throw a diva drag queen into the mix and you can expect more marvellous Mavis mishaps...Revel in Gina Kirkham's humorous, poignant, and moving stories of an everyday girl who one day followed a dream.

    The Book of the Year is a hilarious guide to 2017’s most extraordinary events, unearthed by the creators of the award-winning hit comedy podcast No Such Thing As A Fish. Each week, over a million people tune in to find out what bizarre and astonishing facts Dan, James, Anna and Andy have found out over the previous seven days. Now the gang have turned their attention to the news of the past twelve months. You’ll discover the curious details behind the main headlines – how Donald Trump slept on the 66th floor of a 58-storey building, what effect Brexit had on Coco Pops, and why China’s president can’t stand Winnie the Pooh – as well as hundreds of stories you may have missed entirely, like the news that:- Qatar built a refugee camp for camels- 2,000 bees were stolen in Beeston- The victim of Britain’s first ever shark attack ended up with a cut thumb. From bizarre arrests to baffling elections, via a surprising amount of sausage news, The Book of the Year is an eye-opening tour of the incredible year you didn’t know you’d lived through.

    Luke's dream is to set up on his own and find his place in the world. These things, however, are never quite straightforward.

    Lieutenant Orion Murphy is scheduled for execution due to a clerical error. His only out is to undergo a complete physical makeover, get a rank and name change, and agree to take over a new platoon in the Segnal Space Marine Corps (SSMC). Seeing that it's a case of comply or die, he accepts the offer. A week later, he finds himself standing on the bridge of The SSMC Reluctant with a misfit crew, an insane special agent, an antiquated robot mechanic, and his updated identity. Will the newly-named Commodore Don Harr be able to get control of the ship and crew? Can they all survive their first mission, especially since they're not really supposed to? And who came up with this mission, anyway? …it all makes Harr wonder if execution may have been the better option.Author Rating - Comedic-Red: Contains racy and irreverent humor, adult themes, situations, and language. Will likely be offensive to some people.

    And if that’s too much to ask, remember the sage advice from the staff of a Taipei hotel: “If there is anything we can do to assist and help you, please do not contact us.”

    GET D!RTYNext time you’re traveling or just chattin’ in Italian with your friends, drop the textbook formality and bust out with expressions they never teach you in school, including: Cool slang Funny insults Explicit sex terms Raw swear words Dirty Italian teaches the casual expressions heard every day on the streets of Italy:What's up?Come va?He's a real hottie.Lui è proprio un figo.This pizza's awesome!Questa pizza è buonissima!I'm totally wasted.Soo sbronzo.I gotta piss.Devo pisciare.Hey ref, you're an asshole!Arbitro cornuto!Wanna do it doggy-style?Lo facciamo alla pecorina?

    The gig – as prey in leprechaun hunt for a bunch of Wallstreet jerks – goes as badly as it sounds. He could leave it there and write it off as a harsh lesson learned, but fourteen months later when Smithy comes up with a plan to take his revenge on the man behind it all, it is too good to resist.What is it they say about best-laid plans? Instead of teaching his nemesis, Louis, a valuable lesson, Smithy ends up saving him from an assassin. From there, Smith and his friend Diller are dragged into his opponent’s messed-up world. Louis is part of ‘the Collectors’ a group with way more money than sense dedicated to the competitive acquisition of truly one-of-a-kind items that define the secret history of the world.When one of the group’s members loses his marbles, Smithy and Diller find themselves shanghaied to Nowhere. A well-named location in the middle of the desert, where a madman is trying to build an army from the worst of mankind.Welcome to Nowhere is a wild ride from the author renowned for the darkly comic thrills of The Dublin Trilogy series and the McGarry Stateside books. It is a standalone novel that is a perfect introduction to McDonnell’s blend of comedy and compelling story that is earning him a growing legion of loyal fans.