While most of Humanity finds the event fascinating, two British explorers know the horrible truth. The rotating moon is the legendary sign that foreshadows the return of a prehistoric demon, the monstrous destroyer of Atlantis, an unkillable colossus known only as the deadly, dreaded Squid God.Racing around the world, and against the clock, Prof. Einstein and Lord Carstairs battle the fanatical legions of Squid God worshippers in a valiant effort to stop the ghastly rebirthing ceremony and keep the demonic mollusk locked in the stygian depths of its unearthly lair. Authors Nick Pollotta & James Clay have lovingly crafted a splendid Fantasy/Adventure, heavily laced with their classic off-the-wall humor, and sprinkled with a light dusting of parody toward the legendary works of H.P. Lovecraft, H.G. Wells, Jules Verne, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and just about everything else from the golden glory days of Victorian England."Rewrites literary history, remodels London worse than the Blitz, and convinces that it is wise never to deny the supremacy of British womanhood! What more can you ask?" --ANALOG

     A 27 year old slacker has seizures during which he may or may not be astral projecting. What he learns might have the power to change the world. One second JEFF GROBNAGGER is standing in line at the grocery store, and the next he's in an alley where a hooded figure strangles him to death. So that sucks. This happens over and over again, every time Grobnagger has a seizure. Alley. Choking. Death. Repeat. What for? Why would anyone want to kill him repeatedly? Is it just a recurring seizure dream? When a sniper's bullet shatters his apartment window, he realizes two things: he's in serious danger, and there's no way he's getting his security deposit back. Who is the hooded man? And who tried to kill Grobnagger in real life? His quest for answers leads to a missing girl, cults obsessed with astral projection, an arcane puzzle sphere, an evil book, a private detective named Louise and a mustached man named Glenn that makes the most delicious food he's ever tasted. No one he meets is who they seem, and every answer leads to more questions, more seizures and more horrific deaths that may or may not be transpiring on some mysterious plane beyond the physical world. Scroll up and hit LOOK INSIDE to check out the first few chapters. BLED WHITE (Book 2) All Jeff Grobnagger wanted was to be left alone. The events of Fade to Black (Awake in the Dark #1) shifted his goal from a life of solitude to figuring out what the hell is happening to him ASAP, so he can, you know, get back to the solitude. His journey takes another twist when a burned corpse sporting a League of Light robe turns up in a vacant lot. Working undercover to solve the murder reveals bigger and bigger clues about his seizures. Solve the murder, solve the seizures? Maybe. He meets new people and is shown new places on the other side. But who and what can he trust? Just as he realizes that someone close may be working against him, he gets blindsided by the biggest shock yet. RED ON THE INSIDE (Book 3) The events of the first two books leave Grobnagger drained, often struggling to stay awake. He shuffles through life half awake, half tethered to reality. He still has no idea what is happening to him, but he's not sure he even cares anymore. When those that mean him harm finally begin to assert themselves, however, Grobnagger finds himself and his friends under direct threat of death. Plans are made to cross over and rescue Amity once and for all from her vulnerable position in the other world. But his adversaries are one step ahead and a violent spectacle becomes inevitable. Praise for the Awake in the Dark series: "Fade to Black is the funniest book I've read in... I can't remember how long. Seriously funny. I think I laughed out loud roughly once every three pages. That's a lot of funny packed into one book! And not just an internal chuckle here and there, but an honest to goodness laugh out loud that made my significant other call, 'What?' from the next room repeatedly." - Lisbeth Ames "(FADE TO BLACK) weirdly resonates with me. It is sneaky in a way – it holds the things we fear up to the light – opening the reader up to honesty – to love and hope and the truths of our souls found in the darkest of nights.

    Close by is Sound, where you mustn’t make any, apart from one designated hour a day when you can scream your lungs raw. Then there’s Red – get off at Fuck Station Zero if you want to see a tactical nuclear battle recreated as a sales demonstration.Stark has friends in Red, which is just as well because Something is about to happen. And when a Something happens it’s no good chanting ‘Duck and cover’ while cowering in a corner, because a Something is always from the past, Stark’s past, and it won’t go away until you face it full on.

    This is the story of one man's quest to get the entire Amazon Kindle library for free and the repercussions of what an insane obsession could bring.

    And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire -- too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead -- he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race. Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

    Kevin J. Anderson. D.J. Butler. Orson Scott Card. Mercedes Yardley. Would you like to know - I mean, REALLY know - what they're doing when they go to those fancy comic-cons? Because it ain't just writing. See, every year, thousands of people attend comic-cons dressed as monsters. Of course, you probably already knew that. But did you ALSO know that... every year, thousands of MONSTERS attend comic-cons dressed as PEOPLE. Sure. Nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong there. Luckily, the con organizers have placed Wardens throughout the conventions. These undercover supernatural troubleshooters are tasked with stopping mayhem before it starts . . . or solving the murders after they happen. I'M MICHAELBRENT COLLINGS: author of this book, and one of the Wardens. My job is to go to the cons, where I sell books, make fans, and kill the occasional monster. It's not just me, either. Those authors I told you about, and even more . . . you'd never guess what many of your favorite authors are REALLY up to at the conventions. Luckily, though, you don't have to guess. JUST READ THIS BOOK. And get ready to have . . . your . . . mind . . . BLOWN.* * Disclaimer: your mind may or may not be blown.

    As the series progresses, Deicide will grow older.In this thrilling first book, experience the sights, smells, and sounds through the eyes of four-year-old Deicide.The formative years of any child's life are crucial. In this time frame, she is curious and innocent.With each book, Deicide will grow older, giving us an inside look at how her life has been affected due to her upbringing.Warning: Graphic scenes that may disturb some readers

    What he got was a virtual cattle prod to the crotch, in the form of an impossible assignment delivered directly from the president's heroin-addict chief of staff. It seems the Constitution of the United States has some skeletons in its closet: the Founding Fathers doubted that the document would be able to stave off human nature indefinitely, so they devised a backup Constitution to deploy at the first sign of crisis. In the government's eyes, that time is now, as America is overgrown with perverts who spend more time surfing the Web for fetish porn than they do reading a newspaper. They want to use this "Secret Constitution" to drive the country back to a time when civility, God, and mom's homemade apple pie were all that mattered.The only problem is, no one can seem to find it . . .So who better to track it down than a private dick who's so down-and-out that he's coming up the other side, a shamus whose only skill is stumbling into every depraved situation imaginable?With no lead to speak of, and no knowledge of the underground world in which the Constitution has traveled, McGill embarks on a cross-country odyssey of America's darkest, dankest underbelly. Along the way, his white-bread sensibilities are treated to a smorgasbord of depravity that runs the gamut of human imagination. The filth mounts; it is clear that this isn't the kind of life, liberty, or happiness that Thomas Jefferson thought Americans would enjoy in the twenty-first century.But what McGill learns as he closes in on the real Constitution is that freedom takes many forms, the most important of which may be the fight against the "good old days." Like Vonnegut, Orwell, and Huxley before him, Warren Ellis deftly exposes the hypocrisy of the "moral majority" by giving us a glimpse at the monstrous outcome that their overzealous policies would achieve.

    Regardless of religion, race, sex, sexuality or nationality. He hates all of you. Basically, you are fucked." God is pissed off. He has run out of patience with humans and decided that our time is over. We've had our chance and its back to the drawing board. "Fuck the lot of them" is his newest gospel. Mo, and Jay, best Friends who've fucked up in the past, beg him for one more chance to get the humans back on track. Alongside Mr Saluzar, the head of a global charity foundation, and Nick, The Fallen Angel, they hurtle towards Armageddon and their one chance to prove God wrong. They have seven days to save us. On The Seventh Day contains strong language and religious irreverence which some may find offensive. Irreverent dark humour from the author of Lanarkshire Strays and the dEaDINBURGH series.

    While his colleagues are out saving the world, Bob's under a desk restoring lost data. His world was dull and safe - but then he went and got Noticed. Now, Bob is up to his neck in spycraft, parallel universes, dimension-hopping terrorists, monstrous elder gods and the end of the world. Only one thing is certain: it will take more than a full system reboot to sort this mess out ...This is the first novel in the Laundry Files.

    Now for the first time, li'l ol' me shines front-and-center in a book of my very own! A Book of Jean's Own! features all-original, never-before-published material, and if that wasn't impressive enough, marks the very first Onion book by a solo writer! Historical, huh? My book is sure to find an eager audience among The Onion's ten-million-strong readership. Wait, ten million people? I had no idea! Frankly, that scares me a little. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto! (Oh shoot, I should have put that hilarious phrase in my book!)A Book of Jean's Own! also marks a departure from past Onion books in that it isn't crammed with headlines and articles in teeny-weeny print! Instead, I write about the stuff that really matters: shopping, chocolate, part-time jobs, and hot Hollywood hunks! Whether you read my book on the bus, the beach, or the toilet, you're guaranteed to find something to chuckle at and deeply relate to!Among the many nuggets of fun:* I tell you the Twenty Things That Are Better Than Sex! * For the first time ever, you learn my maiden name!* I spill the secrets of my scrumptious chocolate-loaded desserts, such as Ooey Gooey Choco-Cocoa-Mocha Cupcakes With Raspberry Filling And Coconut-Cream Cheese-Cola Frosting!* Acquire valuable, real-world tips on coping with a job you dislike, getting through those rough teenage years, and styling a Jean hairdo of your very own!* Get a giggle out of my doodles and overdose on the words of wisdom that are my Jean Proverbs!* You've heard of pity parties—get my tips for throwing your very own self-pity party!* Check out my own cure for the blues, the Plush Jamboree!* Witness my nervous breakdown while writing this book (well, writing is hard, after all!)* Also for the first time ever, Hubby Rick speaks! (Spoiler: It's not entirely in grunts!) * Lots of exclamation points! (And phrases in parentheses!)I'm sure every single one of those ten million readers will buy my book! And who knows? They just may find something in it that will help them lead happier and better lives!

    Mystery fans are in for a wild ride along with Dorsey's favorite character, the lovable serial killer and Floridaphile Serge A. Storms.

    Buried at the bottom of a drawer are a collection of notebooks full of Dan's advice on how to live without him. Pippa's notebook is red and contains his instructions on how to fall in love again. But Dan doesn’t just want Pippa to fall in love with anyone - Dan’s crazy suggestion is that Pippa should date his handsome friend, Mikey Stenton, a known thrill-seeking ladies’ man. Reluctant to follow Dan’s advice, Pippa enters the world of dating. She embarks on a humorous journey of self-discovery, with the help of her children and two best friends.  It isn't long before Pippa is finding it hard to ignore Dan's instructions and Mikey Stenton. Is Mikey really the man that everyone thinks him to be? Or was Dan right, and Mikey’s simply been misunderstood?   An uplifting and heart-warming story about friendship and finding love, the second time around.

    As they and their eight year old daughter, Daisy are preparing for a dream holiday in America, they have no idea of the maelstrom of evil and madness they are entering. They've heard nothing of the series of child abductions and murders that have plagued the area they intend to visit. They know nothing of the crazed Cult that has spread terror throughout the state they are all looking forward to seeing.Nothing can prepare them for the violence, terror and depravity they are to face. As they travel along the highways of Colorado they are pursued not just by the forces of an unimaginable evil but also by the darkness within themselves. When the final confrontation comes, they will discover things about themselves they never wanted to know and never dared to imagine....

    She was wrong. The first time Norwich’s most hapless food inspector, Emily Underwood meets butcher Frank Pinch, he’s not got much at all in his display counters. But what he does have is a rather unusual plan to restock his shelves. The next time they bump into each other, he’s won an award for his sausages but is running out of meat.Can Frank keep up production of his unusually tasty sausages? Will Emily discover the source of Frank’s award wining meat? And what will happen the next time she tries to inspect his butchers shop? Book 1 in the Rub-a-Dub trilogy, this deliciously British dark comedy will change the way you look at sausages forever.